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I wish I wasn’t so ashamed of my body (Anonymous)

April 23, 2010

Age:31
# of pregnancies and birth: 2 pregnancies and 1 birth
My child is now 4 years old.

I became pregnant and gave birth to a handsome boy at the age of 26. As much as I adore and cherish my son, the scars left on my body haunt me till this day. I’ve always suffered with poor body image. I’m a black women without any curves and that’s very unattractive in my culture. I am single and I’m lonely because I’m afraid to show anyone my body. The last person I dated walked away because I had a hard time being intimate and would not take my clothes off….instead I had sex with my shirt on and I would not let him touch me for fear of feeling how small my breast were and how terrible my skin felt with the stretch marks. I really believed that by 31 I would have outgrown these fears but as I age they become more real and harder for me deal with.
However, today is a new day and I’m tired of feeling like damaged goods. Showing my pictures today will be the first start in liberating myself. This is me and if I don’t start loving me, how can I expect anyone else to?

The photos of me on my side and my back are my least flattering positions

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38 Responses to “I wish I wasn’t so ashamed of my body (Anonymous)”

  1. kat Says:
    April 23rd, 2010 at 8:28 am

    You have such a BEAUTIFUL athletic body! Be proud of it! I hope you can see what the rest of us see and let yourself be happy. You deserve it!

  2. bc Says:
    April 23rd, 2010 at 8:47 am

    You have a gorgeous body! You’re built like a model and have lovely breasts … I’m jealous!

  3. Lulu Says:
    April 23rd, 2010 at 9:21 am

    I would kill for a body like that! I have curves, but in completely the wrong places! And the skin on my belly is so stretched that it hangs off like grandma-skin, and I’m only 21. One of my best friends is black, and she lost all her signature black-woman-curves after she had her baby, but she’s super confident about her image, and that confidence drives boys crazy!

  4. M Says:
    April 23rd, 2010 at 9:42 am

    Hunny show your body off…you have nothing to be ashamed of. You look delicious and any man would think so as well. Your body is tight and your breast are perky. Look in the mirror everyday and tell yourself “I grew a life inside me, I am strong, I am beautiful, my body is an amazing thing, damn I look good!!” You are blessed to look so well after childbirth….be proud!

  5. Stacy Says:
    April 23rd, 2010 at 9:49 am

    Ummm….

    I would cut off my right leg for your body…

    Okay maybe not, but I seriously spend 2-3 hours a day in the gym trying to get somewhere close.

    You are smokin hot, and have awesome tits. Crazy. Body image is such a weird thing :O)

  6. elena Says:
    April 23rd, 2010 at 10:12 am

    i really hope that you do liberate yourself because your body looks fantastic! there are so many women out there who have never even had kids and would still kill for your figure!!

  7. Colleen Says:
    April 23rd, 2010 at 11:53 am

    Oh honey, your post made me so sad. I know plenty of women who would KILL for your body (including some that have never had children). It just depresses me that you have such a great shape and are so THIN and you can’t appreciate it.

    Think of it this way…would you rather be un-curvy and a healthy weight or unhealthily heavy but with the curves you so desire?

    Men obviously find you attractive or they wouldn’t date you or want to have sex with you! It’s true. I hope you can find the confidence to see in yourself what others (men included!) can see in you.

  8. heather Says:
    April 23rd, 2010 at 11:59 am

    you dont look bad at all…have you thought moving out of your commuunity> I think you look really great, your belly is flat and your slim, Iam jealous! lol

  9. nirinleant Says:
    April 23rd, 2010 at 12:19 pm

    in my eyes you look just fine.. i think your body looks really good.. and the stretch mark, i can not even tell where it is… you are thin and your body looks great..if you are worry about your stomache much or you do not feel confidence.. exercise will help actually..my personal trainer at the gym told me the body image is just on your head.. people think you look just fine… he said that after i told him my stomache looks terrible…
    and i think we should not waste our time by thinking much about it .. let time helps..and you will see the diffirent in time

  10. Hannah Says:
    April 23rd, 2010 at 12:48 pm

    Thank you for your courage in posting pics. Doing this makes it easier for all of us who feel that way—-and it helps me because you are lovely. It helps me to see my own lovelyness. I think we blow up our ‘flaws and scars’ to the point where we feel untouchable.

    Let go of those judgements and offer yourself love.

  11. Liz Says:
    April 23rd, 2010 at 1:18 pm

    You look amazing in my opinion.

    I do know how you feel, I could have written your post myself. I have had three kids, I can’t seem to love myself no matter how hard I try. I would love to look as good as you do!

