Miracles Happen (SCS)

Previous post here.

age 30
number of pregnancies 4 and births 2
age of children 3 ½ and 5 weeks how far pp 5 weeks

First I wanna apologize for the long post, I wanted to say a lot. As everyone says, I love this site. I think I’ve read every entry on it. I posted in 2009 after my first miscarriage. My body has changed since then. In March of 2011 I suffered another miscarriage. It hurt a lot but I finally decided I was very happy with only have one child and I didn’t really want to have anymore. I did however want to know why I was having miscarriages. In June I finally had my appointment and I was very disappointed with the “Doctor” who seen me. My appointment was on a Wednesday and I told the doctor I was a week late for my period. I know my body ever since I started keeping track of my periods I’ve always been 28 days at 10am. Yep I was that predictable. Well, after the miscarriages I was 26 days. So when I told the doctor she blew me off by saying I haven’t had my period because I gained so much weight. I weighed 250lbs when I seen her, I had been stuck at that weight for almost 2 years by then. Well, at least she did do some blood tests only she didn’t test for me to be pregnant. On Friday I got a call saying I had a slow thyroid and that is why I was extremely tired and I gained so much weight and couldn’t lose anything regardless of how much I cute back and ate healthy or exercised. So I went to get the prescription but decided since it was almost the end of the day I would start them on Saturday. Well, Saturday morning I decided to take a pregnancy test, just to see what it said and I was sure surprised. I walked right out of the bathroom and showed my boyfriend. This I wish I would’ve waited because with all my pregnancies I had a really cute way to tell him. He didn’t show any kind of reaction I think mostly due to the worry I would lose this one too. So I called the hospital up to make sure it was ok to still take the medicine and they said yes to keep taking it. That Monday I called my family doctor to make an appointment so they can confirm it and I made an appointment with the obgyn. At the two appointments I was so scared they would tell me sorry but you aren’t pregnant so I cried every time they confirmed it.

every doctors visit from then on, I cried when I heard the babys heartbeat. My first born went to all my doc appoints and was even there to see the ultrasounds. So when I started my pregnancy I was 250lbs, I went down some then didn’t gain any until my 5 month. In total I only gained 8lbs by the time I had the baby. I weighted 258lbs when I went in for the scheduled csection on feb 23, 2011. The csection went well, other than me being extremely sick after due to the meds they had to give me to calm me down after they took the baby out since I couldnt breathe, I had a terrible cold and was breathing through my mouth through the whole operation since my nose was stuffed up and it went dry. I couldnt breathe or even have any spit in my mouth to wet my throat.

at my 2 week appointment when I stepped on the scale I weighted 231lbs. I was so excited to see I had lost so much. I have since got down to 224lbs which is what I am in the pictures below. The pregnancy picture I was probably about 258lbs since it was so close to when I had the baby. I am happy to say I am content with my body. I do want to lose some weight only due to the fact that I cant afford any new clothes and all my other clothes are only a size or two smaller. Im currently in size 18 and some of my nice clothes are size 16 or 14. So that isnt too far to go. However, I guess im content with my body because I’ve been hit with ppd. I cry all the time especially is I don’t get enough sleep, I don’t feel close to my newborn and really don’t want to hold him at all. Plus we are dealing with trying to survive on my boyfriend only having a part time job, but God will get us through this as He always has.

The last thing I want to say is that as I’ve read the different entries on this site it saddens me to see that most of the people who complain about the way they look, I see them and wonder WTH, you look great. And I noticed that a majority of the people who accept themselves are like me larger women. Either way everyone has their own issues thanks to all the media and the pressure to be skinny. Children are a blessing that a lot of woman will never be able to have. They would trade their great body for the chance to carry a baby. Just know regardless of your body, you were blessed and trusted with the greatest gift of all—a beautiful baby.