Tattoo

I don’t hate my body! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo 9 Comments

I am proud of what I’ve done. My son Marcus is six months old and like all of you I went through some shit bringing him into this world. I was a fitness lunatic before I got pregnant so I was a little down on myself for a while. It’s easy to feel that way when you are used to being very fit and toned and when you look in the mirror now your body is much softer and there are stretch marks on your bum. The added postpartum hormones don’t help. I was shocked when I found out how painful the postpartum period was. I tore badly and couldn’t sit down for weeks, it’s still not right down there. Our sex life tanked and that was rough, we are just getting it back slowly now. I started running again and it’s helped all aspects of my life and I can honestly say I love my body and respect as a sacred vessel. All of your stories helped. My greatest wish is that you all can feel the way I do now. You all deserve it. Don’t even look at the celebrity moms. What they have is completely unrealistic. I don’t even have the money right now for a gym membership let alone a personal trainer and a nutrionist. If we all had that we’d all be the same way. What is real? No sleep, hormones, tanked sex life, stretch marks, financial problems, painful postpartum period, and all the problems you have with your husband if you’re lucky enough to have one as a result of all these things. So a poor self image is like the cherry on the sundae. Don’t feel bad about yourself, don’t hold yourself to ridiculous standards, but be proud of yourself your stretchmarks and your baby.

121709-anon-1

6 weeks PP and struggling to look in the mirror (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo 18 Comments

Age 31, 1 beautiful daughter

I became pregnant last Christmas with my first child, a surprise to both my husband and I…our little Christmas present :-). Before becoming pregnant, I struggled with body image issues and had gained about 30 pounds over the previous 2 years. Going into my first pregnancy already overweight really bothered me and I really tried to keep my pregnancy weight gain under control, but ended up gaining about 50 lbs anyway. I never struggled with my pregnant belly; in fact, I actually enjoyed having the round pregnant belly, but I was terrified of stretch marks. I put buckets of cocoa butter on, knowing that it probably wouldn’t help but trying anyway, and around the 6 1/2 month mark, the first little purple squiggles began to appear. By the end of my pregnancy, they were everywhere. My entire belly was covered, my hips, my upper thighs, my “love handles”, and even my upper pubic area (how did they get there???).

As much as I hated the stretch marks, after I had my daughter my body transformed into something I hadn’t imagined. I had an unplanned c-section (I really wanted to avoid one but ended up with one anyway) and now on top of all of the stretch marks, my belly hangs/overlaps over the incision. I literally have to lift my stomach up to clean my incision and because of the way my skin hangs over it, it isn’t healing as quickly and is very uncomfortable. Most clothing is uncomfortable because it just mashes the overlapped skin down onto the incision. On top of that, it’s hanging crooked (the right side hangs lower than the left) and my left hip has this weird dent/overhang. I avoid looking at myself in the mirror and I won’t undress in front of my husband because I’m disgusted by my own body and can’t imagine that he isn’t too. When I do catch glimpses of myself in the mirror, I find myself fighting back the tears. I’ve lost 30 pounds over the last 6 weeks and have watched my body change quite a bit, but I can’t shake the feeling that my body is too far gone.

I adore my daughter and I’m so happy that I have her, but I’m really struggling with this and desperately wish I could get past it. Hoping to find some encouragement here. Thanks for reading!

Twins and one on the way … my body’s journey! (Nicole)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Tattoo, Twins 10 Comments

At last I found a person whom I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and our engagement was made even more special a week later when we found out I was pregnant, then special again when I found out it was twins :)

My twin pregnancy went beautifully, the girls had to come in the world a little earlier due to pre-eclampsia and stayed in hospital with some difficulties for 4wks but now things are near perfect ;)

Now with 20mth old twins I am expecting my next bubba, due in 5weeks time.

Here are the pictures of my body’s journey so far in motherhood!

