Pregnancies: 2 Births: 2
DD1: 3 yrs old
DD2: 1 yr old
I’m so glad I found this website. I have been looking for a site like this for a little while now because I want to know more about other real women out there and their experiences (not celebrities-they don’t count and real) and to talk about my own experience. I want to know what other real women experience. Most of the time I feel like “I’m the only one” and I know I am not.
I had my first daughter at age 27. My husband and I planned the pregnancy. Overall I really wanted to have a baby mostly because I just love my husband so much and I want not just have any baby but HIS baby. I feel so proud and blessed to have him in my life. We were so excited when we had her. I remember it was 8 am when we started heading to the hospital to have her. We just keep looking at each other with excitement like “it’s finally happening” lol. Prior to being pregnant I felt beautiful and sexy. I didn’t have a perfect body by any means but I sure felt good about myself. I wore beautiful clothes, sexy lingerie and I just felt GOOD, you know? That all changed the day I had my daughter. It was amazing how I went from feeling like one of the most beautiful women to feeling like I couldn’t even bare to look at myself in the mirror, that bad! I also feel like I have aged 10-12 years in a matter of 3 years. How can this be so? I feel old. I feel all my youth and beauty has left me. I hate taking pictures and I’m embarrassed when I see people that I haven’t seen in a long time because I figure they must be thinking “wow, she’s so fat now”. Pre-baby I weighed around 125 lbs on average and I’m 5’4 so not bad. I’m hispanic so it comes with the territory of being a little thicker and that’s ok. I want to look like I did just 3 years ago. Even when I was 5 months pregnant in my 1st pregnancy I looked like a baby. I look at the pictures and it’s amazing. I was 27 at the time and looked more like I was 18. Now I’m 30 and I feel like I look 40. During the 1st pregnancy I gained 41 lbs. At my highest I was 171 lbs. When I left the hospital I had only lost 1 lbs! Huh? 1 lbs after having a baby how is this even possible? It took about 6-7 months before I started loosing some weight. In total I lost about 25 lbs of the 41 that I gained but I was starting to look alright. I thought ok this is going well, next thing you know I was pregnant again with DD2.
So needless to say DD2 was not planned. I was so disappointed because I thought, great, now I’m going to gain more weight on top of what I already have! So with DD2 I reached 181 lbs. She will be 1 yr old next month and today I weigh 163 lbs. It’s a constant Struggle. Most of all I hate the feeling of not being happy with myself because overall I think it affects my daughters and one day I will regret not taking pictures with them because I feel fat and ugly. They deserve better but how do I get over this feeling? Everyday I try my best to eat healthier, low calorie, low fat in an attempt to get back to the old me and I wonder at what point will I finally be satisfied and be happy with myself?
Recently I ran into a former co-worker who has a 7 month old son. She is a thick woman, by no means fat or overweight but a little thicker and rounder I’d say. So when I saw her, I thought wow! Now how come she looks like she is back to her regular weight? She looked great and here I am with a belly still popping out a year later. Not only that but my lower abs are a little saggy, stretch marks on my waist etc…I work in the Fashion Industry and I would say most women in this industry don’t have kids and the ones that do come back to work looking like they’d never been pregnant to begin with, makes me look like there’s something wrong with me. And I get these thoughts that maybe my husband is embarrassed too when we go out. He’s the type that loves me to dress up, get my hair done, nails, the whole bit. But when nothing fits what’s the point. I still need to have that husband that is attracted to me. Feels like I’m letting him down. Don’t get me wrong he’s a sweet heart but maybe I’m not meeting his expectations.
So I’m gonna brave this out and post some pictures because after all this site is about sharing and I want to be one more ‘real woman’.