Author: Bonnie (SOAM)

My Story (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) First Pregnancy, Mom over 30, No Photos (Story Only), Submissions 5 Comments

I am 34 years old and gave birth to my first child in June of this year. Before falling pregnant I had always suffered from poor body image at times although I had got really fit and was running and weight lifting. I guess I was as happy with my body at that stage, more than I had ever been before. Having lost an incredible amount of weight in my twenties (I went down from 301 pounds to 140 pounds) I had battled my demons but paid the price with saggy tummy skin and looser skin elsewhere. I learned to live with the excess skin, something that I would have to pay privately for to be removed and something I could not afford to do. To exacerbate the issue I suffer from a condition called hyper mobility which can have an effect on the elastin in the skin, making it more prone to scarring and stretching.

Anyhow I fell pregnant and realised that my tummy skin was going to take a serious hit, after all that weight I had lost. The pregnancy went well and I gave birth. I am now 12 weeks post partum and am glad to see the stretch marks are no different to the ones I had post weight loss, I might have the odd extra few here and there but I am currently 200 pounds so significantly more than the 150 I started at pre pregnancy. So I have a battle with not only losing weight but facing that stomach again. I do hate it, it makes me feel deformed and unattractive. I think it has affected me getting into a stable relationship and will continue to so, I don’t feel normal with it and do everything in my power to hide it in intimate situations. I am no longer with the person who fathered my child and I dread the day I may meet someone else as I have to face all my insecurities once again. I am trying to lose weight at the moment and am terrified of how much worse the sagginess will be, it is honestly destroying my confidence. I always looked great with clothes on and my figure was pretty good but I hated how I looked naked :( Who knows how bad it is going to be if I can get down to my pre pregnancy weight. Maybe I should try to approach my doctor again and explain the psychological effect it is having. I could not bring myself to take pictures to accompany this diatribe, I apologise but it ain’t pretty.

I do not share these feelings with anyone, I am embarrassed and ashamed to admit I have a deformation. Isn’t that sad?

Ugh I need to get over it and love me for me but I doubt I will to be honest!

25 And I Hate My Body (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 20 Comments

I have been feeling so depressed. I’m 25 and I hate my body. I’ve had one child. She just turned 4. I just thought after 4 years I would look better and I don’t. I have exercised and watched what I eat and I’m down to 139 lbs but I don’t look it. All of the weight was lost everywhere BUT my midsection. It makes me feel deformed or something! And the awful stretch marks just make it even worse. My husband tells me that I shouldn’t wear a bikini because other people may make fun of me (but he says he doesn’t mind me in a bikini). That makes me feel even worse and obviously he does mind or he wouldn’t say that. Am I the only woman with such an out of proportion body?

After Two Babies Under 22 (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 19 Comments

Two births have taken a toll on my body. My breasts have sagged and the skin on my abdomen has stretched. I plan to have these things fixed as soon as I have my last child (3 to 5 years from now) but for now, I feel hideous. I can’t have comfortable sex with my husband, I am extremely insecure and jealous (I never used to be) and although once a glowing beacon of happiness, I have become a bitter person. My friends and family don’t recognize who I have become and I’ve pushed people away and still do on a daily basis. I hate how much this body has affected me. Although the blessings it has given me are priceless and will be cherished always, I can’t help but feel the pain of not being able to look at my body in the mirror. I wish it could all go back to normal but basking in the joys of being a mother comes with a price.

~Age:22
~Number of pregnancies and births:2
~The age of my children: 4 and 1 1/2

Another Update (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 0 Comment

Age:24
# of pregnancies: 5/ 4births
Age of children: 7yrs, 5yr, 3yrs, 6 1/2mos
How far post-partum: 6 1/2mos

Previous post here.

