Postpartum

A Do-Over (Megan)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 4 Comments

Previous post here.

Age: I’m 25
Number of Pregnancies & Births: 2 Pregnancies & Two births (3.5 yrs & 3 weeks old)

I was terrified to have another baby after my first. For all kinds of reasons: I didn’t want to get more stretchmarks (more! how would that even be possible?! I felt covered already.), I hated being pregnant the first time (I just felt fat and ugly the whole time and wasn’t too excited to re-live those feelings), I didn’t want to have to lose a bunch of weight afterwards again (it took me 6 months to even feel semi normal again last time), I’d hated all of the comments from people when I went overdue with my first (“You haven’t had that baby YET?!”) etc.

Long story short, despite all of my reasons, I really wanted my son to have a sibling so we decided to start trying for another when he was 2.5 and boom! Two months later, the pee sticks showed pregnant. I was simultaneously thrilled and scared.

How would this time be any different? Would I completely lose myself again?

Then I remembered the post I’d written on here when my son was a year old. Looking at it again was like a pep talk from my self. I COULD have a better second pregnancy! I COULD enjoy it! It was all up to me and my attitude/habits. And guess what? I did.

I took my own advice: I walked daily and I ate decently (this time I gained 28 pounds instead of 53).

I tried to dress in a way that made me feel confident and showed off my bump. And you don’t have to spend a fortune to feel good! I went to thrift stores and wore hand me downs (but only the ones that made me feel pretty!).

I grew my hair out to a length that made me happy.

I actually let people include me in pictures.

I celebrated milestones.

All in all, this pregnancy flew by and although I went overdue by almost 2 weeks (oh the comments I got this time!), I let myself enjoy being pregnant. Having my son involved made it such a special time that I want to remember forever.

Do I look like a supermodel now? Nope. Do I absolutely love my body all the time now? No way. BUT I now know, I look like the mother of two amazing children who I love more than anything and THAT’S the look I’m going for. My husband loves me and more importantly, I love myself. I also realize now that it takes time to get back to “normal” (if there even is such a thing) after having a baby. I’m in no rush.

I’m so incredibly grateful for the community of women on here who let each other know daily it’s OK if becoming a mother changed you! It’s supposed to. We’re here to build each other up and I love it. Thank you mamas, keep doing what you’re doing!

These pics are of me at 2.5 weeks postpartum after my second. I really want to start eating cleaner and getting back into the swing of doing Pilates daily but for now, my hobbies include sleeping (whenever I can!) and nursing. :)

I have a not-so-depressed tummy now. (Claire)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 6 Comments

2 pregnancy boys aged 4 and 2years 6 months.

Previous post here.

After alot of hard work ive lost a further 10lbs and currently weight 128lbs i wish i was 100% happy with the way i looked but i would still love to loose another 14lbs and tone up more before summer. All mums know that having kids and being a full time mum does not leave alot of “me” time. I speak to alot of mums and they all wish they had more time to work out and tone up.

I have finally got a routine where i can fit in a work out and i really feel great for it. I have been to rock bottom about the way my stomach has changed since having children and gone through so many emotions. I am an expert on tummy tuck procedures so much so that i could probably preform one in my living room .lol and read about every magical cream or diet on the planet. I have learned during the past year though that you need to work extra hard to get what you want so with my zumba,sits ups and cardio i hope i am on my way to a “normal” stomach. Its getting there i guess. I am very proud of myself i have lost over 50lbs since my second child do any other mums out there feel like they will never be happy no matter what they do? much love xxxx

Old Before My Time (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Submissions 22 Comments

