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Trying to get my self confidance back (Mindy)

June 10, 2009

My son will be 20 months on the 1st of June and 3 days later on the 4th I will turn 22. I love my son more than anything but really wish I didn’t have the body that I have.
I got married when I was 18 to my boyfriend who was in the navy. I got pregnant when I was 19. I didn’t like being pregnant I felt very useless and my husband at the time sure helped me feel that way. He became verbally abusive and mildly physically abusive I wanted to leave but didn’t know how to. I gained about 20lbs by the time I was 40 weeks which I was okay with. I had no stretch marks until I was 33 weeks and they came on like a freight train when he turned upside down. My son was born October 1st, 2007 at 41 weeks and 3 days. I had to be induced but had a natural birth otherwise labored for only 12 hours. Things got better with my husband after the birth and we seemed to be a great little family. Then when my son was 3 months old his dad decided he really could deal very well with “the kid” as he called him and was gone a lot drinking and partying with friends. He’d come home and we’d get into fights. I was so scared for my life so many times I didn’t know how to leave. I was in California and all my family was in Montana. A guy who was friend with both of us had confessed to me that my husband had been cheating on me for almost a year which I had suspected and that he couldn’t keep the secret from me anymore because he thought I deserved so much better because I was beautiful on the inside and outside. I finally got enough self confidence to leave my husband. We have been going through a divorce for a year in a half now. He doesn’t ever call or email to see how our son is doing but keeps fighting for custody through his lawyer. I am willing to let him see his son but he has to take some steps to do that because they don’t even know one another. I feel awful about my body since now I’m pretty much a single mom. My stomach sags and it’s gross I work out all the time but I think the stress makes the belly hang around. I hope that I’ll be able to get rid of it someday because no guy is gonna want to date someone with a stomach like mine at least that is how I feel. I really wish there was a wonder cure for post prego tummy’s lol. I’m thinking that I will just have to eventually embrace my momma body and just pray that some guy will love it to. I really like this web site it’s very comforting to know that there are so many other women feeling the way I am. Thank you all for taking the time to read my story.

PIC 1- my belly almost 20 months postpartum

PIC 2- my wonderful little boy

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14 Responses to “Trying to get my self confidance back (Mindy)”

  1. Danielle~ Says:
    June 10th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    I am so sorry to hear about your marriage. I’m so glad you got out, and are divorcing. No one needs to stay in a marriage like that. Your son is gorgeous, and you’re body will be too, once the stress leaves. ((Hugs))

  2. Lela Says:
    June 10th, 2009 at 6:14 pm

    You and your son are beautiful! Be strong. Remember you deserve love.

  3. Mary Says:
    June 10th, 2009 at 7:12 pm

    Stay strong… a protect your beautiful baby. You look great and dont feel like another man wont appreciate what you have done for your child as far as becoming a single mom and having your body change, a REAL man wont see any flaws. Stress is a big factor with belly weight, maybe some yoga can help relax you, just take things one day at a time!

  4. dee Says:
    June 10th, 2009 at 10:52 pm

    your man is a loser, you have a great little “kid” now, focus on him , men suck.

  5. martha Says:
    June 11th, 2009 at 12:11 am

    Glad you got out of that toxic marriage; you deserve a zillion times better. A real man will love you for your strength of spirit, and in the meantime, believe in your sexy self. Sexy is a state of mind, not just a body shape. I’ve counseled lots of men in my line of work (psych) who’ve regretted for decades how they neglected their children…what goes around comes around. They are scared to death of the day their child comes knocking on the door asking why. Not so big and bad then!!! Stay strong.

  6. Mama Says:
    June 11th, 2009 at 1:58 am

    You only have one thing wrong here. A man who truly loves you will always look first at your heart. And your body is beautiful anyway, so there is nothing to worry about. You have a gorgeous little boy! :)

