Submissions

6 years after…I still feel a bit unconfident (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 17 Comments

Age: 36
Number of pregnancies and births: 3 (sons)
Age of my children: 12 1/2 , almost 11 and 6

As you can read above I´m a mother of three. I received my first child at the age of 23, the second one at 25 and the little one when I was 30 years old.
My life is undergoing many changes at the moment ´cause my husband and I are going to separate.
For the last 14 years he was the only one to see my body with all the changes due to the three pregnancies.
Now…I´m starting a new life…and may be some day I´ll have a new partner …
and as you possibly can imagine I´m quite a little bit unconfident if someone else will love me…and the way I look…as a mother of three.
I´m quite satisfied with my weight. I´m a bit too skinny but I try my best to gain a few pounds.
I love my tummy …there are no stretchmarks and I think after 3 pregnancies it really looks fantastic…
what really makes me feel a bit insecure showing my body to someone new are my breasts, the way they look now.
They are so small …I really had nice breasts, well-shaped…a German C-Cup and now it´s only B…
and if I bend over they really look saggy and so empty…I hate that.
As long as I´m standing or sitting and do not move too much they look quite okay…but only then.
I thougt about plastical surgery…but I fear the health risks and wonder if I could live with fake breasts…it probably would feel different…kind of foreign body.
so…I think I have to learn to love them the way they look now…
and I hope I´ll find a new partner who loves me just the way I am and the way my body looks…´cause I think every woman wants to be admired by someone…

Loving Myself (Tarah)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Spousal/Partner Abuse, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 6 Comments

I am 31
3 wonderful daughters!

I had my first child when I was 19. Always overweight and insecure with myself, my first pregnancy did not help. I gained quite a bit more weight. The father of my child would abuse me regularly. Never leaving bruises on the outside, just on my heart. I was in labor over 24 hours with her. A C-section was performed and they realized her cord was around her neck twice. If I had pushed I would have killed her. Scarred and alone I raised her for 2 years with only the help of my family. I rushed into a marriage when she was 2, convinced that no one would love a fat 21 yr old single mom. I then got pregant with my second daughter. More wieght gain, more unhappiness. Another C-section, compounding the scarring. It was a lonely time for me compounded by the fact that both my father and grandmother died suddenly. Feeling utterly alone and worthless, divorced with 2 children by 2 different men, I fell into a horrible depression. Then I met my current husband. He never hesitated to tell me I was beautiful, that my girls are beautiful. He loves me no matter what I weigh or how bad my body is scarred. I got pregnant again with my third daughter. Again, more weight, worse stretch marks. My husband never once said a negative word about my body. He is the first man I ever let touch my belly who wasn’t a doctor. At first it was strange, never in all my life had a man ever held me and loved me and my big stretch mark covered belly. He would rub my belly and talk to our daughter, sing to her sometimes even. When she was born had no choice but to have another C-section. I was lucky enough to have the same doctor for all three deliveries. He told me that I will never have a flat bikini belly. I should just give up, and realize I will always want to cover it. When I gave birth to my last child I weighed over 200 lbs. I hated my body no matter how much my husband said I was beautiful. Now my youngest is almost 2, and I have taken charge of my body. I’m not ashamed of my belly or my scars. I made a promise to myself to take care of my body better. I now have lost 45 lbs. which is good, but I have lost the mentality that my worth is measured by my “beauty”. I love myself now, and love my husband more for never making me feel bad about myself. I am lucky enough to be in a community of people who love me for me, not my body. Who cherish the stretch marks and celebrate women in all forms! Thank you to my wonderful extended family!! Thank you for this site to show others what a mother’s body really looks like! Mostly though, thank you to my wonderful husband, for loving me and my body no matter what!!

Skinny Moms, I have a Problem with You (Amanda)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions 84 Comments

Okay, let me get more specific here. Skinny moms that tell other women that you have a flat belly a month or two after giving birth to your second child because you have to chase child number 1 around. I have a problem with you. Big time.

Can you please just be honest with the rest of us, and admit that you have amazing genes? Because I don’t believe you. Not one bit.