Age: 24
Number of pregnancies: 2
Number of births: 3
Age of Children: 20mth twins & one on the way
Due Date: 24th Nov 09

You don’t know what you have until it’s gone… (Kimberly)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo 8 Comments

Age: 21
Pregnancies: 1
Births: 1
3 1/2 Months PP

I became pregnant with my daughter less than a month and a half into my relationship with my, now, husband. As much of a shock as it was, it by all means was a position we put ourselves in. We were careless with our intimacy. It took a few weeks to come to the conclusion that we would continue our lives, but we would be bringing a life into this world with our own lives. My pregnancy was easy to say the least. During the first 5 months I had pretty severe morning sickness, that resulted in me losing 13 pounds my first trimester. Once I was out of the woods of the morning sickness, though, I felt that everything had started coming together. I didn’t have stretch marks, I got comments all the time about that “pregnancy glow”, my husband and I had a regular, AMAZING sex life, and I felt absolutely beautiful. However, later down the road that sex life slowed down. It became almost non-existent, and it wasn’t because MY sex drive wasn’t there. I started feeling unattractive to him, unwanted, and unsexy. I felt like I had to fish for compliments, and even when I got the result I wanted, it just didn’t feel as satisfying as I wished it to be. My last month and a half I grew large, and started developing stretch marks on my hips, stomach, and thighs. All in all, my stretch marks are nothing compared to circumstances other women have. However, I can’t help shake the thought that I still despised my late pregnancy body. I was in pain, I was exhausted and sleeping all the time, and had to leave work earlier than initially planned, suggested by my OBGYN. My husband and I were still not intimate, but now it was because of my large belly and how uncomfortable it was for me.
I went into labor on June 15th of this year, at nearly 5am. Throughout the day I dealt with mild contractions, but they progressively became more intense and unignorable. We went into the hospital around 1am on the 16th. My labor continued very slowly. They had me walking for hours to help me dilate. At 11am I was given a small dose of inducer to help, and within that same hour I was given my epidural. That was the worst part of my entire pregnancy. Due to severe lumbar scoliosis from my adolescence, my vertebrate were closer together than they normally should be. They had a hard time finding the right nerve, and also getting it in place correctly. It took them over an hour to get the correct placement, and they had to re-do the insertion of the spinal needle 4 times until it was right. After that, I was fanastic. I was giggly, happy, talkative. Around 5pm that day I decided I was ready to push. I was still in the same, euphoric mood, cracking jokes in between my contractions and pushing, laughing, and making conversation with everyone who was helping me. At 5:28pm and after over 36 hours of labor, a 7lb 10ounce, 19.5 inch long beautiful baby girl arrived. She was immediately put on my chest to nurse. And to make the situation even more memorable, my husband became teary eyed, which is not something I had ever seen in his eyes before.
The first two weeks home were miserable. I felt like I was doing everything wrong. My husband works nights at his job, and also needs to travel to Seattle, 4 hours away, nearly 1-2 weeks per month. It just so happens that the first trip they require him to make is the first week our newborn, and first child, is home. I cried, and cried, and cried. I didn’t understand why I was so unhappy. I missed my husband, wished for HIS help, and felt as if it would never get any better. Since then, it has done a complete turn around. Once my milk came in, life was much easier for all of us. I have adjusted to being a stay at home mom, as well as taking nearly full responsibilty for maintaining our daughter’s well-being while he is working at night or sleeping during the day. I absolutely LOVE my life as her mother and his wife. I have such an amazing thing in front of me, and I completely recognize every ounce of it.
However, my personal battle is this: my self confidence has been shot through the window, and I don’t know how to regain it. I, by NO means, resent my daughter for the changes my body made to accompany her development. I would rather have my body as it is now, than not have her in my life. I have never been a very confident person, however, I am at my lowest point in the longest time. I realize I am not as bad off as I nearly FEEL. But the way I feel doesn’t change just because I really am not as bad as it seems in my head. It’s hard for me to look at my body, I never spend the time getting myself “pretty” anymore. It’s funny how before I was pregnant, I didn’t like my body. I look at the very few pictures I DO have of my body from before, and I resent myself for not being confident then and realizing what an amazing figure I had. I know my body change can be easily obtained with excercise and eating well, which is my plan. I just don’t know how to raise my self esteem. I feel disgusting, I hate seeing my body, let alone my husband seeing my body. I wish I believed him every time he calls me beautiful. I believe it on some days, but I don’t on more occassions. I want to FEEL like the beautiful woman and mother that I am. I just don’t know how. I realize all of it is in my head. I have days where I feel confidence, it just doesn’t happen very often.

