I have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and PCOS. I have a healthy BMI. This is my body. Deal with it. I like my stripes. I have a great sex and personal life even as a single Mama.
I’m 34 and I’m okay with this photo being shared. I shared my pubic region especially because a lot of people feel shame abut stretch marks and loose skin there, especially mothers who find themselves dating.
Original post here.
I have updated pics of my belly. It’s changed so much. The first 2 pics are February and the last one is back in November.
Hello my name is Emily, I am 25 years old, and this is my 3 month old son Ethan Jai. Before my pregnancy I was 104. During I was 167. And now I am 130. I love my mommy marks because I wouldn’t have my baby boy without them
Hello to you, my readers. I apologize for the lack of attention that I have been able to give to SOAM for a very long time now. In truth, it sits like a brick in my stomach and I try to avoid noticing because, frankly, there is nothing I can do about it right now.
For the past year and a half my daughter, who is about to turn sixteen, has been battling depression, extreme anxiety, and suicidal ideation. (Yes, I have her permission to share this publicly.) It has been a full time job just to keep her alive, in particular because the system is so, so very broken. I wrote here about our struggles simply to find appropriate care for her. (Please, if you can, share that link. I want people to know exactly what is going on.) Even after I wrote that, the systemic negligence has continued. It frustrates me beyond belief to know that the stigma is built directly into the system (for what other illness would you be told that your child can only receive thirteen treatments?). It frustrates me that even just talking about it makes me worry who will believe the severity of the struggle my family is facing? As it turns out, the brain is also a part of the body, so a mental illness is just as much a physical illness as diabetes, or asthma, or cancers.
Anyway, I digress. The point is that right now I am trying to help heal my teenager, fight the system, somehow still parent my other child, continue my education, and do all the other things that one must do simply as a part of life. I struggle to find time for SOAM right now.
This website is my passion and my soul. I have one more semester after this and I plan to put a crap ton more energy to growing SOAM and moving forward into new areas with it, as well as working to advocate for and education on body image issues, and other feminist work that needs to be done in the world.
I am absolutely NOT leaving SOAM or closing it. I will continue to post entries that are shared, although I admit I may not get to it as regularly as I would like to – I apologize. Please, don’t hesitate to share your story here, just be patient with me. I’m sure you all understand that our children come first.
I’m still here, as much as I can be. But SOAM simply has to be lower on my priority list right now because this girl is #1:
I am 34 years old, and I have had two children. One by home birth and the other in a hospital, both vaginal delivery. Now 9 and 7 years old. Often I have felt guilty about my body. When I am in a room of other moms I often feel ashamed of “looking good”. I don’t subscribe to fad diets, or crazy gym routines. I simply live. I am a BJJ purple belt and it took me 10+ years to get there because being a mom took all of my personal time. This picture makes me feel proud because it is a beautiful piece of lingerie given to me by my husband that actually fits me! Being “small” I have a very hard time finding clothes that fit me. I submit this because I want other moms to know it’s OK to love your body without guilt, even if some women try to shame you for being who you are because they dont feel confident in themselves. We are ALL beautiful! And ps. I am offended when your husband flirts with me, its embarrassing! Stop looking at my body as the cause, It’s his loyalty that is a shame. You don’t know me, you just see my physical form. I am more then an object.
This is four months postpartum. I cannot lose the weight no matter how hard I try. The shame I feel is sickening. I want to vomit whenever I see myself in the mirror. It’s so hard to leave the house and be around people. I am so so so ashamed. I can’t even be in the front yard unless it’s dark. Everything sags and my waistline is gone. I didn’t even get boobs from this mess. They’re still small but now they sag and are deflated. So I’m horrible looking, fat without breasts. My husband always liked the little gap between my thighs and now it’s gone and I can’t get it back. I try to eat healthy but sometimes I just feel so terrible that I go for something good because at least I feel a little happy when I can eat good food, even though I hate myself for eating it afterwards.
