Third Pregnancy

My Battle Scars – Otherwise Known as My Belly (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) 5+ Years Postpartum, Belly, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 14 Comments

I am a 37 year old mother of 3 (ages 15, 9 & 7 yrs old). Lets just say I was done family planning by the time I was 30 yrs old.

I was always a fit person before having children, working out 3x a week and was a former gymnast and track star. But that all changed once I started to have children. My son was born when I was just 22 years old. I gained 55lbs with him, considering I used to be a size 4…that was devastating. But I loved being pregnant, however I retained a lot of water. After he was born it took me over a year to get back down to a size 6. Which I was more than happy about.

Then came my daughter 6 years later, followed by my youngest in which they were only 18 months apart. And again it was hard work to lose the weight and to get to where I am now.

I have over 10lbs to lose but I don’t want to be a size 0…I’m voluptuous …and I don’t mind. I have a personal trainer in which he tells me I have more muscle than fat and not to beat myself up too much. So in the meantime, I am working very hard to get rid of my saggy belly and to firm up, I will not consider surgery, besides I’m not a celebrity no one will really care after all…but I’m doing this for me!

My husband has been very supportive and showers me with compliments all the time, we are very much still in love and have been married for 12 years now. The reason why I am posting this is because my husband thinks I’m beautiful and loves my body despite my stretch marks (which have faded) but he doesn’t mind my saggy belly either, I told him he must be crazy because I hate my body.

When going on vacations I was very self conscience and would only wear a tankini’s or a one piece suit (which I hate!) But our next trip coming up is to Cancun and I got the courage to buy a bikini and show off my marks! I decided that as long as my husband didn’t care, why should I right? After all I’m happily married with wonderful children right? So I went shopping with the hubby and he bought me a Marc Jacobs bikini! I still can’t believe I bought it considering the price…I wanted my body to look decent before I spent that kind of $ on a bikini but my hubby was encouraging and voila…I’m showing you my pic!

I even asked my youngest girls how I looked in it (and since children are very honest) they said “you look good mommy!” and that put a smile on my face! So for those who are depressed about the saggy skin or the stretch marks after having children, I say go for it and buy that bikini! After all, I think to myself every line … every bulge was so worth it!

Thanks for reading my story!

Scars of Beauty (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 5 Comments

I am a 23 yr old mom of 3 ages 4, 1, & 1 month old i am 8 wks pp 3 csections.I had my first @ 18 yrs old my pregnancy in the beginning was tough because I was living in an environment unhealthy to my child and to myself. Aside from the fact my child’s father was abusive the person we were living with one of his parents wouldn’t let us get food stamps, because they were too prideful and didn’t want to look like a state case. I and my unborn child were malnourished I weight less then 95lbs. Eventually I let that situation and got to a safe haven where I was fed and gained weight and my child was starting too look as though he was going to burst me open I went unmarked (stretch marks ) for 8 months then my son was born And i seen what had truly happened after my csection. I was devastated, insecure, my body had been destroyed by this cute lil baby. I grew so fast after leaving his abusive father & the environment in which We my unborn & i were being deprived of the nourishment we needed. I felt like It was a reminder of the things this person & his family put me through. But it was a reminder of our determination to thrive and survive. We made it. In 2008 We found a man to love us, his family loves us we fit right into his life perfectly. I got married i never thought I was beautiful I couldn’t stand my body so I didn’t see how a man could but he did. In 2009 3 yrs after my son was born I had my lil girl I gained not 1 extra mark she is the easiest lil person but I feared for her body and getting stretch marks like I did. And 16 months dec 2011 after her I have birth to my newest lil boy and I gained no extra from him.

These are scars that remind me of the path I chose for my survival and my 1st sons survival.

So in a way they are well earned

4 Babies in 3 Years (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy, Twins 12 Comments

Hi,
I’m 35, mother of 4 beautiful children.
My PP weight was in 110-120 range. My first – twin pregnancy my weight went up to 198 lb, I went back to 115 lb 9 month after.
18 after the twins I’ve had my third beautiful baby and my weight was up to 170 lb. Again I lost all extra weight by the 9th month after the delivery.
Two years later I’ve had my fourth baby and my weight went up to 165lb. I’ve managed to lose 35 lb, but the rest is still with me.
I feel as if I had been more athletic I could get in the better shape, but my flabby belly will always stay with me and I hate it.
My husband is being very supportive and still very attracted to me sexually which means a lot. In general I feel very proud of my children, my husband and myself. Right clothes, nice hair, lipstick and wedges – and carry myself like a model, makes people turn their heads whenever I get out with all of my babies who are 5,5,4 and 2 now and I feel good. Carry yourself tall, girls, and your bellies will look flatter and your breasts fill sit higher and everyone will see how gorgeous you really are.

