Pregnant

One Year Later (Deanna)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 10 Comments

~Age: 31
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 1 year

My whole life I have been thin. I’m 5’5 and I was always around 110 pounds. During my pregnancy I did my best to eat healthy, however I ate a lot and ended up gaining 60 pounds. I never thought stretch marks or loose skin would be a problem as my mother has my shape and she bounces right back after my brother and I with not one mark on her. She was in a bikini a month later. Even at 60 her stomach looks great!

I rubbed lotions on all of the time. I couldn’t work out because I had really bad sciatica, and now that I look back I probably didn’t drink enough water. I didn’t have one stretch mark until the day BEFORE my darling daughter was born. They just came out like wildfire. ALL over my stomach. The first few months after she was born, my stomach was just so bad. Dark purple stretch marks, sagging skin, and wrinkles all over my stomach. I have managed to get my stretch marks down a lot, and I am back to 118 pounds, (which I am proud of) but my stomach is ruined. :( I feel like it will never be flat and smooth again. I have this little pooch that always sticks out. If I bend over gets REALLY wrinkly and just hangs. It is so depressing. My boyfriend even said it is bad. I don’t have any breasts really so I always figured my stomach sort of made up for it. I would love a second child, I am just SO terrified my body will get even worse. I feel so bad about myself.

Photos:

Pregnant
3 months postpartum
6 months postpartum (side)
10 months postpartum (laying on side, wrinkles)
12 months (straight view)
12 months (side)
12 months (plank) :(((

Ugly? Not to me! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Child Loss, Four or More Pregnancies, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 4 Comments

Having see others’ grossed out reaction to their own and others’ stretched out bellies while I was growing up, had me feeling like it was gross, ugly, shameful, etc. Just make sure to cover it up and tuck it in really well into your control top pantyhose, and make sure you forever and ever work on losing that last few pounds, lamenting all the extra skin you now have, etc, etc.

Then came my turn to have a baby, after 4 years of barrenness, aching to have a child to hold and love. Before I was 12 weeks along, I had stretch marks forming. By the time I hit my third trimester, my belly looked like a giant cat had clawed my stomach, as I had 4 huge ragged red lines on either side of my belly button running from level with my belly button down to the waistline of my panties. (I still wish I’d taken pictures of that stage!) By the time my son was born, my belly was covered with stretch marks, from 2 inches under my bust all the way down. After my son was born, I was looking at my reflection, and my first thought was, “Now I have an ugly belly”, but you know what? I don’t! It’s not perfect, but it wasn’t perfect before. The ugly is all in how you think about it. My body will never be the body it was before I had kids, but I have my kids now. I now have a droopy belly button; a little “apron” of extra skin from stretching so far, (over 13 inches gained around my waist during my last pregnancy!) so fast, so many times in such little time (3 fullterm pregnancies in 4 years); my belly will never again be smooth skin; BUT, I have 3 adorable little ones that are growing, learning, and surprising me daily with the things they know and do. No “perfect” body could replace my kiddos! I wouldn’t trade them for anything, not even my prebaby body!

The three non pregnant photos are current. The three hugely pregnant photos are the day before each of my three kids was born.

Age: 27
Pregnancies and births: 5 pregnancies, 2 early miscarriages, and 3 live births
Children’s ages: 3 1/2, 2, infant, 15 weeks postpartum

“Is she pregnant? …Or just fat?” (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Pregnant, Submissions 6 Comments

Back in my younger years I had always been pretty chubby, it wasn’t until about 3 or 4 years ago that I lost all the weight, stopped smoking and make it to around 140 lbs. I was not perfect looking by any means, but I did look somewhat fit and healthy overall. I am now currently in my 6th month of pregnancy and am insulted that people constantly make comments about how much I am “letting myself go”, especially at work. People seem to be surprised or taken aback with total disbelief that there’s a baby inside my body. Even my own mother has told me I look fat. She said, “Well you don’t look very big for being six months pregnant. You just look like you eat too much.” I find that this is hurting my self image physically and mentally, and making me want to cry. Cry because I know that my body is changing to support my son, yet I get called fat or over weight and asked, “Baby?! Where are you hiding it?!” I sometimes even get reprimanded by my prenatal nurses about the slightest ounce of weight I put on! I am not a big person (anymore) and I actually eat very healthy and well balanced meals and exercise regularly. What upsets me more is that I love children and would love to have two or even three, but being a first time mother with the experiences I have had so far have turned me off to the idea of having anymore children. It almost seems shameful to be pregnant and gain weight to support the life growing inside my body. I feel that the one size fits all pregnancy plan is not for everyone, because everyone is different. We all carry our children differently and our bodies adapt and support those children differently. Making pregnant women feel ashamed about their bodies or even their pregnancies during a time when it’s okay to put on some weight is not okay. Women should not have to feel badly about themselves when they should be beaming with vitality and joy. /end rant

Below: six weeks (right), six months (left).

Goodbye Forever, Bikini (Becky)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 14 Comments

Age: 24
Children: 1
Child’s age: 1 month

I have never been skinny. I’ve never wanted to be. I liked my size 8, athletic build with curves in all of the right places. I liked my boobs. I liked my body. Period.
When I got pregnant, my husband and I were so excited. Yes, the thought “oh my God what’s this going to do to my body?!” nagged at me a little bit, but I have always had a very strong mind and figured I could handle it. It couldn’t be that bad, right? I’m healthy, I work out, I eat well. I’ll be fine. Or so I thought.

I expected to have stretch marks. My mom has them, though they are very minimal. My sister- well, her stomach looked like someone took a set of kitchen knives to it (until she had a tummy tuck)! But my sister also had a VERY unhealthy, fast-food and diet-soda pregnancy. I would be fine, I thought. So I did everything “right”. I began a very strict skin care regimen and maintained it throughout my entire pregnancy. I took baths with vitamin-e oil. I used Palmer’s cocoa butter every day, twice a day on my belly, hips, thighs, and breasts. I drank more than a gallon of water per day. I ate a healthy diet. The day I went into labor with my sweet girl, I had gained 35 pounds- exactly what my doctor recommended, not a pound more or less. Despite all of that, I had stretch marks. I had them worse than my mother did. I have them worse than my sister did. They are all over my stomach, some on my hips. Thankfully, my breasts were spared.

I am devastated.

My daughter is beautiful. She graced us with her presence the day after she was due. And she was BIG and healthy and perfect. 8 pounds 7 ounces worth of healthy. She’s the best thing that ever happened to me… still I am feeling so unhappy with my body after birth.

I’ve lost all of my baby weight (and then some!) thanks to breast feeding and can’t wait to get to the gym to start working out. But I have spent countless hours researching only to find that these marks aren’t going anywhere. No creams or lasers or wraps are going to get rid of them, no matter what is promised by the advertisements. So here I am, on our family vacation, loathing all of the women in bikinis and knowing that I have said goodbye to mine forever. There are sexy one pieces that I can wear next year. I know that. But I’ll never quite feel as sexy as I used to. My husband is supportive. He says the stretch marks are just a part of life. That he doesn’t did me any less attractive with the scars if bringing our girl into the world. But I see him glance in the direction of the bikini-clad women who don’t have these damn stretch marks. (Some of them toting their own little ones around- HOW IS THAT FAIR?!) And it hurts. My once high self-esteem is plummeting.

I hope I get over it. But for now, I’m devastated.

Photos:
6 months pre-baby
38 weeks pregnant
1 week postpartum
3 weeks postpartum

I Love Being a Mum! (Alice)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 14 Comments

30, one pregnancy and birth via Cesarean

I love my post-partum body. I basically look the same, with slightly bigger boobs and softer-rounder belly, with extra belly skin that I did not have before. My body is the constant reminder of the precious life I created, and for that, I am eternally thankful.

I used a belly binder almost 24/7 post-partum for about 4 weeks, I think that helped me get back in shape.

I delivered my baby via Cesarean after a 20 hour labour, I was lucky to be in minimum pain afterwards, I had a very speedy recovery.

Photos: before baby, 40 weeks, 6 days post-partum, 8 days post-partum, 2 weeks post-partum, 2 months postpartum

Hidden Forever (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 4 Comments

Hi there i am 29yrs of age with 4 children and one on the way. Before i started having children i was concerned about wearing shorts or bikini’s at the pool.

Jeez i wish i did. I was only 15 when i had my first, didn’t really get to know who i was or be happy with myself at all, only now am i starting to feel happy and unconcerned of what others think of my body. Its me that’s more concerned, For once in my life i wish i could have a normal stomach,hips breast. I really want to feel beautiful on the outside because as a mother i feel that i have concurred the in side of me and i just want to feel complete and proud. Its upsetting to know that no matter how much exercise i do im still going to have that extra skin just reminding me that i will never get that back. My daughter (13) is amazing she and her brother’s 10,6,3 always have been the shade cloth over my eye’s telling me that it doesn’t really matter and i feel selfish that i’m so concerned about it. To be honest just wanna wear a bikini with a smile lol. These photo’s are of me now 4 1/2 months pregnant.

Journey To Loving Myself (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Butt, First Pregnancy, Legs, Mom over 30, Pregnant, Submissions 4 Comments

What beautiful, brave women you all are for opening up and bearing your hearts, minds and bodies here on this site! I have been reading stories on here to learn and prepare for some of the physical and emotional changes I may experience after I’ve given birth since I have no previous experience to draw on. I look at you all with utter awe and admiration, and in my opinion you are as feminine as it gets and I feel so proud to be about to join your ranks.

I am only part way along the motherhood journey, approx. 6 months pregnant so far. I am 30 yrs old and this is my first baby. I haven’t developed any stretch marks on my tummy or breasts as yet, but I have gained some weight on my thighs and my bottom, and developed a few varicose veins on one of my legs as you can see in the pictures.

I don’t have a picture-perfect body by magazine standards, but it’s mine to live in and so I do treasure it, especially now that I’m pregnant – it constantly amazes me. I don’t really feel sexy in the same way as I used to, but I feel more womanly and powerful in my body than ever and therefore sexy in a whole new and much deeper way.

I have not always felt as free and loving toward myself and my body. I had painful experiences with my body image, depression and anxiety in my teens and early 20’s. Over the years since recovering though, I have come to see my body more as a way I can express my spirit and receive/share with the world around me, than a purely physical form that defines me, and is either “attractive” or “unattractive” to the world.

Reading many stories I really feel the grief expressed by different women about what they once were and are no longer since having babies… the permanent features that they can never change or undo (without surgery, or even with the help of surgery)… and the unrelenting sense of pressure/expectation from partners, society or just themselves to improve or restore themselves to their former glory, as if now they are less than they were and lacking in various ways, even though they have just become SO MUCH MORE.

I feel the pain particularly as many women talk about taking wonderfully healthy actions like being physically active, eating consciously, trying to be positive and proactive without experiencing any tangible results and the frustration, self-loathing and hopelessness that ensues. Wonderful, extraordinary women feeling like they need to take all sorts of extreme and harsh measures, even against their own intuition, to eliminate the ways in which they horrify themselves. I don’t judge one single one of you, because I have felt these things about myself in the past, without even having the excuse of having had a baby and the very real physical changes that come with that. I simply wish you did not have to suffer that shame/pain/grief/self-loathing, when you are actually so incredibly worthy and deserving of boundless honour and admiration.

My pursuit of perfection when I was younger, although I didn’t know I was doing it, eventually led to complete exhaustion, self-loathing, anxiety and ultimately depression. My self-esteem was blown apart and my perception of myself shockingly distorted. I shudder to think what effect pregnancy might have had on me at that time in my life and how I would have dealt with it.

I was fortunate to have a lot of professional guidance, loving supportive people around me and I was quite committed to being well again, but even still it was a long road to learn the lessons and tools for loving myself that I needed to be healthy and happy. I eventually was blessed to discover the power of a beautiful guided meditation process for healing called “The Journey”, which is all about uncovering the unconditional love that resides within you and allowing it flow through you. You learn to see yourself through the eyes of an innocent child/best friend/loving parent all mixed together and effectively let go of so many unhealthy ideas about what determines worth in the world – incredibly healing. Out of everything, learning this was what made all the difference for me, and still makes the difference for me now.

For someone who was ridiculously diligent, self-disciplined and compulsively trying to “fix”/”improve” myself, learning how to relax all that mental pressure, stop forcing myself constantly and just surrender to the knowledge of how extraordinary I already was WITHOUT BEING PERFECT was the most powerful key in my journey towards healing. I gradually learnt how to accept myself exactly as I was BEFORE I was better, healthier, more attractive, more capable, successful, etc. My life’s not perfect and nor am I, by my whole life has become much easier and more beautiful, and I feel beautiful just as I am.

A line in the post called “I Want My Body Back” (Anonymous) is what ultimately inspired me to share some of my story with you all here. The line was: “I just want to love myself for what I look like now”. I wanted to share the way that I learnt how to give myself that gift of self-love for her, and for all of you beautiful women who deserve that gift too, just in case it helps in any way.

I hope it’s ok to quote a couple of ladies who’ve posted here on this site – these are just some of the most beautiful and uplifting words I have read and I will hold them in my heart as I continue on my journey of becoming a mother:

“I was beautiful then and I’m beautiful now… Size does not equate worth, or love, or beauty…” (It’s oK To Feel Beautiful – Jennifer)

“Tears running down my face… This body was the look of true beauty, of work and reward, of suffering and love.” (My Post Partum Body – Courtney)

Thank you for all of your stories.

Feeling Hopeless (Brandie)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Cesarean, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 6 Comments

Age: 30
Pregnancies: 2
Children: 5 yrs old and 11 months

I just turned 30 years old and I have two beautiful boys, one being 5 and one 11 months. I have always been relatively small throughout my life, so the changes that my body has encountered over the last 6 years have made me depressed. My first born was 8 pounds 3 ounces and his delivery was natural, though he gave me third degree tears. Last year I got pregnant with my second child and about 30 weeks along the doctor said I was measuring rather large and sent me for an ultrasound to get the his measurement, there I found out they predicted him to be 10 pounds 11 ounces. The doctor suggested that a c-section would be the best route considering the tearing that happened with the first. I ended up going into labor early and still had a c-section, he was 10 pounds 1 ounce. Needless to say, I was not expecting my body to look quite like it does now. But don’t get me wrong, I knew that I was not going to be small right after either. I wore that belly binder for two weeks and the doctor told me to take it off. I did. And since then I have been embarrassed and well downright depressed. I started working out, lasted a 1 1/2 months before I said forget it. The only parts of me that were getting toned were my legs and butt, nothing helped my stomach. It still sticks right out. I have been asked 5 times if I am pregnant. I am not sure what I can do to loose it, or slim it down at least. I don’t mind a little pooch but this makes me feel like I am 4 months pregnant. My belly is hard and when you press on it, it bounces back at you. I am not sure what to do, I have lost all of the baby weight and am the exact same weight I was prior to my second pregnancy. Any ideas would be great on how to make this go down.

First picture is when I was 8 weeks pregnant with my first born.
Second picture is me 16 weeks pregnant with my second.
Third picture is me 35 weeks with my second.
Fourth picture is me 11 months postpartum from my second.

Still Struggling (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 15 Comments

This will be my 3rd submission and I’m sad to say things have not gotten better. I had my daughter in 2008 after a 50lb weight gain. The stretch marks do not bother me, I could care less if anyone sees them. It’s my stomach I hate. I was skinny when my husband and I got together. Since then I’ve gained 40 lbs. I feel like he doesn’t find me attractive anymore even though he tells me he does. He is a porn addict and will not accept it. He hides it from me, using private browsing when he watches. Uses the bathroom (BM) several times a day. A normal person does not poop 3-4 times a day. I guess he thinks I’m stupid, he tells me thats what he’s doing. I’ve given up trying to talk about it because he just shuts down or denies it. I just let it happen and let it eat away at me little by little. Every time I try to talk to someone about it, they turn it back on me and say it’s my fault. Every guy does it and it’s normal. This is not normal….. I go online and read blogs and other websites with other women dealing with the same thing and most of the time it helps me get by. We HAVE watched the porn together and we always do new crazy things, even thing I’m not necessarily thrilled about but I try them because he wants to. But I saw something on one the other day. The guy said he has to get off to porn because that’s the only way he’ll ever see an attractive woman naked because his wife isn’t anymore because she has put on weight since having their son. That hurt! We go through so much to have these babies and for a husband to say that about his wife who has given birth to their son just hurts my heart. It left me wondering, does my husband feel the same way? Is that why he watches it so much? He doesn’t initiate much anymore, especially recently. I’m 4 months pregnant with our second baby, a baby boy! I am terrified it’s going to make my body worse. I’m not eating properly. I haven’t gain any weight, I’ve in fact lost 10 lbs since my first doctors appt. I’m scared my husband finds me repulsive and to think he could be thinking what that guy said, tears me apart. He’d never tell me if he did, so I’m left to wonder……

Pictures are of me today at 4 months pregnant.

~Age: 26
~Number of pregnancies and births: 3 ( 1 miscarriage, one birth, currently pregnant)
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 5 years PP

Beauty in a Mum Tum: Overcoming Fear (Jen)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 4 Comments

Age: 29 years old
Current and pre-pregnancy weight: 138 lbs.
Total weight gained during pregnancy: 27 lbs.
Children: 1 child, 11 weeks old.

I had always feared pregnancy for two reasons: I would not be in control of my body and I might end up with dreaded stretch marks top to bottom. These fears seemed to froth up in every conversation with girlfriends about pregnancy. I would say how I already had numerous stretch marks from puberty, especially on my thighs.

Some friends shared my fears but most of them thought it was silly. I felt that no one understood how much my body would change and it eclipsed for me the joy of the journey I almost did not take. One of my friends, at 8 months pregnant herself, said: “Oh Jen, there is so much more to worry about.” But I didn’t get it. I spent hours reading stories on shapeofamother, watching videos and showing photos to my husband of women with striped and swirly bellies to instill in him my fears so that he might agree to not have children naturally. He shrugged. So what? He said.

After 7 months of praying about starting a family, we started trying to conceive. In the second month, we were pregnant. I could not believe it! I was deliriously happy – scared – but happy. There was no going back so I promptly ordered the best stretch mark creams and oils money could buy.

I applied four types of stretch mark creams and oils twice daily – sometimes, three times a day! I was going to do everything I could to keep my body in my own control.

At 22 weeks my baby stopped moving. By the afternoon and through hysterical tears, I asked my husband to drive me to emergency obstetrics. I was praying that my baby was fine. When the doctor confirmed he was healthy, just turned with his back to my belly, I realized that my friend was right: there were so many more important things to worry about. The safety of my child trumped my small and superficial thinking. I knew then that I was not in control; I had to trust God. Did I really believe Psalm 139’s pledge that He knows us intimately, that we are fearfully and wonderfully made? Did I trust God with my body and with my baby? I had been reading this psalm to my child everyday and now it was my turn to be tested.

When at 33 weeks I got my first stretch mark on my lower belly, I was a little bummed but I kept on applying my creams and oils in earnest. I was too busy feeling my little baby kicking and wiggling. I tried to focus on finding joy in every part of the pregnancy, seeing it as special and sacred. When I went into labor at 39 weeks 5 days, my lower belly was striped, my hips donned their own purple lines and around my popped belly button was a swirl of stretch marks.

That’s ok with me.

Those stretch marks, though they have shrunk and faded already at 11 weeks postpartum, mean something special: they show that there was a baby that once grew in my belly.

They say I am a mother.

Because of this, they are beautiful.

Because of this, I am beautiful.

Photo 1: 3 months pregnant
Photo 2: 7 months pregnant
Photo 3: 5 hours postpartum
Photo 4: 11 weeks postpartum