Author: Bonnie (SOAM)

21 With 2 Babies (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 12 Comments

I’m 21 years old with 2 beautiful little boys. My oldest is 2 and my youngest is 5 months. That makes me 5 months postpartum. I breastfed my oldest for 9 months and am currently still breast feeding my 5 month old. I am still adjusting to my body there are somedays when I feel pretty and other days I want to put on a tshirt and pajama pants and not be seen. I’m only 5;1 and weighed 102 when I got pregnant with my 2 year old. At the end of my pregnancy I weighed 127 and delivered a healthy 6lb 14ounce baby boy. At about 9 months postpartum I was down to 104lbs when i found out I was pregnant again I only gained 21lbs with this last pregnancy but my son weighed in at 7lbs 14ounces. People tell me all the time you don’t look like you’ve had 2 kids and all I can say is I feel like it. My husband tells me I’m beautiful all the time but I just can’t get over the thought I’ve given birth to 2 children there is no way my body is beautiful. I know it’s stupid and we should all love our body’s but society makes that very hard. I love my boys and would do anything for them but I just want to feel good again. This site has helped my realize that all women are beautiful screw what the rest of the world says!

Update: A Year Later and Making Progress (Luisa)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Butt, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 5 Comments

Age-25
2 children 2, 4

After searching ‘bodies after baby’ I came across this site and posted photos of my body (left photos) a month shy of a year ago. Even though I still felt huge, unlike myself and down about my body…the comments that were posted made me feel so much better. Throughout this last year, I have lost 22 lbs. I’m down to 127 now…but it’s so weird that I’m still this big. My 127 pre-baby would have been skinny, now after babies…I still have so much loose skin and fat. I am working hard at adopting better eating habits and working out. I’ve began running again and am trying to get this extra weight off. I know some will look at my photos and think I look fine, but I want to be comfortable in my own body. I’ll never be able to wear a bikini again (it seems that my stretch marks are becoming more evident the more weight I lose bc of saggy skin, hard to tell in these photos) but I would like to wear a swim suit without wearing shorts to cover me. I don’t want to lose weight to be a certain number, I want to gain confidence! My boyfriend and I have been together 1 1/2 years and he has never seen my belly…we were dating in this earlier picture I posted. I know that he loves me no matter the size I am…esp since we started dating when I was 22 lbs heavier…but I want to be comfortable around him. To not pull down at my shirt if its coming up, or to not jump if he accidentally taps my midsection.

I know I’ve definitely changed in this last year…hoping to continue on until I get to my goal. I want to do this for the physical aspects obviously, but more than that…the mental. It’s hard for me to stick with something like working out or eating right….I need to adopt the idea that self control is my super power :)

A Never-Ending Struggle (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Cesarean, First Pregnancy, No Photos (Story Only), Postpartum, PPD - Postpartum Depression 16 Comments

Age: 20
Number of Births: 1
Child: 7 Months Old

i’ve posted before, but not on a topic as specific as this. so, no pictures this time– just a story that i’m hoping some other women can relate to. not exactly the happiest, but i’ve found that people find comfort in relating with others, regardless.

it took me weeks to figure out that something just wasn’t right after i had my son. it wasn’t him, it was myself. it was the way i was acting, my feelings, my stress levels. it just wasn’t normal. i didn’t think it was a problem until i did a little research and came to the conclusion that i might have post-partum depression. it took one morning of me feeling like i was going to snap, crying and begging my fiance to help me, to stay home from work just ONE day to give me a break, that i couldn’t take it anymore. my son had been up practically all night, he was screaming, nothing could console him. i was at the end of my rope, and he just left. nothing he’s ever done hurt me more than him doing that to me that day. i literally told him i was afraid that i was going to do something terrible, and he just left us. he told me it was because he “had a responsibility to be to work” and he “couldn’t just leave them short-staffed”. and, stupid me, here i was thinking, “you have a responsibility to protect your baby and to make sure your fiancee is OKAY.” i was not okay that morning, nor was i okay in the weeks that led up to that. he ignored it. i am still holding a grudge from that, and i’m aware of it. but as many times as i’ve tried to talk to him about it, he shuts down and just acts like it’s nothing he cares to hear. (don’t get the wrong impression of my fiance, though. he’s an amazing, loving, providing father and a good man.) so i stopped trying to talk to him about it. i made an appointment to go see my doctor that day. i got put on anti-depressants but it’s still lingering some days and there’s been times when i went without it longer than i should have…. i know now that i really do NEED those pills. it’s like i’m completely hopeless.