This morning, I headed to my baby’s library class, and a mom with a two year old and a two month old came for the first time. Her stomach was flat. Like, this baby just appeared at the end of the marathon I ran and here we are flat. I asked how old the baby was not because of the moms stomach but because he was little and cute. When she answered “Two months,” the librarian who is probably in her 50s and has a slight mom belly despite being rather thin for her age and frame remarked, “Two months, and you look like that? That is ridiculously unfair.” The rest of us were thinking it as we awkwardly avoided glancing at each other’s or our own bellies. Then, the skinny mom flatly responded, “Oh, well, I chase her around so that’s what has me looking so good again.” And I had to hold my mouth not to scream. “BULL SHIT, I don’t believe you.” I mean, really, ladies, you know who you are. Chasing a two year old for two months is not what gives you washboard abs after baby number 2.

Why do women lie to each other? Is it purposeful or is it just that hard to accept you are one of the lucky ones? And you don’t count if it took you more than two months to get your body back.

I remember when I found out I was pregnant and woman after woman told me to pick up cocoa butter or vitamin E or olive oil or skinny butterfly juice (I made that one up) or whatever it was that they slathered on their belly while pregnant that caused them to come out the other end with no stretch marks. I remember reading article after article that said some things could make stretch marks worse like too rapid of weight gain, but if you are destined to get them, all the cocoa butter in the world won’t stop them. And I religiously rubbed Burt’s Bees Mama Bee cream all over my body. Even my toes. Just in case. And my husband would try to gently comment that it smelled gross, but I didn’t care. I watched the grease soak through my bra, my shirt, the pregnancy pants panel that covered my whole belly, and I sat there so optimistic that the more grease seeping through the less likely stretch marks were on their way.

I begged my OB at the time for a secret. I wouldn’t tell anyone, if she just told me how to not get stretch marks. She bluntly replied, “If there was a cream that prevented stretch marks, do you think I’d be here? I’d be somewhere else selling it.” And so, after months of wasting money and time, one day, my first stretch mark began to appear. I convinced myself that it took mine longer to appear than most women who had serious stretch marks appeared. But I lied. They came in, and while they aren’t as bad as some. They’re still here.

I remember heading to my midwife’s office five weeks postpartum, and I’d already lost 28 pounds just from breastfeeding, but my belly looked five months pregnant. She okayed me to start working out when my body felt okay, and she warned me that my abs had separated during pregnancy. So my back would start to hurt more and more if I didn’t start doing abs to try to bring the muscles back together. That was back when I was sleeping 3 hours total in a 24 hour period because my baby and I were having so much trouble breastfeeding.

I went home and tried to do a sit up, and I damn near died it hurt so much. Then, later, I tried to run on the treadmill, and I thought my lady parts were going to fall out.

So I didn’t run for a long time, and when I finally started moving again, I stuck to walking. I worked my way up to crunches with two 5-lb weights, and while my stomach is nowhere near flat, 9 months out, I don’t look quite as pregnant as I once did. Most days I proudly show my husband and son the almost abs I’m getting back. You know the ones you can see surrounded by my mom bulge? And I usually feel great about my body, but some days, I hide my stomach behind my backpack when I’m in a group of people so that people don’t look at my belly for too long.

~Age: 30
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1/1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 9 months

So insecure about my body! Trying to accept it, but it’s not easy! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Child Loss, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom, VBAC 15 Comments

Age:23
4 months postpartum
4 pregnancies, 3 births(1 miscarriage) (I have a 5 year old, a 3 year old and a 4 month old)

I was 17 when I became pregnant with my first child and I weighed 100 pounds. I was tiny. When I delivered him I weighed in at 140 pounds. By the time he was 3 months old, I was back down to 100 pounds. I didn’t do anything, I just dropped the weight like that. When I got pregnant with my daughter when my son had just turned 1, I assumed I would be the same way again. I gained a lot of weight with her. I delivered her by emergency c-section at 165 pounds. I have never really lost the weight since then. I got down to 155 pounds, but that’s it. My stomach hangs over the c-section scar and I hate it. No matter what I do, it won’t go away. Right after my daughter turned 2, I got pregnant again. At 13 weeks, I miscarried. Got pregnant again about 2 months later and delivered my second daughter in December. I only gained 15 pounds with that pregnancy, weighing in at 170 when I delivered her. I am breastfeeding her, and I lost all the pregnancy weight within 2 weeks…was back down to my pre-pregnancy weight of 155. But I just can’t get under that, it seems. I guess it could be worse. I just don’t feel pretty anymore. I used to be so tiny and now I can’t wear any cute clothes because my stomach hangs out and looks gross. I just want to be able to accept the way I look :-(