I am now 6 1/2 months post-partum from my daughter and I have been feeling pretty great :). I left my kids father back in June and it was honestly one of the best decisions I could have ever made due to his drug use. When I left him I was down in the beginning and notice an increased weight loss and assumed I’d gain it all back but now I have had a steady weight loss and don’t feel down at all. I have recently started to watch what I eat, try to excercise a bit more, and have definitely been a busy single mother. I feel that as I look right now I look good for having 4 children, but for my own peace of mind I definitely plan on continuing to work on my body I would like to lose about 30-40lbs more but I know even if I stayed at my current weight it wouldn’t be bad. I believe my confidence has increase now due to all the compliments and reponses I get, from both men and women, on my body when I tell someone I have 4 children. For all other moms out there, don’t give up your confidence is just deeply hidden and will definitely re appear when you least expect it to, I know mine sure did :)

First 4 pictures are of me 9/19/13; 6 1/2 months post-partum :)
5th pict: me at 3 months post-partum
6th: 6 mos post-partum

Update (Adria)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 4 Comments

Number of pregnancies:1
Number of births:1
21 years old

Previous post here.

I’ve posted here before. I was disgusted with my breasts and body. I did not think I could be fixed. My family and friends I told me to wait at least one year post partum before I started to judge myself too harshly. I never understood why. But now I do. I am one year post part um now and for the most part my body is back to normal. I gave my body time to heal and it did. I may not be perfect but I feel pretty dang good. One of the biggest things that helped me was cutting down on fast food to once every week or two. And fitnessblender, look them up on face book. They offer free minimal to maximum workouts. Its so simple and easy too. I hope I can help someone today to change how they see themselves, as amazing beautiful mommies you all are. You don’t have to workout to be beautiful, but I know from experience that it makes your mind healthier you feel amazing and energized. I’m a much happier person now. Thank you for reading my update. I also attached a picture of my inspiration my son.

Working out and trying to love myself again. (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Eating Disorder, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom, Update 4 Comments

age: 19
children: 2 1/2 year old.

Previous post here.

I’ve been trying to take each day one day at a time.. I am now parentless. my dad passed away when I was 11, my mom last april. both to lung& brain cancer. Ive had lots of drama and had to put my sons father in jail for abuse. I recently moved to where my dad grew up to live with my step aunt& uncle. things didn’t work out there, now I am at a two bed apartment with my son. I am attending college for a free prep program so I can go into nursing or dental. 4 days a week and my son is in a home daycare, he likes it, im glad. I excersise every morning a cardio & night a weight lifting.. ive became an over excersiser since my mom passed away.. its like something to do.. then got into restrict & binging, it wasn’t good at all got to 92lbs and that left with bad inner thigh marks as shown in the picture.. I am now 114 lbs.. gained all that within 3 months from my grandpas sweets… I am now a beach body coach and I want to help other mothers learn to love their body as my journey moves along also.

I am currently getting a treatment called Derma pen to see if itll help my inner thigh stretchmarks… just had my second treatment. I will take pictures after my last one is complete in 5 months.

I love reading all of your stories and I hope I can help some <3 [gallery][gallery ids="11976,11977,11978"]

The Gift I Took for Granted (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Child Loss, Mothers with Health Complications, No Photos (Story Only), Postpartum, Sexual Abuse/Violence, Submissions 6 Comments

