Author: Bonnie (SOAM)

Question (Jilliann)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Submissions, Twins 5 Comments

Hi my name is Jilliann and I’m a mother of 7.All my kids were born by c-section.They were all pretty small.My biggest was 7lbs 1oz.When i got pregnant the last time i found out i was having twins(boys)I got really big with themNow they are here and are 5 1/2 months old.And i still like look im about due to have another one.Everyone always asks and it makes me feel so bad..I just wanted to no how you did it.How you lost that look???

Thanks jilliann

Heres a pic.Its not the best one but u can see my belly.I took it today.

Love/Hate Relationship With My Body (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) 5+ Years Postpartum, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 14 Comments

I was 18 when I got pregnant so being that young and still kind of dealing with the insecurities I had then didn’t help what was going to come along with pregnancy. I hadn’t started really gaining weight till about 5/6 months then I shot up in weight. My pre-pregnancy weight started at 150/155 I ended with a weight of 220… I will say having the father of my daughter gone all the time partying and being stuck alone with his family did not help but no excuse. We had a young and dumb relationship I caught him watching porn all the time so that didn’t help I knew it wasn’t my fault that he was the one with the problem but I just couldn’t help but to think I’m disgusting/fat/saggy/with stretch marks everywhere.

It’s been 1 1/2 yrs. since we split up but I still hate me. My friends and family say I look great but they are just friends and family they wouldn’t tell me what I really looked like(in my head) I am down to 174 with only 20 pounds to go to loose. I have done all the diets no eating..eating right/exercising/taking phentermine/liquid diet..Nothing makes me feel better. I am currently engaged to the most amazing God loving man I had longed for the past 6 years. He is amazing to not only me but most importantly my daughter! He says all the time how much he loves my body..That it’s beautiful and sexy mainly because of what I see as flaws. He says my body is a woman’s body that brought a beautiful little girl into to the world and that everything about it is perfect. WHY CANT I BELIEVE HIM????????? I love myself to an extent..but I feel such shame a selfishness because I know my body did something amazing and while that something amazing is laying on the floor in front of me playing with her barbies, so perfect, beautiful, loving and everything else a mom feels for their child I can’t help but to look at my sagging/stretch marks with extreme disgust…I feel ashamed in myself for even being so negative..

So with all that being said this website is AMAZING!! Y’all are an inspiration and completely beautiful! I don’t look at any of these pictures or stories how I look at myself..I see all of yall as beauty queens with “an amazing woman’s body”(like my fiancé tells me) Thank you all for sharing!!

God Bless!!!!!

Pregnancies: 1
Age: 24
Daughters Age: 5(6 in December!!! =D )

My Body and I (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Teen Mom 7 Comments

Age 24
2 children ages 7 and 3
One natural (no drugs! Woot!)
One emergency c-section

I have always had body issues. Thanks to my mother’s ex boyfriend of 5 years I was led to believe I was grotesque. How naive I was. At 5’8 and 135 lbs I was perfect. I got pregnant with my son at 16. On my 16th birthday. Lol. Happy birthday to me! His daddy was (and is) my soul-mate. We were together a year and a half before I got pregnant and I got lucky enough to suck him in with a baby. ( kidding!!!) I gained around 70 lbs with him and delivered at 215. My son gave me these stretchmarks and loose skin. He also gave me more love than I knew what to do with! He is the light of my life. Full of joy and energy. He makes my heart smile. I had my daughter in Italy at the age of 20. Her daddy wanted to see the world, and took me on an adventure. I carried her well and, as a matter of fact, was asked if I was sure I was pregnant and not just gaining weight at 6 months! My daughter gave me a scar and an understanding of life. We died on the operating table, and we fought our way back together. She is my heart. Her sense of humor lights up my life everyday. I sometimes cry in vain over my body. I refuse to leave the lights on (unless there is wine involved! Lol) I will not wear a bikini, I compare myself to other moms. I stress about what my skin is going to look like when I’m done losing the extra pounds and I get angry at my belly and myself. I am down to 180 and scared of what my hanging flap will look like at 140(my goal) but ultimately I have made peace with my body. It gave me my children, and I thats worth every dimple and stretchmark.