Bliss: 4 Children in 4 Years (Ami)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breastfeeding, Breasts, Cesarean, Four or More Pregnancies, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Submissions 4 Comments

Age: 28
Pregnancies: 4
Births: 4
Kids: 7, 6, 5, 3

My husband and I were in the military when we met on a hot summer day during a training exercise and we were both filthy, exhausted, sunburned and peeling; it was love at first sight. I was 19, not quite 20, when I went in for a check-up and was notified that I was pregnant. I just couldn’t believe it. I wasn’t ready for children yet. My not yet husband and I had only been together a few months! Still, it was exciting news. My mother, whom was at the appointment was excited and when we notified my grandmother (she was waiting in the lobby) she about fell of her chair she was laughing so hard. (Nice to know I have such a supportive family.) And my mother insisted that she call my father at work. So it worked out that my whole family actually new before the father of the brand new life that I now knew was growing in that soft secret place deep inside. The pregnancy went very well although I was frustrated that I gained 70 pounds (certainly not a good thing). In fact, it went so well that the only bad thing, besides the weight I gained, was the fact that I couldn’t have chocolate. I couldn’t even stand the smell of it! James Michael was born on a beautiful summer day during a partial eclipse after only 5 hours at the hospital. My mother wasn’t paying attention, and not realizing I was in labor, let me take one of my super hot baths and boy, did that give a powerful kick-start to everything. We were 20 miles from the hospital and my mother wasn’t sure we’d make it in time. The nurse didn’t even believe that James was going to be born as soon as he was and the isolet had been turned on less than an hour before his arrival. My father was also in the room when he arrived. He’d dropped in to say hi, everything got going and he kind of got shoved into a corner. My husband caught James and then he was taken over to the corner for them to check him out real quick. It was my father that got the first real good look at him and it was my father that handed him back to me. I thought it quite fitting that he handed his first grandchild to his first born (He had also delivered me; my mother’s only home birth).

Two days later, the family that now consisted of three journeyed home to settle into our new life. I quickly lost all my baby weight except for 5 pounds but that was still in acceptable parameters for the military so I was happy. If anything I looked better because I wasn’t such a stick anymore. James was only 8 months when our next little one was conceived which was a huge shock because we had planned on waiting a couple of years. This pregnancy didn’t go so well since I couldn’t keep anything down the first three months but I gained much less weight this time, only about 40 pounds. He was due December 8 but I was shooting for December 3 since that was my grandfathers birthday and whom this little one was being named for. Instead, I go into labor late on November 25. The contractions got progressively harder and were nothing I couldn’t handle but I was hoping it was just practice. Finally the morning of the 26 I accepted that I was in full labor and called my husband home from work so we could prepare for the 1 1/2 hour drive ahead of us. This was the day before Thanksgiving and the plan had been that I would pack everything the day after Thanksgiving to drive up to my parents. I would stay with them for the week until the baby arrived but this little one had other plans. I was supposed to be making my Bailey’s cheesecakes for the feast the next day, not laboring to bring a new life into the world! I dozed most of the drive to the hospital, only waking up during my contractions and it was the same at the hospital. I was actually only at the hospital approximately three hours before Charles Adryan arrived in the world. I caught him and he was only seconds old as I cuddled him next to me. He is the most precious gift ever received on a birthday. Yep. I turned 22 the day my little monkey arrived. He looked like a little orangutan with his spiky red hair and his little wrinkly face. We had so much to be be thankful for that year.