i don’t want to do anything some days. and by that, i mean all i want to do is just sit and do mind-numbing things like browse facebook and pinterest and watch shows. i don’t want to do laundry, i don’t want to clean the house, i don’t want to do the dishes, i don’t want to do anything productive. there’s even some days where i don’t want to interact with my son. it breaks my heart, because i know i should cherish every minute of it, but sometimes i just put a movie on and let him be. i’m so envious of the mothers who can fill their day with being super mom’s. it’s like they can do it all, with a smile on their face, and love every minute. that’s not me right now. i can barely force a smile on my face when something is funny. it’s just… fake. it’s not even a matter of me feeling sorry for myself as it is me just feeling hopeless about things.

my fiance acts like i’m doing all of this on purpose. he tells me “why don’t you make plans with your friends? why don’t you do this? why don’t you go somewhere?” i don’t want to interact with people. i have no desire. no energy. i don’t want to have to get myself ready to go anywhere. i don’t want to try and push out conversations when everything i want to say is negative and depressing. no one wants to be around someone like that. i never have a vehicle to leave the house, even if i wanted to. i don’t answer my phone 99% of the time because i don’t want to talk. even when i do try to reach out and talk to my friends, i have nothing to say. i do nothing all day, i have no news to share. i want to start working and go back to school, but i don’t want to be around anyone. a big part of that is that i gained so much weight from starting birth control, being home all winter with no way to exercise and “boredom eating”, and now my comfort and source of being not so bored is cooking and baking. it takes up time, it’s one of my hobbies, and i get to eat it after. my entertainment used to be going out, shopping, school, friends, and being too busy for much else. i literally will spend so much time some days just looking back through my old pictures and seeing how tiny i was, how beautiful and full of life i was. i was funny, i was fun, i was happy. now, i see a fat, very unhappy, very hopeless person and i just can’t see that light at the end of the tunnel. it’s not that i don’t want to, because i so desperately do, but i just don’t see a change happening in me.

i feel like i’m wasting my son’s memories (my memories of him, i mean) as a baby. i feel like i’m preventing him from learning, experiencing, and being a happy fulfilled baby because of myself. i feel like i don’t remember the past 6 months. i feel like it’s been a blur that i just slept through or got into such a routine that it became automatic and every day felt exactly the same. i feel so incredibly guilty, every day. i should be taking him outside, i should be rolling around on the floor playing with him, i should be reading to him so much every day, i should be doing so much more. i just don’t have it in me.