3rd Pregnancy Ending in Miscarriage (Shannon)

Bonnie (SOAM) Child Loss, Children with Health Complications, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 16 Comments

My last post.
Age: 26
Number of pregnancies: 2 carried to term, 1 miscarriage at 7 weeks
PP: 6 years, 3.5 years, miscarriage yesterday at 7 weeks
Image: about 5 weeks pregnant with 3rd baby that I just lost

I have posted here many times before. This was my third pregnancy, and I was so very excited. I found out when I was only 4 weeks along! Although my other 2 pregnancies were very welcome, this one was hoped for. With my first son I was only 19, not married, and terrified to tell my parents (it did not take long to get happy though!). My first son was born with a very rare syndrome and he passed away when he was only 19 months old. It was/is the most difficult thing I have ever experienced. I think of him and miss him every single day (it has been 4.5 years since he passed). I got pregnant with my second son only 3 months after Connor had passed away, so it was very difficult (again, it did not take long to get happy, and I knew it was what Connor wanted for his Father and I). This pregnancy, my third, was planned. I was so excited when I found out (I even jumped up and down). I am married, I did not JUST lose my son (not that I don’t miss him…just that it isn’t as fresh as it was when I got pregnant with my second), and this was planned. I will be graduating in the beginning of May from nursing school, and my due date was supposed to be June 6th, so the timing was perfect. I had planned it all out…I would get quite a few months home with the baby while applying for nursing jobs…it was perfect timing. Yesterday I went to the bathroom and saw some blood clots. I told my husband we had to go to the hospital. We brought Liam (our second child) to the sitter, and off we went. They did blood work and an ultrasound which basically confirmed that I was in fact pregnant, but no longer am. I was crushed, crying uncontrollably. When we got home from the hospital I was in extreme pain, felt like actual contractions. This morning I woke up, went to the bathroom, and passed my placenta. This is just horrible. I already loved that baby. I know it is different than losing my Connor, but to me, I just lost another baby. Although was only 7 weeks pregnant, it was my baby and I loved him/her.

Hope is Not Lost (Laura)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 5 Comments

Age: 22
Number of pregnancies and births: 1
The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 5 months PP

I discovered this site while I was pregnant. I was desperate, searching for answers of what my body would look like after baby. Now, 5 months after delivering a beautiful baby girl, I can say think my obsession was a little silly.

I, like so many others posts that I have read, was an insecure teenager. I was always chunky, from the time I was 10 to the time I was 18. Then I lost a bunch of weight. I was still self-concious, but deep down I thought I looked great. Well, that level of confidence lasted for 3 years: until I got pregnant at 21 years of age.

I started my pregnancy at 155 pounds (I am 5’9″). The week before I delivered, I think I weighed around 225. I say I think I weighed 225 because I had stopped looking at the scale at the doctor’s office. Being weighed while pregnant was never a fun experience! lol. Now, around 5 months after delivery, I weigh 186 pounds. I’m still working towards my goal of 155 pounds, or to fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes, whichever comes first.

Losing weight has not been easy. Trying to exercise with a newborn in the house? Enough said. But I’ve been doing it. I’ve been watching my calories using an application on my phone and I’ve been working out whenever I have time left over after being a mom, working part-time, and being a full-time college student. I’ve lost 20 pounds since I came home from the hospital and my self-confidence is slowly returning. I feel great! I still do feel insecure at times though since my body is a lot different from most 22 year olds. Whenever that happens I quickly remind myself that I have been fortunate enough to have given life, and that it in itself was no easy task.

The main thing I would like to say to women who have experienced pregnancy is to love your body! And if you find that you just can’t manage to love it, do not settle! Do something about it! Whether it be exercising, or telling yourself every day how beautiful you are, if you are unhappy, then change something.

The following pictures are of me:

Pre-pregnancy
8/9 months pregnant at my baby shower
1 month PP
5 months PP (one front and one side belly. Forgive the broken mirror, I’m a bit clumsy sometimes.. :) )
And finally, my beautiful baby girl

My Dear Belly (M.B.)

Bonnie (SOAM) 5+ Years Postpartum, Belly, First Pregnancy, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions 9 Comments

My name is M.B., I am 30 years old and live in germany. I’ve got one daughter. She is nine years old now and in all those years I never found a way to accept the shape of my belly. I am doing a lot of sports, which makes me skinner and more strength through the years, but nothing ever changed this skin looking they way it does. Whenever I stretch myself in a yoga-class, so that my belly gets to be seen, I feel ashamed and lose my grip. I totally loose my breathing and get out of training. Or in summertimes, when my daughter, my boyfriend and me go swimming I always think, that everybody is just starring at my shink. I often felt uncomfortable for my body and always felt like having the responsibility to work on that. So thank you for this wonderful idea, which I totally support. Let’s not feel bad about our humanity. Respect my belly! It carried a human.