So now we were four. I quickly lost the baby weight, except for 5 pounds again; at this time I was 10 pounds heavier than when I first met my husband but I still looked great. Sure, I couldn’t wear girls size 16 anymore and my breasts weren’t quite as perky after nursing but I still had my flat tummy. And then came the news that my state was activating it’s National Guard and I went through the terrifying process of walling myself off as I tried to deal with the thought that I wouldn’t see my precious boys for at least a year and perhaps never again. My husband and I didn’t get along well at this time. He tried to deal with it in his own way but it only served to push me further away. It was on the last night we were together before I left for Texas that we conceived our eldest daughter. It was literally the only night she could have happened since my husband and I hadn’t had relations all month. After about a month in Texas for the training, it was time to get a bunch of nasty shots so they gave all the women a mandatory blood test to make sure they weren’t pregnant. These shots would have seriously harmed the fetus and it would have been best to abort. I was barely far enough along for them to catch the pregnancy and even then they weren’t sure. I had to wait at a holding facility over the weekend for them to do another test. It was positive and I was going home. This pregnancy did pretty well; I was slightly sick at the beginning but not like I was with Charles. I was at the peak of my health and I only gained just over 20 pounds. It was a cold spring day when the doc informed me that I had started dilating and I was confident after my experiences with my first two births that my daughter would arrive in less than two days. Two days later, still in the early stages of labor there was no baby. The doctor, knowing my history started getting concerned so he had me start coming in for ultrasounds every day trying to figure out why she wasn’t dropping down and engaging. It took a further five days for the tech to finally get it at the right angle and they realized that the cord was wrapped around the baby’s throat. That is when my world fell apart again. I had to have an emergency cesarean section. I had not prepared for this at all. I knew from the beginning that I never planned on having one and I really didn’t do much research at all so I wasn’t prepared mentally or physically. All I wanted to do was scream and break things and I didn’t want anyone near me. Instead I lay in the hospital feeling like I was dieing inside while my family surrounded me. My father had talked his boss into letting him come over because it was an emergency section and things could go wrong. Less than two hours after learning why my baby wasn’t yet in my arms, Meradydd Anne Roishin was here. My husband didn’t even have time to make it since he was at home 1 1/2 hours away so it was my mother holding my hand during the procedure. I don’t remember any of it but she says I cried the whole time. It didn’t help that no one thought to show my daughter to me at all. I could hear her crying but I didn’t know if everything was ok or if something was wrong. She was two hours old when they finally brought her to me. I went through about two weeks of depression. I refused to get out of bed, I didn’t wash, I only took care of Meradydd as necessary. I felt like I had been robbed. I had dreamed of a beautiful, birth where I could once again catch the tiny being that I had created when she was only seconds old and hold her as I had done Charles. Instead I had this ugly slash across my abdomen that symbolized everything that had gone wrong. I am so thankful for my grandmother. I was staying at her house until I recuperated enough to go home, which was taking longer than it should have due to my depression. She was an RN and it was she that snapped me out of the depression. She physically hauled me out of that bed and made me take a shower and made me start caring for Deedee (her name is pronounced Meradith but thanks to my father and due to the spelling she has been Deedee since she was only hours old.)

I finally took my my beautiful daughter home when she was three weeks old and now we were five. It took me a long time to accept what had happened. It didn’t help that the doc whom had performed the procedure butchered me and I had the nasty scare to remind me of my emotional pain every day. I was now 15 pounds heavier than when I met my husband but I was no longer in the military. My ETS was only a week after Deedee was born. I also didn’t have the flat tummy anymore. Now that those muscles had been cut, I had trouble doing sit-ups and the flab refused to go away. Now I was even more ashamed of my body because in addition to the stretch marks, saggy boobs, and extra weight, I had a flabby belly with an ugly scar across it. Then I got pregnant again when Deedee was only 6 months old. I wasn’t physically or emotionally ready to have another one and I just wanted to cry but she was on her way regardless. This pregnancy did very well and I only gained about 14 pounds. It was another beautiful summer day when Kathrynn Elizabeth Eveline arrived in the world by c-section. I wanted to try a vbac but since my insurance wouldn’t pay for one (they changed that policy only a year later) I had to have another section. This one I was totally prepared for as I had accepted early on that it would happen. Once again my mother held my hand (my husband literally turns green at the sight of blood) and she also physically restrained me from decking the woman that was giving me my epidural. The daft woman couldn’t place the needle right and she kept hitting nerves; I kneed the poor male nurse that was helping to brace me. She finally gets it in only to snag it with her sleeve and contaminate it so she had to start completely over. That was a completely different experience from my first section; that one I felt only a tiny pinch. My mother made sure that they brought Kathrynn over when she was just minutes old for me to see her because she knew how not seeing Deedee affected me. Because I was so prepared for this one, I didn’t feel robbed at all. I had this tiny, beautiful daughter and now our family was complete. I completely shocked the nurses by being out of bed only hours after the birth and going for a walk down the hall so my husband could help me shower. I was also thankful that the doctor that had performed this section cleaned up the extra tissue from my previous incision so it would make a much nicer scar. My tiny daughter was only hours old when she was christened Kitty and she’s still Kitty to this day. My father was holding her and called her kitty cat. James, whom was just turned 4 only a week previous said no, he didn’t want a kitten, he wanted a puppy.