22 With 3, Starting to Slowly Accept and Change my Body (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy, Update 5 Comments

Previous post here.

When I was 6 1/2 months pregnant with my 3rd, my kids father left me and I in turn fell into a depression for pretty much the rest of my pregnancy. By the end of my pregnancy I had only gained 13lbs, and when my daughter was born at 39wks, she only weighed 6lbs, which the doctors said was under weight for her gestational age, but she is healthy. I was still so down after having her that my weight quickly went down to 170, and now 13months later I am still a single mother to my kids, and as sad as I get with my weight I realize that I have lost a good amount and I believe I look way better then I did before, plus the couple men that I have been with since having my daughter have not complained :) . I am now at 166 and would like to lose at least 20 more lbs, but I’m in no hurry.

The attached pictures are me at 13mos postpartum.

~Age: 22
~Number of pregnancies and births: 4 pregnancies, 3 births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 5 1/2yrs, 3 1/2yrs, 13 1/2 months, 13 months post-partum.

Updated here.

Mother of Four (Jerrika)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo, Teen Mom, Third Pregnancy, Twins 7 Comments

My name is Jerrika. I am 24, I have 4 children between the ages of 2 and 6.
I gave birth to my oldest son in 2005, I was 18 year old, and felt like I had lost my body before I have even had one.
I soon had my 2nd son at 20, and felt much the same, negative and self conscious.
I gave birth to my twins in 2009 which after 2 natural births, was a C section,
I now had 4 boys and a body that felt like it had gone through a small war.
I even joked with friends that I had been attacked by a bear, and survived with the scars to prove it!
Although I was what I feel to be lucky, I still have issues every day when I look in the mirror and see what I am left with.
I am logical, and realize that I am not badly scarred. Even though it may not seem like much to some people on this website,
lack of confidence has no maximum or minimum requirements.
I am lucky enough to have friends and family who build my esteem for my everyday, but it still eats at me sometimes.
i never even got to have an adult body, so I will never get to know what I “could have been”.

I love my children, and at this point feel a lot better than I did six years, as this is the body I was MEANT to have.
you get what you get, and I know that I have 4 little boys who I couldn’t be happier to have around.

My name is Jerrika, and I am a free lance model. Pregnancy doesn’t end life, or ruin a body… I’ve earned my stripes! haha. Thanks.

Third Pregnancy After Eating Disorder (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Eating Disorder, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 3 Comments

I’ve struggled with an eating disorder for about 15 years, now. It started when I was 13. I’ve given birth to 2 beautiful girls, who are 5 and 4 now, and am pregnant again. I reached my lowest weight so far, this past spring, when I dropped to about 110 lbs. I should be 135-150. My BMI (which is a ridiculous way to gauge health) was only 16. It should be 20. I was severely underweight, and sick. I took ‘thinspo’ pictures of myself, one of which is posted below, and looking back now, I am amazed that I was so thin, and still able to get pregnant. I am now 18 weeks pregnant, and have gained a whopping 30 lbs. Bear in mind, if I was at my ‘ideal’ weight, I’d have only gained 10lbs.

Basically, i just want to say that there is hope, and that I am in recovery now, although my weight issues are not gone, and its a struggle every single day. I know I will deal with it postpartum, also, but I’m trying to take it one day at a time. I’ve gotten to about 160 with each pregnancy, so I’m assuming I’ll be there with this one too… But its okay. I just needed to share my story and my photos and show what a healthy, normal woman should look like.

Age: 28
3 pregnancies, 2 births (so far)
5 years, 4 years, and 18 weeks pregnant.
First picture: 16 weeks pregnant, 3rd pregnancy, 140 lbs
Second picture: April 2011, 110 lbs
Third picture: December 2011, 18 weeks pregnant

Mommy to Three Boys (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom, Third Pregnancy 5 Comments

Pregnancies: 3
Age: 20
Months PP: 5 months

I was just barely 16 when I got pregnant with my first son. I was 100 pounds when I got pregnant with him, and gained 50 pounds. My A cups went to C cups and I got stretch marks on my breasts. I had no stretch marks on my belly until a week before my due date. ( I got them on my belly, upper thighs and breasts)I had a wonderful pregnancy and my family was very supportive. Shortly before my graduation from high school I became pregnant with my second son, I was also 100 pounds and gained 35 I believe. He came 5 weeks early and was a tiny guy! He spent only 2 weeks in the NICU. I got married to my wonderful husband in June 2010. I had my third son this past summer at the end of June. I weighed 120 pounds when I became pregnant and gained 32 pounds with him. He is 5 months old, so I am 5 months PP. With my last pregnancy I aquired stretch marks AFTER I had him, down by my knees! This shocked me, because it was like 3 or 4 weeks after I delivered him. All my births were induced with pitocin, and I have never had pain medication with them. I have breastfed all my kids! I have always been able to get back down to my Pre-pregnancy weight within 6 weeks, something I credit to breastfeeding. I always loved to go swimming and loved to buy and wear swimsuits before I got pregnant. After having my kids I am more self consious about it, although my husband says that I cant wear a one-piece until I’m 60! I feel so blessed to have my three boys and my awesome husband I just am trying to accept my body the way it is now.