Age 33 yrs
4 children
breastfed
all c-sections

My youngest is 10 months old, I had my first child 14 yrs ago at 21 yrs old. I usually avoid looking in the mirror when naked My stomach hangs and I have tried many exercises it will never be the same which is disappointing. Whats worst, my breasts are deflated and feel soft. My nipples are also stretched and very long. I know this is not attractive and has hindered my sex life. Taking off my shirt just makes me want to cringe. As well, this affects how I feel in my clothes especially since cleavage shirts are the in thing. I even went for a bra fitting recently and the sales lady I know said “why didn’t you stop breastfeeding?” I always wanted to wear a bikini which I feel I missed out on but, instead I recently got a sexy one piece from pinup girlclothing.com. I wore it swimming…no excitement from my bf…. all I could think is: “If I were wearing a bikini you wouldn’t be able to take your eyes off of me”. Well, retired that! I feel old and deflated however, I am at a decent weight which is good. My man claims he has no problem with my bod but I have caught him looking at porn specifically, of large chested women which blew my self esteem out the window and made me not believe him when he does compliment. I also get angry at the Drs. who kept giving a c-sections not telling the physical repercussions on the body. I am also angered by society there is no way, in my opinion, a man would buy a magazine with a bunch of women with sagging breasts and stretch marks although this is reality albeit a harsh one. I love my children and am thankful for them. Just don’t know how to get some self confidence back….

Missing You Always and Forever (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) No Photos (Story Only), Postpartum, Submissions, Update 6 Comments

2 pregnancies/ 2 boys
28 years old

Original post here.

Dear Mom,

I miss you everyday. I miss your beautiful smile, your laugh and being able to talk to you about anything.

Christmas this year just wasn’t the same without you. Last year was the first year without you and it was very emotional and kind of a blur. But this year it was almost like I had lost not one but two parents. Dad has a girlfriend, she moved in, in September. I haven’t been to your house since then. I actually haven’t talked to dad much since then either. I don’t like who he chose to keep his mind veering in your direction. She is only five years older than Adam, not that age has anything to do with me not liking her I just find it weird. We don’t trust her, dad first mentioned her only 4 months after you died. Dad sticks up for her all the time saying “she doesn’t have her 7 year old daughter because her ex and the judge are out to get her”everyone’s out to get her, it’s like she hypnotized him or something. He is spending on things that she wants to decorate your house with. I can’t go there, it’s to hard, it’s not home anymore. Scott moved to Nova Scotia with his girlfriend so he wasn’t here for chirstmas either. We had supper at Jenn’s on Christmas day instead of your house. There is just so much change in such a small time.

I’m scared of getting older and having to make important decisions and watching people I love die. Good- bye are the hardest words to ever say, that is why I never did with you. I told you that it was ok if you needed to rest. I was so scared to leave your bed side, worried all the time that you might go and I wasn’t there. I wanted to climb into bed with you but was to scared I would hurt you. So instead I held your hand, talked to you (I know you could hear me) and played music. I wish I was stronger for you and there for you more. I regret everyday that I wasn’t at your house everyday helping you and talking to you, soaking everything that I miss up. You guys kept saying you could fight it, you would beat it. I had a feeling from the start, it spread to fast. I tried to see you everyday when it got near the end, brought flowers, visited, helped where I could, and cried at your side.

I feel so selfish, you just wanted to live and I want my body back. I still look in the mirror everyday and wish I looked like I did before I had kids. I still cry most days wishing I wasn’t depressed, anxious, or feeling alone even when I’m not. I don’t know how to get through this, and I want to talk to you so bad. B is 7 already, I hate that they won’t know you more and you aren’t here to see them grow. I didn’t care if you were over weight or had thinning hair, you were (are) my mom and friend and I didn’t see those things as I do on myself. So in reality my kids probably don’t either so it really shouldn’t matter. I know you said that J loves me and I should let it go, I just can’t. I still get anxiety when we have sex (he might feel the stretch marks, extra skin or a roll), and yet at the same time I’m wondering why he doesn’t want sex more often. Is he as repulsed by me as I am with myself? Me and Shelley (my therapist) have both told him that I need him to compliment me more and show more affection. It happens for about a week after the talk and then lingers off. I know I don’t believe it now when he does compliment me but my hopes are that someday I will. I think he feels obligated to do it which feels even worse. And I think he holds off on sex until he really really wants it because he doesn’t find me attractive anymore. Just after having B he told me I wasn’t as attractive as I was before, and to this day I can’t get it out of my head. I wish I was stronger like you.

