I am a sexual abuse victim. I lost a baby at 16 weeks when I was only 16 years old. I have had many years of self loathing. I can still here the ridiculing comments that were made about my body. I was ugly,dirty,the defect. When I saw what other women looked like
I drew this illusion that I was in fact the defective one. How is one to heal from something like this? When I became pregnant the second time I gained 80 pounds and was 218 and stretched my skin out everywhere. It took me a year but I lost most of that weight only to become pregnant shortly after. With my third child I gained 45 pounds plus the 20 that I still hadn’t lost. Again this took my another year but I lost the weight and got back down under my pre- pregnancy weight of 140. By this time I felt like I was completely ruined. Whose body was this? It is not mine? I hated myself completely. Then I found myself pregnant again for the fourth time. This time I only gained 35 pounds. I lost it quickly. I now run 2 miles everyday. I am doing this for me and me only. It has taken a long time and I am still working on it but I am now comfortable with my body. I can look in the mirror and say “Wow you are amazing,beautiful and you have given birth to three beautiful children.”
I remember that I am not this body. This is not who I am. I am the spirit that lives inside. I can shine through this body and make it radiate with energy. I am the woman that sings to my children , I am the girl that runs out in the rain and plays, I am me and I have to except that . Love yourself. You are what is important.
Number of pregnancies and births : 4
Ages of children: 8,5,2