Author: Bonnie (SOAM)

Really Very Bad Timing (Ann)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Twins 19 Comments

1 pregnancy, 2 children
14 months postpartum, twins

My twin boys were perfect timing. Our fertility doctor had just finished telling us we would never conceive naturally. I had just told him that through the grace of God I believed that we would. 3 weeks later some routine tests came back to tell me I was pregnant without the help of drugs or procedures and about 6 weeks later we received the amazing news that there were two little bubs! I was over the moon. My husband seemed a little less excited but I told myself it was that he was overwhelmed, besides that he never was really very good with emotion. As you can imagine I got to be pretty huge. Unfortunately I also became pretty lonely, My husband seemed to withdrawal further and further as my pregnancy progressed. I had an emergency c-section due to pre-eclampsia at 36 weeks and although very small the boys were born beautiful and healthy. I remember the first day they let me get up on my own to go to the bathroom. I stared at the body in the mirror in absolute disgust. I thought I would look like that forever. As hard as I tried I could not breast feed my boys so not only was my body hideous but it also couldn’t nourish my two beautiful boys. I had some postpartum depression but after a few months I began to feel better. The boys were getting bigger and healthier with the use of formula. I would force myself to look in the mirror stark naked almost daily. It was important that I understood that this was my body now and it had done something incredible for me. I had never been thin to begin with but had always loved my curves. After a couple of months I began to love my body, stretch marks, love handles and all. Through all of this my relationship with my husband got better and then worse. I had always adored my husband and although his personality was distant and sometimes very cold I convinced myself he adored me as well. The month before the boys first birthday my husbands raging porn addiction was found out.It had existed before he had known me so you might think I couldn’t possibly blame myself but I do. This wasn’t an occasional peek at porn, if his addiction had been heroin he would be dead in a gutter some where. It had caused him to seriously neglect our kids and myself for a very long time. My husband has overcome his addiction and hasn’t so much as peeked in months with the help of God, myself, some friends and our pastor. This has helped him to become a very caring, loving husband and father. He is now a man I am proud to be married too. The problem is as he moved on to be a better man, he left me standing in my own insecurities. It took a lot of work to get me to a place where I could look myself in the mirror after my babies. Stupid silly me asked my husband every question I could think of about his addiction- desperate to know just how far it went, just how bad it got. Now I am left with the knowledge of all the women he has seen, all the positions he watched and all my friends and family he thought of lustfully. I feel like I will never ever compare. He treats me like royalty now, tells me without all of that junk in his head he sees just how beautiful I am and always was. What I hear is that now that he can’t see the beautiful women in porn he will settle for me. This is destroying me and I know I need help. I have to convince myself to eat most days and have lost quite a bit of weight in the past couple months. What the twins and the stretch marks and the mom skin couldn’t accomplish in killing my self esteem totally- my husbands addiction managed to do. I don’t know how to dig out of this hole, I don’t know how to heal. I do feel hopeful though, especially when I see my husband being so involved with the boys and when I see their gorgeous smiles. Thanks for reading.

My Journey to Motherhood (Carmel)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Plus-Sized Mom, Pregnant, Submissions 3 Comments

These photos were taken by my supportive and amazing husband Nathan. The photos are at 34 weeks, 39 weeks and the day of Arthur’s Birth.

I had a wonderful pregnancy. Even though I am a large woman I felt amazing when I was pregnant. The fact I had a life, our little miracle, growing inside me negated any body issue I previously had.

The Tuesday before I was due to give birth (we were due on the Friday) I had the urge to always wee. I went to the hospital for a check up and was told that it was possibly a urinary tract infection. The next day I lost my plug and saw a stand in OB as mine was on holidays. She said that I was 1cm dilated and not infection was present. She thought I would most probably give birth on Saturday. That night at 4am my waters broke and the realization that those Braxton hicks were actual contractions. My husband was fantastic packing the car and calling the hospital whilst I had one last relaxing shower, brushed my teeth and got dressed. Once there we were informed that I was 4 cm dilated. Things progressed quickly however because my son has so much hair the midwifes, doctors and OB could not get the monitor on his head nor could they feel which way he was facing. At 10am I was fully dilated and started to push. I pushed for over an hour without Arthur descending into the canal. The OB and midwifes strongly suggested an emergency c section. At 12.52pm my son was pulled out via c section. An amazing day!

~Age: 24 when I gave birth, now 25
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1,1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: Arthur is 7 ½ months, 7 ½ months PP

Tummy Struggles (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Endometriosis, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 7 Comments

~Age: 27 years old
~Number of pregnancies and births: Two
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 3 and 2 years old, both born by c-section.

Every day I look in the mirror and feel a wee bit sad, I have a miss-shaped belly button, scaring in my belly button from any endometriosis surgeries.

My body tells a story. with all the paths leading different ways, spiralling all over my body.

Whilst I am grateful for my two beautiful children I feel sad about what it has done to my body, in fact so much I am putting off having another until my stomach is toned more.

I am not sure how toned I could make it though, there’s only so much going back right?

