The reason I’m writing is to maybe understand a little bit more. I’m a mom of four that very recently gave birth 10 days ago, and through out my entire pregnancy , people would ask, ” aww this is your 1st etc” . When it was explained that it was my fourth , i woud get questions like ” is this your last one now” how old are you”? are you gonna have any more?” dont you think your too young for this many kids”?. Never once was I asked how they were or if the pregnancy was well.. Why is it that most people especially women are sooo judgmental against pregnancy. Why is it so wrong to have more than one? and why must i have to feel ashamed for creating such beauiful life, for thats what pregnancy is right? LIFE? When did society istill shame in women for CREATING. Just to prove most wrong because frankly it was fun to do , I would just state that yes I may look young but did you ask my age? yes, im married even though you assumed that Im not. I do have a bachelors degree not that its your business, but I do and am very capable of supporting them all. giving the assumption that I cant. Is it jealousy or just society, but I’ll be damned if Im gonna feel ashamed for creating my family, for im nothing but proud….and LOVE every second of it.
The first picture is that of myself 40weeks pregnant ready to give birth within 3 days. My baby ended up being a c-section due to being breech. This is my fourth baby. The 2nd picture is the after math of that of the c-section and let me tell you its not a pretty site. I’m not sure how long Im gonna be self conscience of this lovely belly.. I was so proud when I was pregnant but now im just plain unsure of it, maybe it just hasnt been enough time…
I’m having my fifth baby. I can certainly relate! The reactions people have range from comical to down right nasty.
Thanks for sharing! We’re not alone!
Oh, it’s looking good! It’ll continue to go down, and eentually that scar will get small and will not be so pink! Congrats on your 4th baby (and of course, the other 3)
I am 5 wks with my third. I understand the scrutiny of how many children we are now “supposed” to have. My own mother will not speak to me about my pregnancy and emailed me a cheerful letter (insert sarcasm here) about this being her worst fear and how sorry she feels for our other two children. At what point do other adults dictate the amount of children acceptable to one family? I must have missed that somewhere. I missed the part that after my first two, having another baby was a “worst case scenario”. But, I guess the biggest thing I missed was that this is not really my life but a life where other people can determine and judge me for how many children I have, as if I was the lady who owned 125 cats and 126 is just way too many. I digress, thank you for your post, it let me know I am not alone.
ah, yes, mama… our society is full of double-standards; don’t have an abortion, but don’t have too many kids, don’t be a prude but don’t be a slut, can’t be skinny but can’t be fat, don’t breastfeed in public but don’t bottlefeed… we can’t make everyone happy, just ourselves. i’ll bet you’re thrilled to have your new little baby and that’s what counts. congratulations, mama. you’ve done a good job.
There is no excuse for how mean women can be. I have twin sons (8 months old) and was asked many intrusive questions about my age, how I got pregnant(!)- meaning with invitro help or not, whether or not I planned to nurse, and why I was having a c-section (breech). I felt like I wasn’t even a woman creating life, I was some sort of vessel and of no real importance. I finally got fed up one day and replied with a question: Do you have hemoroids?
It stopped those intrusive questions right away.
Although my pregnancy was awful- I do want to have many children in the future. I love big families. And quite frankly- you have so many children because you can, and you have enough love for each one of them to feel supported and special- and most importantly- wanted.
Good luck- and if you decide to have more kids- I hope that nothing stands in your way.
I am so glad I am not the only one who hears questions like that alot. I just had my 4th last year and still get teh wuestion of “your done right?” Wow They are all yours? Congrats on your 4th.
I, too, am a mother of 3. I get the same thing! People are so rude, and make comments like “is this your last?” etc… When, I say “I dunno” they look apalled!
I have a friend who just had her 6th, and I’m sure you can imagine the comments that are made behind her back.
It seems that our society caters to the “family of 4” with everything from hotel rooms, vacations, size of tables in restaurants, etc… It’s like the 3rd child is just too much for some to bare! And a family of 3 kids is not even big!LOL!
You know, I get the same questions- sorta. I have an 8 yr old– my questions are, when are you going to have another. Why are you being selfish to not give him a sibling, etc, etc, etc.
They don’t notice the hurt- or the back story. We’ve done IVF, IUI, and contemplating ART. We so badly want more- but we haven’t been so blessed.
You hugs your blessings- and screw the stupid people.
I’ve had a very hard time making friends with women because of this. They are embarassingly judgemental. No matter what you do, you’re wrong. Seriously. i-dra hit the nail on the head. You can’t win, but you can draw the line. I’ve accepted that there are only a few mothers in my area who are open-minded, and finding them will be hard. I had to quit a playgroup because they were so worried about what the next mom was doing, nevermind their own lives and kids. I’m content with all 4 of my kids/stepkids. I’m content that none of them look like each other, and that I don’t look old enough to be their mother. It works for us. I just hand out sarcastic remarks and keep it movin’. I am no longer trying to make friends.
