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Irelynd

March 26, 2010

Irelynd
Age: 22
Number of Pregnancies’
Age of Irelynd: 5 weeks 2 days

I was 21 when I got pregnant with Irelynd, at first I cried I was told I couldn’t get pregnant since I have some genetic diseases that made it near impossible to carry a child. My mom wanted me to get an abortion since I am in my last year of college, to which I thought about doing, but I couldn’t figure out why God gave me this child if I was told I couldn’t get pregnant so I decided to have her. Needless to say the pregnancy was very hard, I had debiliateing migraines everyday for three months, I mean I lost my vision my ability to speak threw up all the time was in a dark room for three months it was terrible. I did not gain any weight until I was 5 month pregnant I thought that since it was so far in I would not gain much weight. I was WRONG I started off 118, and a week before I had her I was 171.

I have been a gymnast since I could walk and working out and eating healthy was a major part of my life. I worked out everyday of my pregnancy, even with the migraines I still worked out in my room since I felt worse to not work out. I grew up in a gym, homeschooled with other gymnast we had weigh ins I was an elite gymnast so weight and body image is something I have always struggled with. I was so scared to gain weight scared to get fat, scared that I would go back to high school cutting if I got fat. Just afraid that I would become depressed because I would hate myself. Well I didn’t cut ( go me), but I did become depressed, I hated mirrors and still do, pictures are even worse and make me feel HUGE. My husband has told me from day one how beautiful I am, how attractive I am but how could I be when I was huge and still feel huge.

I also was so afraid to get stretch marks, My sister had a baby and gained 87 pounds she has stretch marks from head to toe and I dredged that. Needless to say I used stretch mark preventative lotion about 10-12 times a day to prevent them. I didn’t, I have them on my hips, my thighs, my butt, boobs, stomach, and inner thighs. I cried, I know there is nothing I can do but I did so much to not get them. I mean I worked out everyday. I was the fat pregnant person that everyone stared at when I went to the gym specially since I’m in college so they are all college kids. I lotion all the time, drank nothing but water. I tried to watch my weight gain since I have Celiac I’m allergic to most foods that could even make me gain weight. But I did.

Then that day came Irelynd was born Jan 31 2010, she was tiny only 6 pounds 15. ounces cute as a button and I fell in love. I love being a mom, I love her like I have never loved anyone before. But I hate my body, I hate that I can’t get it back. Despite what I was told or heard I started working out 3 days after I had her, I’m not good at taking a break. ( I had to go take a test for a class when I left the hospital after having her) I have been working out none stop for weeks and have only lost 32 pounds, which may seem like a lot but I lost that in two weeks and have been stuck at the number. I hate my stretch marks, I hate that my beautiful boobs have now a tear drop look. I’m self conscious when I have sex, specially when I’m on top because my boobs look so gross. Speaking of boobs, I wore a bra everyday all day even at night through my pregnancy to not get a sag, and they did. My husband thinks I’m attractive and tells me all the time but I have the hardest time believing him. I can’t imagine how he could be attracted to me. I’m one of five girls all who look like I did pre pregnancy and are beautiful and I’m still Huge. I know that my daughter is worth it and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I just can’t wait to get back to normal. And I know you may be thinking your nuts you look fine but since I was a gymnast fine isn’t okay, I have to look fantastic. Specially since I still coach gymnastics and have lost all my athletic shape, my ability to do anything above a level 6 which is sad. I want to be thin again, I want to look muscular again.

Sorry I don’t mean to rant but I just need to get it off my chest because I don’t feel like anyone understands and it is great to know that there are other women out there that feel the same way as me.

Picture 1. Before pregnancy (I know my boobs are hanging out but I just won a 1000$ bikini contest)
Picture 2. Forty weeks prego
Picture 3. Hours after having Irelynd
Picture 4. Four weeks P.P
Picture 5. Four weeks P.P

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27 Responses to “Irelynd”

  1. Bryana Says:
    March 26th, 2010 at 10:36 am

    I can’t believe the vision you have got for yourself. You are beautiful. You have a body many many women dream of that haven’t even had children. I pray that your self image changes. You are beautiful and not even close to huge, if I might add. Your husband is not lying when he says you are beautiful, because it’s true.
    It saddens me when I hear about women going through such self hate after having children. You brought a miracle into this world, and it was for a reason. Not to mention you are only what, 2 months PP? Give it another couple months and you will look even more amazing.
    I’m praying for you.