When I see other women’s bodies like my own I feel okay, but my own, I’m not so okay about.

I just wanted to share to show that no all bodies are made perfect, to those women out there struggling with it like I am!

Accepting Change (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) African American, Belly, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Tattoo, Teen Mom 9 Comments

Age: 26
Number of pregnancies 3, Number of births: 2
Kids ages: 10 and 4 months
4 months postpartum

I was 16 when I had my daughter. Before I had gotten pregnant I was 116 lbs. Quickly after I gave birth, I returned to 116 lbs. I got a few stretch marks and dealt with it. It took years for me to be comfortable in my skin but I was glad that I was able to overcome it. Fast forward 10 year later, I gave birth to my son during my 39th week (my weight peaked at 154 lbs). It was a quick, but grueling labor. My son was born weighing 6 lbs 15 oz (my daughter was 6 lbs 6 oz) so he was kind of small. I remember the day I came home from the
hospital and I had a friend come by to see the baby. First thing she said when I opened the door for her was “You sure you don’t have another one still in there?”

As a new mom I wanted to cry, but I sucked it up. After she left I came to the realization that this weight loss progress isn’t going to be easy. Before I had my son I was 5’2 in height and about 124 lbs. Now at 4 months postpartum I am 130 lbs. I know some people might not think that it isn’t that much, but it
is still a change. Lose skin, stretch marks, uneven breast is what I am dealing with now. For the past few weeks exercise has been my best friend. At times I feel like giving up, maybe cause I am not getting the results as fast as I would like them. I have also started to count calories. That takes a lot of self
control because I still have the appetite of a pregnant woman….I WANT TO EAT EVERYTHING =)

I feel very fortunate that I have a wonderful man in my life. Sometimes I feel ashamed to be naked in front of him. Surprisingly, he doesn’t mind my flaws. He’s always touching and rubbing my stomach. I think as women we are self conscious about our appearance, and I blame the media for that. Beauty comes in
all different shapes & sizes though…..we are all beautiful because we were created by God!

I stumbled across this website through a google search, but I am so glad I found it. I appreciate each and every one of your stories. As moms, we go through many sacrifices but each one of them are worth it. I feel privileged and honored that God chose me to carry HIS kids.

First pic- A month before I got pregnant with my son
Second pic- Me and my daughter, dressed for my baby shower, I was 7 ½ months
pregnant with my son
Third pic- Last picture I took while pregnant with my son
Fourth/fifth pics- 3 weeks post partum
Sixth/seventh/eighth pics- 4 months post partum (The eighth one my stretch marks
are really visible)
Ninth pic- my babies =)

My Story (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) First Pregnancy, No Photos (Story Only), Pregnant, Submissions 3 Comments

I have always been worried about the day I would find out I was pregnant. Not because I didn’t want a baby or a joy in my life but I had always felt insecure about my weight. I come from a family where weight was a big issue and both me and my brother were little fat kids growing up. In high school, I changed that and lost 80 pounds and felt wonderful. I met my husband and we dated. Throughout our relationship, he had never had to worry about weight but I did and I failed. I ballooned back up from stress, a sit down job, and falling back into habits. I am 6’0 tall and I was down to 209 (which was skinny for me) and now pregnant at 260 pounds. We got married 7 months ago and I am now 4 months pregnant. I am so glad that the “nightmares” I had about pregnancy and weight gain are steady for now. Knowing my mom had gained 70 pounds in a pregnancy scared me. I have actually taken this opportunity to get healthier with foods and not being able to eat a whole lot now has allowed me to loose 13 pounds (of course not by choice). I am to the point where I am getting depressed about my body even more since my belly is pulling forward more and that has always been an insecurity anyways. My clothes are limited now and it is hard to be a plus sized pregnant woman. As if I didn’t already have a hard time shopping for clothes, now it’s even more selected in what I can buy. My husband is one who keeps me going because he has never judged me or made fun of me and especially now, emotionally, any little thing can make or brake me. I would love to share photos but I can only tell I have a “baby bump” when I am laying down so maybe in my further months I would love to share. I am trying to make the best of this and give myself the opportunity to prep myself and my family for a better and healthier life style. It may sound odd, but I think I have gained a motivation to do better with my health now that I am pregnant and I would love to finish my weight loss goal and this time, FINISH. I am hoping my little baby will be my inspiration.

Disgusting Stomach, But I Was Blessed with a Beautiful Daughter (Jen)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 16 Comments

I’m 27, 1 Pregnancy (so far) and 1 Birth, Daughter will be 3 in May

I am working on being happy with my body. It was extremely hard for me at first. Pre-pregnancy I was a bikini model and I never had to work on my stomach very hard and I could eat what I wanted. The last two weeks of my pregnancy I got stretch marks. After giving birth to my daughter, I was left with a very saggy, stretch mark covered stomach. For months, I covered up my stomach from my husband. I had gone from a bikini model body to a disgusting blob of fat that I called my stomach. I gained 45 lbs during my pregnancy but lucky enough I was able to lose all but 10 lbs pretty quick. However, the disgusting stretch marks never went away. They have lightened up some but I still can’t stand for my husband to see my stomach. He loves me no matter what and we are blessed with a beautiful daughter that made it all worth it. I’ve changed my swimsuit style and my clothing style a little but overall, I’ve learned to be happy with myself. We are working on baby #2 so I’m sure my struggles will start all over after the birth of our next one. All worth it though!

