Photo of the Week 10/10/06


Overdue (41st week)
Originally uploaded by Kimbaleo.

I will be quite busy for awhile and there likely won’t be any new entries until late next week. I’ll try to update if I get the chance, but I wanted to drop the note to say I’ll be back and see you soon! Keep sending in your submissions – I have a few in my inbox but don’t have time to add one tonight so I’m sharing this photo instead (it’s been WEEKS since I’ve done a POTW anyway!). I love this mama’s pose. The crib in the background just waiting for a sweet babe to hold. The tiny patch of “tigger stripes” on the side of mama’s belly. The camera in the shot makes it seem intimate, as though we are let in on this secret moment between the mother and her own mirror. Thanks for sharing! Everyone else – see you soon! Peace.

Melissa

Your blog has shown me a new reality- that women who don’t fit the ideal of the perfect, round, flawless-skinned pregnant belly are just as much mamas as others. Seeing the posts of other bigger mommas on this site has really made me feel so much better about my own body, especially my pregnant body- and knowing that other women of size are showing off their beautiful bodies here inspired me to do so as well, in hopes that maybe my story will help someone else realize that we’re ALL perfect and beautiful, no matter how deep our stretch marks or how wide our birth scars.

At 18 years old, I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl, Juliet, by C-section at 36 weeks.I went through that pregnancy as an obese woman. I didn’t look obviously pregnant but for the few weeks before she was born. I had never been a thin girl, or even close to average- I gave birth at well over 200 pounds (but had only gained a pound my whole pregnancy.) I lost 50 pounds within days of having her, and was left with a saggy, pale, muscle-less mess of a stomach. I felt disgusting- even allowing my then-boyfriend (now husband) to check my incision for me every day was awful. I felt ugly and destroyed.

As time went on and every attempt I made to make the saggy stretch-marked mess disappear failed miserably, I came to a realization. I was BEAUTIFUL, I was a GODDESS. My stretch marks are not scars, they are symbols of the beautiful relationship I had with my little girl while she lived inside of me. My Cesarean incision was not a badge of shame, it was a badge of honor- the honor of bringing life into this world, no matter how it came to be. Slowly, as a mother, I shed the body image issues that had plagued me for years.

After marrying my husband and another pregnancy that ended in miscarriage, I found out I was pregnant on my 20th birthday. Two weeks later, I found out I was carrying twins. And then I found this website. Instead of being ashamed of the stretch marks like last time, this time I’m proud and happy. They are proof of the life I hold inside of me, the life that all mothers have been privledged enough to hold- an experience all the more important to me after experiencing a pregnancy loss.

When I see woman distressed over their stretch marks, or dieting obsessively to lose the “baby weight,” I just feel sorry for them. Learning to love the body that has born one beautiful child and is currently cooking two more has been the most amazing, enlightening experience I could imagine, aside from being a mother itself. I’m finally comfortable as a person in my own skin, because I’m a Mom. I found my first new stretch marks today, and honestly, I was elated to see them!

To the other plus size mamas out there- keep posting. As this website so wonderfully proves, you are amazing, beautiful goddesses, and sharing your story will keep that word circulating!

My photos:
19 weeks with twins- clearly visible stretch marks, which are “old” ones from my first pregnancy.

Hairy belly- another interesting aspect of pregnancy

13 weeks, saggy mama breasts and all.

Thank you for the opportunity to share!

Anon

Hi,
I know my story is totally different than all your guys. I was 19 and working full time doing anything and everything that a person who was pregnant should not be doing. The only difference is that I DID NOT KNOW that I was pregnant. Hard to believe but… honestly totally true. I didnt know I was pregnant until August 3 2004 I woke up on the Friday and had my period (I had my period my whole pregnancy ontime and regular) and I was crampy of course. took some tylenol cramps went away then by Monday the cramps were getting really bad again so took some more tylenol went to bed woke up at 3 that morning had a bath because the cramps were HORRIBLE didnt work tried to go back to bed wasnt happening I was scheduled to work lucky for me parent owned business told my dad ya I might be a little late wasnt feeling good anyways cramps were getting worse had know idea what was going on told my mom we need to go to the hospital right Now!!! Went to the hospital got there around 8 sat in Emerg for 2 hours the doctor comes is and says your pregnant and you might be in labour but you knew you were pregnant (DR. was an ASS!!) any was had an ultrasound yup pregnant and in labour OMG!!! I was crying and FREAKING out my mom and my one sister were with my they call my other sister she comes over my grandma and my aunt who was visiting comes to the hospital to see how I was feeling so they are all in the delivery room and 2 hours later I have a son 7lbs 10oz. this story is hard to believe I know but true. Anyways Reid is now 2 and healthy as a horse has been sick once his whole life and is very intelligent so I couldnt have asked for anything better, I am the luckiest person to have him, I thank god every day that he is happy and healthy. I am so thankful that his father who has been my boyfriend for 6yrs now is awesome and everyone is so supportive. Just wanted to post my story and I love reading all the other stories around although I “missed” being pregnant I wouldnt change the outcome for the world.

