~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies 2 births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 22 months and 3 months
I had my first baby at 18 and my second at 20. Before I fell pregnant I had a fantastic body – although I never appreciated it. Now, I can’t stand to look at myself in the mirror. I’m suffering quite badly from post partum depression but have sought treatment and I am now on anti depressants. Most days, I can’t leave the house. I hate myself for being so vain and preoccupied with the way that I look – I should feel proud of myself for what my body has achieved, but it’s a struggle to look at it that way. I’m currently 3 months pp after my second baby, and have so far shed my weight from that pregnancy, but still have about 8 lbs to go before I reach my goal weight (the weight I was before I fell pregnant with my first child.) Even though I weigh 127 lbs, my body shape has changed. I hate my wide hips, and all the loose skin – I’ve got a permanent ‘muffin top.’
My husband has never been one for compliments, but I wish for once he would just say that I look okay, or that he thinks I am beautiful. Feeling that I look ugly to him is probably what gets me down the most. Our sex life is non-existent, not that I don’t offer, but he’s just not interested. He says it’s not because of the way I look, that he’s just tired, etc, but I don’t believe him.
I wish I could be confident, and accepting of the way that I am. Right now, I am focusing on getting my mind healthy and being a loving mother to my two amazing children but the way that I look is a constant weight on my shoulders.
(1st picture 5 months pp with first baby the rest are me today, at 3 months pp after second baby)