I hope they play music where you are so you can get dressed up and put your dancing shoes on. I hope you are watching over us and proud of who I am. I have made it one year and five months without you, It has been extremely hard but even when I thought I couldn’t, I did.

Sincerely, you daughter who loves you deeply and misses you always and forever xoxoxoxoxo

Nowhere Else to Turn (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Butt, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 17 Comments

I had only been dating my boyfriend for 3 months when we found out I was pregnant. I was on depo for 5 years, took antibiotics, then freaked because I forgot about the effect that antibiotics have on BC, so I took Plan B. Still got pregnant. I never wanted children. I had no desire to be a mother. I panicked when the test came out positive. All I could think about was how big I was going to get. As the months went by, and the number on the scale kept getting bigger and bigger, I just could not wait to not be pregnant anymore. Everyone kept telling me that the 65 pounds I gained would just fall off, because my son is my first. I was one of the lucky ones who did not get one single stretch mark. However, I got an ass full of cellulite, as well as cottage cheese thighs. I noticed cellulite on my calves too. What gives! Anyway.. Two weeks postpartum I stepped on the scale, and noticed that I had lost 30 pounds, and I was at 205 pounds. So, I was hopeful that what everyone said about the weight falling off was true. Lies. I am now nearly 6 months PP, and am just now starting to lose weight. I am at 192.5 today. It isn’t because I am exercising, or watching what I eat. It is because I just flat out, do not eat. I eat only when my boyfriend is around, and very little at that. This is where the problem starts. All I can think about, is how disgusting my body is. Never mind that it carried, grew, nourished, and nurtured an absolutely adorable, funny, amazing baby. That just does not impress me. Pregnancy destroyed my body. Not just my skin, but my hair, teeth, and nails. Everything about me just absolutely repulses me. I found out my boyfriend was visiting a website that promotes teenage porn. He says that he didn’t know that the girls were underage, but it is QUITE obvious. He was viewing videos of girls masturbating. Which, has made me feel even worse. He has apologized incredibly, and vows to never view porn all together. Which, I don’t know if I believe him. He says that he only wants me, but my warped mind can’t help but think that if this were true, then why does he feel he needs to watch videos of 17 year olds shoving dildos in their vaginas? Might I also add that he made an account with a questionable website where he tried to view live webcams of girls masturbating. Let me make this clear. Pre-pregnancy, I had NO PROBLEM with porn. I watched it, we watched it together, and I had no problem with him watching it. I’m just incredibly insecure now, and am in a very fragile state. I can’t even watch a television show that has pretty women in it with him, or even by myself for that matter, because it makes me very uncomfortable, and all I can think about is how much my body disgusts me. I know that my train of thought is fucking ridiculous, and that “I’m beautiful no matter what,” but how do I make myself believe that? I just so badly want to be OKAY with myself. I constantly beat myself up. I cry every day. I can’t even look in the mirror without thinking how ugly I am. I was so vivacious, optimistic, fun, and bubbly before I got pregnant, and now I feel like nobody wants to be around me because I am such a drag. I fear that my new found pessimism will drive my boyfriend away. I feel like I am no fun. I can’t go a whole day without being in a bad mood. No matter how hard I try to just be OPTIMISTIC, something happens that just destroys that. My moods are like a light switch. I tried anti-depression medicine, but it did not help. I tried talking to family and friends, and they all said the same shit, “You’re beautiful no matter what.” Frankly, I’m sick of hearing that. I need someone who can whole heartedly relate to me, who has gotten over their funk, to give me advice on how to get over this state of sadness and evilness. I want to feel like ME again. I want to be able to go to the store with my boyfriend, without feeling like he is comparing me to every single woman there, thinking “I wish she looked like that.” I have no idea how to change this, but it needs done. I want to believe my boyfriend when he tells me, several times a day, how beautiful I am. I want to feel NORMAL.