-Picture 1 is when I initially found out I was pregnant
-Picture 2 is around 35 weeks, the last picture I felt comfortable taking in my last trimester
-Picture 3 is just from a few days ago, 3 1/2 months PP
-Picture 4 is of my beautiful daughter, Makenna Jaylene

Stretched to the limit, but worth it (ChelandBaby)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo 13 Comments

22 years old
First pregnancy and baby
11 weeks postpartum
Unplanned Cesarean July 2, 2009

Pictures: 41 weeks pregnant, 11 weeks postpartum, Baby boy 11 weeks

My husband and I were married 2 years ago. After a year of marriage we decided that we were ready for a baby. I had gained some weight before my pregnancy, but I was not self conscience about it. I was 134 when we got married, but had gained a lot afterwards. I started my pregnancy of at 162. By the day I was induced I weighed 199!! That was more than I ever had imagined I’d weigh.

We had planned to have an all natural water birth. On my due date I had 15 hours of false labor. Five days after my due date I went in for my 41 week appointment. That’s when my midwife told me she was worried about how big the baby was and she wanted me to be induced the next morning.

At 6 am we went in for an induction. It took a while to get things going. I went into the the hospital at 3 cm and was stuck at 4 cm for 9 hours! By 9:00 pm I was still only 6 cm and the baby wouldn’t drop. They prepped me for a c-section and at 9:30 pm my big baby boy was born. He was 10 lb. 4 oz. and 22 1/2 inches long!

I am now 11 weeks postpartum and I feel so stretched. I am 168 pounds, which is only 6 pounds more than my starting weight. I just look so much bigger. My husband says I look great, but I’m really struggling with the way I look :(

Struggling to Accept My Body’s Changes (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Butt, Cosmetic and/or Reconstructive Surgery, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, PPD - Postpartum Depression, Submissions, Tattoo 16 Comments

My Age: 29
1 Pregnancy, 1 Birth
7 Months Postpartum

I was 27 years old when I found out I was pregnant with my first child. I was 28 when I delivered him. My husband was 28 as well. I had separated from the military, married my husband, and gotten pregnant all within 8 months so to say my life was changing is an understatement! My husband was (and still is) on active duty in the military. We found out shortly after our first ultrasound at 9 weeks that he would be deploying overseas. He left at 15 weeks and was gone up until 3 weeks before our son arrived. It was very tough to be pregnant with no family around and only 1 or 2 friends for support. I also lost my grandfather during this time. I believe that everything going on during the pregnancy, as well as the circumstances directly afterward, set me up for postpartum depression.

My water broke 4 days before my due date around 10 pm. We went to the hospital first thing the next morning because my contractions weren’t picking up on their own. I wanted a natural childbirth and I was devastated when I ended up on pitocin. My husband didn’t understand how important natural childbirth was for me and he didn’t support me in trying to get that in a hospital setting. I was on pitocin for 9 hours until I asked for the epidural. It was 8 more hours before our son was born. The staff kept pushing a c-section because it had been so long since my water had broken, but I refused and I am so glad I did at least get the vaginal birth I had hoped for.

I had gotten breast implants in 2006, they were put in via an incision around the nipple and placed under the muscle. I was curvy on the bottom and always felt out of proportion. I felt so good about my breasts and my body after the surgery. The plastic surgeon had assured me I’d be able to breastfeed one day and my OB told me the same. I was again devastated when that wasn’t the case. My right breast functioned but my left did not. I barely produced any colostrum and later could only get a small bit of breastmilk from the left, about a quarter ounce at the most. My son would scream and scream when I put him on the left breast from frustration at sucking and not getting enough out. I ended up supplementing because of this, I didn’t feel confident that he could get adequate milk from the right side only.

The first 3 months postpartum I struggled hard with body acceptance issues and postpartum depression. I weighed 145 when I left the military and started gaining weight from having a sedentary job and not exercising. I was 160 when I got pregnant and weighed 205 at delivery. The first 2 weeks postpartum I dropped 15 pounds. I had expected to lose more right away and felt there was something wrong with me when it didn’t happen. I was stuck there at 190 until the end of February (that’s when I started trying much harder to drop pounds) and I felt disgusting because of it. I wore sizes that made me ashamed because I couldn’t shop in the sections or stores that I used to. My husband didn’t look at me the same way either and didn’t even try to help me feel better (we’re now going through couples counseling for many issues we’re having). I felt so guilty that I couldn’t exclusively breastfeed. We had moved at 6 weeks postpartum to a new duty station where I knew no one so I felt even more isolated and lonely. I began to feel angry all the time, I cried frequently, I told family and friends I hated my life. I lashed out at my husband and even started to resent my baby and feel angry at him because in my head it seemed like he caused so much of it all. I realized things weren’t right and went to my doctor. I started taking medication for postpartum depression, stopped breastfeeding completely, and saw a counselor. I felt much better almost immediately, I’m off medication today but I wish I had started it sooner.

