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Skin tags and scarring on anus and perineum (Anonymous)

My daughter was born 2 years ago. I was 30 at the time. Throughout my pregnancy I had hemorrhoids, which only got worse during delivery. I was so embarassed about them that I didn’t want my husband to watch the delivery. I made him stay in a chair near the head of the bed. I know that a lot of women get hemorrhoids, but no one talks about them, and mine must have been pretty bad, because the nurses made somewhat of a fuss about them (in front of my husband, which was mortifying to me).

Additionally I tore pretty badly, both inside my vagina and through my perineum, going down towards my anus. I had an epidural, so I didn’t feel any pain when it happened, but I was aware immediately after delivery when the doctor started stitching me up. I could feel him inserting his finger into my rectum to stabilize or push forward the back wall of my vagina while he did this. I asked him how many stitches I was getting, he said he hadn’t been keeping track.

The pain afterwards, when the epidural wore off, was quite bad, and I could barely walk to the bathroom for the first two days. Nevermind actually using the restroom. I couldn’t wipe for at least 2-3 weeks; I just used that squirt bottle that the hospital provides. Even six weeks out, at my first follow up appointment with the OBGyn, one of my stitches burst back open when she inserted the speculum and I was back to bleeding again for a couple days.

Now, two years later, my perineum and anus look nothing like they did before. The whole region is just one big mess of disgusting flaps and folds of excess skin and scar tissue. My anus itself is a gross collection of skin tags and folds, which blurs together with the extruded fold of excess skin where my perineum once was…and then you arrive at the opening to my vagina.

Then just inside the entrance to my vagina, when I insert my finger I feel all this firm, lumpy scar tissue (like pea-to-blueberry sized lumps). This is NOT what the inside of my vagina used to feel like. Before childbirth it had a soft, silky, smooth texture with folds — not lumps. This region of scar tissue is still painful during sex, and I can’t imagine that it feels good to my husband either.

The whole mess down there makes me so embarassed. My husband is a visual person who like the lights on. He also likes the doggy-style position — which gives him the perfect view of it all, which I can hardly stand.

If it were just the childbirth scar, it wouldn’t be so terrible, as that is a relatively socially acceptable thing to talk about. It’s the excess skin from the hemorrhoids, which no one talks about, that is more of a problem. And even then, that in itself even wouldn’t be so bad if it were localized to my anus. But instead, as I said, the whole mess just runs together so that I feel like my anus is right up against the opening to my vagina. I am so self conscious that I cannot enjoy oral sex, and it’s actually even worse to be touched down there with fingers, because I feel like you can’t even tell what’s what.

I have heard many people here say how their husbands have helped them to feel better about their bodies. I do not have that kind of a relationship with my husband. We have sex very infrequently due to ED and other issues, and my husband’s troubles are enough that there is really no room to rely on him to heal my own emotional baggage around this issue.

in Hemorrhoids/Etc., Mom over 30, No Photos (Story Only), Postpartum, Submissions, Vulva/Vaginal Damage
9 comments… add one
  • Hifive Wednesday, September 9, 2015, 8:44 pm

    Oh honey, I want to hug you. First off, there is someone you can see for this so you can feel your best again. Along with physical therapy you should feel great again. Please do some research to fix this, if it was your daughter giving her concerns and stresses to you, you’d definitely try to help. Please do some research to see who can help you fix this and listen to this great podcast. http://longestshortesttime.com/podcast-49-healing-after-childbirth/

  • noname Thursday, September 10, 2015, 4:03 am

    This is terrible – I mean I had hemorrhoids also, bu I have many scars on my entire body, due to radical sports. Yours must be terrible not in visual aspects, that I believe it´s normal as you had childs, but in an emovional way. I guess you need to face this not as an ugly scar, but as a mark of your victory. Every victory left some marks, you got yours. And sorry to say, your husband should be more acceptable to this, I don´t believe you are so ugly in your anus or vaginal to your husband avoids looking at you, he´s a man and he will love looking a hot female you must be! When you love you love any details for your partner´s body, even the post peculiar of them!

    Don´t be sad, try to relax, oral sex is a matter of feelings, visual does not matters :)

  • Mina Thursday, September 10, 2015, 1:16 pm

    Thank you for sharing this. I don’t really have any advice for you, but I feel like when issues like yours come up, there’s a lot of “Just be thankful you are healthy and your baby is OK” type of feedback. And that dismisses the fact that your feelings about your body and its recovery are impacting your sex life…and it’s not fair to imply that your sex life is unimportant.
    I just wanted to validate that. It’s reasonable to want to enjoy that part of yourself and your relationship. I hope you can find a way to resolve it, even if it takes time.

  • Beth Friday, September 11, 2015, 6:08 pm

    2nd what Mina said.

  • Christy Sunday, September 27, 2015, 6:28 pm

    I too had a skin tag. It started as a hematoma(or however it’s spelled I’m very bad at spelling so forgive me now for all of the mistakes but know my heart is in it.) The dr said it would heal fine… Well it didn’t. And it hurt so bad. All the time! I can’t imagin how you feel, but for me it hurt during intercourse I had to spend probably about ten mins adjusting my position just so it wouldn’t pull. Then about a year after my son was born it started to hurt even sitting down I couldn’t sit correctly because of it. I finally went to my dr and she removed it. Thankfully I have great health insurance. Now is two years later and the scar from where I ripped during birthing my son and where the skin tag was removed still hurt when bumped during intercourse, but it doesn’t feel like my you know what is being ripped from my body and I can sit on a hard chair without being near tears. I have hard and uncomfortable scar tissue but still overall I feel much better. Maybe try to see a dr and get some of it fixed. I know sometimes it is financially hard but I pray you have good health insurance. If you can get it fixed do it! Then find self confidence and rock his world to the point where he forgets about his own problems just enough to be chasing after you all the time. A confidant woman is a sexy woman.

  • Stringbean Tuesday, September 29, 2015, 9:19 pm

    I can’t relate to your problems down there as have minimal scarring after two boys ages 4 and 2. But I DO have a large scar on stomach from an accident when in middle school. I have found improvement with cold laser therapy and vitamin E from standard process. Next I am trying grass fed collagen as I have read great things about this product. Try to find a chiro or someone who does NRT (Nutritional Response Testing) to help you with this!

  • Mo Saturday, October 3, 2015, 8:23 pm

    Lady! I can so relate to every bit of this. I’m an over-thirty mom who had her downstairs mangled by the miracle of childbirth! The last trimester gave me awful hemorrhoids (and the terrible cold / cough I had right before I gave birth made them extra special bad). My husband came with me to the final visit before I went into labor and the female dr had sort of yelped when she saw them during the gyno inspection…then she awkwardly babbled on about how they might come back throughout my life due to the weaknesses that form in the vascular walls. So lovely. I sobbed hysterically all the way home as he awkwardly drove the car and fiercely wished he could be anywhere else (I’m assuming, but I’m also sure I’m right). So, I get it.

    Thankfully the actual hemorrhoids are gone and haven’t appeared in the two years since (apparently sometimes they never quite go away…can’t imagine that fresh hell)….BUT yes, there is still basically what seems to me like a hot mess down there. And it’s embarrassing. It makes sex less sexy.

    To add insult to injury, my husband and I are also having horrid marital problems now (not because of the body stuff) and there is this nagging voice in the back of my head that wonders if I’d ever be comfortable (in the event that the marriage does fail, and it really might) with any other man who isn’t him hanging out down there. Who knew how little I had to feel self conscious about when I was in my 20s, haha.

    I’m glad you wrote this, anyhow. I don’t think people get how disheartening this particular issue is until they live with it. There isn’t a medical “problem” that gets mocked and giggled about as much as damn hemorrhoids…and I’d know, I’m a nurse. :)

    So, I send my love and support. Do things that make you feel good about your body…hitting the gym and getting strong did wonders for my mind frame. It’s like these insecurities grow out of control when we focus on them too much, so focus on something that makes you feel bad-ass instead.

    Hope sharing made you feel better too. <3

  • Anon Saturday, October 10, 2015, 8:25 am

    I feel your pain, literally.

    My only child is in first grade, and I have hemorrhoids constantly. Usually they are rather small and don’t bother me, but I get horrible flare ups. In fact, was super constipated (another lasting side effect of pregnancy) and Wednesday I was finally able to go. The flare up from that is terrible still.

    I also used to really enjoy anal sex, I will never be able to enjoy it again.

    I tore considerably, I pushed for ten minutes. The doctor spent 45 minutes stitching me up. It took several locals (I did not have an epidural) in my perenium and anus. She said I tore in an “x” shape. Did not ask how many stitches, didn’t want to know. She did a neat job with the stitches though, and I had minimal scarring.

    The texture is slightly different, but it came out smooth. The bottom of my vaginal opening is often sore after intercourse and usually bleeds a little after extended sex or sex at an angle that puts more friction than normal on the bottom of my vaginal opening.

    I also had a ridiculous amount of swelling. The nurse put it perfectly, my vulva was so swollen it looked like a pair of testes swinging between my legs. It was terrible.

    I also had clogged Bartholomew glands on each side after the swelling subsided.

    Honestly, the pain in the weeks following birth was worse than the birth itself. Unmedicated and all. My labor was too fast, they had to call off the anesthesiologist.

  • Erin Tuesday, December 29, 2015, 7:14 am

    Same. To all of this.

    With my now two year old (almost three now), I got the gift of hemorrhoids, a mangled swollen perineum, post-hematoma skin tag, and deflated pancake breasts to top it off. I also tore and my doctor–in between making comments about how my vagina looked like hamburger meat, sloppily and hastily stitched me up.

    My child’s father and I split up subsequently. I was 27 at the time, and now facing the world of single momdom. With my body confidence shot to hell, the idea of dating, and eventually becoming physical with someone new, seemed impossible. I submitted to that the fact that I was doomed.

    However long story short, I met someone incredible, who claims to be into this steamy hot mess. We’ve been together for a year and a half. In that time I’ve wavered between sexual confidence and insecurity. My partner reminds me in those insecure moments that this is the only way they have known my body and they are still way into it. Sometimes I believe them, sometimes I don’t, but I know the pros of being physically intimate and exposed outweigh the cons.

    Either way, it’s not perfect, but it’s not completely broken either.

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