Originally posted here at Julie’s blog.
I’m a female. And so are you. This being said, we are instant unity in numerous issues: dieting, love, life, voting, shoes, and pregnancy. So, I feel I can say this and you all won’t judge…..
What the crap, Pregnancy?
Maybe, I’m just hormonal today, maybe the Prego Fairy just smacked me a bit hard with her “fat” stick, I don’t know…either way, I’m having a few issues today and I have a bone to pick with her.
I think, like many women, I was a bit disillusioned by the thoughts of pregnancy before I was actually pregnant. Don’t misunderstand, I am eternally grateful for this whole experience (especially since we had been told this was unlikely to happen, at all) and I am more than willing to make sacrifices for my family. Totally. I think I was just misinformed. No one really talks about the ugly side of the bump.
I have no clue how many blogs I have read (and written, for that matter) about the magical awesomeness that is pregnancy. To be fair, it has its amazing, tender moments. To be fairer, it has twice as many cruel ones that really, you have to laugh at. Otherwise, you cry. Lately, I tend to do both.
A few weeks ago, while visiting the Mr. in Wyoming, we made a day trip to Jackson Hole for a little “us” time. While there, I experienced my most embarrassing moment during my pregnancy, possibly during my life. We meandered into a museum and leisurely strolling through the various exhibits and chit chatting about various pieces. Now, I should probably mention I was suffering through some fairly severe allergies and was having massive difficulty controlling my endless sneezing. While the Mr. was describing this thing or that (I can’t remember which) I felt what can only be described as an “uber-sneeze” begin to work its way through my sinuses and to my nose. I should probably also mention that I had also lost control over other bodily functions a few weeks prior, and was rarely given warning as to when one of those attacks might rear their ugly heads. (Oh, yes…THOSE.) So, unable to control my body at all, I emitted explosion sounds…from both ends of my body. Yep. I let one rip in public. The Mr. was nothing if not horrified and completely stunned. He just stared at me, mouth hanging open, unable to speak for about 20 seconds before he just backed out of the room. All the while, I could do nothing but clutch my belly and laugh hysterically.
Then there are nights like last night. I am just over 6 feet tall. My weight will never be a dainty number, nor will I ever be a dainty woman. I had hoped that when I got pregnant I would be one of the “lucky” women who got the basketball bump because I have been so vertically blessed. Much to my dismay this is not so.
I used to be a fairly sizable girl, if you will, and the fat girl inside me still whispers mean things in my ear whenever my weight fluctuates a little bit. About 2 months ago, as the numbers on the scale were creeping up rapidly despite my best efforts of keep them down, I became totally and completely discouraged and vowed to avoid the scale for the rest of my pregnancy, even turning around at the doctor’s office so I didn’t have to know the number. Somehow it’s ok for my doctor to know the number, but just not me. The numbers on the scale began to resemble those of NFL linebackers, you know, the big ugly, meaty kind. Can’t even go there. But last night, curiosity killed the cat and I dragged the scale out from behind the toilet and gingerly stepped on it….only to look down at the number and have it reduce me to tears… a sniveling, weeping, sobbing mess. Just reliving it in my head makes me well up all over again.
I have a temper like you wouldn’t believe, and it strikes for no apparent reason. My normally mild self is ready to fly off the handle for any given reason and my irritation tolerance is almost none-existent. I often find myself thinking, “Were you always this irritating?” about people whom pre-pregnancy I both loved and adored. Luckily, I’m still passive enough that most of my insults are merely smattering around my mind and not (always) coming out my mouth. If people could only hear the things I am screaming at them in my head I assure you they would have never been more offended.
I have never been less physically appealing in my life and it discourages me to no end, and it’s only going to get worse. I fear I will never gain control over my bodily functions again and my husband will wonder what kind of girl he married. I swear I’m still feminine…somewhere on the inside. I think.
There are sooo two sides of the bump. The loveliness, the tender moments, belly kisses, kicking, belly pictures, anticipation, where I become all a titter with excitement and anticipation, the side my heart resides on more often than not I do, I love it. But the other side, the ugly side, the disgusting side…really, not so much. I’m definitely living on the ugly side of the bump today.
So, like I said. What the crap, Pregnancy?