i don’t talk to anyone for entire days at a time. i bug my fiance at work all day asking him when he’ll be home, praying that he’ll be out earlier. i get so, so mad at him when he tells me a certain time and i practically wait at the window, watching for the car to pull in, and he doesn’t get home until two hours later because he had to stay later and didn’t tell me. instead of telling him that i’m upset because i was excited to see him, excited to have someone to talk to, i get mad at him for it because it feels so cruel to me. but he doesn’t know that i’m just desperate for adult interaction. i have no one to talk to, all day long. i have nothing to do, and it makes me feel worthless. i just wish he would understand that all i want is some support and for HIM to understand. i tell him “i wish you knew what it was like. i wish you could be in my place for a few weeks so you could understand how difficult it is. he doesn’t factor in my depression, because he acts like it’s non-existent. he gets mad and says “well i have to actually work” and makes me feel like me staying at home and mothering our child is a vacation while he’s doing all the “important” stuff. it makes me feel, again, worthless. and then when he tells me “well why don’t you get a job” in a degrading type of way, it makes me feel like i’m lazy, like i’m reliant on him for everything. but the fact is, no matter how badly i want to get back to the old me, i don’t want to be around people. it scares me. it makes me so unbelievably uncomfortable. and he doesn’t…get it. nor does he act like he cares to. it’s so hurtful to me and so frustrating and it’s the cause of so many of our fights. if he would just open up to me and TRY to understand, it would make things so much easier. i wouldn’t have to hide my feelings with anger and yelling and frustration. i could just TELL him, this is what’s wrong, and this is why. but i can’t. and it’s really making things a million times harder for me to have the one person i should be able to tell everything to not wanting to hear it. why don’t i deserve respect and support?

Will I ever learn to love my body? (Jen)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 6 Comments

32 years old, 3 pregnancies, 2 children, 6 and 4 years old, separated last year

I am trying to learn to love my body again. I am mostly still embarrassed by it and feel disgust when I look in the mirror. I am proud of the fact that I have lost almost 70lbs over a year ago and have kept the weight off. I did that with the help of a personal trainer. Although most days I still feel like I’m overweight.

I have a wonderfully supportive boyfriend now who tells me I look perfect and that he wouldn’t change anything about me. I just wonder everyday if I will ever get over these in securities that are constantly in my mind.
Reading other womens stories here has really helped me feel like at least I’m not alone in this!

Update (Dee)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Butt, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 3 Comments

Original post here.

Age: 18
# of Pregnancies/Births: 1
Age of Child: 17 months

It’s been 1 year since my first post and I’m now 17 months postpartum. My body hasn’t changed drastically in that time, but there has been some progress. My once pink stretch marks on my stomach, butt, and hips are now invisible in photographs and not noticeable unless I stretch my skin to emphasis them. 1 year ago I was at 115 lbs and now have dropped to 105 lbs, which is less than my pre-pregnancy weight. My breasts are the most depressing part of my body. I feel completely flat-chested and embarrassed that I don’t have ANY natural cleavage. They make me so sad and I look forward to getting implants one day when I can afford it. Recently, I’ve become somewhat depressed and I feel like it’s getting worse. My boyfriend and I live separately because we can’t qualify to buy a home yet. In attempt to help our family and because I felt like I needed some independence, I got my very first job. I ended up never getting to see my boyfriend. My daughter wouldn’t adjust to daycare and it was so damn expensive that at the end of the day I hardly made $10. On top of all that, I cheated on my boyfriend with a guy I worked with. It was just a kiss, but I still felt terrible and my boyfriend got it out of me. I quit my job with my head hung low because not only did I not help my family financially AT ALL (I just about broke even after gas, daycare, and clothes/shoes I had to buy for work), I lost my boyfriend’s trust and violated our relationship. I feel like a failure. It makes me feel so horrible when I’m sitting at home with my daughter and I cry. She’ll bring me a tissue to wipe my eyes and give me a hug and kiss. I know that I need to be strong for her, but I feel helpless. Being self-reliant is completely out of reach for me at this point in my life. Now that I’m not working I need to get back into the swing of all the household cleaning and chores that need to get done, but I just haven’t been motivated. With all that being said, my body actually makes me happy most of the time, except for my breasts of course. I’d love to get into modeling, but I’m worried that my tattoos, scars, and lack of height will prevent me from getting anywhere. Every day is a struggle for me right now, but I know I need to keep my head up and tell myself that everything will turn out okay. Thanks for reading.

