When I was pregnant with my son I absolutely adored it. I guess I was channeling some fertility goddess vibes because I was at complete peace with everything — with my appearance, with however things would turn out, things I couldn’t control, etc. It was awesome to finally have a break from the insecure voice in my head telling me things were never good enough! I rubbed on my belly constantly and marveled at what my body was capable of doing.
I am now 6 months postpartum and love being a mom… but my first pregnancy led to gaining 70lbs. I went from a size 6/8 to a size 12. I already have a tall, muscular build, so the fat on top of the muscle just makes me look so bulky — particularly my arms! I was JUST NOW starting to slim down in my legs (I’ve never been one to carry a lot of weight in my thighs until pregnancy… wow, they were jiggly!) and not pooch out in my belly as much… I was feeling good (not great) about how I looked. I could feel sexy and hit on my hubby; I refused to let insecurity keep me from seeing friends or feeling confident in public. I grimaced while I bought XL or XXL tops and size 12 bottoms, but once they were in my regular wardrobe it felt better to wear those than try to stuff myself into a medium and feel ashamed. I know y’all know what I’m talking about with muffin top shame.
Anyway, I haven’t yet verified with a test, but I think I am once again pregnant — and I’d be elated if I am! Except for the idea of gaining more weight on top of this weight. The swelling! The cravings! The health scares of being in an overweight BMI from the get-go! The granny panties!!! Am I just going to keep going up and up in sizes? Will I really have to wait a year and a half until I am once again even this size? I figured some of you have dealt with this anxiety, come through it or had some words of encouragement. I don’t want vanity and weight-worry to get in the way of what should be just another beautiful pregnancy.
~Height: 5’10 Weight: 205lbs
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1 pregnancy, 1 birth, potentially pregnant for the second time by mere days
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 1 sweet 6mo. old boy