Question

Mother’s Mark

Bonnie (SOAM) No Photos (Story Only), Poetry, Question 1 Comment

This was posted over at our group at Flickr and I wanted to share it here. If anyone has any answers to her question at the end, you can either e-mail her or post comments here or at Flickr. I’m sure many women would benefit from these answers and I will compile them all into an entry here. Thanks!

The skin, the shame, scars left resulting,
birth, pain, euphoric and deeply in love.
No more with my vessel, my shell.
Hiding inside, afraid of being seen,
the skin, the scars, the shame,

NO MORE!

My original poem did not end with NO MORE! It is how i feel. I am tired of being ashamed. I am tired of feeling like some sort of reject because my body has been what society sees as deformed after giving birth. I am tired of getting depressed every time i see a woman who is a mother whose body didnt give her this mark i feel branded
with. Why me? why not them?

A very dear friend who knows of my struggle to accept gave me the link to this website and I am glad to see that there are women who struggle too. It seems that many of you have been able to overcome your shame and move on. I have been trying for 20 years to no avail.

Over the years I have tried many different ways to be able to accept the changes in my body and nothing has worked. Perhaps those of you who have managed to embrace the marks of motherhood could help me by letting me know how you did it? lmasseur@yahoo.com

Curious

Bonnie (SOAM) Question 11 Comments

A poster known as “Curious” left this comment:
Not trying to offend, merely a question. Then how do some women totally bounce back .Not talking about Demi Moore or Hollywood trainers but true women. A woman down the street looks like she never was pregnant. She’s still a tiny thing. I’m not pregnant, not was, but I hate to say it, what pregnancy does to a woman’s body scares me. It’s so damaging. I know pregnancy and babies are beautiful but I guess I couldn’t handle it.

First, I’d like to point out that, even among this small sampling of women here on this site, there are a few whose bodies “snapped back” to their pre-pregnancy form (or close to it). The focus of this site tends to fall on those whose bodies have changed -partly because they are the majority but mainly because it’s such a taboo subject that needs to be brought to light. I in no way intend to make it seem like this is the only way, as it simply is not.

Second, I can certainly understand the fear about the changes in your body – it’s a HUGE thing! A little different situation, but I remember being pregnant with my first child, planning a natural birth, and reading the “graphic” birth stories at Birth Story Diaries. One included a great picture of the child’s head crowning and it terrified me. I swore off natural birth and insisted I was getting a c-section for a week or so. In the end, I worked through it and my baby girl was birthed at home, naturally, after all. My point is, I think I can understand your fear. It’s a scary thing, pregnancy, and all that comes with with it, very much including body changes. I think that life, in general, is a scary thing, too. And I think that people face what they must when they must. If and when you ever decide to have a child, you probably will feel afraid, but when it comes to that time in your life, you will amaze yourself with what you find you can handle.

I hope this doesn’t sound too presumptuous, I realize I can’t truly know how you, Curious, feel or predict what you will do. This is, technically, meant to be a generalization that happens to be inspired by your question.