My Angel (Shanna)

Bonnie (SOAM) Abortion/Life after Abortion, Belly, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 10 Comments

Age: 32
3 pregnancies, 2 Cesareans, 1 Abortion
Children aged 10 & 8

I had my children in 2001 and 2003. Both of my children are boys and they are the best things that have ever happened to me. I was a single mom for the majority of their lives as their Fathers wanted nothing to do with them. Then after many years and being told I couldn’t get pregnant again, I met the man I always dreamed of! After a short 6 months of dating, I found out I was pregnant.He didn’t want kids of his own. After the abortion, I went through a long period of depression and grief. It is still hard at times, but I am working through it. We are still together, which is nothing short of a miracle. I wrote this letter to my lost one in hopes of easing the pain

My Angel,

I have tried to envision you here with me. I have tried to erase your brief, fleeting memory from my mind, heart and soul. I have tried to forget that you ever existed, that you were part of me. I have tried to make my womb forget you as well. I have tried to ignore you. I have tried to change time, to go back in my mind….. To change the life altering and life ending decision that I made.

You are not the only one who suffered because of my actions. I too have suffered, although my suffering is well deserved. A part of me died the moment you were sucked and scraped out of the safety of my womb.

I torture myself every day with my choice, my inability to correct it, the finality of it all. I both comfort and torture myself playing out your almost was life in my dreams. Were you the Daughter I always dreamed of…..? Would you have been my third Son….? What would you have looked like….? Me or him?

It is difficult for me to know that next month you would be celebrating your 1st Birthday. You would be walking by now, Exploring the world around you. I would be watching you in amazement, proud of all you had accomplished in your first year of life. You would fall asleep in my arms, with your chubby little arms wrapped around me. You would be sleeping peacefully while I smelled your hair and felt blessed to have you in my life. My heart would soar when you said your first word and I would brag to everyone how smart you are. I would shed tears the first time you said mama. My heart would break the first time you got hurt and I would feel helpless when ever you got sick. I would put on a brave face and bite back tears every time you got your shots. I would creep into your room at night and make sure you were still breathing and smile if I accidentally woke you up, then I’d rock you back to sleep. I would sing you lullabies when no one could hear me. I would stare at you in awe for I had created you and that is a miracle. I would have been proud to be your mommy.

All that is nice, I know. But I also know that none of that matters. It doesn’t matter what I would have done… All that matters is what I DID do and that I DIDN’T do the ONE thing that I was supposed to do… And that was to protect you. I can say I am sorry every minute for the rest of my life and it would never be enough. On October 5th, 2009 I found out I was pregnant with you. Immediately, my hand caressed my tummy. You had already started to change my body, my breasts were full and my tummy firm at the bottom where you were, safe in my womb. I had a feeling before that day that I was pregnant, but the impossibility of it pushed it from my mind. As I walked to your Daddy’s home, my mind raced with all the possibilities that you would bring. I didn’t know how everything was going to work out, how I would be able to afford you. But, I knew the most important things… I knew that I already loved you, fiercely. I knew that I wanted you, forever. I knew that you were part of me, my body, my heart and my soul… you were mine. I knew that your big brothers would love you and protect you. I knew that I had done it before, raising your older brothers without any help and not much money. Then why did I do it? I was madly in love with your daddy. On one hand, what I did was selfless…. I wanted to make him happy, no matter how it made me feel. On the other hand, my actions were selfish… I was in love and didn’t want to lose him, regardless of what it meant for you and your life. I don’t believe in Heaven, but if there is one, I know that’s where you will be.. A life cut short, so full of promise, a symbol of hope and love, a miracle from my body.

If I could tell you anything it is this…. I am sorry that I treated you as if you were a parasite, a curse. I am sorry that I chose to not have you but chose to have your big brothers, that is wrong. I am sorry that I will never know you as what you were meant to be; my child. I am sorry that I killed you before you had a chance to live. I loved you from the moment that you were known about. I am sorry that I failed you and had you thrown away in a dumpster. I am sorry that you are my dirty little secret. I am sorry that I cannot say that I did what I thought was best for you.

So, as I sit here every day and mourn you… a nameless, faceless child of mine… I must give you a name and a birthday…. You deserve that, at the very least. If you were a girl, I would have named you Nevaeh. If you were a boy, I would have named you whatever your Daddy chose. I can’t say what because it was never discussed. All I have for a birthday is your due date… June 5th 2010.