  2. andrea Says:
    March 26th, 2010 at 10:47 am

    I know you may not want to hear this but you look fantastic!!!

  3. Kit Says:
    March 26th, 2010 at 12:12 pm

    Firstly, please be kinder to yourself. Five weeks post partum is NOTHING; the blink of an eye in terms of post-partum recovery and you’re going to have a much easier time if you stop beating yourself up about how much weight you have or haven’t lost. It takes time for your body to settle after having a baby and it’s much easier if you accept this. For example it takes six weeks or so for the rectus abdominis muscles to come together again (more if you’ve had a caesarean) so that alone will have an impact. I think it’s important to feel good about yourself after having a baby and if that involves going to the gym and working out or, at the other extreme, doing nothing but sit on the sofa with your baby then that’s great. Whatever makes you feel happy in your skin.

    I can sympathise with you wanting ‘perfection’ and to snap back and I understand how it’s all relative – there are people out there who would be thrilled to have your body at 5 weeks post partum (or even five years post partum!) but for you, coming from a very athletic physical state it can be hard to square even the small changes. I had a great body pre-twins. It sounds vain but I was really lucky in the genetic draw and did exercise, etc. so my stomach was fab. However, I had twins and they nuke it somewhat, in spite of all the creams and toning lotions you use. I didn’t get any stretch marks but the elasticity around my tummy is gone a bit. You wouldn’t know I’d had a baby unless you knew me ‘before’ and, equally, you wouldn’t know I’d had twins and I guess I look good for that, but I’m not what I was. I don’t have the belly button I used to have and I don’t have the skin tone around it and my breasts aren’t as full as they were. It’s fine, but I’ve lost that and no amount of exercise is going to change it. I’m currently training for a marathon (running BIG runs) and my stomach is as good as it’s going to get.

    I suppose what I’m saying is that you have to be kinder to yourself. You’re allowed to want to snap back to your former shape and you’re allowed to want to go back to ‘perfect’ but I would say please give yourself time. Don’t beat yourself up about taking longer than a month to ping into shape. Your body took a gradual journey for nine months and you have to allow it to come back in its own time. It will come back but it will be kinder on your head if you allow yourself a little peace with how things are.

    Fundamentally bodies change when we have a baby. Skin tone shifts, breasts alter and hips can go slightly wider (the shift in the pelvis) but you can still look fabulous. Just fabulous as a mother. You already rock a bikini so in six months time you’ll be in a wholly different place. But be patient, please, and kinder to yourself. Motherhood is a much sweeter place if you’re being kind to yourself. You’ve got a lovely figure and it’s still early days so don’t worry.

  4. tanya Says:
    March 26th, 2010 at 12:14 pm

    girl you will get there!! you look amazing already for 5 weeks! it took me a year to get back to the same as before i was pregnant.and i did get there, but like you i was impatient and i felt so bad looking. but you will get there just enjoy yur baby cuz i missed out on that i was too stressed with how i look . and now i miss her being that age.. shes two now :) k this is too long sorry but you just gotta know you will get there!!!! :D

  5. Sarah Says:
    March 26th, 2010 at 12:29 pm

    Dang!!! You look AMAZING! Four weeks PP!? You look great! And I think better than pre-pregnancy! Congratulations! :D

  6. kat Says:
    March 26th, 2010 at 12:40 pm

    sweetheart you look fabulous! stretch marks everywhere? i dont think so! all that water and lotioning really worked, your skin looks radiant and tight! and after 4wks pp you look GGGGGGRREEEAATTTT!!! give your self some credit bc you really do look fantastic!

  7. Nicole Says:
    March 26th, 2010 at 1:28 pm

    Honoustly other than your tattoo’s your body doesnt look any different.

  8. Lilette Says:
    March 26th, 2010 at 1:51 pm

    You look great. Seriously. I am now 40 weeks pregnant and wish I look like you 5 weeks from now.
    As for muscles, your a gymnast, you know, it takes time to rebuild them. I am sure your core muscles are still there, especially if you exercised during pregnancy. As for the superficial ones, they already appear on your picture and it will be clearer and clearer as time passes. As a teacher, you can now understand better a need for motivation, what frustation can feel like, … I am sure it makes you a better teacher than someone who has not been there and this is much more important than your shape 5 weeks pp. Your shape will come back, your added maturity will not go away
    Finally, concerning boobs : they do not seem saggy or anything but if you really beleive that, keep in mind that is where they were heading to pregnancy or no pregnancy anyway. That is called aging and gravity

  9. KW Says:
    March 26th, 2010 at 2:40 pm

    I understand that you come from a world and occupation where your body is pretty much it. That was your livelihood and the most important factor in doing it well. I won’t bother with telling you how good you look, since you yourself acknowledge that you’re looking at a standard that’s pretty impossible.

