Recently I’ve been feeling more and more self conscious about my breasts. I’ve tried hard to feel better about myself after large weight gains with my 2 pregnancies (4stone+) during each pregnancy. I lost it all after my second and went down to a size I was happy with. It’s slowly creeping back on. Weight is something I can control just about… what I can’t control is the feeling of disgust when I look at my breasts in the mirror. I don’t even fit into bras properly- i’m guessing i’m a 34AA… they’re horrible, saggy, flat, just plain disgusting. I wear push up bras but feel even worse when my husband tries to grab a feel … as all he gets is padding. I feel like I’ve let him down.
It’s demoralising, I feel like a fake woman, so unsexy and gross. I’ve seen him stare sometimes at other women, for only a few seconds, nothing major to most people but to me, it’s a reminder of what I can’t give him, what I want to give him – bigger breasts and being able to feel sexy and something he can be proud about when I’m with him (of course I know boobs aren’t everything but it feels like it sometimes). I just can’t shake it, it’s been almost 6 years, of constantly feeling jealous of other women, no matter how big their breasts are… mine are nothing in comparison. I have massive gaping holes between them, I have to constantly wear tops that don’t show cleavage as mine is a gaping hole, only supported by giant padded bras… when I take the bra off I’m flat and horrid. Even during sex etc, I feel like when he touches my chest- it’s so disappointing because there’s nothing there anymore. I would love to win the lottery and get surgery – I’ve even mentioned it to my husband- he doesn’t know how to respond- knowing he’s treading on egg shells as to how I would react whether he agreed or disagreed. I can’t mention the topic to him anymore because he denies looking at anyone else, he says it’s all in my head, that he doesn’t know what else he can do. I’m sure to some extent he’s right, but in other ways, I’m not hallucinating when I see him eyeing someone, even if by accident or however brief it may be.
I feel he’ll jump ship when he comes across someone who is happier with themselves, happy with life and with their body … I can’t seem to give him that. Since kids, I’m stressed, depressed, tired, snappy, jealous and feel worthless. I can’t see how my family love me for who I am as I don’t feel like i’m very nice to be around or look at. I’m tempted to go to the GP but I know they’ll only try and prescribe anti depressants which I’m not keen on doing- they won’t bring me new breasts. I was never large to start off with- an average 34 B and have always felt inadequate. I went to a massive 36E during pregnancy because I had put a lot of weight on. I’m 5″3 and at my heaviest when pregnant was 15 stone. (with baby inside!). I’m now 9stone 2 and ideally want to go back to 8st 7lbs which is what I weighed this time last year- but that’s a different story- it won’t help my lack of breast tissue. Any miracle cures to increasing breast size or just feeling better? I feel sick every time we are around other women, even family, thinking how much bigger they are in the chest area – how more attractive they are. I feel sick like I’m so disgusting without any breasts and so unsexy- I hate it. I’m even nervous about my husband going to work and meeting someone there because they’d have more to offer than me. That’s just breasts… stomach is another issue but I can cope with that much better, even if my belly button looks wrinkly and horrible- I can conceal that ok. Any advice greatly appreciated.
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 6 and 3