Oh, and might i add, that my baby boy is my most proud achievement. When ever he smiles at me, I can’t help but get a huge smile. He is the only thing that is getting me through life right now. Please help me. I need a strangers advice <3 ~Age: 29 ~Number of pregnancies and births: 1 pregnancy, 1 birth ~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 5 months, and 5 months pp [gallery]

33 Years Old, Nine Months PP, Life After C-Section (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Cesarean, First Pregnancy, No Photos (Story Only), Postpartum, Submissions 13 Comments

Some of my wisest mom friends shared with me that it’s best to NOT have a birth plan…I shouldve listened to that little feeling tugging on my gut! Ah well…se la vi!!

I was initially soo upset (combined with hormones post partum!!) about having a cestion…I had my heart set on a vbirth with no drugs…but my baby turned sunny side up when I was in labor!!! It was soooo painful that I had to get an epidural. Then because her vitals were fine they let me try pushing for 5 hours in a variety of positions…yes even on my hands and knees! They would turn my baby and it would just turn back around…

Anyway, what I realize is that it’s not a friggin contest mommies!! The most important thing is the baby being healthy and safe..AND there are siginificant perks to csection…like our privates don’t get ruined and daddies get to bond with the baby :-).

At any rate, I am lovin every minute with my sweet baby and am slowly seeing my tummy shrink!! My ta-tas are different too but it’s so worth it to look in my babys beautiful eyes each day and to know she’s getting some liquid gold to get her off to a right start!!!
Thanks for reading and take care

Still on my way to accepting myself. (Melanie)

Bonnie (SOAM) Abortion/Life after Abortion, Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo 12 Comments

Age: 28
2 pregnancies, 1 birth
my son is 16 month old

When I met the father of my child I was 26 and we both knew instantly that THIS IS IT! We were what we’re always looking for and one month after we became a couple I became pregnant. It was no accident, but we should have thought about it more carefully. We were so desperately in love, we thought being a “real” family is the best we could do. From my todays point of view I’m sad that we didn’t think about it for some more time. From the very beginning we were “three”, and I sometimes wish I could have him just for myself. Just hanging out with him, going out, getting to know him, etc. But what to do.

That was also the reason why I had a really hard time to accept there was some”thing” inside of me. For the first half of the pregnancy I just felt like an incubator for some kind of aggressive alien, that wants to eat me from the inside. When we got to know the gender of the child and then FINALLY found a boys name it was somehow easier to accept – this “thing” inside became a “someone” with a name.
My husband-to-be is amazing, alltime caring and supporting and very understanding. He beared all my doubts and hopelessness, trying to be the best partner one can be. This year we will marry and it just took so much time because I want to have some champagne at my own wedding, and you know I couldn’t so far. :)

We had to wait pretty long for the little man to come, he was 10 days late when we decided to induce labour. It took almost an entire day, without any painkillers etc., all natural. I gave birth to a four kilo boy.

Today this boy is almost 16 months old, very active and healthy, with a strong will. It took some time for me to be able to accept and love this child, due to some problems with postpartum depression and other things. He was and still is very lively and I think everyone has to get used to the fact not to be able to go on living his own life the way he did before. I still struggle with that every day, but there are more and more moments every day when I’m so proud of this charming little troll or when I think how nice it is to have this family. Yeah, maybe I’m just a spoiled brat. The first six months I had to carry him all day, or lie down on the couch next to him. All day! I almost went crazy. He couldn’t sleep alone, started screaming instantly when I just got up to go to the toilet. Honestly? I’m so happy that this phase is over now. I’m about to get my old self back, and that feels so good.

When the boy was about six months old I accidently became pregant again. That was a shock for us. We actually want a second child – but not like this. I wouldn’t have managed. I was about to emigrate to my boyfriends home country, my son was the most exhausting thing in the world, there was absolutely no time for a second child. It wasn’t an easy decision, but in the end I had an abortion. I’m so sorry for this little one, maybe it was the girl we would wanna have, but I still think it was the best decision for all of us. I don’t want to be too overstrained to give my boyfriend the love he deserves and to ruin our relationship with that. You see, I’m no supermommy and whatever I do I will never be, I can just give my best. I have no idea how those “mothers of seven” manage to be able to breathe in their daily life. But well, everyone is different I guess. I have to find my own way to deal with that.