Thank you to everyone who writes in this site its wonderful..
hugs

Sisterhood

I missed this one the first time it was sent to me and I’m SO glad Jen decided to check up on it. This is amazing and moves me beyond words. Thank you, ladies, this has become my all-time favorite entry!

A Different Aspect of Motherhood: Sisterhood

Louisa:

During an evening of Mamas only hi-jinks and a few strategically placed libations My mama friends and I were inspired to create this class picture. We are all of us mothers, some of us three times over. We have all of us birthed everyway under the sun, some of us nursed our babies for years, others for weeks, some not at all. We are students and professionals, Christian and Buddhist and Pagan. We are lovers and wives and partners and proud single women. The playgroup we created so our babies could play together grew to become a place for us to gather in sisterhood. And several years later this is the amazing result. We had so much fun taking these photos. It was healing and liberating and bonding and wonderful. Im proud and honored by the women standing with me in this photo.

Emily:

When asked to pose for this pic my first thoughts were “Have we all gone completely mad?” Once I got over my “taught by society” body insecurities I was excited. When have that many women with post pregnancy bodies all been so bonded in sisterhood that we all can walk around with our stretch marks and cellulite hanging out? Hey, I don’t even get that naked in the locker room at the gym. I am honored to be included in this picture with the strongest, kindest, most supportive women in the world. We are all working to make a difference in this world even though it may not be on an Angelina Jolie scale, there is something to be said for just trying to raise good people. That task is more difficult and daunting than I ever imagined it to be. As I struggle to make my children feel secure through a sad divorce I remind them that there are many, many people who love and support us. We are truly blessed to be a part of this mama empowered group without whom I might not have the strength to get out of bed and face another day. Much love to all my beautiful sisters.

Mel:

I posed because I wanted to send a pic to Shape of a Mother anyway and it was definitely more freeing to do it with a group of other women. It was helpful for me to see that we all had post baby bodies. I am almost 30 and I feel like at some point I have to embrace my body stretch marks, fat and all. Life is too short to spend time wishing you looked like all the fake bodies in Hollywood . That picture is what real women look like and I am proud to be a part of it. It was nice to be half naked and vulnerable in front of women whom I have grown to love and feel accepted and loved back.

Libby:

for me, posing ‘nude’ wasn’t exactly a huge issue, but the fact that I was surrounded with a group of beautiful mothers added not only a bit of self-confidence but also reminded me of the empowerment of not only childbirth but being a mother as well. Having a group of friends who are all different in their own ways but sharing something so special is priceless.

April:

This is the power and beauty that comes from the knowledge that you are part of a wonderful culture, a culture of mommies. I would never have submitted a picture on my own, most likely because I wouldn’t have felt that I struck important enough of a pose, that I had nothing so significant to offer. But these ladies lift me up, validate fears, offer shoulders to cry on, impart words of wisdom that make all the difference in a time of need, pass no judgement on my beliefs and provide opportunity to celebrate our stretch marks, swinging breasts, and soft tummies. They laughed at my concern when tons of my hair fell out post-partum, they drove me home and held my hair back the first time I had alcohol since before I was pregnant, they talked me through my labor and delivery making my second birth successful and empowering, in spite of a full medical staff. They are standing by me, behind and in front of me, surrounding me with support as I am separating from my husband and learning to be a single mommy and somehow always come to the rescue for a babysitting emergency. They taught me to not be afraid of pain, whether physical from a non-medicated birth, or emotional from a rocky marriage. These women are my sisters, neighbors, teachers, confidants but most importantly, my friends my family. With these women I feel strong enough to proudly display my body made beautiful by creating 2 babies, one by epidural, one unmedicated but induced, both breast fed, both amazing.

