The Shape of a Mother The Shape of a Mother The Shape of a Mother The Shape of a Mother The Shape of a Mother

« | Home | »

Bittersweet (Anonymous)

September 1, 2010

Age: 31
3 Pregnancies and 3 Csections
Ages of Children: 7, 4, and almost 3 years.

I call my story “Bittersweet” because my journey has often felt that way. I’ve struggled with my weight
all my life. I was very active when I was younger and didn’t really gain a lot until college and marriage.
I stayed in size 10s and 12s. At my heaviest I was 250 and wore size 18s. I’ve been on every diet.

Now I’m 31 years old, I weigh 139 pounds, I am 5’7 1/2″, and I wear clothes in sizes 6, 7, and 8.

Here’s what happened:
I’ve had 3 pregnancies where I gained too much weight, and I’ve had 3 csections- the first of which being a perfect scar on the bikini line by an amazing doctor, the second and third cuts were made above the bikini line by not so great doctors causing me to have horrible scars and a lopsided belly.

After my third baby, I decided to get in shape the healthy way. I eat great, strength train, and do cardio.
Long story short, I lost 100 pounds and am now at a weight and size that is smaller than the day I got
married. I finally could wear a bikini, but do you think I would- Hell no.

I’m about at the finish line with my weight loss journey. There’s still 5-10 pounds I’d like to shed.
And what has happened- no I didn’t win a prize- instead, my boobs have completely deflated- they are
not perky and full like when I weighed 160 pounds and higher, my entire body is covered in stretchmarks.
It seems as though new ones appear daily on my boobs, my sides, my butt, and now down my thighs and
legs (which used to be my best feature).

I’m saddened by all of this. I don’t feel sexy at all. I cannot afford any kind of plastic surgery or special
lotions, skin treatments. I often want to gain the weight back- not all of it but enough to get my boobs back
and not be so saggy.

I appreciate everyone who reads this. It saddens me especially because it seems as though I cannot
watch a movie without seeing a beautiful naked woman on it. Men see gorgeous naked women all the time
without even having to try. How can a man appreciate a body like this. My husband says he likes my
body and likes it smaller now, but come on!!! I’m not buying it. I feel disgusting. It’s bittersweet to lose
weight and not love my new body. I hate it worse than when I was overweight.

090110-anon-1

Post to Twitter Post to Facebook

19 Responses to “Bittersweet (Anonymous)”

  1. jen Says:
    September 1st, 2010 at 9:47 am

    congratulations on your amazing work! 100 pounds is no small feat. i totally see what you mean by men being able to see perfect (almost nude) women all over the place. my husband would never look at porn but victoria secret adds are everywhere as are bikini clad swimmers at the pool/beach. i look at their perfect figures and wonder why anyone would be with me when they could have another. i guess the answer is because i am me. my husband met me, fell in love with me, created his son with me. that’s true for you too, he loves you. and your body because it houses you.you are such a great inspiration! enjoy all those clothes you couldn’t wear before! :)

  2. Shannon Says:
    September 1st, 2010 at 10:56 am

    Personally, I think you look AMAZING! I have had 2 cesareans, so I know how hard it is to tone after that. Did you used to have the cesarean “shelf”? How did you get rid of it? What was your diet/exercise like? The fact I am asking you these questions must mean that I think you look great! Share your secret with me :) Also, you did the right thing…you are now more healthy for yourself, your kids, and your husband. I know what you mean about the nudity on movies…I don’t like my husband looking at it either…but I think they really mean it when they say they only have eyes for us! Who is more appealing/admirable? A girl who will take her clothes off on TV for the world to see, or a woman who created life, took care of that life, and then worked so hard to take control of her own life??

  3. Hilary Says:
    September 1st, 2010 at 4:58 pm

    I think that you are being way too hard on yourself–you have had three children AND lost 100+ lbs. You look great! Plus, you have the exact same boobs as me :) As for your husband–believe him!

