From Making Money with my Body to Making Babies (Anonymous)

After meeting the man of my dreams and spending two years dancing and modelling at 173cm and 57kg and 10d Bra size, I fell pregnant with my first son.
I quit smoking, Nightshift, Dancing, Vegetarianism and took up a healthy diet.
10 months later i weighed 85kg- I had put on 28kg.
My bra size went up to a 16EE.
After the gentle birth of my 9pd Son, I lost all the weight and was back modelling 7 months later.
My breasts were smaller and saggier, but If I dressed accordingly- I looked firm and fit.
I continued to dance and model and kept my family on a good wage and paid off my home.
We had a good quality of life and I spent a great deal of quality time with my son.
I conceived again- My second son.
This time I was 75kg pre-pregnancy weight.
At 20 weeks I quit dancing and modelling and took up office work for my partner.
Sitting on my bum in front of the Computer, Drinking Hot-Chocolate in Winter took me up to 95kg.

For a girl who relied on her looks and body to look after her family- This was disasterous.
I felt like I had let myself down, and that I had taken my income stream away.
I apologised to people why I was so fat and had a terrible time finding nice clothes that fitted well.
My 10pd Son was born unnassisted in the most amazing home water birth and His presence has been an absolute gift.
I would despair at my figure- Knowing that my partner was attracted to a thin-lean look and small breasts.
He Never mentioned anything, but I knew he was not attracted to me- As loving as he Is.
This broke my heart. I began to get jealous of Younger Girls with thin thighs hips and Arms.

At least twice a week, I would be holding my newborn and peole would ask me when the next baby was due…
I commented- “this is what you really look like after a baby for a little while…”

I would see my reflecting in the mirror and get a shock and then cringe.. I realised how judgemental of myself I had become.

I stopped going to social functions because I felt “too fat”..

I lost only 5kg after baby was born.

At 85kg and 4 months post-partum I conceived again!
I was breastfeeding and still in my maternity pants! I surrendered and decided to change my attitude and lifestyle.
I accepted my roundness and simply decided to be very healthy and exercise frequently enough to get me in good habits so I could get fit again after the birth of baby number three.

I am now 7 months pregnant and have put on 3kg with this pregnancy!
I am still quite heavy- But I am proud that I have limited my weight gain to a healthy level.

My Two sons are the Sunshine of my Life and their happy smiling faces are all I need to feel blissfully contented.

I am enjoying my new exercise routine and am quite proud that at 30 years old I have started to take responsibility to my health..

I will never be the same again- But this is the transition from maiden to mother….I am celebrating my fertility and enjoying it while I am ripe and luscious…I know that when I am older I will look back and remember these as the best years of my life- So I am making an effort to surrender and love myself for me- not for what I look like to others…Peace.

13 thoughts on “From Making Money with my Body to Making Babies (Anonymous)

  • Wednesday, December 3, 2008 at 8:14 pm

    I think you look even more beautiful now! It seems like you didnt get any stretchmarks either. Lucky you! Is that bottom picture a before or after? If it is an after, I have no idea what you could possible be jealous of! Those younger girls have nothin on you. Congratulations on the natural births, you are truly brave! Your babies are adorable!! I hope you can see what the rest of us see someday. You are truly beautiful!

  • Wednesday, December 3, 2008 at 8:24 pm

    you look amazing!

  • Wednesday, December 3, 2008 at 9:21 pm

    I do had a similar situation. My body did not go back to what it was. Nothing at all. I embrace my body. I know that what I have now is a miracle.

    You look great BTW!!!

  • Thursday, December 4, 2008 at 5:34 am

    your so gorgeous!

  • Friday, December 5, 2008 at 5:03 pm

    I think that you AND your children are astonishingly gorgeous. I teared up reading about your apologies for being fat–I have felt the same way since having my first child, and my sons are 6 and 3.

  • Sunday, December 7, 2008 at 12:33 am

    My wife and I were just looking through this website, and we both agree you are so beautiful! You can see a more womanly beauty in your bottom pictures, which makes you far more beautiful!

  • Sunday, December 7, 2008 at 12:47 am

    ohhhhh me too…. I think you look rocking good post baby!! Well done.

  • Monday, December 8, 2008 at 11:47 am

    I love your story! It’s cool to see someone who was once so engrossed in her superficial image to now love her health and body and to give birth at home. That’s very cool. ;)

  • Monday, December 8, 2008 at 11:57 pm

    are you kidding me, your body is fucking fantastic! im soo jealous, you have a great body!

  • Wednesday, December 10, 2008 at 9:05 am

    I agree with what someone said already, you look better now than you did to begin with!!!

  • Thursday, December 11, 2008 at 3:04 am

    You are absolutely gorgeous just the way you are. Remember, you have created 3 miracles. You have the right to be proud of yourself! I was also small, petite and very slim weighing only 50kg’s before I got pregnant. I had two sons and both was born via c-section. With my first son I have lost all my pregnancy-weight (13kg’s) within 4 weeks. With my second son I wasn’t so lucky. I gained 15kg’s and lost only 4kg’s after his birth. He is one year old and I’m still flabby and fat. I also used to hate myself and apologise for my figure because my husband’s eyes started wandering to slimmer, thinner and younger girls. I woke up one morning and while staring at my two sons, I’ve decided not to apologise for not being attractive to my husband anymore. I’ve carried his babies, brought them into this world and I’m raising them to the best I can. To myself and my friends I’m beautiful. I’ve learned to accept that. When I look in the mirror every morning, I see the body that carried the two most beautiful human beings for nine months. So, stop apologising. The fact that you are such a good mom makes you absolutely gorgeous!

  • Sunday, December 28, 2008 at 1:47 am

    You’re still slim! When I was reading the story, I was expecting you to look like a huge cow! But you’re not at all. And you have a pretty face. Gosh..some men are bitches.

  • Wednesday, January 14, 2009 at 7:56 pm

    You look amazing!!!!! You have an amazing body, I think you look even better now than you did before. You look more…luscious. And Congratulations on the water birth, that’s what I’m hoping for.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *