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Not Giving Up and Acceptance (Alex)

August 3, 2009

Name: Alex
Age: 30
Pregnancies: 2 Births: 2
DD1: 3 yrs old
DD2: 1 yr old

I’m so glad I found this website. I have been looking for a site like this for a little while now because I want to know more about other real women out there and their experiences (not celebrities-they don’t count and real) and to talk about my own experience. I want to know what other real women experience. Most of the time I feel like “I’m the only one” and I know I am not.

I had my first daughter at age 27. My husband and I planned the pregnancy. Overall I really wanted to have a baby mostly because I just love my husband so much and I want not just have any baby but HIS baby. I feel so proud and blessed to have him in my life. We were so excited when we had her. I remember it was 8 am when we started heading to the hospital to have her. We just keep looking at each other with excitement like “it’s finally happening” lol. Prior to being pregnant I felt beautiful and sexy. I didn’t have a perfect body by any means but I sure felt good about myself. I wore beautiful clothes, sexy lingerie and I just felt GOOD, you know? That all changed the day I had my daughter. It was amazing how I went from feeling like one of the most beautiful women to feeling like I couldn’t even bare to look at myself in the mirror, that bad! I also feel like I have aged 10-12 years in a matter of 3 years. How can this be so? I feel old. I feel all my youth and beauty has left me. I hate taking pictures and I’m embarrassed when I see people that I haven’t seen in a long time because I figure they must be thinking “wow, she’s so fat now”. Pre-baby I weighed around 125 lbs on average and I’m 5’4 so not bad. I’m hispanic so it comes with the territory of being a little thicker and that’s ok. I want to look like I did just 3 years ago. Even when I was 5 months pregnant in my 1st pregnancy I looked like a baby. I look at the pictures and it’s amazing. I was 27 at the time and looked more like I was 18. Now I’m 30 and I feel like I look 40. During the 1st pregnancy I gained 41 lbs. At my highest I was 171 lbs. When I left the hospital I had only lost 1 lbs! Huh? 1 lbs after having a baby how is this even possible? It took about 6-7 months before I started loosing some weight. In total I lost about 25 lbs of the 41 that I gained but I was starting to look alright. I thought ok this is going well, next thing you know I was pregnant again with DD2.

So needless to say DD2 was not planned. I was so disappointed because I thought, great, now I’m going to gain more weight on top of what I already have! So with DD2 I reached 181 lbs. She will be 1 yr old next month and today I weigh 163 lbs. It’s a constant Struggle. Most of all I hate the feeling of not being happy with myself because overall I think it affects my daughters and one day I will regret not taking pictures with them because I feel fat and ugly. They deserve better but how do I get over this feeling? Everyday I try my best to eat healthier, low calorie, low fat in an attempt to get back to the old me and I wonder at what point will I finally be satisfied and be happy with myself?

Recently I ran into a former co-worker who has a 7 month old son. She is a thick woman, by no means fat or overweight but a little thicker and rounder I’d say. So when I saw her, I thought wow! Now how come she looks like she is back to her regular weight? She looked great and here I am with a belly still popping out a year later. Not only that but my lower abs are a little saggy, stretch marks on my waist etc…I work in the Fashion Industry and I would say most women in this industry don’t have kids and the ones that do come back to work looking like they’d never been pregnant to begin with, makes me look like there’s something wrong with me. And I get these thoughts that maybe my husband is embarrassed too when we go out. He’s the type that loves me to dress up, get my hair done, nails, the whole bit. But when nothing fits what’s the point. I still need to have that husband that is attracted to me. Feels like I’m letting him down. Don’t get me wrong he’s a sweet heart but maybe I’m not meeting his expectations.

So I’m gonna brave this out and post some pictures because after all this site is about sharing and I want to be one more ‘real woman’.

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9 Responses to “Not Giving Up and Acceptance (Alex)”

  1. lauren Says:
    August 3rd, 2009 at 11:09 am

    Look at that butt! Can you say sexy? I think you look great. If weight loss is your goal then that is totally achievable. I gained 53 pounds when I was pregnant and lost most of it by 3 month post partum. To lose it I cut out ALL white breads and sweets. I stuck to eating whole grains and loads of fruits/veggies and lean protien. I also worked out 5 times a week and made sure I would sweat alot! it was LOTS of work but it worked. (I started the P90X DVDS. Great part is I am still working out. Not 5 times a week though. More like 3 times a week to maintain my weight. I eat sweets now but try to just not over due it. Good luck! You are one hot momma!

  2. Halena Says:
    August 3rd, 2009 at 11:36 am

    Alex, from what I can see in these pictures, your body is not as bad as you made it seems. You don’t even have the pouch that many women, including myself, have hanging from their stomachs.

    Continue to eat healthy and exercise. Go ahead and get your hair and nails done. Find some sexy clothes that fit your body. You will feel better and your husband will still think you’re sexy. I’m sure the only thing that may lower his attraction is the drop in your confidence. You are still the same beautiful woman he fell in love with :)

    Halena
    ~Peachy!

  3. Milk Chocolate Midwife Says:
    August 3rd, 2009 at 8:13 pm

    First of all, you look beautiful. 125lbs for a woman 5’4″ (especially a woman of color as we’re so bootylicious)is SKINNY and not that hot. I know some people want to be skinny, but that’s not something that’s been traditionally sought after in Hispanic communities. Don’t know what you had before, but I think NOW you look how a woman is supposed to look. Rock that body, mama. I don’t have kids yet and I look like you. And you better believe, I’m supa-fine! And so are you.

  4. dan Says:
    August 4th, 2009 at 12:21 am

    you’ve got nothing to worry about. you look great, perfect momma junk. just accept that your a beautiful mother

  5. ava Says:
    August 5th, 2009 at 9:35 am

    let me just say, there is nothing “wrong” with how you look. yes, you may not have the same figure right now or exactly like before but.. I am 5’3 and gained 60 pounds from my first. 109 to 169, i am at 6 mos post and am at 123. I have worked out hard, lifting weights four times a week and cardio the other day or two. I looked like you after I had my baby and am now starting to get my abs back and my legs toned again. it takes time and a lot of hard work, but you can have the body you want, especially since your skin didn’t stretch to make that hard.
    You don’t have to give up, if you want to look more fit or toned, get a workout magazine and start working it. although there is nothing wrng or ugly at all with where you are at right now.

  6. Sam Says:
    August 26th, 2009 at 12:06 am

    I just want to say that your body looks younger and slimmer than mine, and I am 21 and have never been pregnant!

  7. Lo Says:
    October 15th, 2009 at 8:53 pm

    There´s nothing wrong with your bod!I cannot belive you weigh 163. You have a great body and you are as latinos would say una gordita con gracia! You have a beautifully shaped body, very proportional! I only hope my body will look half as nice as yours after 2 kids! Don´t be ashamed of your beautiful body, be proud of it! Confidence makes all the difference! Just stop worrying about not meeting other peoples expectations, and feel good about yourself! Wish you the best of luck…

  8. Amandita Says:
    May 13th, 2011 at 1:37 pm

    Miqua! Look at you! You’re one hot momma! You may have looked like a child before you had your beautiful babies, but now you look like a WOMAN! And what a beautiful woman! I know so many women who would kill for that butt!

  9. Kendra Says:
    February 27th, 2012 at 3:59 am

    Remind me again whats wrong with your body????!!!! I dont see a flaw…….

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