I hate myself so much for letting this happen to me. I love my son but I was left with nothing but a disgusting mess. Sometimes I cut and punch myself and they say to use a marker instead so that’s what I did.
I used to be the girl who could wear whatever and it’d be okay. More importantly I used to be the girl who could carry thirty pounds of gear into the mountains and hike myself out with an injury (dislocated kneecap). Now I can’t even hike seven miles without my body giving up. I can’t even talk about what happened to my mind or I will really break down.
I failed at everything. I failed at breastfeeding so I have these disgusting boobs and I can’t even breastfeed my son. I labored for thirty hours with back to back contractions and still had to have a c-section. My hips and back gave out during my pregnancy and I had to be on crutches and I couldn’t exercise although I did what I could. I have really intense postpartum depression and anxiety. I’m on four medications and have tried so many different kinds of treatment. Electroconvulsive therapy might be the next step.
I can sense my friends and family getting frustrated with me so I’m starting to pull away from them too. I have no damn idea why my husband even still has sex with me. I think it’s because I’m there and he’s a very loyal person but I’m convinced he’s imagining he’s with someone else. How could this wreck of a body ever appeal to him? He didn’t give me a single compliment after I gave birth but he used to say I was beautiful every day before. He started again when I broke down about it but now I can’t believe him because I had to cry and beg for him to see me as beautiful so I know it’s him lying to make me feel better. I don’t blame him for forgetting because the first month is so hard and if it’s not genuine why would he even think to do it?
I hate myself so much I cry every day and some days I can’t leave the house no matter how hard I try. I would have surgery in a heartbeat if I could afford it. I just want to hide forever but I can’t because I need to find a way to endure for my son. I just don’t know how. I give up on being attractive. I just want to not care.
I’m currently 24. I have had two pregnancies and have two beautiful boys 1 year and 20 days apart both delivered vaginally. I will be 3 months postpartum in 11 days. I am writing this post because I am working hard to become comfortable in my own skin again and want to love my new body. In college I had so much confidence in crop tops, short shorts, bikinis etc…. Again, I am 24 years old so if this sounds immature I apologize. I love fashion, I love wearing things to compliment my figure and my midriff used to be my favorite part of my body. My first son left me stretch mark free, well on my stomach only, I developed a couple on my hips and some deep in my upper inner thigh area (yes I cried, my husband said that he didn’t care, yada yada all the things men say to comfort you.) My thoughts on his response…. No matter how vain it sounds I thought, “well at-least my stomach is OK.” Well then came my second baby boy and now I feel ruined. I am still young and I’d like to dress in all of the things I felt able to wear before, well a bit more conservative of course out of respect for my husband and children, but I am scared that strangers, yes people I owe nothing to, will stare…. Ugh this sounds so stupid…
I am about 30 lbs overweight now and just got the “okay” to resume exercise. I have diastasis recti so my pouch didn’t go down as fast as it did after my first pregnancy but I am working on closing the gap through physical therapy. I am eager to get toned again, but now I fear that weight loss may enhance the appearance of my stretch marks that, in person, look like deep horizontal tears in my abdomen area (although exfoliation has evened the texture out a bit), plus the light discoloration (which I’m not sure if it will fade into my skin color because as an African American woman I found my belly looks darker for a while after birth), and may reveal sagging skin, which I’m not 100% sure if I have any, but the ab separation is about 3 fingers wide so that may contribute to sagging. Also, my belly button looks soooooo weird to me now, but that’s not a major issue for me, it seems to be shifting back to place lately… I’m probably hallucinating.