When I was 12 I feel in love with a man, M. He was 18 and did not even know I was alive. But as I grew he finally took notice. When I was 15 he ask me on a date I was over the moon. While on this date his ex shows up and they ended up leaving together. That night changed my life forever. I met my husband who is 3 years older than me. J waited till I was 17 to ask me out and the night after I finished high school we made love for my first time. As a joke I told him he had to marry me and with a straight face said he had every plan to. We moved in together and for 6 weeks it was amazing. Then on 4/14/2000 my entire world crashed. A friend of his from high school knocked on our door and asked me out for lunch. I called J and ask if it was fine. Now I realize the tone of his voice it was not. But I was so tired of being home alone. After lunch S brought me back home and would not leave. I walked in the kitchen to get the phone which he breaks. I keep telling him please do not hurt J. He laughs and next thing I know I am naked laying on our sofa. As he rapes me I watch TV with Rosie O’Donnell with Tom Cruise. When he is done he laughs again and says “If you get pregnant it is not mine.” spits on me and leaves. S calls J at work and tells him that I just cheated on him. J throws me out of our apartment because I can not tell him what happened. I spend the night on the streets barefooted and in just shorts and a tiny shirt. J calls my parents the next day and they come get me. After few months my mom makes me go to the DR. and there on the ultrasound screen is a baby. A big baby. My mom takes me to J at his job and I hand him a photo of the baby. ” Happy Father’s Day.” Turning and walk away. C our son will never know. J is his father no matter what. Today J and C are at the hunting lease and me and our daughter O who is 22 months younger than C watch TV. My family has been though a lot. The loss of another baby between C&O. The loss of O’s twin. Ovarian Cancer. C falling out of a tree and almost dying. J and I almost divorcing because the hate and pain. But I am so lucky to be a Mother to 2 amazing children.

Getting Happier With Time (Apryl)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 1 Comment

Age : 33
5 pregnancies, 3 births, children’s ages : 14, 10, 3

This is my 3rd submission to SOAM. First post here. Second here.

I’ve been working more on not only improving my body and physical health, but trying to improve my mental well being as well. For the most part, it has gone well. My ex-husband and I finally had our divorce finalized last December, which helped immensely. I have been dating a great guy for over a year. I’m not sure he’s “the one” yet, but I do think he’s a wonderful man.

I lost quite a bit more weight, getting down to a size 12 (versus the size 30 I was when I got pregnant with my youngest). Unfortunately, I hit a bit of depression again and gained some of the weight back. I had lost a total of 120 pounds. I’ve gained back about 15. But I am working on that again also.

The weirdest thing about a lot of weight loss is the incredible amount of excess skin you have after. Yes, it tightens up in time, but that takes a while. I am wearing about a size 16 jeans right now, but would probably be in no bigger than a 12 if the skin was gone. But it seems like my breasts have actually firmed up a bit.

This first picture is the best side view I could get with my phone, the second is my breasts, 3rd is me holding up some of the excess skin on my stomach, and the 4th is a side view of my abdomen. I wish the light and quality of the picture was better, but my camera on my phone is not the greatest quality.

Fair to Middling (Shanelle)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 6 Comments

Age:31
Pregnancies:3
Children: 3 (8 y.o,5 y.o & 6 m.o)

Almost 7 months Post-Partum.

Hi all,

I am a Single Mum of 3 from Australia.
I’ve been raising my children on and off (mostly on) by myself as the father of my children suffers from mental illness.
We seperated for good while I was 4 months pregnant with my third and he now lives hours away in another state.
He hasn’t ever seen his daughter and hasn’t seen his older two in almost 8 months.

I am still brestfeeding and brestfed my older two.My eldest boy was brestfed til he was almost 4 and my middle boy til he was almost 2.
I plan to breastfeed at least two years with my youngest.

I had an eating disorder from 11yo pretty much up until I fell pregnant with my first (at 22) and didn’t change weight (50 kgs at 5″8) up until I was pregnant with my first.
I only put 8 kilos on while pregnant with him and was vigilant with getting the weight off as soon as I had him.
I don’t know if it was age,having something else that genuinely mattered (my son),my abusive relationship with his Dad or a combination of both but by the time my boy was two,I no longer cared so much bout being able to feel my bones.

Now,almost 9 years and a hell of life experience later,I do wish I fit better into clothes (I hate how waistbands give me the spare-look) and I’m not dancing in giddy circles of glee at the cellulite and double chin that are creeping on me,But all in all-I am pretty ok with how I look.
Considering all my babies were big -8.3p,9.1p & 9.2p,- and I have breastfed for quite awhile,I think i’m holding up alright ;)

For me personally,my kids have shown me what is really important in life and that is good health and happiness.I’m lucky to have both.