  4. mrs. petunia Says:
    September 1st, 2010 at 6:42 pm

    I’m so sorry for your pain. How awful to go through all that work and be so disappointed with the results! I have noticed that the stretch marks on my breasts are more visible now than when I was younger. I think that as my boobs sag a bit the indentations become more obvious. When they’re fuller it fills em in- so I do know what you mean. Anyway, stretchmarks and all, I think you look lovely. You have a great hip to waist ratio. Your waist is so tiny and cinched and your hips are nicely rounded. I think many women would be very envious of such an hour glass figure. I’d dare to guess you fill out your clothes very nicely. And congratulations on getting so healthy. That takes a shitload of work and you should be proud!

  5. Jeff Says:
    September 1st, 2010 at 9:43 pm

    Are you serious? I think your body is the body of a real woman. It is very beautiful, and desirable.

    Your husband is right. You should take his words at face value…because at the end of the day, nothing is more gorgeous to a man, than the woman he adores.

  6. Sarah Says:
    September 1st, 2010 at 10:09 pm

    “It saddens me especially because it seems as though I cannot watch a movie without seeing a beautiful naked woman on it. Men see gorgeous naked women all the time.”

    Those beautiful naked women are transitory, caterpillars. They were there when you were young and active, they’ll be there when you’re old and inactive. Inevitably, they will metamorphose into young thirty-somethings with crow’s feet and bulges and grey hairs. They will metamorphose into mothers with stretch-marks and wide hips and boobs that are less than perky. Or they won’t. But they’ll still metamorphose. They will metamorphose into middle-aged women and old women. And they’ll all look the same when they’re eighty.

    Do men see gorgeous naked women in person all the time? Probably not. At least, not gorgeous naked women as Hollywood envisions them. Most of those gorgeous naked women are doctored with make-up and Photoshop. What men do see in person are real-life girlfriends and wives and partners, who have all aged or gone bittersweet to some degree or another. I have no doubt that the majority of them are genuinely see their partners as gorgeous naked women. How couldn’t they? Nature made us with pubic hair, pendulous breasts, and padded hips. It did not make us hairless and it didn’t make most of us firm and thin. Love and sexual attraction are definitely not contingent on things that are unnatural to us . . . like hairlessness and perpetual youth. Thank the stars that they aren’t. Because again, those gorgeous naked women are transitory at best and edifices at worst. You, mama of three, are neither transitory nor an illusion.

  7. lizz Says:
    September 2nd, 2010 at 12:23 am

    i really feel for you it’s so hard being an average looking woman with the average had-children-body in this world. but if your husbands supportive try to listen to his compliments and not the negative thoughts in ur head, i know it’s hard i have trouble believing that my husband is telling the truth when he says he thinks i’m sexy but i’m trying to believe it and that’s what counts.

  8. Wendy Says:
    September 2nd, 2010 at 2:00 am

    Im reading this because I am pregnant with my 3rd and was worried about a 3rd c section and I come across your storey, and it touched my heart! You are a beautiful Mother of 3!! Thats amazing! You have prelonged your life by loosing your weight and I know how hard that is to do. You will be able to watch your beautiful children grow up and become a Grandmother….Eck! I know its a long way off but your future is so much more than what you see in the mirror right now! Have faith, Your eyes will see what your husband sees and what I just saw when I looked at your picture! A Beutiful Woman who has nurtured and loved with all she has. Thats amazing, you are amazing! You look amazing! and when I have had my 3rd I pray that I too will look as trim and fit as you do now! God bless you and all you do.xxx

  9. DL Says:
    September 2nd, 2010 at 5:46 am

    I hear ya with the movies it is so unfair that they always show perfect airbrushed women baring it all, I hate that so much and not to mention it’s uncomfortable. you look beautiful and that is great you did it the healthy way, be proud of what you accomplished!!! I am struggling to loose 15-20lbs lol it’s driving me batty, I am so exhausted by the end of the day it is really hard to put some energy into working out but I do what I can fit in.