Peace,
M.B.

This is a Woman – Recent Happenings

Bonnie (SOAM) News, TIAW 0 Comment

Did you know that SOAM has a sister site for women of all ages? It’s called This is a Woman. There aren’t many entries up there yet because I haven’t had the time or energy to promote it the way I should, but there’s a lot going on over there even so.

Last week I wrote about my struggles with anxiety, and how I’ve learned to see myself as beautiful not only in spite of it, but because of it.

Every week I do a roundup of all the articles, videos, and more that I’m sent each week that pertain to women’s issues. To the love of the whole self, to body image, to political issues relating to women specifically. This week’s Awesome was particularly great, and next week’s will be as well.

If you haven’t followed TIAW on Facebook yet, go do so. I post even more goodies over there. And if you haven’t joined SOAM at Facebook yet, do so as well. We are nearly at 15,000 fans of the page! I also have a Twitter account, but let’s be honest, I hardly ever remember to post there. Heh.

Pregnancy; The Third Time Around (Melissa)

Bonnie (SOAM) Cesarean, Child Loss, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 1 Comment

~Age: 24
~Number of pregnancies and births: 3 pregnancies 1 birth, 1 miscarriage, now pregnant.
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 24 months, and EDD 01/12/2013

Hi ladies! So it has been quite some time since I have posted. I remember first coming to this site nearly three years ago and being awe struck by the amount of honest, raw, emotion and pictures that I saw, and how they empowered me to accept my body, love my daughter, and work through fog of post pardom depression. With my first pregnancy I was in a terrible place in life, a bad relationship, financial debt, middle of finishing school, and extremely naive. (I was 22 when I fell pregnant). Luckily through the support of friends and family I pulled through it all, I ended up ending it with my daughters father when she was 3 months old and worked on gaining that acceptance of myself for who I was and what I had accomplished despite the physical appearance of my pregnancy ravaged body. (This is what I thought at the time). At about 10 months PP I met my current fiance, and he loved and accepted me and my daughter for who we were. I had a hard time believing this, considering he had known me in high school (I thought I was fat then too) at a awesome weight of 150- 155 and curvy as all get out. Here I was sitting at 210, flabby tummy with a crawling 10 month old who was going through teething hell.. How, I thought, could he honestly love us both? Well that got to changing. We moved in together, raised my beautiful daughter, who now has a Papa and a Daddy since I am happy to announce her father finally came around and has been an active part of her life since she was about 12 months old. We got pregnant the 1st time unexpectedly in December. We were overjoyed at the thought and told everyone quickly. Turns out it wasn’t meant to be and I got incredibly sick, ended up in the ER twice in one week and miscarried days before my 24 birthday. We were heartbroken. It took me a month or two of praying, meditating and evaluating my life to come to terms with what had happened. In the end I had found some peace, knowing that that baby was never meant to be born, just give me a wake up call to what really was important, and to fully pull me out of that depressive funk. Fast forward three months, I am a month from graduating with by Bachelors Degree, my daughters father was taking responsibility and growing up, my boyfriend had proposed and we were now engaged, and I had a gorgeous talking toddler. I took a test on a whim considering I had symptoms weeks prior. My fiance and I had discussed trying the following year, giving us time to move out, get stable jobs and settle in to the life we had created. Well turns out we were pregnant again! Found out May 4th, and we were super excited again. I had extremely mixed emotions. I really wanted a second baby, but considering the last one, I was nervous as all get out. Weeks crept by, and my belly got bigger, and the anticipation and nervousness grew. The day of my 12 week ultrasound I couldn’t sleep, eat, or really even function. I was paralyzed by fear. It wasn’t until we heard the heartbeat, and saw our little ones tiny frame wiggling around that we finally relaxed, and had realized we had indeed been blessed by keeping this little miracle.