    Maybe it’s time to consider a new occupation or area of work where your physical arrangement of cells isn’t the main factor? Could you change directions and consider business, medicine, teaching, dog walking, taxidermy? haha…the possibilities are endless. You know you’re going to submit yourself to a lifetime of frustration if you try to fit into a role that may be over for you. Find a career that fits your body; don’t fit your body into one. Good luck!

  10. linao Says:
    March 26th, 2010 at 3:05 pm

    You look amazing for four weeks postpartum!!!Even though you gained weight truthfully you can’t tell you still are very muscular and have a great figure if you look like this now in 2 months with proper exercise and nutrition you will look like your old self! And congratulations on your baby it sure is a miracle when you believe you can have a little one I wasn’t sure either.

  11. xserenityx Says:
    March 26th, 2010 at 4:00 pm

    Wow, you look beautiful, esp with your new tattoos!!! You were so brave and strong to go through with your pregnancy, too!

  12. Amy Says:
    March 26th, 2010 at 6:12 pm

    This post really upsets me- you do have a problem- you have failed to recognise what your body has gone through and you are doing so much physical work to try and “get your body back” to it’s prior condition- but what’s the hurry? Is it competitiveness with your family? If you keep doing what you are doing, you may end up hurting yourself. You think it’s hard to get back to level 6 gym now? (i am an ex-gymnast so i know what that means) It will be even harder if you give yourself a prolapse because you have been doing high impact exercises before your body was ready. It will be harder if you give yourself joint problems because of the hormones still present in your body. It will be harder if you give yourself an abdominal hernia because you worked your abs too hard too soon before they closed. I am sure you are a good mum, but the way you are treating your body is naive, short-sighted and disrespectful. As I said, I am an ex-gymnast too, I am also vain and my body is crucially important to me- I wore a bra 24/7 since i found out i was pregnant to 1.5 months after i stopped breastfeeding (17.5 months in total), I exercised etc. I can really relate to you, but you need to learn to be patient and show yourself and body some respect

  13. Christina Says:
    March 26th, 2010 at 6:13 pm

    You look great for 5wks postpartum. And I’m sure you will bounce back since you are used to being active. It takes a little while for a woman’s body to go back to the way it was, but if you continue to eat healthy and slowly restart your fitness routine I’m sure your body could look better than it was before! I have a 9month old, and after a lot of hard work I am 10lb less than I was before pregnancy. You can do it, girl! It just takes a little time and patience.

  14. Colleen Says:
    March 26th, 2010 at 9:29 pm

    Honey, I’m not sure what to say. You have a very unhealthy image of what is a “perfect” body from all of those years in gymnastics, and it is preventing you from seeing that you look completely fantastic. At 4 weeks postpartum your uterus isn’t even back to it’s normal size yet! You have GOT to take it easy on yourself or you’re going to end up hurting yourself somehow.

    And to tell you the truth, I think you look better now than you did before–much more natural and much less starved. I’m sorry if that’s hard to hear but you look great, and I hope you can realize that for your own sanity.

  15. Kerry Says:
    March 27th, 2010 at 3:48 am

    You are 4 weeks pp! As hard as it is for you to cut yourself some slack.. you have to! You JUST had a baby! You will look like you did in the first picture by like 16 weeks pp I bet. You are already so tiny! I’m not a gymnast (I wish!)so I dont understand the incredible tension you feel, but I do however come from a family of 4 beautiful sisters, 2 who look like your prepregnancy picture and always make comments about my body (Im a size 7 now), so I know how that can feel… it suck! But hey whenever you feel down just go grab your little bundle of joy and thank God for her, that He blessed you with the gift of this precious child. In the end does it really matter if you are a size 00? I think you are beautiful!

    By the way if those are saggy boobs I dont even want to know what mine would be classified as!!! Eek!

  16. suzanne Says:
    March 27th, 2010 at 9:00 am

    um, you look fantastic. i actually assumed you were a body builder rather than a gymnast because of how little/ not saggy/ how toned your tummy is. feel free to share your workout!