Jen:

Since posting pictures and my story on Shape of A Mother had been on my todo list for the last three months, when the opportunity presented itself after several drinks with many of my amazing mommy friends, I didnt have to think twice. As a matter of fact I think my expression went something like, that is the best idea I have ever heard! I was ready to take my clothes off at that very moment.

I could go on about this forever, but Ill try to make it quick and not too sappy. Motherhood has provided me with a gift I could have never imagined. Motherhood has offered me a chance to really know, respect, and love other women. I met all of these women in one way or another through the experience of motherhood. We are different. We come from different backgrounds, even different countries. Some of us have home births, some of us have c-sections. Some of us breastfeed for 2 years, some of us cherished the bottle from Day 1. We have different incomes and different lifestyles. Some of us have good marriages, some of us are single moms. We have different religions, and different political ideas. Some of us are tall, some of us are short, some of us have small breasts, some of us have huge breasts. But regardless, we are all proud, strong, self-willed, intelligent women. We support each other in this distinctive experience. Beyond, the indescribable effect of a child in your life, this picture offers a representative of another element of motherhood. I love my friends, they are true friends. They are invaluable.


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Jo

Firstly I want to say thank you for this web site. I feel less alone and perhaps I am finding a newfound appreciation for my body.

This is a long story. In 2002 I got married. I had a fairy-tale wedding. It was everything I dreamed of and more.

One month after my wedding I attended a routine Pap test appointment. My doctor suspected Fibroids and so sent me for an Ultrasound. I was diagnosed with bilateral Dermoid Ovarian Cysts. The cysts were 5 on my right ovary and 4 on my left and growing. I was told to have surgery as soon as possible as they could burst and the contents of the cysts were quite caustic.

I researched and found a Surgeon who would remove via keyhole surgery through my belly button. Surgery was undertaken on 03/03/03. I was nervous but thankful they had been diagnosed whilst I might still have some ovarian tissue left to salvage.

I was admitted at 6am, the surgery was meant to take 1 hour. I woke up three hours later in the most incredible pain. The surgeon had grazed my artery during the procedure and I had been sliced open and my keyhole surgery resulted in a 10 scar, which ran through what was my bellybutton. This needed to be done to save my life. He had seconds to open me up and so the cosmetic appearance of the cut he would make was irrelevant. On waking I was informed of what had happened and the doctor informed me how I had ruined his statistics of no complications. Not the best bedside manner!

When my husband visited me (my only family where I live now all my family are overseas), I lifted my gown to show him the mess and he passed out. He is very squeamish. He was admitted to Accident & Emergency with memory loss. I received a phone call from his Neurological Doctor stating he didnt remember getting married. So I was left alone worrying whether my husband would regain his memory and looking at my newly butchered body. Some 8 hours later he returned to visit me with his memory mostly restored. It was a very lonely wait.

The scar was a constant reminder of how close I was to loosing my life. Instead of being thankful for being saved I couldnt recover easily from the experience. I lamented how I would never wear a bikini again and of course I no longer felt attractive to my husband. This impacted on our marriage greatly for a long time. I decided to have plastic surgery to straighten the scar. This resulted in a slightly neater but 2 longer scar in length. It didnt change my feelings about how I looked I still felt very unattractive.

In 2005 we decided to try for a baby. I researched and came up with a quick plan to conceive. Thinking it might take many months due to my age (35) and scarred ovaries I was quite aggressive with my plan. I fell pregnant the first cycle and the first time we tried. Ten days later I knew I was pregnant. I was very thankful and of course incredibly surprised.

I had an uneventful pregnancy. I worked in Panama and was informed by the OB we were expecting a boy and all was well. I returned home to Australia and at my 20-week scan my boy was actually a girl. We were amazed and it did take a little getting used to.

I had nausea initially but found if I ate constantly I would never throw up. Eat I did and piled on 55 pounds. My husband was overseas for the last 2 months of my pregnancy. I was lonely and I ate for comfort. Now I was overweight and scarred.

Ten days overdue I went into labour. 48 hours of trying resulted in a failure to progress and I was told I had to have a c-section. More battle scars. Our baby was born 8 pounds 8 oz and all was well. She latched straight on to my breast.

