Worth Every Pound and Every Mark (Apryl)

First of all, I would like to applaud this site. It is wonderful to see you celebrating the real beauty n a mother instead of criticizing the perceived flaws that so many of us think we have because we don’t match the air-brushed photos of the celebrity moms that have a personal trainer, personal chef, full time nanny, and entire crew of hair and makeup people to make them appear perfect. I also felt you ladies should see what a truly “plus-size” mom looks like, since most of the women calling themselves plus size are anything but.

Anyway…

I’ve never been happy with my body. I thought I was too skinny, because that is what my mother always told me.

When I got pregnant with my oldest, right around my 18th birthday, I was a petite and skinny little thing. 130 pounds, but very busty (D cup) already, so even at 5’3″ that was pretty thin. I had a fairly smooth and uncomplicated pregnancy although the father and I split up because he became abusive. I gained about 40 pounds. Then in January of 1999, I gave birth to a wonderful 7 lb 15.8 oz son. It was an easy birth, other than the fact that I hemorrhaged pretty severely.

I lost almost all of the weight pretty quickly. I actually liked the way I looked with that 5 extra pounds that didn’t want to go away. Then I got on the Depo-Provera birth control shot. My weight started to balloon almost immediately. I hated it. But it was convenient, so I stayed on it. My weight ended up around 185 pounds.

When my oldest was 2, I started dating a man who would become the father of my second child. He and my oldest bonded almost instantly. That was “Daddy” in my son’s eyes. So when we split up after a year and a half, he asked if he could stay involved (his biological father never was) so for the sake of my son, I said yes. About 2 weeks later, I discovered I was pregnant. Big surprise to say the least, as I was still on the Depo. We discussed things and realized we could never make things work as a couple, but for the sake of (both!) kids, we would try to be friendly. After another uncomplicated pregnancy, I gave birth to a beautiful 8 lb 12 oz boy. The only real trouble with that birth was that his head came out fine, then his shoulders got stuck. After a lot of straining, so much that I broke blood vessels all the way down into my chest, he was out.

Another year and a half passed. I dated some, but no one too seriously. Then one night when my ex had the boys, I went out dancing and met the man who would become my husband. We hit it off instantly. After almost a year together, we moved in together, and then a year after that, and St Patrick’s Day of 2006, we got married. He had 2 kids from his first marriage, an I had my 2, so we didn’t plan to have any more. Then in September of 2007, we found out we were pregnant. We were shocked but thrilled. Until a few days later, when I miscarried. This devastated me, and I realized I wanted another child. But over a year later, when my cycle still hadn’t returned to normal because of my miscarriage, my doctor put me on the pill too try to regulate my cycle. I was almost 29. Since I became a mother at such a young age, I told myself for years that 30 was my cut-off for having kids. So we didn’t expect any more. Then in the beginning of April of 2009, just before a trip my husband and I were planning to Las Vegas for a weekend, I started to realize I was feeling some pregnancy symptoms. I figured I would take a test just to be safe, so I would know if I could have some drinks on our mini-vacation.

IT WAS POSITIVE!!!!!!! I couldn’t believe it. I was pregnant. I was also up to 290 pounds. However, I only gained 9 pounds with this pregnancy, and on December 2, 2009, I gave birth to a 8 lb 5.5 oz perfect baby boy. This delivery was a lot harder on me. Probably because I was so out of shape, but I couldn’t do it without drugs this time. After having contractions that were so painful that my whole body tremble like a seizure, plus some other unpleasantness, I finally agreed to an epidural. As soon as they placed it, my labor went by FAST. Within an hour of it being placed, after 3 pushes, my little man was out.

Within a month, I was down almost 30 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight.

I breastfed each baby, but not for as long as I wanted, due to infections in my body causing the milk to dry up not long after each was born. After it happened this time, I gained back 15 of the 30 I lost. But I am working on it.

However, even if I never lose another pound, I know that every stretch mark, every line, every pound is worth it. Because I have the 3 most perfect little boys (in my opinion at least) on the planet because of what my body went through to give them to me, and THAT is what makes me truly beautiful.

Age now – will be 30 in less than a month (great timing for my cut-off point)
Children’s ages – 11, 7, and 16 weeks
Number of pregnancies – 4 (possibly 5, I may have had a very early term miscarriage when I was 16, but never went to the doctor to confirm)

The pictures I am attaching (other than the ones with my boys) were all taken with my phone tonight, not the best quality. One is of my breasts, one is my breasts and belly form the side, one is my breasts and belly while sitting, on is with my belly lifted out of the way to show the stretchies on the skin on the front of my crotch. The others are the wonderful causes of my marks of honor. One with me, and one without.

Updated here.