  17. me Says:
    March 27th, 2010 at 9:01 pm

    looking good there :)

  18. Lindsey Says:
    March 28th, 2010 at 1:11 am

    I just want to say you look absolutely amazing. I am also very athletic and I care a lot about how my body looks. I completely understand when you say that it only matters how YOU feel, not what others tell you. If I was told that 4 weeks after having a baby I would snap back as quickly as you, I would be thrilled! You are beautiful; give your body some more time recover from your pregnancy and birth, and I think your self-confidence will return in full force. Try not to be so hard on yourself :)

  19. B.C. Says:
    March 28th, 2010 at 8:16 am

    You looked lovely before pregnancy but now you look amazing! You’re still slender but now you look like a WOMAN! Listen to your husband … I’ve never met a man that didn’t appreciate a woman with curves!

  20. JUlie Says:
    March 28th, 2010 at 8:46 am

    Thank you all for your responses, It is very hard for me to accept my new body, one day I hope to Because I don’t want to grow up the way I did where my mom was weight and body obessessed. I don’t want Irelynd to have to go through the same lifestyle as I did.

  21. Apryl Says:
    March 28th, 2010 at 1:08 pm

    You looked better mere hours after giving birth than most of us did before getting pregnant. You have a very unhealthy body image, and that concerns me. You are going to hurt yourself if you don’t calm down about getting back into the shape you were pre-pregnancy. Our bodies need time to heal before we push ourselves too hard after having a baby.

    Please give yourself a break, and allow your body to heal, while you enjoy that new baby.

    Also, if you are breastfeeding, it will help you to get rid of the weight better than almost any workout. I was overweight when I got pregnant with my youngest, but 2 months after her was born, I weighed 30 pounds LESS than I did before getting pregnant.

  22. Shealene Says:
    March 28th, 2010 at 5:50 pm

    I think you look even better now!!! But chances are, since you’re only a couple months postpartum now…then you’re probably going to look a lot like the beginning picture. Give yourself some time! You look gorgeous already and I’m pretty sure everyone else is thinking that too.

  23. tilly Says:
    March 29th, 2010 at 12:16 am

    You look amazing and its ONLY 4 weeks PP! you will definatley have your BEAUTIFULL BODY back in no time :)

  24. Shane Says:
    March 29th, 2010 at 1:34 am

    You look incredible/amazing. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but your beautiful newborn daughter is at risk of getting an eating disorder/body dysmorphic disorder if she is around you when you talk about your body like this. And she will pick it up. You don’t see what other people do. The way you hate your perfect body – This will influence her. Just saying.

  25. Christina Says:
    March 30th, 2010 at 7:12 am

    I have never looked the way you were before you got pregnant. But I totally understand how you must feel. You still have a beautoful figure though, and all that weight will drop in NO time. By three months pp, you’ll be back to your old self again. Give yourself a break hunny! I still looked 5 months pregnant at 5 weeks pp. haha.

  26. Ashley Says:
    March 30th, 2010 at 9:36 pm

    You’re only 4 weeks PP… give it some time! Stressing over it is probably making it come off slower, just relax, eat healthy, and keep working out, it took you a few months to gain the weight, you can’t expect to lose it any faster than you gained it! You don’t look like you’re lost much muscle either.

    I played college ice hockey and gained 60lbs during my pregnancy. I lost the 60lbs in 6 months but didn’t start to get my muscle and shape back until a year after having my daughter. Here’s my second entry on SOAM: http://theshapeofamother.com/blog/what-6-months-of-weight-training-can-do-ashley/

    You’re off to a WAY better start!

  27. Ashley Says:
    March 31st, 2010 at 11:03 pm

    JUlie Says:
    March 31st, 2010 at 7:57 pm
    “you wrote on my thing ( Irelynd) and you look amazing I can’t believe how fit you look which is how I use to look… So how much cardeo did you do, and what did you do for your stretch marks b/c I can’t see them in your 1 year”

    Thanks! Other than walking and lifting which I couldn’t/didn’t start until nine months postpartum I didn’t do any cardio. I played hockey again twice at 8 weeks postpartum but messed up my ankles shortly after and couldn’t play again until 18 months postpartum.

    I haven’t done anything about my stretch marks, they just get better with weight loss, time, and a little tan. Maybe after then next baby I’ll try a laser treatment or something, or at least the new Mederma for stretch marks, but I really don’t care about them much anymore, I just got back from Maui last week and wore a bikini without caring about them. I seriously used to think they were the end of my world and that I’d never wear a bikini again, but they got a lot better and I got over it lol.

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