  12. Jess Says:
    April 23rd, 2010 at 1:36 pm

    This makes me sad actually… Because you fared REALLY well

    Because if I had your body I would be wearing a bikini this summer

    Because you are still lean and beautiful, you really do have curves, the fourth pic is my fav

    it shows the curve of your hip and breasts (they could look like rocks in socks lol)

  13. Jo Says:
    April 23rd, 2010 at 2:04 pm

    Wow, you’re totally hot. I would LOVE to have your body and especially your boobs. Love your body, trust me I am 40 and things go down hill – you’ll look back and wish you embraced that gorgeous body you have been lucky enough to be blessed with.

  14. Sarah Says:
    April 23rd, 2010 at 6:24 pm

    Why not trying to flaunt your body shape, despite what your culture says about it? I think you’re freaking gorgeous! I think once you change the way you look at your body — even if it starts with smiling at yourself when you stand naked in front of the mirror and wearing a little more fitted clothing and a bikini in the summertime — that eventually you will change your internal monologue and people around you –white, black, whatever — will become attracted to your confidence, not your body (although, who wouldn’t be attracted to your beautiful body?!). Try that for a while. Start little. Challenge yourself each day to act confidently when you don’t feel it, tell yourself that you’re beautiful, even when you don’t feel like it. Trust me! Little by little, things will look up. That’s how I started… I felt so ashamed to be a 22 year old with cellulite! But now I embrace my body. I don’t wear bikinis, mind you, but I do with shorts. I’m getting braver and I do believe I have a positive outlook on my body and I think I’m beautiful the way God made me… all 5 feet 2 inches, 118 pounds– cellulite and stretchmarks and all! Put a smile on your face! :)

  15. meredith Says:
    April 23rd, 2010 at 8:20 pm

    Are you kidding??? You’ve got a figure built for the runway! You look perfect and I have a feeling that whatever you pull off the rack looks great on you. You’re healthy and beautiful and have a figure most women aspire to. Maybe you should consider men outside of your culture who would appreciate your fabulous figure?

  16. Elizabeth Says:
    April 23rd, 2010 at 9:36 pm

    You are GORGEOUS! You definitely have a bikini body, mama. I’m jealous.

  17. Sunshine Says:
    April 24th, 2010 at 3:51 pm

    OMG! Your body is identical to mine… You are beautiful hun, embrace it… Trust me it doesnt look as bad as it seem…

  18. Charlotte Says:
    April 24th, 2010 at 8:03 pm

    Are we looking at the same pictures?? Your body is hot and most guys will give their right arm to be with you! You need to believe you’re beautiful!

  19. sam Says:
    April 24th, 2010 at 8:38 pm

    Girl, you’re are gorgeous!!! Women would kill to have your body! I see that you’re hurting and maybe someone to talk to could help. Like a girlfriend,auntie, or your mom. Just ask them to hear you out an not to interject. You do truly look fabulous and any man who would be turned away from you is not worth your time! A real man would love you for your (miniscule) stretchmarks and all. I hope you find love yourself because before you can love anyone else you must love yourself first.
    Good Luck girl!

  20. monika Says:
    April 25th, 2010 at 3:28 am

    hey there!
    you are not only beautiful as a women who gave a birth, you are JUST beautiful! it’s hard to imagine, you can feel so bad having such as wonderful body!
    I know, body is not the most important thing, but if I was a man, I’d be proud of having so good looking woman by me. no, I don’t write it only to comfort you, I write it, ’cause I really(!) mean it.
    you look as a model, think about it and take care!

  21. monika Says:
    April 25th, 2010 at 3:30 am

    no, no, no, let me tell it one more time, YOU DO LOOK GREAT!

  22. JUlie Says:
    April 25th, 2010 at 6:52 am

    You are a lot like me, don’t know what you had till you lost it. I”m sure you have looked back at pictures of your old self and realized that you should of loved your body then. Don’t make that mistake and not love your body now. It is beautiful and yes you have scars from your child but i’m sure if you had to choose between scars and your child you would choose the scares. YOur breast are small but beautiful and many men LOVE small boobies I use to work as a waitress in a strip club and they do love the smaller boobs more then the big ones. Be proud of your body and your shape because it is truely beautiful

  23. Anonymous Says:
    April 25th, 2010 at 7:25 am

    Are you serious? Do you know how many woman would kill for that stomach, myself included! So what if your breasts aren’t huge? They are perky and petite..would you rather have large breast that sag down after pregnancy? Honey, you have fared so well after pregnancy, your body is smoking! Take that compliment from a 26 year old mother who wasnt so fortunate..I still cant wear a bikini like a use to and I was a size 0 before pregnancy. I would kill to wear a bikini and feel like my old self again, go out and flaunt it..wear a miracle bra if it make you feel any better but you have nothing to be ashamed of!

