Number of Pregnancies and Births: One Pregnancy and Birth
My Son’s Age: Almost 20 Months
Pre- Preg Weight : 150Lbs
Weight Post Partum : 165Lbs
Hello fellow Mommas! I am new to SOAM as of, well.. now. And Im so happy that I have found a place that I can come to and be myself.. You’re stories are absolutely empowering and I cant believe at how many other women are out there who feel the same way I do everyday!
Well, here it goes.. Before I got pregnant I was with my son’s father for 2 months but we had known each other for approx. 2 years prior to dating. I was about 150 lbs then, my stomach has never been flat ever in my life and i have always had that “pocket” as I would call it. Well during our relationship he would always call me beautiful and sexy, but then he would be texting the same things to his ex girlfriend. Well when I was 3 months pregnant, he was always going to see her and we were always fighting so I left to make life better for my unborn child when he arrived. My son’s fathers ex was a super sized woman when they dated but she had been working out and now is absolutely stunning with her flat tummy and great butt.. As you would guess, this made my esteem lower because clearly he would rather someone with that body type..
As I got bigger and more and more pregnant, he started telling me how fat I looked and how ugly my stretch marks were.. That I started hating myself before my son was even born. I ended up delivering at a hefty 198Lbs. I haven’t been with his father since I was 3 months pregnant and haven’t really had a boyfriend since then either. I feel alone all the time which causes me to be depressed. I feel like no one wants me because of the way I look. I cry every time I look into the mirror. I keep diet jumping or starving myself so that I wont be so ugly anymore. I just wish that someone (a man especially) would come into my life and sweep me off my feet and tell me religiously how beautiful my body is. It is so hard to feel beautiful when you cant even keep a boyfriend while looking the way you do..
Although I don’t like the way that I look right now, I’m sure that being on this site with all of you supportive and beautiful mama’s out there will assist me in gaining better self-esteem. Thank you so much for listening.
Pictures are as follows : Pre pregnancy , While pregnant, Right after birth (pajama pants) , Now(shorts) and (pantless) lol.., And then my beautiful son a couple days ago. <3