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Update (Dee)

April 24, 2012

Original post here.

Age: 18
# of Pregnancies/Births: 1
Age of Child: 17 months

It’s been 1 year since my first post and I’m now 17 months postpartum. My body hasn’t changed drastically in that time, but there has been some progress. My once pink stretch marks on my stomach, butt, and hips are now invisible in photographs and not noticeable unless I stretch my skin to emphasis them. 1 year ago I was at 115 lbs and now have dropped to 105 lbs, which is less than my pre-pregnancy weight. My breasts are the most depressing part of my body. I feel completely flat-chested and embarrassed that I don’t have ANY natural cleavage. They make me so sad and I look forward to getting implants one day when I can afford it. Recently, I’ve become somewhat depressed and I feel like it’s getting worse. My boyfriend and I live separately because we can’t qualify to buy a home yet. In attempt to help our family and because I felt like I needed some independence, I got my very first job. I ended up never getting to see my boyfriend. My daughter wouldn’t adjust to daycare and it was so damn expensive that at the end of the day I hardly made $10. On top of all that, I cheated on my boyfriend with a guy I worked with. It was just a kiss, but I still felt terrible and my boyfriend got it out of me. I quit my job with my head hung low because not only did I not help my family financially AT ALL (I just about broke even after gas, daycare, and clothes/shoes I had to buy for work), I lost my boyfriend’s trust and violated our relationship. I feel like a failure. It makes me feel so horrible when I’m sitting at home with my daughter and I cry. She’ll bring me a tissue to wipe my eyes and give me a hug and kiss. I know that I need to be strong for her, but I feel helpless. Being self-reliant is completely out of reach for me at this point in my life. Now that I’m not working I need to get back into the swing of all the household cleaning and chores that need to get done, but I just haven’t been motivated. With all that being said, my body actually makes me happy most of the time, except for my breasts of course. I’d love to get into modeling, but I’m worried that my tattoos, scars, and lack of height will prevent me from getting anywhere. Every day is a struggle for me right now, but I know I need to keep my head up and tell myself that everything will turn out okay. Thanks for reading.

Photos:
1-3. Postpartum body
4. My little Daisy

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3 Responses to “Update (Dee)”

  1. Cindy Says:
    April 24th, 2012 at 6:22 pm

    your 18!!!! dont be so hard on yourself, you look great and not all men are into HUGE boobs at least your dont sag and arent 10 pounds each, try living withh that…:( anyways you look good and relax your only 18!!!

  2. Sarah P. Says:
    April 24th, 2012 at 8:05 pm

    You look beautiful and you have a cute little tush! :) Your daughter is gorgeous!!! Thanks for updating!

  3. Rebekah Says:
    May 2nd, 2012 at 11:33 pm

    As women, I think most all of us really do deal with body issues. I went from a d size, to a g size (that means going through dd, e, ee, then g). I had always loved my body before, and after my second baby (mine are 14 months apart), I felt I was left with deflated bags that I literally imagined pulling me down. Not the most fun thing when you are only 25 and you think about all the other 25 yr olds who don’t have kids. I had a lift and implants, and while I still feel they aren’t perfect, atleast I feel sexy again, I don’t even mind the scars. do what makes you feel good in your skin, and I think you look great regardless.

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