Photos:
1-3. Postpartum body
4. My little Daisy

Face of a Single Prayer (Allyshia)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Eating Disorder, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Teen Mom 7 Comments

age: 17.
Pregnancies: 2 // births: 1 and 1 on the way!
Age of children: 13 months and 9 weeks pregnant :)

I was 15, struggling through anorexia and I was 78 lbs. I was 4’10” and still am at the moment! I was about 87 lbs at the time I conceived my daughter and my weight went up and up and up! I had a sudden realization that I needed to eat. So from 200 to 1800 calories a day I went. I put on about 25 lbs in the first 20 weeks. Which, was actually 20 lbs of weight I needed for myself. So 5 lbs for baby! By 38 weeks, I was 138 lbs. I had gained about 30 for baby and 20 for me. I felt pretty good. Big but good! I didn’t get stretch marks untl 28-29 weeks though. So I had a long way and a lot of stretch marks to gain. I got them on my boobs, butt, back, belly, the back of my knees, my ankles, everywhere!

On February 24, 2011 at 12:30 am, my water broke. At 8:50 am, after only 3 hours and 20 minutes of hard labor, my beautiful 7 lb 11 oz baby girl was born naturally. No epidural. Nothing. Just breathing and relaxation. She is a beautiful little toddler, healthy and happy and just so happy! She has the normal health issues any baby would have; ear infections here and there, a yeast infection once, bladder infection once. I think it’s because I didn’t strengthen her immune system by breast feeding. I feel bad for not being able to but she has done so well anyway.

On February 15, 2012 her little sibling was conceived! (From the ultrasound we got) We are 9 weeks pregnant and ecstatic. It was unplanned but one night of passionate Valentines day love turned into another loved little one :) He/she looked like a little bean on the ultrasound.

My weight is about 118 lbs right now (still healthy range) and has only gone up a lb since this baby. Our weight gain goal is about 25-30 lbs. I plan on exercising and walking and eating healthier this pregnancy so it is easier to flatten my tummy. I don’t care about the extra skin. I just want to stop looking pregnant whenever I eat (except now. it’s okay now!). I might get a belly band as well. My stretch marks have faded all naturally. No procedures at all.

Thanks for reading :)

PICTURES!

1st) 5 weeks/pre pregnancy body:
2nd) 20 weeks with baby girl:
3rd) 34 weeks:
4th) 38 weeks belly! :
5th) 8 weeks with this bub! :
6th: 8 week 5 day ultrasound:
7th) postpartum belly (taken today):
8th) my girl on her 1st birthday:
9th) my Lilia today! :

SOAM in the Daily Mail

Bonnie (SOAM) My Own Ramblings, News 7 Comments

Looky! The Daily Mail did an article on SOAM! I love the UK. I think they’ve featured SOAM more than any other country, including my own.

I do want to mention, though, that in the article they say: “Bonnie Crowder says she wants to fight back against the pressure from celebrity mothers…” And I feel like that’s not really true, and certainly not something I’ve ever said. To have such an attitude keeps us, as women, still divided from each other. In reality I assume that celebrities struggle just as much as we do with body image – perhaps more so because they are constantly picked apart by everyone. SOAM is for all moms. Celebrities and not. We are all women and we need to stand together. It may be true that celebrity moms have more resources to make their bodies fit into something that is sometimes called “conventionally beautiful,” but I imagine that, emotionally, we all struggle with the same issues. I would have preferred it if those putting the article together had said, “Bonnie Crowder wants to fight back against the pressure from society.”

I sense that the UK has a sensitivity to the friction between celeb moms and those who aren’t famous. It seems to me (as an American) that they talk about the subject more than we do here. Which is good in a lot of ways. I think American media is one step behind in even noticing that there’s an issue. (That’s probably also why the UK has done more with SOAM than the US has.) Also, this article was put together pretty fast – I only was contacted about it this afternoon – so they may have made some assumptions that seemed reasonable to them. While I want them to take the next step and stop dividing us from other women (in this case celebs vs. not), I am glad they talk about the issue.

