More than a Physical Change (Anonymous)

As a teen, I always struggled with my weight. My heaviest in high school was around 155 pounds, which is a lot sitting in my 5’0″ frame. I finally was able to shed the weight just after getting married, when I was 18. I never stepped on a scale, but I was able to fit a size three and had never been happier with my body. Just a few months later, I was pregnant with my first child. I began gaining weight right away, no problems. I was in denial about the pregnancy for the first few months. I didn’t take great care of my body and I ate anything and everything I could get my hands on. But I still hadn’t gained any stretchmarks. I remember looking through pregnancy photos online with a friend and being horrified. The photos were the same as what I’m seeing here and what I see in the mirror everyday now. I ignorantly thought at the time, that the stretchmarks were somehow the mother’s fault for not taking care of her body. That if you took care of yourself and rubbed magical cream on yourself everyday that you’d be able to return to your pre-baby belly and anything less what pure neglect. How naive and judgemental I was! I was around 34 weeks when I got my very first stretchmark. Just the one stretchmark sent me into a 2-hour long crying fit. I was distraught and the reality began setting in that my body was going to be changed forever and there was nothing I could do about it. After week 38, I’d gained over 60 pounds and my one stretchmark grew and turned into hundreds. I was ashamed and quickly edited them out of every picture I showed my family and friends. On July 5th, over a week past my EDD, I gave birth naturally (no epidural, woohoo!) to a healthy, beautiful baby girl and my life hasn’t been the same since. But that goes without saying, right? lol. My daughter is about a month and a half away from celebrating her first birthday now. We’re still nursing, with no end in sight. I’m sure my already sagging breasts, will continue to do so and I’m prepared to accept it. I have my good days and I have my bad days. I appreciate all that my body has gone through to grow and nourish my little girl, but I long for my sexy, pre-pregnancy body so much it hurts some days. To all the mothers before me– I apologize for being so cruel in my judgements and I can’t believe it took becoming a mother myself to appreciate all your loving sacrifice. You’re all beautiful!

14 thoughts on “More than a Physical Change (Anonymous)

  • Thursday, June 14, 2007 at 7:12 am

    I think you look beautiful. That’s what I thought when I saw your picture. Then I realized your body looks a little like mine. Maybe I am beautiful as well…

    Congrats on your daughter, she is adorable. And congrats on breastfeeding her for so long, smart momma.

  • Thursday, June 14, 2007 at 7:40 am

    Congrats!! I love the picture of your baby nuzzled in your belly! I think, as women, we worry to much about our sex appeal (self included). We should focus just as much on our cuddle appeal…kids love squishies!

  • Thursday, June 14, 2007 at 10:58 am

    Wow, you look a lot like I do post-partem! I was horrified by my stretch marks at first too, but thanks to this site, I’ve realized how beautiful all mothers bodies are. You look great!

  • Sunday, June 17, 2007 at 2:12 am

    I love the picture of your little girl burying her face in your belly!!!! If anybody appreciates our soft warm bodies it’s our children. We are so snuggly and cozy!!

  • Monday, June 18, 2007 at 3:50 am

    Aw the pic of your bubba snuggling into your tummy is so precious, that just says it all, doesn’t it?! Our kids will pick a squishy body to cuddle over a rock hard one every time!!! Good for you for loving yourself, and congrats on your gorgeous wee bub!

  • Monday, June 18, 2007 at 8:55 pm

    You are a beautiful awesome mama! Thankyou for sharing.

  • Tuesday, June 19, 2007 at 7:35 pm

    aweeeee you look awesome, seriously! once you stop nursing you will lose a lot of weight so don’t worry! i, too, had to go through pregnancy and birth to finally understand and appreciate mothers, even my own! love ya

  • Sunday, June 24, 2007 at 8:45 am

    you look amazing. i also thought i was avoiding stretch marks by lubing up with coco butter and palmers and such. i got them anyway, lots of them, they have faded now, but i am pregnant again, and they will be back :-)

  • Wednesday, June 27, 2007 at 7:23 am

    My pp body looks a lot like yours. I’ve found that removing body length mirrors from my home has helped a lot. I can now feel like I look beautiful without being so hard on myself. I think you look wonderful! I love the pics of your daughter playing with your tummy. I can’t wait ’til my daughters old enough to do that to mine.

  • Saturday, June 30, 2007 at 8:22 am

    OMG, your tummy is IDENTICAL to mine!
    I bet if I showed my partner your pics, he would assume it was me!
    Thanks for sharing :)

  • Thursday, July 12, 2007 at 4:16 pm

    I think your body is stunning!
    It reminds me of the Greek goddess Venus!
    Such beautiful curves!

  • Friday, August 31, 2007 at 9:57 pm

    I too am a young mother. I am 19 years old and my son just turned one. I look at my body every day, the stretch marks, sagging breasts, and excess belly and I cry everytime I am naked. you are beautiful and motherhood is the most beautiful thing in the world. Just remember that and you will get through this one day at a time.

  • Monday, December 3, 2007 at 10:53 pm

    you look great!

  • Tuesday, February 19, 2008 at 12:07 am

    Aww, you look great! I also edited most of my stretch marks out of my pregnancy photos =S Now I wish I wouldn’t have. Congrats on breastfeeding for so long! =)

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