I’m 7 months postpartum now and weigh 170. My goal is to reach 145 again, that was my weight in the pre-pregnancy pictures. I don’t know if it will ever happen or not, right now I’d be satisfied with losing another 10 or 15. I still have a stigma attached to the sizes I have to buy. I’m nowhere near fitting into any of my old stuff and I hate buying new clothes until I lose more weight. I realize my body has changed – my butt, hips, and thighs are wider, I have back fat that made me go up in bra size, the pooch on my tummy shows through my shirts – but I don’t know yet how to come to grips with that. I have tons of clothes in storage that I’ll probably never wear again, that’s the worst part because I had a great wardrobe. Even if I do lose all the weight I’d like to, he shape of my body has changed so much that the old clothes won’t fit right anyway. Maybe one day I’ll be okay with this, I’m continuing to work on self-acceptance. For now I’m happy that I get to be mommy to a beautiful, smart and fun little boy!

A body marked indelibly with love (Laurie)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo 12 Comments

I had my first child at 21 years of age. I was previously a teenager who had the constant belief that I was fat, and obsessed over my body daily. As my body grew with pregnancy (and fluid retention!) I became very despondent about my shape, worrying that I would be ‘fat’ and forever unattractive. I also came to the realisation that my pre-baby body was actually very thin and lovely. I had never had the confidence to wear a bikini before, and when pregnant, realised I could have worn one easily! So I mourned for the youthful body I didn’t appreciate, but in the back of my mind, I was sure that I would have that body back after the pregnancy. Don’t the magazines say that you do if you eat right an exercise?

Then, I got stretch marks right the way across my belly, from side to side, and an abdominal muscle separation that caused my belly button and the area surrounding it to have a caved-in appearance (post baby). After my daughter was born, I couldn’t undress in front of my husband anymore, with shame.
Then, (after I had gotten back to pre-pregnancy weight at around 1 year post-partum), I was disturbed by the amount of comments I gained from women who had never had children about my body. How I looked good ‘for someone who’d had a baby’, or how flat my tummy was (they didn’t see the boob-high support underwear I was wearing under my clothes!) etc, and I began to feel indignant about the pressure I then felt to suck my tummy in all the time, because I knew women were looking. Then I felt bad that I was perpetuating the image that women should appear ‘untouched’ by their pregnancy, and I wished for the confidence to ditch the support undies and feel comfortable in my saggy skin. I became indignant about the unrealistic image of what a woman ‘should’ be, post-baby. I have now become proud of my stretch marks, and can truthfully say that I love my body so much more now than I ever did when it was more youthful. :)

My age: 23
Number of pregnancies and births: 1, 1

The pics!
14 weeks
40 weeks
demonstrating the stretch marks and squish-a-bility, 9 months later!

Fighting the Fear (Jessica)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo 27 Comments

21
2 pregnancies, 1 birth
5 wks post partum

I found out I was pregnant when I was twenty years old, a week before my husband was set to deploy for iraq. I was pretty upset that he was going to be gone, and I would be alone. But i was partially pleased because he wouldn’t be here to see me get huge and, what i thought, unattractive. I’ve always been incredibly self conscious, never really felt I was attractive, so I was terrified what pregnancy would do to me. At first I felt gross. If you knew, you could tell i was pregnant, but to everyone else it just looked like I had a beer gut. I finally got the stage where I looked pretty darn pregnant. And I LOVED it. I felt SO beautiful. I was stretch mark free until thirty three weeks, &&than they came in droves. Still, I felt beautiful. My taut belly stretched tight over my little girl. I was constantly rubbing my tummy. My husband came back from Iraq in april, a month before the little girl was due. I was terrified of how he would see me. But I still felt beautiful. I loved walking around with my tummy out.
The last week of my pregnancy, I blew up like a balloon. I started retaining water, and my hips and thighs got stretch marks overnight. After my princess was born, i instantly felt… deflated, and jiggly. I had terrible tearing and couldn’t do anything physical for nearly a month. Today I am five weeks and three days.