  24. J.D. Says:
    April 25th, 2010 at 10:28 am

    you look amazing! you should be proud of yourself!

  25. Ema Says:
    April 25th, 2010 at 6:21 pm

    Wow, you have a gorgeous body! :( I wish you could see it. Have you considered that you may suffer from body dysymorphic disorder? (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_dysmorphic_disorder)

    You really are gorgeous. Most people would kill for your body!

  26. Suzanne Says:
    April 27th, 2010 at 4:39 am

    We have really similar bodies and I’ve never had any kids. I’m 26 and thinking about having them so I’m checking out this site.
    Im also attracted to girls so I’m not just saying this in an envious way but you have those awesome boobies that point up. I love those and also wish mine did that.
    And you made me feel better about maybe having kids after seeing your pictures so Thank you!!

  27. Outspoken Tomato Says:
    April 27th, 2010 at 10:50 am

    I think you have a stunning body, but I know how you feel. I struggle with body image and having a baby didn’t help my confidence any (at least as a far as body image goes). I’ve lost most of my baby weight, but I am still super self-conscious about my lumps and bumps and stretchmarks. I know it may be hard to accept the compliments, but we really all think you look fantastic! You look beautiful and have nothing to be ashamed of. (((HUGS!!!)))

  28. Maria Says:
    April 27th, 2010 at 10:42 pm

    You look gorgeous! Your body is in great shape and your breasts are perfect!!! The pic where you are on your side is not unflattering at all! If I pose like that, my tummy will be laying beside me on the bed, lol. You have nothing to be ashamed of and hopefully you will find a man who will love you just the way you are.

  29. kimber Says:
    April 28th, 2010 at 4:31 pm

    holy cow, you look perfect! wow!

  30. Sara Says:
    April 29th, 2010 at 5:12 am

    I can only agree with the others: you have a great body and the most perfect breasts!

  31. Greg Says:
    May 1st, 2010 at 7:09 am

    You have a great body, you have nothing at all to feel ashamed of.

  32. camille Says:
    May 6th, 2010 at 7:24 pm

    Listen. My husband and I constantly fight over my body. I always talk bad about my bod. Before I was pregnant. I was 130 size 4 and I constantly bitched about cellulite and some minor stretchmrx I got from growing….now post baby at 160 and covered with stretch marks and cellulite in my knee caps I wish I would have loved my body the whole time. My man gets so mad when I complain about my body. He doesn’t want to give me compliments anymore because I always roll my eyes and call him a liar. I think more than anything men are attracted to women who love their bodies and have confidence. When I cry about my fat or my bad skin my husband feels so helpless and frustrated cuz he thinks I’m pretty. So love yourself first and stop obsessing about something u can’t change and you will find someone who loves u for u. Trust me. A confidant woman is sexy no matter what, a self sabotaging sad woman is a turnoff.

  33. Elyse Says:
    May 10th, 2010 at 1:36 pm

    hun you look SO much better than me! I have stretch marks front to back and uneven lumpy skin… a permanently disfigured stomach from my pregnancy. You, on the other hand, look FABULOUS! It could be so much worse :)

  34. Suzanne Says:
    May 18th, 2010 at 5:48 am

    wow you look amazing, wish my boobs were still as perky as yours! :D

  35. Melina's mama Says:
    August 20th, 2010 at 4:14 pm

    damn girl! nice!

  36. Y Says:
    September 3rd, 2010 at 6:17 pm

    Your body is exactly like mine. Like you, I too am black. I have zero curves. And my stomach looks much worse than yours. When I lie down flat on my back, the wrinkily mess goes in (I have a hernia). When I stand up, my skin hangs wrinkled and ugly. I hate hate it. But what can I do. This is how my body responded to pregnancy and child birth. I hope, at some point, I will become comfortable with it… as someone pointed out, we must love ourselves now because when it passes, we will regret it even more. Sigh. I do relate to your pain in many ways.

  37. Yazmynna Says:
    January 21st, 2011 at 12:15 pm

    OMG I hope my body looks like yours after birth! You look great! I really cant see how you dont realize that.

  38. Kheiyah Says:
    September 9th, 2011 at 9:32 pm

    you have a great body…but i know in your mind you probably thinking what all of us are thinking…just know i am a size 18 with a lot of curves and bumps and my body definitely shows i had two children…my man is all over me and i dont know what to do with myself sometimes. but he loves me for me and i am sure yours does too…i would love to have your stomach….

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