Love,
Me

Proud Mother of 3 (Ash)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 6 Comments

age 24
3 pregnancies 3 births ages 3,1,and 4 months
4 months pp

I was married at 19 to my husband who was 17 a year later we had our first then a year after that my second child, then 3 months after giving birth to her I got pregnant with my third who I gave birth to 4 months ago. I have 2 sons and a daughter. I am very confident! I wasn’t always like this is took alot of time to myself thinking about things and realizing what was more important. I am saddened to see all the women on the site so mean to themselves and bashing their beautiful bodies. God made you so you must be perfect then!!! I want my daughter to grow up knowing natural is beauty and to never let some supposed flaw stop her from happiness and love. I know I am going to enjoy my life and the body I have because one day I will be a lil old lady with saggy boobies and old wrinkly skin and you know what??? I don’t care lol lol I just want to live a happy full life and I won’t waste a second crying over some silly thing like stretch marks!!! I don’t care what the world puts up all over the place of what it thinks women should look like! I am a woman and this is what I look like so I am the right look not some fake bimbo on porn lol. I think all you women are soooo beautiful in your own special way and we should all embrace our special uniqueness!! I also say in the end it won’t be how your body looked that mattered, it will be what you used your body for in life, hugs, kisses, cuddles, to help another in need!!! Besides one day and it’s a fate we will all come too your body will no longer belong to you it will be buried deep within the ground and all along it was just a tool to live life and get all the love and happiness under God as you could!!! I want to say I love you my 3 beautiful angels I am so blessed from God and I love my husband who holds me at night and sees the person I am on the inside, Love me for my heart not my body!!!!

Deeper Than My Skin (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Child Loss, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 26 Comments

As I sit here now, needing to reach out to those who may understand, those who may be able to share guidance, I am 27 years old and 6 months pregnant with my third baby.

To put briefly what has led me to this point in the simplest way is this: I met my husband 3 years and 7 months ago, we have been married for 3 years and one month, we have a 2.7 year old son, we lost a baby boy at 19 weeks in january and just before our sons first birthday I discovered that my husband had been sneaking porn and when confronted he looked into my eyes and lied… again and again over the next year. This completely destroyed my trust in him and also my self worth. It has been a battle to open his eye’s to how disrespected I feel. Had he been open and honest about it things would have been very different. As it is now I am in a state of anxiety most days, our relationship is simply woeful.

All I want is to feel respected and truly loved… that’s not more than I deserve is it?

Today he told me that he is ‘not into me’ anymore, that he loves me and wont leave me but just ‘isnt into me’. It felt like a knife through my heart. I use to be everything to him, and now I just feel like a train wreck, a mess of a person with emotions that are all over the place and uncontrollable. On the outside you would not think that I had such low self-esteem, such desperate thoughts and that some days I wish I simply didn’t exist… people on the street come to tell me how beautiful I am, but this makes no difference to the deep hurt that is basically eating away my sense of self. I feel like a shell of a person with nothing to offer. I have no friends, no one to turn to when desperation finds me crying on the floor. My husband does’nt comfort me, he doesn’t want to anymore…

I have come to realise that it doesn’t matter what you look like on the outside, if your partner isn’t attracted to the inner you your screwed. I cant love myself, I don’t feel beautiful and I feel so guilty for the effects this all has on our son and my little one who I know feels everything that I feel.

This pregnancy means so much to me, I was desperate after loosing our little boy to feel ‘full’ again. I do feel so blessed to be pregnant and am enjoying crocheting nappy covers and planning another homebirth etc But in this moment I’m hurting and am struggling. I imagined that being pregnant again would have my husband and I reconnect, that he would view me in a new light and all would be well… wishful thinking. I hope so much that I have a more positive view of myself by the time labour arrives, feeling this pathetic will have such a terrible effect on giving birth and bonding.

At the end of the day it doesn’t matter what you look like or how ‘lucky’ or ‘unlucky’ you may think yourself to be after having a child, all that truly matters is the way you feel about yourself and having your partner appreciate, respect and love you for you. If the way I felt on the inside showed on the outside I would not be getting compliments. I feel like a hideous person. I feel that something is so wrong with me that I cant even let myself befriend anyone.

I feel that my outside appearance is a lie. I will attach a couple of photo’s of me taken a couple of weeks ago and a before pic… If I was to be honest about the way I look then I would say I have very little to complain about, as with any woman there are things I would change, such as the cellulite on my thighs, my breasts that are completely covered in stretch marks (I’m not exaggerating!) and my hereditary double chin from my great granny… but to feel adored, respected and wanted for the person I am inside would mean so very much more.