I’ve got fifteen pounds of baby weight to lose. I don’t own a single pair of pants that fits. I was a size seven before the baby, and now, I’m borrowing my sisters size 12’s which are sometimes too tight.

I found out my husband cheated on me the day my daughter turned three weeks. It devastated me. I already felt terrible enough about the way I looked…. it just seemed to confirm the fact that the mess my body is now is really that disgusting. I have a hot mess of stretch marks, which I’m not terribly bothered by, I’m fair, and they’ll turn white soon enough. I just hate my body, and i don’t know if it will ever be even CLOSE to what it was before, which wasn’t all that much

The first picture is me before pregnancy.
The second is me 33wks pregnant. I felt the most beautiful there
The third is me &&my baby girl… SO worth it
The fourth is me 5 wks post partum. ugh
The fifth is a close up, stretch mark cental
The sixth is my big side

Transmogrification (Valentine)

Bonnie (SOAM) Abortion/Life after Abortion, Belly, Cesarean, Piercing, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo, Third Pregnancy 12 Comments

Here I am 6 weeks post-partum. I’ve spent my entire life in one extreme or another…first I loved myself to the point of narcissism. Then I couldn’t stand to look at myself, to the point where the extent of my self-loathing would bring me to tears. Now? I still find myself unattractive, but I know that SHE was worth every moment of discomfort, every stretch mark (who gets stretch marks on their legs, anyhow???), the ruined tattoo, the drooping breasts and every ounce of flab. She has been there in my subconscious for my entire life and now she is my reality. I know now that I was meant to be a mother. Also, that weird dark scar underneath my belly button? It stands as a reminder that while piercing yourself with a safety pin SEEMS like a good idea in jr high, the reality is, well…..LOOK at it!

~Your Age: 21
~Number of pregnancies and births: 3 pregnancies–3 abortions, 1 birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 6 weeks post partum

(Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo 9 Comments

I am just about 6 months PP..

I did not gain but 20 pounds or so in my pregnancy (first and only so far..)
I found out I was pregnant at almost 9 weeks.. Delivered at 38..
And I must say it was the most amazing experience in my life.
Made it all the wawy through with out any pain medicine, and then at 10cm
I started to get a migraine (which I’ve been dealing with since I was about 5 years old)
I was trying to tough it out, but I was falling asleep during pushing, and pushed for about
3 hours.. And that’s when my nurse contacted my doctor to see what she wanted to do with me..
We both knew my birth plan was to delivery completely natural..
It came down to her giving me 15 more minutes otherwise she was going to have to change something..
My doctor advised my nurse to give me some pain meds to help me rest for a few minutes, had that for 30min-45min..
And I told her that I really didn’t want it anymore, she said I take it out and give you another 15 minutes to push,
if no baby, then we will try the vacuum or it’s going to be a c-section.. I thought to myself, I CAN DO THIS!
The nurse suggested trying to push lying on my side.. WORKED LIKE A CHARM! SHE POPPED right out!

On January 3, at 4:22p my beautiful baby girl, Brookelyn was born, and my husband was right at my side the whole time
helping me as much as he could.. He told me he was very impressed by me being so calm (he told me before
I gave birth that I was going to be screaming the whole time) Never snapped once! :P HAH

Within the month after I gave birth, ALL of my weight came off! I figured it was the breast feeding..
I breastfed till recently, and now it has stopped, I think that if I don’t start to work out, I may start to gain the weight back..
I was all belly, and didn’t start to show till about 6 months, so I got stretch marks all in the end of my pregnancy..
They are still a purply-redish color.. Seems like they are taking longer than most peoples to heal up..
Unless I am doing something wrong..?

Picture 1: Wedding day… (5.5 months or so)
Picture 2: 16 weeks pregnant
Picture 3: Another picture while pregnant (almost 8 months)
Picture 4: Pre pregnancy
Picture 5: Pre pregnancy
Picture 6: Pre pregnancy
Picture 7 & 8: Post pregnancy (5/6 months)