It’s now almost four years later and so much as happened. For a long time, I still hated my body. But the healing began when I met a very good friend. She’s one of those lovely hippy types that don’t shave and didn’t care how much of her breast people saw when she was feeding her son (he’s only a week older than Kitty). While I still shave, it was she that taught me to accept my body as it is and not care what others think; only what I think. I finally came to see that my body was not something to be ashamed of but to celebrate it’s unique shape because that was what nurtured my little ones. It was their tiny bodies that distorted things and their suckling that pulled at my breasts. I nursed Kitty for three and a half years; I only recently weaned her and I miss it already. So yeah. Here I am at 28 years old, sitting at 155 pounds (thirty five pounds heavier than pre-baby) that won’t come off, saggy uneven breasts, dumpy belly, and all. But my journey has made me who I am and I wouldn’t change it for the world. And my ugly scar? I have to go looking for it since it’s well hidden under my belly and even then I have to feel for it because it’s almost invisible. My husband says he actually prefers my body this way (not just because there’s more for him to grab) because it gave life to our children. It has been hard explaining to them the difference in their births. Recently my husband used an analogy to explain it. He said the boys came out the front door and the girls came out the front window. They all thought it quite funny. Our children all know about the birds and the bees. They know where babies come from. They have even seen videos of home births as well as a c-section. Nothing phased them. In fact, after the first birth they viewed I was poised to answer so many difficult questions but only one was asked. “Mom, why are babies born naked?” This is my life. I have a gorgeous, caring husband that wants me for who I am and I have four beautiful children that would not be here but for the sacrifices made. That is such empowerment. I can now look at my body with acceptance and pride. It’s pure bliss.

My Journey to Motherhood (Amelia’s Momma)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 10 Comments

19
1 pregnancy 1 birth
4 1/2 months

Motherhood has changed me in so many ways, I start my journey as a young carefree 18 year old kid, and end as a mature young woman. I met my baby’s father when I was eighteen years old. I thought he was cute but of course love was the last thing on my mind I just wanted to have fun and the feeling was mutal with him. My life was perfect or so i thought I was working at the local grocery store had my own car, own apartment. But I was eighteen and ready to party, me and the father got along great every were we went, everybody talked about how great we were as a couple, how well we complimented each other. But we had a big addiction to partying and partying we did, and as we all know partying leads to trouble lots of trouble. There’s a darker side to partying the one nobody talks about, we were basically drinking every night and nibbling with perscription drugs and maryjuana. Now, we werent crackheads are anything like that but it could have lead to that. As a result my job sufferd and my school work, I started not showing up for work coming in late, being disrespectful to customers, ect. As you can geuss i was shortley fired and was not admitted to the nursing program. Two weeks later I found out I was pregnant, im not gonna lie to you the first thought thought that popped in to my head was “I can fix this” , I’ll just get an abortion. The father was admittedly against abortion and then reality struck i was pregnant this is a human being not just some kidney stone that can be removed. For the first week i just cried and cried i was in total shock and disbelif, how could this happen, i honestly thought I couldent get pregnant. I just thought other pregnant not me, boy was I wrong. Anyways my parents found out and they were shocked but very supportive which is a relief because I couldnt have done it without. I spent the majority of my pregnancy dreading the fact about how my life was over. I hated how big i was getting i cried my eyes out when I swall the dreaded stretch marks appear ALL over my body, i went from 136 pounds to a whooping 178 pounds. Looking back i should have spent my pregnancy being overjoyed at the miracle that was growing inside me but at the time i was not aware of how much love that miracle could bring. Little to say the pregnacy took a toll on our realtionship I was constantly crying and depressed i hated being pregnant I just kept telling myself once the baby gets here everything will get better. Despite the rough pregnancy me and the father fell in love and i can honstley say he is my soul mate and, there is no one else i would rather spend my life with. I started going into labor at 3 o’clock in the morining but I had no ideal what labor felt like. I remeber calling the nursing and telling her that i thought I had a UTI but the pain got worse about every ten minutes lol. Anyways, I called my mom and she was like I think your in labor hunny, So i called the baby’s father at work and told him he really didnt thinks I was in labor so he didnt bring the hospital bag. At 10:05 that night my angel was born, that was honesltly the happiest moment of my life. Me and the father had no ideal what we were getting ourselfs into, high on adrenaline, we naively instructed all the nurse’s to keep the baby in the room. As a result we got no sleep the whole time at the hospital. When I arrived home reality struck i was confused this thing i had carried around for nine monthes was a baby, and know so depended on me for everything. On top of all that I was trying to breastfreed long story short that only lasred about two weeks. The first month home was rough there was a lot off family conflict, and a lot of people trying to tell us what to do. Through it all we leaned on each other for support and stayed strong and we have a beautiful little girl to show for it. Today I am a much stronger person I lost all the wieght and pretty much look the same with a little bit of extra skin and stretch marks, but im okay with it because they represent my journey to womenhood. Without the stretch marks and extra skin i wouldent have been able to bring God’s most precious gift into this world. There is no greater gift then being a mother, and i would do it all a million times over, all the sleepless nights the wieght gain, depression, realtionship issues, stretch marks, to have my little girl. Sometimes i think women spend to much time looking at what they have lost and not what they have gained. Just think what if my body wasent able to bear a child, what if i never got the oppurtunity to meet my child, do you think you would be worried about the exess skin and stretch marks?. Just remeber that God has choosen you to be bleesed with the gift of motherhood.

