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18 Months Postpartum, Update (Anonymous)

I submitted here when my daughter was 12 months old.

I’d like to say that I’ve reached my weight loss goal over the last six months, but the truth is that the scale has barely budged a pound. I’ve been running three times a week, though, and have started to really enjoy it. I’m noticing some changes in my body, my clothes are definitely fitting better, and I’m learning that exercise isn’t just about losing/maintaining weight, but that it also has a huge mental health component. Like most women who post on this site, I struggle with body image. What frustrates me the most is that, when I am feeling stress about anything, I take it out on my body and attack myself.

My husband an I are considering a second pregnancy at the moment, and I really struggle with the idea of being pregnant before I reach my post-partum weight. What frightens me more, however, is that I suffered from depression during my first pregnancy and afterwards, and though it was treated fairly early on and I’ve recovered wonderfully, I am terrified of going through it again. I am speaking with a counselor at the moment about my fears, and am trying to accept my body the way it is and to stop wanting to change it. Life is too short, I think all of the time. I wish I could just shut off the part of my brain that focuses on hating my body. I have a daughter I love so much, and the idea of her suffering in this way just makes me want to weep. I know that I need to learn to love my own body before I can teach her that she is perfect just the way she is (even though of course I will teach her that.) I want to be a role model for her– of someone who might not fit the ridiculous physical ideal of our culture, but who loves herself inside and out. Thanks to everyone on here for posting their stories. We are all beautiful.

These photos are of me 18 months post-partum.

Updated here.

in Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update

15 comments… add one

  • natalie Thursday, May 21, 2009, 10:41 am

    Im jealous of your boobs. Mine are gigantic and wont go down!

  • Mina Thursday, May 21, 2009, 2:19 pm

    Thanks for this post – this comment of yours resonated with me: “I wish I could just shut off the part of my brain that focuses on hating my body”. I am like you in that I want to be healthy and beyond that not worry…not waste brain waves worrying about whether society likes my body.

    I wish I had an easy answer for you, but I did want to tell you that you spoke to me…

    Your body looks very feminine and strong, too :)

  • Mary Thursday, May 21, 2009, 3:48 pm

    Your body is really beautiful, womanly, and curvy! It reminds me of Charlotte Coyle, an amazing model… look her up!

  • Anna Friday, May 22, 2009, 1:00 am

    Would so kill for a belly and boobulas like that :) You look great, really.

  • Christie Friday, May 22, 2009, 5:16 am

    You look great :) Keep up the hard work, your belly is so flat and even. I’d be stoked to look like you at 18months PP :)

  • Tee Friday, May 22, 2009, 3:37 pm

    You look great. I went back to look at the pics
    from your previous post and from what I can see it looks like you are making some good progress. You look awesome – keep up the good work

  • Teresa Saturday, May 23, 2009, 9:24 pm

    I’m jealous of your boobs. Mine are flat and have never had that voluptuous curve.

    I think you are on your way to a healthy body attitude. Thank you for posting. I had PPD also, with both pregnancies, and it was hard to accept however I looked at it as just another of those side-effects and it made it easier to cope. Breastfeeding helped immeasurably to let me bond even through the depression. Keep heart, it does improve, as you know.

  • Mama Saturday, May 23, 2009, 11:06 pm

    You have a beautiful body!!! You look fantastic! :D

  • Mike Friday, June 12, 2009, 11:00 pm

    For weight loss, walk everyday instead of running. And cut out high amounts of High Fructose Corn Syrup. You were blessed with a Beautiful body.

  • Molly Wednesday, June 24, 2009, 9:19 pm

    Would it make you feel better if I said that your tummy looks EXACTLY like mine and I’ve never had a baby? I’m three pounds away from my ideal weight as well, not overweight at all; I exercise every day for an hour!

    This entry and pictures have made me feel better about myself, because I thought you look great, and then I realized that you look like me. :)

  • kristie Monday, June 29, 2009, 12:42 pm

    Mike,
    why walk instead of run? I typically run 4-5 miles 4-5 days a week. I am postpartum with twins, my second and third children,(my first is 2 years old) and actually gained weight a week after coming home from the hospital. My weight has not budged from there. (need to lose 35lbs and only 5’2) I am now 5 months postpartum and seriously starting up the running again b/c my schedule permits a bit now. But why not???? why walk??? I love to run too…

  • kristie Tuesday, June 30, 2009, 11:53 am

    sorry anonymous, didn’t mean to change topics on you. Your body is inspiring to those of us who have been there and want to be back there…keep up the running…its so good for you in so many ways

  • Rila Tuesday, August 18, 2009, 8:13 am

    You have an amazing body, thanks for sharing these storys.

  • Rob Podel Tuesday, March 5, 2013, 9:25 am

    my wife is at the same weight she was at when she gave birth six months ago. She gained 60 during preg, then lost 10-15, and now shes back to 55. She eats well, thyroid is fine, she works out with trainer twice a week adn alone 1-2 a times a week, she works so hard to not gain and to lose. she works full time as well, has healthy calories, 3 meals a day. I believe its all psychological, she cries herself to sleep every night and wont go to any social events any more, shes teh exact oppsite of what she was before. I want to help but have no idea, and she has no one to talk to about this…..

    any suggestions?

  • Bonnie (SOAM) Tuesday, March 5, 2013, 11:30 am

    Some thyroid tests are not as accurate as they need to be, and different doctors read them differently. You may choose to learn the numbers and do your own research on what they should be.

    That said, my personal belief (and experience) is that other things can contribute to weight gain. In my case, my body wasn’t tolerating gluten very well anymore. I think this is a very complex issue that isn’t being looked into seriously enough. But I know many people who ate well and exercised enough and still have not been able to lose weight. That is why I believe we should learn to love our bodies no matter what they look like. Because you are more than your body.

    So support your wife. Tell her how beautiful and smart and funny and wonderful she is every day. And help her get to the bottom of the issue if she wants to. No matter what eating well and exercise are good for her body and mind.

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