Six days later I still had no colostrom and no sign of breast milk. I went home and pumped my breasts due to cracked and bleeding nipples in an attempt to bring my milk in. Six times a day for weeks and the most I would get would be 4 teaspoons for a whole day tied intermittently to the pump. I never did find out why I never engorged but I felt a failure. It hurt so much not to birth my baby and to never feed her. People asked for days whether my milk had come in and were always quick to offer advice. When my daughter was 6 weeks old I decided to give up the pumping it made me unhappy and I couldnt enjoy the time with my baby. It was the best decision for us both. She has thrived on formula and my husband has bonded during his time
feeding her.

Here are some photos 6 weeks post-partum. I am still carrying a good 20 pounds extra or more and of course a pooch, which you cant see as it is way down, and hangs over my new c-section scar. My weight gain is mainly on my hips, butt and thighs.

I am determined to regain my former figure but in the meantime I should love my body for all its failings. We have a beautiful daughter who is healthy and happy.

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Updated here.

Anonymous

Hi,

I’d like to be listed as anonymous, and not have my pictures used anywhere but for the purpose of this site, please. ;) You can share my story and the pictures on your website, though. Just please don’t list my name or use the pictures anywhere else. Thanks so much.

Story:

My kids are ten and six. Before I had my son, I weighed 115 pounds (eek – but I was nineteen). When I went in to deliver him, I weighed 198 pounds. That’s my heaviest weight. I didn’t think the stretch marks would ever go away.

When I had my daughter, I weighed about 145. When I went in with her, I was somewhere in the 180’s (I didn’t pay as much attention the second time around – it didn’t seem as important ;)

My weight now is 153, and I’m working on losing another ten pounds or so, which is a healthy weight for me. My stretch marks are mostly on my upper thighs, and they’re almost invisible. I have a few on my breasts, but nothing too much.

I’m usually okay in my clothes. I feel confident, etc. But when I’m undressed, I feel very insecure. I’m constantly sucking my stomach in – I think you can see the “suck-in” line on one of these pictures! I decided to take these wearing my jeans because that’s what hangs over the edge and makes me most uncomfortable.

Luckily, my husband doesn’t care one whit, and tells me I’m sexy. I never believe him – but I’m trying to get to that point.

Thanks for making this site – it’s such a relief to see women like me.

Thank you thank you thank you. :)

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Janice

A good friend directed me to this site and I love it! It’s great to see real women accepting and loving their bodies!

Fifteen weeks ago, on June 9th, I gave birth to my third daughter. I had no complications during my pregnancy, labour, or birth but for unknown reasons, our beautiful baby girl wasn’t able to stay with us. Abby Angel lived for 7 hours and 10 minutes, and the pregnancy pictures I’ve posted here are so precious to me. I was almost 38 weeks pregnant when I gave birth and despite my issues with my body image, I know I grow beautiful, healthy babies.

24 weeks, side view
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36.5 weeks
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my daughter giving her baby sister ‘hugs’, just 5 days before Abby was born
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Abby, less than 2 minutes old
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I have more pictures and entries about my pregnancy, Abby’s death, and my journey as a student midwife on my blog.


Update to this story here and here.

Ani DiFranco Quote

Hey — Maybe you’ve received this before, but I was listening to Ani Difranco’s spoken word piece, _My IQ_ off of her _Puddle Dive_ CD. In it, she says: “I’ve got highways for stretchmarks, so I can see where I’ve grown.” I like that a lot. I’ve been lamenting my non-baby induced stretchmarks of late, but I like the idea that those lines mark more than physical growth. I imagine, after having a child, I will feel my stretchmarks demonstrate tremendous personal and emotional growth.

Thanks for keeping up this blog. — Cora D in Portland

hippyfreek update

I’m so flaky these days… I was supposed to add this to her post but totally forgot until this morning. D’oh! Sorry!

So, the Mothering.Commune boards are lovely. I just got involved. I love it.

And on the nursing board, I found lots of info on Goat’s Rue, how it can grow breast tissue, help increase breast milk, and regulate blood sugar. WOOWOO.

Well, as you all know, I stopped breastfeeding. Moire weaned at 7 weeks. I have no breast tissue. And the only thing keeping me half-sane was knowing I’d tried EVERYTHING in my power to do the best for her. And now, I’ve got another option. I want to take it. I NEED to take it.

Plus, if I can grow breast tissue, I need an SNS to maybe start Moire nursing again. One of the longterm SNS’.