Anyway, I remember as a child, my mother showed me her stretch marks and said that her body was ruined, so that replays in my head, plus one of the first questions she asked when I was pregnant with my first was if I had developed any, which I hadn’t on my stomach. I find myself, in between bathroom breaks and nap-time for my babies in the mirror obsessively checking them as if they’re just going to disappear all of a sudden. I am exfoliating like crazy in the shower trying to fade them as fast as possible…. I’m considering a spray tan, yes I know I have dark skin already but I’ve read it could even out your skin tone and disguise scars regardless… I look at clothing online and automatically feel like I’ll never be able to wear what I like again without looking stupid. I have decided to get a tubal ligation because I honestly do not think I can handle anymore changes to my appearance. I know that beauty comes from within, but to me when you feel good about the outside, your self esteem is boosted… But maybe that’s just me. I know I have a long way to go and I will not allow myself to regret my amazing boys. But am I ruined? Can I still dress as a 24 year old? Is my body now disgusting? I need to know. Will it get better? Please help me ladies, I know it is all in my head, but I can’t seem to break free from this mentality.
Updated here.
Originally posted on Instagram.
I know I don’t have the perfect body. This body has born three beautiful souls into this world and nothing has taken a harsher toll on my body.
I know I don’t have a perfect body I have had weight issues all of my life due to life struggles. But I never give up and everyday I struggle a little bit with food. It’s much easier now that I am vegan as I get full so much easier but it has put marks and stretches to my body that will never go away.
I know I don’t have the perfect body with a chest that seems to never stop growing larger no matter what I do, but I am learning to love my defects as a part of me. Trying to find the beauty in the flaws. Everyday I try. Most days I lose but thanks to all of you and the love you give back to me I have days that I win too. Thank you all. Love you!
…
Gotham City Garage
Wonder Woman by me (custom wig by @officialherohair and costume by @sewwhat73 )
Photo by our #cosdad @cosplayer_gallery
Net Neutrality is at risk again, perhaps more than ever before. I already wrote a little about it here, including what it is and how to help.
Today there is a major protest. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE click here and participate. Share the link. This is vitally important to life as we know it (I am not exaggerating).
Leave me a comment and let me know how you’ve helped.
Dear readers, I am thankful for you. I am thankful for this space we have here where we can come to see that we are far from alone both in the way our bodies look and in the way we struggle to find love for ourselves and our bodies.
Do you ever wonder how SOAM came to exist? I mean, you can read my version of events on the home page here, but there’s more to it.
SOAM exists because we have net neutrality. There are no corporations limiting our access to the internet. Think for a minute what that means for you. How has the internet changed your life? I learned about birthing options online. I learned about parenting styles online. I found support online. I learned about health and healthcare options online. I met friends online – some that I hold dear to this day. I began to understand feminism online. I began to understand body image issues online. I learned about fat positivity and the health at every size movement online. I learned about photography online. I applied for college online. I attended classes online.
In every way in my life, I am a better person because of the internet. Without full access to the entire net, I may not have had access to the information and the choices that helped me become the person I am today. With corporations and/or the government dictating what we can and cannot have access to, we are allowing others to help mold us into the people they want us to be, rather than the people we are.
Readers, please remember that corporations do not want you to love your body or to love yourself. So long as you feel insecure, you give them your money. (And remember, I’m not judging you for what you do – but make the choice on your own.) Don’t let corporations decide what you and your children read, or what you and your children want to look like. Let YOU decide.
That means we need Net Neutrality.
Right now the FCC is threatening to end Net Neutrality and that scares me so much, particularly in this time where our government is becoming more overbearing and less supportive of free speech. Do you think it will be easy to organize protests against policies you don’t want your government to enact without access to the whole internet? And, remember, always, always remember that the government is YOURS. These people you elect for for YOU. The power is supposed to lie in our hands.
So here’s what you do. Check out this website, and they will help you call your representative and suggest what to say. If you want a rundown of what Net Neutrality is, check this out. Here’s a site that allows you to send faxes to your representatives through texts from your phone. And here’s another site that makes calling your reps very easy. They offer ideas for actions and script suggestions.
The United States of America only works so long as we are involved. That is the purpose of this great American Experiment, and we must never allow that to be forgotten. Take action. Teach your children to take action. The personal IS political.
This year I am thankful for you, for my strong body, and for the opportunity to have my voice heard in this country.
Much love and a very happy Thanksgiving to you,
Bonnie