First picture is from about 2 1/2 yrs after my daughter’s birth and the second picture was about a month ago, almost 3 yrs after her birth.

8 Months PP (Renee)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo, Update 6 Comments

Previous post here.
Age 24
~1 baby boy, 8 months old
Pre pregnancy 135lbs, @ Pregnancy 192lbs, After birth 162lbs, 8months PP 150-154lbs.

I want to start off by saying thank you to everyone for all there comments and support. It has been about 5 months since I have posted last. I still am not the happiest person and i am still not satisfied with my body. I am however thankful for my healthy baby boy and the fact that things could be a lot worse. Well since I posted last I did go to the gym for a month and lost close to 12lbs but for some reason no more weight will fall off. It does make me mad and frustrated that I cant loose anymore weight. I have kinda gotten use to my squeeshy belly but it makes me sad to see it when i bend over or sit down. I hope that it gets better in time.

1-6: Pics of me 8 Month PP
Pic 7: Me Dressed
Pic 8: My Baby boy

Loving Myself (Jessica)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Butt, First Pregnancy, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 11 Comments

Having my son was the best thing that ever happened to me. It changed me in a million ways, but unfortunately it changed my body too. I was slightly overweight when I found out I was pregnant, and I wasn’t happy with my body to begin with. I’ve always struggled with my self esteem and diet, I was at my heaviest weight (166) the day I saw the two pink lines. When I delivered I was almost 230lbs. I didn’t FEEL like I was that big, because I was “all belly” or so I thought. I ate well when I was pregnant, but I ate much more than I needed to and I didn’t do any kind of exercise at all. My son was 9lbs 8oz at birth and just perfect. I wanted to breastfeed so I didn’t consider cutting calories or anything like that until he was 3 months or so and I knew my supply was going strong. I didn’t want to exercise because I read that it can make your breast milk taste sour and the baby will reject you (not sure if that’s true). I was miserable with my body though and felt so insecure and ugly. I have stretch marks all over my hips and stomach, down my thighs and the backs of knees. I started trying to work out but I was so out of shape and tired all the time that I would just give up. As I started moving my son into solid foods, I started reading more about nutrition- I decided to become a vegan. I wanted to be healthier and treat my body right- and then I started losing weight. It felt really encouraging. I went from 180 to 170lbs in the first month and fluctuated in the 160s for a while. I got pneumonia in the fall and lost 20lbs, it was awful. I was so sick I could barely walk or care for my son, even for weeks after I was ‘better’ I was so weak. I weighed 140lbs but as I started eating better and gaining my strength back I gained more weight. I’ve started doing yoga and walking more, and now my weight is around 147lbs but I feel strong and healthy. I’d like to ‘tone up’ my wiggly parts but I fear my stomach may be a lost cause. My son is 14 months now and he’s learning about body parts, his favorite is the belly button, and he waddles up to me and sticks his fingers in my belly button all the time. He thinks the squishy weird texture of my stomach is great, so I don’t mind it that much. The only people who see my stomach are my son and my fiance and they both love me. My fiance supports my weight loss/toning goals, but he makes me feel beautiful all the time anyway. Things are so different now from a year ago- my body is healed and my confidence is up. I know my body isn’t going to be the same as it was (especially my boobs, I miss them! They were so perky and small) but I feel so proud to have brought a life into this world, and I know it sounds kind of corny and cliched but my body is amazing for doing that. I don’t beat myself up for the things I can’t change. I found this website when I was pregnant and I remember thinking that I would never be comfortable or happy enough with my body to post, but here I am posting my “success”- which after everything it turns out it’s not related to my body at all, it just means that I am happy and I love myself!

Picture Info: 1+2: 12 weeks pregnant
3: 6 months pregnant
4-6: 5 months pp (170lbs)
7-9: today (147lbs)

~Age: 24
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1 pregnancy, 1 birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 1 son, he is 14 months old

I Am Beautiful (Julie)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 9 Comments

I got pregnant at 18. I had a amaing little boy who weighed 10 pounds, and I myself, gained 98 pounds. I have stretch marks from the back of my legs to my breast. I felt so ugly, so ashamed and ruined. I thought I was a freak and lost who I was as a woman. Two years later I became pregnant with my second child, a 8 pound baby. I breast fed both my boys, and am still breast feeding the newest. My sister n law sent me your web site with the title “you are a real woman”. It hit me that my prebaby body did not define me as a woman. I now define my womanhood by being a mom. I grew two lifes inside my body and in return I am a real woman! These marks show the amazing journey I have been through.I am 23, I had a baby a year ago and I am beautiful….You are welcome to share my story and pictures. I hope by others seeing them, that they will know they are beautiful and to be proud of their body