I can totally relate to the rude comments. I’m 23 but look about ten years younger (people tell me I will love this trait when I am older! Ha!), so whenever my young son and I are out in public we get stares galore. People have asked if he was my brother, if I was his babysitter, and I’ve even had people think he was one of those Baby Think It Over dolls that kids take care of for Sex Ed these days. And of course, since I look so young, I must be some ignorant teenage tramp who doesn’t know how to use birth control…when in fact I graduated with high honors and a 3.8 GPA, and I am married – TO MY BABY’S DADDY!!!!
The ironic thing is that it was only a few decades ago that women were getting married and having multiple kids much, MUCH younger than most women do now. My grandmother got married at 16 and had 5 kids by the time she was 21. I wonder what people would think of that now. Heck, in other countries girls are still getting married as soon as they hit puberty and expected to raise babies and take care of a household all at the tender age of 13 or 14.
I hate how our society treats young moms. It seems like the only people who are “allowed” to have kids these days are people who are over 30 and pulling in at least $50,000 a year. Anyone younger or poorer than that will make horrible parents.
Your belly looks beautiful for just giving birth 10 days ago! I’m impressed that your tattoo held up so well. I’m leery of getting a tat on my belly for fear it will stretch out into some monstrosity if I get pregnant again, but yours looks very nice!
Understanding it’s a personal experience and their tact was less than, well, tactful – I think for a lot of people the surprise about your head-count is a judgement call against you because the human population is already so large.
If every couple gave birth to four kids we would outgrow the planet within 3 generations.
My sister has a neighbor with six kids. The Dad is barely involved in their lives, except his initial “donation”. The mom is overwhelmed and the kids take their frustrations out on the neighbors kids (including my nephew). While some, even the majority of the people say stupid things have ill will towards you, I would be concerned for your support while raising them because it’s 2 against 4. Do you have backup? Friends and family to chip in? These are the things that come to mind. Not just the financial well-being.
I don’t believe you are getting attacked for producing life or creating, as you put it. It sounds like a defensive response when you say that.
So I say assume the best until they prove otherwise and carry the conversation on as though they bore no ill will. If you do this you won’t sound defensive and they might just revisit their own beliefs if you sound like you have your house in order and a plan.
“Is this your last one now?” might elicit a “probably, but both xxx and I are single kids and both group of parents live in town. We have a huge support network and everyone has already agreed to what role they are playing…” instead of “wth is that supposed to mean!!??”.
Nice belly though! Give it some time but enjoy it in the mean time. And don’t let the unwashed masses get you down. Most people speak without thinking or after thinking close-minded thoughts.
For people to assume that you do not have enough support or resources to raise four (or more) children is simply ignorant and presumptuous. Sure, there are people who have large families and many problems…but rarely are those problems that have come about *because of* having a large family. Couples with one or two children can and do have problems just as often as couples with more children. Also, in my opinion (and in response to Kris), I very highly doubt that people who make remarks about the size of your family are considering overpopulation of the planet when they do so. They are simply reacting to a family size that they consider large for the present cultural norm. As to your age – I have received similar remarks often. Nevermind that I had been married for 6 years before having my first child or that I have a degree or anything like that. If you look young, people feel they have the right to comment. For your part, I’d try to simply not react at all. Don’t let it get to you in such a way that you feel the need to defend yourself; simply ignore it and move on with your life. You don’t need to explain to people and if you don’t, perhaps people will stop looking for an explanation and accept that you – and your family – are who you are. Congrats on the birth of your baby; you look great!
I can totally understand where you are coming from. I am 10 weeks pregnant with my 3rd baby, and I’m 34. When I told all my family and friends I was pregnant again they acted like I told them I had the plague. What again, are you crazy. When I told my mom she nearly had a heart attack, she said oh dear jesus christ all mighty. Oh Christine I can’t believe it. You were fine with 2. Well I was down for a few days by all the comments and then realized that I can only make me happy and if I wasn’t so old, I would have 10 more. I do have 3 step children as well. They do not live with us and we see them once a week. But everyone thinks my husband is crazy and should get “fixed”! Who are they to play GOD? If and when I choose to be done, I will be and not before then. Good for you girl! Keep on going as long as it’s what you want. And GOOD LUCK!!! You are so lucky!
People do have rude reactions to large families. I am one of four children and when people hear me talking about my siblings I always get…how many are there in your family? And when I say 4 kids, people always get wided eye and asked what it was like. It’s not a big deal. I was not deprived. All of us went to college and 2 of us have our masters. The greatest gift my parents gave me was my siblings. Your children have precious gifts of each other. Don’t ever feel ashamed of that.
Your tattoo looks great!
I can so relate, I have 4 children also, I am 28 and I had my fourth child last December he just turned one on the fourth. People always look at me like I am crazy, I constantly get asked how old are you? are those all yours? You know what causes that, right? I get so sick of it. But at the end of the day you cant really let what people say phase you, its your life not theirs. If anything they are missing out on the true happiness that having children brings and are just jealous!
So great to have someone feel the same way I feel every day! I am 28 and have 4 beautiful children! I would love to have 1 more, but, I think my husband fears what society thinks. I say it’s none of their business! Do I ask them to take care of them every day? No, I take care of them, and do it very well!