  10. Laura Says:
    September 2nd, 2010 at 6:41 am

    It’s incredible that you were able to lose so much weight!
    I’ve been trying to do that for five years now, but the baby weight is sticking like glue.
    I hate that our media broadcasts one certain body image as the ‘right one’. It is only a few percent of women that can come close to those standards. Our bodies created a miracle. The scars and we have are proof of our journey. You’re gorgeous!

  11. Susie Says:
    September 2nd, 2010 at 9:38 am

    You look like me a year ago. I have a 4 yr old and a 2 yr old, both c-section babies. I just want to let you know that improvement does happen but it’s very gradual. I am 40 yrs old and you being younger means you will heal faster. The fact that you lost so much weight is a testament to your commitment to health and well being. You look beautiful, congratulations on having 3 wonderful children.

  12. Carolyn Says:
    September 2nd, 2010 at 10:33 pm

    I think you’re beautiful and you’re story’s amazing. Listen to your husband he’s not lying. My breasts look very similar; except I’m 22 and have only one kid (18 mo)…I’m very slender and used to have perky As. I just hope my breasts will look as great as yours after 2 more. I have the same stretchmarks on my breasts too. I think you have gorgeous hips.

  13. The Absent Minded Housewife Says:
    September 3rd, 2010 at 11:09 am

    Excellent post Sarah.

  14. anonymous Says:
    September 4th, 2010 at 3:06 pm

    Thank you, everyone for your posts!!! You mean a lot to me!! Your words really touched my heart!

  15. anonymous Says:
    September 4th, 2010 at 3:11 pm

    I will continue to eat healthy, weight train, do cardio. And see how far I can go- But above all else- While working on my outside, I failed to work on my inside. You all have been helping me with this! I appreciate you!

    P.S. I use freedieting.com ‘s calculator to determine my daily needs- eat 5-7 small meals a day with protein at each meal, I cut off eating starchy, complex carbs by mid day, and I drink tons of water.

    I weight train 4 times a week and do cardio 3-5 days a week.

    I use a rough exfoliator and go crazy on my stretch marks in the shower- then coat myself heavily with cocoa butter/vitamin e lotion. My husband says I smell like a brownie. ha ha. maybe that’s all that matters…

    I welcome all comments and suggestions from everyone. You all are helping me reach my goal.

  16. Momma Says:
    September 4th, 2010 at 6:25 pm

    I am proud of you. I wish you would believe what your husband says. I have yo-yoed from 150-350. That’s not a typo. It took me a long time and lots of loving touches to finally believe the things my husband said about me. Don’t waste too much time disbelieving him. ;)

  17. Kitty Says:
    September 13th, 2010 at 3:16 pm

    Awe, I feel for you…
    You lost 100lbs!? WOW!
    That is def something you should be very proud of, and you know what. You do look great… and it matters most what you feel like, not what others feel.

    Men love women, they love their bodies….

    You will tone up over the years if you keep at it….it takes time.
    I’ve just finished having my two children and am just starting to tone up after four years!

    :)

    And if you even go the plastic surgery route one day that’s okay too. As long as you love your body, it makes life so much better.

    Take care.

  18. Kristy Says:
    September 17th, 2010 at 9:22 pm

    My breasts look exactly like yours (I have a 4 year old & a 5 month old). It’s hard to accept that your husband can indeed love a body that isn’t ‘perfect’, but can’t he love a body that has given him beautiful children, years of pleasure & that houses the soul of his partner? Not all men are shallow – just as we are often very forgiving of our partners physical ‘imperfections’. You are beautiful.

  19. further thoughts: "birth rape" and feminist policing (the curvature) | the feminist librarian Says:
    August 30th, 2014 at 4:54 pm

    […] credit: Bittersweet (Anonymous) from The Shape of a […]

Comments


Support This Site