Well update from that, I did graduate with my Bachelors Degree, and enrolled in a Masters program focusing in Early Childhood Education. My fiance found full time employment, then we moved out to our own place Mid July. I also started working full time just last month (same place as the fiance. lol), working at a call center so that I would be able to bring in income, still go to school, and not wreak havoc on my pregnant form with the ups and downs and lifting requirements from my previous job. (Daycare. hehe love em!) Things seriously could not be better. I love being pregnant this time around, and think it’s actually going by way to fast this time around. With my first daughter there was all this negativity, stress and worry it really took a toll. With this pregnancy I am embracing my pregnant form, love the kisses from my toddler to my belly, and love the moving and kicking that our second little girl is giving us. Granted it can be painful too, she likes to sit in my hip and put pressure on my back, but hey it’s totally worth it. I have a great doctor who is completely supportive of a VBAC as long as certain requirements are met, and is not forcing me into another repeat C if not absolutely necessary. I’ve gained about 8 lbs, and am loving it!

The most I can give is my story and advice. For someone who has been to both sides, experienced a miscarriage and loss, the joys of one pregnancy, and the woes of another, I can honestly say its all about perspective. LOVE THE BODY YOU’RE IN! I cannot stress that enough. I am by no means “fit” as I never quite lost the weight from my first pregnancy, but I figure there is plenty of time for that after my second princess it born, and if I don’t get down to that, oh well! Enjoy life, and enjoy your babies, they grow up way to fast. I know it sounds incredibly cliche, and I was one of those skeptics too, but now I am a believer. Thank you Bonnie, and all of you other brave women out there who expose your tummies, the troubles and the successes, it really helps people like me relate and get through and see their own silver lining.

1.The Rainbow baby Amaia. :) Or maybe Damian if they’re wrong. Don’t really care though. :)
2. Me at 26 weeks! (Far right)
3. This is my first miracle baby who came out of extreme circumstances. Love you Ms. Scarlett! And she’s almost 2!

Motherhood (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 6 Comments

Ive been following SOAM for a few years and always just reading but I decided I might as well participate. Lets see…I developed quite early and was always very down about myself for having bigger breasts and wider hips. I thought it was weird, and almost felt like thats how people knew me as. When I got to high school, I was even more self consious about it. I always felt heavy, and out of place. Now that I look back on it, I think it’s rediculous because if I could have that body now, id be in love with it. It’s hard for a woman to look at the media and see all these beautiful women with perfect bodies and not feel down about ourselves. Or those celebrities who have had kids and managed to bounce right back. Im on the journey of learning to love my body, knowing it brought two beautiful children into the world. Loving my tummy because it provided a nice home for my babies, and my breasts because it provided nourishment. It’s easy to say that, but harder to actually feel it. But then I think women have done this for thousands and thousands of years, and that makes me feel empowered. Soft tummies and stretch marks are realistic. And beautiful. Im still learning that. I dont exactly feel comfortable looking in a mirror at myself naked, let alone having my husband see me naked with the lights on. I feel like I’ve heard time and time again “you look amazing for having two children!” but then I think “well, you havent seen me without my clothes on.” But regardless, it’s just time to love my body now. I should be thanking it.

Age: 22
Number of Pregnancies and births: 2 and 2

Wanting to Love Something That Is Beautiful (Taylor)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 8 Comments

I have never been skinny, my whole life i have watched my mom who has 3 children share clothes with my younger sister when i could never do that. To this day they still do that but now it hurts me more… i am 18 i am 2 months postpartum 25 pounds too heavy and riddled with stretch marks. My mom has no stretch marks and shares clothes with my size 00 14 year old sister who walks around the house complaining about how fat she is. All i can do is look down at my tummy jello and compare myself to her. I have a beautiful daughter and everything my body went through to get to her is well past worth it but i can’t help looking at myself in the mirror and wanting to cry. I was hoping with the way my mom looks i would look ok after having my baby but i wasn’t that lucky. I don’t understand how I’m supposed to accept my body with the way my family looks. I was 17 when i got pregnant, i had just started wrestling and i was almost happy with my body. I had good muscle tone and i liked the size of clothes i wore (3 in jeans… now a size 7). I never thought that the postpartum period would actually be the hardest part of having a baby (body wise). I could accept my weight gain during pregnancy because everyone claimed it was going to get soo much better, that if i breastfed the weight would melt off and of course i would have my beautiful baby at the end. Well i have my adorable baby but where is the body everyone promised me? I feel terrible about not being able to accept it because i did earn it. My boyfriend told me he has never been more attracted to me because of earning all those marks on my body by making our daughter. I just can’t bring myself to feel the same way that he does. I want to love my body but i can’t see how i ever will.

Pictures:
1) pre-pregnancy
2) 32 weeks pregnant (before i really got my stretch marks )
3) my beautiful baby
4) 9 weeks postpartum front
5) 9 weeks postpartum side