Good Days and Bad Days (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 10 Comments

I’ve been working out consistently for the past year. I try to stay on track with a healthy diet most of the time, but I do admit at times I fall off the wagon! When I delivered my son in Oct. 2009 I weighed in at 183. I now bounce between 148 and 152. I would like to lose 10-15 more pounds, but I guess I am just stuck with the “mummy tummy” unless I go the tummy tuck route. Some days I look in the mirror and think I look pretty good for having had two babies…other days, not so much. As you can see in my pics, my stomach is in pretty good shape until you get to my belly buttion, then things get a little rounder than I’d like them to be. I do have stretch marks, but they are very faded and can only be seen up close. I would love to get ride of the “love handles” but I am pretty sure losing more body fat is the only thing that will take care of those! I also am not happy with my thighs. It seems like no amount of exercise has done anything to firm the top of my legs, and I feel like this may be as good as it gets. I know I am not the only one out there struggling with body image issues. Thanks to everyone who has posted on SOAM…you all are amazing women!

~Your Age: 27
~Number of pregnancies and births:2 pregnancies, 2 births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 5 years and 2 1/2 years

It looks like a frowny face (Kerry)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom, Update 9 Comments

Previous submissions here and here.

Age: 19
First pregnancy/birth: 1 year pp

Thats what my 5 year old nephew says about my belly button. It bothered me immensely the first time he said it, then the more I thought of it a little chuckle escaped.. how many people can say it looks like their button is frowning? That short sentence pretty much sums up my whole postpartum journey thus far; denial, anger, mortification, acceptance, appreciation, and enjoyment! If you asked me a year ago if I ever thought I’d enjoy my body again I’d have given you a very quick and convincing, “NO!” I was very depressed about my body, I compared myself with every single female I saw, childless or mother; and in my eyes they all looked better than me. Every time someone complimented me or told me I was looking great I was sure they were lying, there’s no way I could look great.

Over this past year I have changed a lot, but its more my attitude than my body. My breasts are shrunken and saggy, yet I cherish the memories they give me.. my son kneading and tugging on them as he nurses and in those moments I’m the only thing in the world he cares about. The right side of my belly has far more stretchmarks than the left, and every time I look down I remember having his back pushed up tight on that side of me for the entire pregnancy. The stretchmarks from the top of my breasts to my calves remind me how strong my body is and I marvel in the fact that I was privileged enough to grow another human being inside me and it never ceases to amaze me how a body can morph to accommodate that baby. I don’t think my body is better or worse than any other mom out there, we each have our own stories and our bodies illustrate that individuality. What fun would it be if we all fit the same mold??