Thanks to those who made the article happen over at the Daily Mail. And thanks to those moms whose pictures appear in it and who responded so quickly to me this afternoon. You all totally made my day!

Great Pregnancy – Nice Body (Rada Bond)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 34 Comments

~Age: 29
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1 preganancy – 1 birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: my son is 1 year and 4 month old today

My name is Rada, I am from Moldova and I am 29 years old. My baby boy – Karim – is 1year and 4 months old today. I got on your site accidentally, but I did not leave it until I read more than half of the stories of mom’s. Reading the messages I experienced different feelings, like sharing happiness of the women being mothers, compassion about them being worried and disappointed by their bodies. And I compared the situation with that of fighting a disease champagne – why to spend a lot of money and effort on treatment and not on preventing it.

I planned my pregnancy, I tried to do it in the best way I could – and I think I succeeded. I had a magnificent pregnancy, enjoyed every single day of it, I delivered my angel boy in my home in water, and I got my body almost as it was before I got pregnant. And I don’t think there is something magical in my body, I am convinced that this is due to hard work during the pregnancy. By hard work I mean – correct alimentation (which is completely different from what doctors advice us), a lot of physical activity – my day to day work plus special exercises for pregnant women, (regarding the physical activity unfortunately the doctors are misguiding pregnant women), and of course special exercises after the delivery. Of course, a sharp eye can see the changes in my body, I am still breastfeeding, so my breast will be a little bit different from how they were before. But I DON’T really care. Breastfeeding is the best thing I experienced, after the delivery. Breastfeeding brings me the most expensive and dear moments spent with my son. When I breastfeed the time stops, there is just me and my baby in the whole Universe – this is what I call happiness.

Like we see, the doctors play a great role in the disappointment that a woman faces after having the baby.

Here are coming with their offers the cosmetic companies – but the truth is that their remedies are TOTALLY useless. If there is an effect it is illusionary, for a short period. So, women better use natural remedies.

But, in the end I would like to say that a woman makes a great think by delivering a baby. And without a wise body this would not be possible. So I think that we must cherish our bodies, however they look like. Not the body attracts men in a woman’s life, it is her soul that shines from her yeas. It is her smile that captures the moment. A man that found his woman, the ONE, will thank God for every stretch on her body, for this means that his woman is a true woman, a one that brought him a baby. This is blessing.

ALL MOTHERS ARE WOMEN FIRST OF ALL. GREAT WOMEN.

Scared to Look Down (Ana)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 23 Comments

age: 24
1 pregnancy
mother of 4 yr old princess
natural birth

you would think that 4 yrs would make it easier to accept the changes in your body.. but its definitely not, for me atleast. i was never the “skinny” girl, and that always bothered me.. and after giving birth the list got longer. i, like many other moms on this site, have the saggy belly problem.. or “the baby butt” like i refer to IT lol.. i love my daughter with all that i have, but it doesnt take away the fact that i am now 24 and i have a huge fear of wearing a bikini or two piece bathing suit to the beach. so many things i cant wear anymore (cropped shirts are tooo cute).. and its def something thats always in the back of my head. i too have spent hrs and hrs on google looking at how amazing these celeb moms look after 1 week of giving birth. its not fair. and it doesnt end with celeb moms.. alot of my friends and friends of friends who also have kids, got back their bodies intact. no stretch marks no sag. why? i know we must learn to accept and wear our tiger stripes proudly but its so hard… maybe im just pessimist and need to look at the glass half full instead of empty.. this site has def pushed me in the right direction.. ive read entrys where i could hold back the tears…I can so relate to it all.. thank you ladies for showing me who i WANT to be.. that fearless mom who can teach her daughter that we are beautiful! God bless :)

ps. i am a huge fan of urban outfitters and american apparel and i am so happy high waisted bathing suits are back. as well as high waisted jeans and slacks. makes it a bit easier :)