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(Anonymous)

Hi there, I’m a long time follower of this site and I do hope my submission is accepted. I’ve struggled so much with myself after (and during) pregnancy, but I’ve finally got the guts up to give this a shot.

I’m 26 years old, living in Australia. I get a lot of grief from others about being too young (excuse me?) and unmarried (not their business!) when I had my baby. She was a surprise – I have PCOS and have been told since I was a teen I wouldn’t have kids. Ha! I had a miscarriage a few month before I fell pregnant with my my baby girl, which was difficult.

Anyway, she’s 4 months old now, and she’s perfect. I feel like the failure. I had to have her by section (hooray breech babies!) and breast feeding failed because I got ill after the surgery (complications). I’m 155cm tall, and I was 47kg before I was pregnant. I was 66kg at delivery. I’m now 55kg and I feel gross. I look at myself and my hideous scar and just cry. I hate getting dressed because I don’t think anything looks good on me anymore. I was banned from exercise due to the surgical complications, so I’ve just been trying to eat healthily but it doesn’t quite cut it. And no amount of healthy eating or exercise can get rid of the scar from the section. My partner doesn’t listen when I try to talk to him about how I’m feeling, he just says things like ‘you knew things would be different, stop worrying about it, it doesn’t matter…’ But it does matter. It’s so hard to get confidence back, and when your partner (who is supposed to love and adore the baby AND you) pretty much ignores you and shows not much interest, it’s super hard.

Anyway, I attach my photos to try and be brave.

in Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Child Loss, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions

7 comments… add one

  • Shannon Thursday, October 9, 2014, 2:48 pm

    I would quite literally pay money to your your stomach :) You look excellent. Just enjoy your baby.

  • jessica Thursday, October 9, 2014, 4:43 pm

    I personally think you look awesome for 4 months postpartum. Dont worry and be so selfconcious. You look great. And that scar will eventually fade to about nothing. You definitely look way better than i do, and my youngest is 2.5 yrs. I have been stuck at 150 lbs since he was born.

  • will Friday, October 10, 2014, 12:30 pm

    You should be proud of how you look. You are beautiful. The scar isn’t very noticeable and will fad with time. Besides it is a reminder of the wonderful daughter you have.

    When you partner says “it doesn’t matter”, he may really mean that he thinks you still look great. Guys aren’t the smartest and we don’t always communicate what we mean well. I’ll try to be clear now. Be confident and be proud. You look great.

  • Colleen Friday, October 10, 2014, 4:31 pm

    Honey, you look gorgeous! You have such a little waist and shapely breasts. I know that extra 8 kg is hard for YOU to handle because you know exactly where every gram of it is, but I assure you…to everybody else, it’s hard to imagine there’s any “extra” on you anywhere. Your partner doesn’t know what he’s missing and he is an idiot for ignoring you. (P.S. I asked my husband’s opinion and he thinks you look great!)

    Also, your scar looks GREAT. I can personally promise you that it will be nearly invisible eventually. I too had a breech cesarean, five years ago now. I felt terrible about it for a long time. I’ve since had a VBAC, but that doesn’t erase the scar. The only reason you can even see mine anymore is because it’s below the hair line, so it disrupts the pattern a little bit. But the scar itself is this tiny thin line on my belly.

    I’ve written about my scar here and on TIAW several times. Most recently was about 2 years ago, and it has a picture to show you just how invisible it is now. There is also a link to my first post specifically about my cesarean scar, which has older pictures if you want to see what it started out like (in case you don’t believe me that yours will fade!). It’s here: http://thisisawoman.com/blog/seeing-hidden-things-colleen/

  • Gel Monday, October 13, 2014, 6:22 am

    I think you look like you are in great shape and the scar is not noticeable. We have similar weight but I am shorter than you and have bigger tummy even though I don’t have kids. Sometimes I feel gross but most of the time I’m thankful

  • Kristin Monday, October 13, 2014, 10:23 pm

    Wait…so you’re only 4 months pp, and you look like THAT?!?!!! Last time I looked even close to that great, I was working my butt off exercising and eating healthy BEFORE I had my baby!!! You’re BEAUTIFUL!!! As for your scar, it will fade to white within a few months; I’m 9 months pp, and mine is mostly white with just a bit of pink left on the side that got pulled really badly. But seriously, like, I would have killed for a body like that BEFORE I had my kid (which seems impossible now). You look healthy and slim with perfect little curves and perfect boobs and body. I am SO sorry to hear that you feel so down on your body, though. Sometimes guys don’t understand when women talk about their feelings; they’re problem solvers, so they try to solve the problem instead of realizing that usually our feelings are the problem, and we need validation and loving comments about our feelings. Try to explain that to him. (helped with my husband) Also, something that helps me is putting post-it notes on all the mirrors that say things like “you’re beautiful” and such, and I try not to look in the mirror obsessively. And when I DO look, I allow myself to make only one negative comment, but then I have to say three positives as well about myself, and turn the negative comment into a positive. Over time it really has made a difference :)

  • james Tuesday, October 14, 2014, 11:25 am

    *firstly, let me say I am a bloke…
    I have been following the SOAM website for quite some time because the stories are so heartfelt and a great reminder of how we all struggle with some situations sometimes…

    Now,… you don’t need your partner to adore you, you need to adore yourself… No matter what he does or doesn’t say it won’t change the way you feel about yourself.
    You are without doubt (as the other poster’s confirm) stunning with an incredible figure and any man would be honoured to be in your presence but men are no measure of your worth..
    Everyone deserves to be loved and cherished no matter how they look or feel.
    my belief has always been “beauty is a myth and sexy is a state of mind”
    so put your efforts into feeling sexy to yourself, not trying to achieve sexy in another’s eyes…

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