  7. ashley Says:
    June 11th, 2009 at 6:10 am

    well my belly looks way worse than yours, i know your a single mom so money might be an issue but buy a dvd you can work out to, drink lost of water and eat lots of vitamin c, it helps produce more collagen, you belly looks like it will bounce back, im sure your right about stress keeping your weight on, even though it doesnt look bad, i thing you look great, but back to my point, i have two kids from different dads the first dad is a complete idiot, that wants me back now, but i had a child with a syndrome that affected the way she looks, and caused a lot of stress, shes a smart cookie though! she left my belly a sagging mess of faded stretch marks, my current boyfriend (poor guy, i didnt even give him warning) never even reacted to the look of my belly when we were intimate the first time, never brought it up till i apologized for not telling him sooner, well he didnt care and a month later i was preggo again, this time around because of less stress and wearing a girdle and drinking lots of water a vitamin c supplement, you know actually caring about your body for once because someone else makes you feel good! all im saying, love yourself, and life you created, there is always someone out there that will love everything about you, if we were all perfect, we would all be the same, my boyfriend always tells me imperfections, are carnal, kinda primitive and huge turn on, and by the way, my boyfriend is now my fiance, we are getting married october 23 2010, and our daughter is 8 months old, stay strong, protect your son, love him, hold him, and enjoy the good and the bad that come with parenting, but if you can teach your son one thing, let it be confidence and self esteem, you both deserve a happier life! confidence on its own is sexy, i have asked many guys would they rather be a chunky girl with confidence and sense of humour or a airbrushed magazine model with perfect features but dumb and complainy, they picked the chunky girl, makes you think huh! congrats on being a mom, and having the courage to give him a safe home! my email is ashley.raposo@hotmail.com if you ever need to talk

  8. ashley Says:
    June 11th, 2009 at 6:12 am

    sorry just correcting one thing, ” would they rather be WITH a chunky….)

  9. TracyKM Says:
    June 11th, 2009 at 8:53 am

    You don’t want to date a guy who only dates someone because they have a flat stomach. There’s more to you than just your stomach. A guy that sees only that is not worth it.

  10. dad of 3 Says:
    June 11th, 2009 at 9:50 pm

    well you have the most important man in you life still. He does not care what you look like.
    Try to see what you still have appreciate it. You will feel good about yourself, then you won’t care what others think, about a tiny little baby bump.
    Once you are whole and are happy you will put out possitive feeling for youself. Men love the confidence. Trust me. I am married to an up-beat mom. I call her baby bump our trophy, she doesn’t like that as much as I do, but when she sees our kids she agrees it was soooooo worth it.
    You may have been married to a jerk, I don’t know him, but I have friends like that. I am sorry for your pain. Turn the other cheek to stress, embrace, love your little guy, love your self!
    Every guy loves a happy MILF, LOL..but seriously.

  11. chris Says:
    June 13th, 2009 at 7:34 pm

    Like the others have said, Keep being strong, for yourself and your handsome son. I see noting wrong with your tummy. My wife has a little tummy after our son was born. I love her for her, just as a man who loves you will LOVE YOU AND YOUR SON. He is out there. Men do suck, but real men have sucked up the fact that arrogance will hurt those around them.

    My rambling will stop now, but know that my support and hope for you and your son will never stop.

  12. Mindy Says:
    June 14th, 2009 at 8:10 pm

    Thank you all for the really nice comments regarding my story. It’s great that people I’ve never meet can make me feel better. I know that men love self confident women and I’m a damn good actor because I do put that face on when I go out with my friends. But it’s the whole getting physical with someone again, if I could keep my clothes on I’d be fine lol. I do know we are our own worse enemy for judging our bodies. I just really appreciate every ones support. And for the dads that posted comments you guys are awesome I’m happy you think your wives are even sexy for having your children. Makes me think there is hope :) thank you all again

  13. Kat Says:
    June 15th, 2009 at 2:40 pm

    Being a single mom is hard,no doubt about it. I am currently going through a divorce myself and that stress really does employ the belly fat… I am a personal trainer and that stuff hangs on like a turd that wont flush. It will lessen once everthing is squared away. I have already been intimate with someone and I just told him that my body is not perfect but its mine and you cant grow humans without anything to show for it. He told me that he loves that kind of confidence. I know that guys will value your confidence over any “perfect” belly. Take it from someone who has 2 kids under 4 and one of them was a 10 pounder. God will bless you in your life and you have an advantage over the girls without babies. You can weed out all the a**holes and you will be left with the higher quality men who will appreciate you AND your baby.

  14. Molly Says:
    June 24th, 2009 at 8:50 pm

    don’t let anybody push you around! I think your belly looks pretty good, actually. try weighted hula hooping–that helps to tighten abs and shrink waistlines, at least for me and a mother that I know…

    hang in there. you are really a fighter!

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