I finally started working out around the new year, before that I had felt hopeless. It’s helped boost my confidence, energy and moods so much! I’ve lost 55 of the 60lbs I gained during my pregnancy so far. I hope to lose 5 or so more and continue to get in better shape. I just wanted to say how much I appreciate this site for helping me see what really matters, I firmly believe I would still loathe my body had I not found SOAM.

Picture 1: 1 yr pp full body shot
Picture 2: 1 yr pp close up of the “frowny face” button and strechmarks
Picture 3: 1 yr pp side
Pitcure 4: Levi 1 yr old!

Updated here.

Beauty, Art and Post-pregnancy (Gil)

Bonnie (SOAM) Submissions 11 Comments

I LOVE art. I enjoy looking at sculpture, abstract oils, photography, so on and so on. But, after a while, I began to be board with the way artists and even the media displayed the female form. The over exuberant breast augmentations and air-brushed porcelain skin – even Dove’s attempts of showing women in various forms – began to both me. ALL of these women – at a spectrum of ages and weights – were still PERFECT. Yet, THESE were the images of women that I am surrounded by. Is THIS what we all strive to achieve? An over-processed figure? A carbon-copy size 2, cup size DD, and hair flowing to our waits… I guess I don’t fit the mold.

Under these layers of skin, I could still see that former version of myself. The shimmer of that woman I used to be still existed. And, with my two children screaming in the background, I was determined to find her again and merge her with the woman who I now could see in the mirror. So, I began to eat better, became more active, and lost weight. I did feel better about myself and happier with that figure that stared back at me in the mirror. I FELT beautiful even if I didn’t fit the art world’s and media’s definition.

So, I turned the camera on myself and posted some of the pictures. I wanted to show my imperfections in an artistic light. My skin looks like it hangs on a woman well over twice my age, my breasts no longer retain their youthful bounce, and I have two scars to proudly show that both of my children did emerge from me. The reactions were mixed from viewers, family, and friends. Most couldn’t believe that I posted the pictures. But, I still FEEL beautiful and am not ashamed of my current form.

Have I merged my former self with my current person? I think that I have been her all along. I am so much more comfortable with my figure than I was ten years ago – although, I will probably NEVER wear a two-piece swimming suit again. It was just a matter of seeing through the shell …

Some artists HAVE shown women’s imperfections. In Leda Atomica, Salvador Dali painted his wife in all her imPERFECTions later in her life. Other artists have and still do explore the idea of how women’s bodies had changed during childbirth. Granted, I do realize that these will be the exceptions versus the norms, but the fact that these areas of our beings are explored brings some hope.

My websites are
https://gilwarzecha.deviantart.com/
https://gilwarzecha.com/

2 Under 2… Every Day’s a Blessing (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 2 Comments

I am 22 years old and have 2 children under the age of 2! I got pregnant with my first child when I was 20 years old, other than getting stretchmarks, I had never really though about how having a baby would change my body. I figured I was still young, and everything would bounce back to normal….boy was I wrong!! 9 months and 60 lbs. later I gave birth to a healthy 8lb. 4oz. beautiful baby girl. Despite having used cocoa butter for stretchmarks throughout My pregnancy, I was shocked to look in the mirror for the first time after giving Birth, and see the changes that had taken place. Not only was my tummy covered in stretchmarks, but my skin was rippley and sagging I also had stretchmarks on the backs of my legs, and side of my breasts. I thought for sure there must be somthing wrong… I am only 20 years old and my body should NOT look like this. throughout the months after my daughter was born, I tried hard to be accepting of my “new” body, but it was hard. In june of 2009, i was surprised to discover that I was pregnant again. I was not to thrilled at the thought of more stretchmarks, and feared that my body would be even worse after the next baby. I tried to eat healthier with my second pregnancy, and even lost wait the first few months due to morning sickness, so I only gained 20 pounds with my second pregnancy.
In January 2010 my baby boy arrived by cesarean.
right now I am 3 months post partum. Although I still have stretchmarks, most of them have faded, other than a few that I got from my secod pregnancy. I am surprised to say that I actually feel better about my body right now than I did after my first pregnancy. My skin is still sagging, and rippley in some places, and I have this horrible flap of skin that hangs over my pants, but I am still working on accepting my new body because, if I didnt have the body I have now, I wouldnt have my beautiful babies, and I wouldnt change that for the world! I have attatched pictures of me at 3 months post partum :)