My boyfriend still loves my body, though I don’t really know why. It was also not perfect before and I don’t mind the stretch marks I have now (tits, thighs, belly). There are three to four kilo I just don’t manage to lose, though I was also not happy with my weight before my child. But what really annoys me is my tits. They also weren’t big or well-shaped before, but now they are just small, sagging bags, they look shriveled and poor. The only good thing: they were always very milk-productive (I never had any problems with nursing) and my wonderful body gave me nipples before my son was born, I didn’t have any in the past. :)

I still can’t really accept my body so far, but I also couldn’t before, and I know I have to do something about it. I’m aware of the fact that I look like a normal woman, but that’s such a taboo, no one ever talks about that. So this site is great and it will hopefully help me and others. I KNOW that my body is amazing, I grew a child inside, gave birth to it, nursed it. Female bodies are perfect and wonderful!

1 + 2 my body in the past (23 and 25 years old) both taken by myself, just so you know
3 – 6 situation today
7 21st week
8 35th week
9 birthday of my son
10 I had such monster tits in the beginning!
11 our little dude today!

(I’m sorry if I sometimes don’t express myself in a super correct way, I’m no native speaker.)

Smokin’ Hot (Katie)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Child Loss, Four or More Pregnancies, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Surgical Scar (Non-Cesarean) 18 Comments

Smokin’ Hot! (Katie)

Age: 36
Pregnancies/births: 11/3 (8 miscarriages)
Ages of children: 4.5, 2, 2 weeks

My son is two weeks old today, and as I was about to get in the shower (yay, shower!), I saw myself in the mirror and thought, I am smokin’ hot! I should submit pics to SOAM! So I got my eyepod and took a couple of pics. Don’t think I don’t have stretch marks; I just don’t have any from pregnancy, which given my losses, makes me sad. All 3 of my children were born by spontaneous, unmedicated vaginal birth. The scar on my belly is from the burst appendix I had at 20.

Photos are my henna belly at 37w4d and front and side views 2 weeks postpartum.

My Story (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) First Pregnancy, No Photos (Story Only), Postpartum, Submissions 2 Comments

The birth of my son (first child)is by far the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. I love him more that I thought possible to love someone.

However, my postpartum body… Not so much. I was 22 years old when I got pregnant and I gave birth at 23 years old. I gained a total of 56 lbs. while pregnant. I was very active while I was pregnant. I knew my body would be different, but I naively thought it would bounce back quickly because I worked out up until a week and a half before I gave birth. My son is 5 months old now and I am close to my pre- pregnancy weight. I still actively work out. 3 1/2 months postpartum I was 10 lbs shy of my pre pregnancy weight. I was also successful in completing a P.O.W.E.R. Test for a police department in my area. This is the physical agility test all prospective police officers must pass.

I know I should look at that as an accomplishment, but when I look at myself in the mirror, I am disgusted. The stretch marks do not bother me so much, it is more so that I see myself as being fat. I can fit into all my skirts and dresses perfectly due to the higher waist line, but my hips never completely moved back so I will probably never be back in my jeans…has anyone else had this problem???not to mention, the loose skin…

Ashamed of my body, love the outcome! (Tiffany)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 15 Comments

Although I’ve always been a little on the thick side, I never imagined myself being the size I am now and being so ashamed of myself! My partner is very supportive and says she loves my body either way, I’m just very unhappy in it! I gained 60+ pounds while pregnant and now my stomach hangs! I just feel so disgusting! How can I lose this baby weight?

19/1 child/ 3 months old/ 3 months postpartum/natural birth
First one is pre pregnancy, last two is 3 months postpartum. Final picture is my beautiful babyboy