Piercing

It Has Taken Time (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Piercing, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 14 Comments

This is such a wonderful place for mothers to come! I recently stumbled upon this place while I was searching on facebook for different groups, and I am so so glad I did!

I have honestly always had body issues… I don’t know if it was learned from my mother, or from the society we are living in these days. Looking back I can see how silly I was, how could I have ever comlplained about the youthfull body I had? Crazy as it is I find myself doing the same thing now. It seems it is an everyday battle for me… certain days I defeat the doubt and shame I feel about the stretched out skin, leftover weight and oh of course those stretchmarks. Other days I let the mirror and my lack of self-esteem get the best of me. So ten years from now I wonder if I will be looking back again and thinking how silly I was to complain ( Probably will! haha).

I was married at 21 years old. My husband is an active duty Marine and was deployed twice within the first 3 years of our marriage… We finally got pregnant two months after he returned from his second deployment, I was 24. I had no idea what was in store for me! My mother has always been very slender and I thought I would take after her and only gain about 20 lbs during my pregnancy and bounce right back. Well it started off well… no morning sickness, nothing but the minor aches here and there and a lot of swelling during the end of the pregnancy. I turned 25 during my 7th month. Then ate my way through Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years LOL. My due date came and went. I was finally induced at almost 42 weeks!! The day I was induced they weighed me in at 198 lbs (When I found out I was pregnant I was at 140 lbs). Well, my son and I didn’t do well with Pitocin and so there was an emergency c-section. The week I came home was interesting to say the least. I remember asking my Mom a few times if the flap of skin hanging over my incision would be permanent.. I was so scared! She told me not to worry, but I was still horrified at how I looked.

I have often described myself as an optimistic person, but wasting so much on doubting myself and concentrating on negative things is totally not being an optimistic person. It is a struggle no doubt… but I think I am coming closer and closer to being at peace with my post baby body. It has been 2 years and 2 months since my wonderful perfect amazing son was born and I would have never imagined it would have taken this long to start feeling more like myself and more comfortable with who I am today. I still have an extra 10 lbs of preggo weight… I still have the stretchmarks, although they have continued to very slowly fade. My c-section scar has lightened… and I have gained back some muscle tone after starting a workout plan.

Motherhood has taught me so many things already, and to think of the many years I have ahead :) A big thank you to all the ladies who have posted their stories and shared their feelings.. it really has helped me feel like I am not alone. Here are a few pictures I took yesterday. My stretchmarks are tricky… every single angle they will appear different… sometimes in the right light you can’t see them… sometimes they look pink… sometimes silver or white, they are such funny things. I used to have such intense hatred for them, but I have gotten better at accepting them. When I bend over my “skin apron” appears. I have a wrinkle under my bellybutton, especially when I suck in my tummy. I have an old scar on my hip which blends in pretty well with the larger stretchmarks LOL. With all that said… I have to remind myself that along with those “imperfections” I have been given the most precious gift in the world, my son.

Updated here.

18 months postpartum (kimq33)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Piercing, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo 3 Comments

It took me a long time to accept that my body isn’t going to look the way it did when I got pregnant. I was 18, and 110 lbs at the time, and my stomach was flat. When I was pregnant, I loved my body. I thought it was adorable. I only got a few stretch marks on my thighs, and none on my belly. I used Palmer’s Tummy Butter everyday, usually twice a day.

After my son was born, I hated my body. I gained 50 lbs while I was pregnant, and have lost 40 so far. This was without much excercise, and no dieting. It just took a lot longer than I expected. For about 8 or 9 months, I didn’t like looking in the mirror. Now I feel like I look good again. My body may not look like it used to, but it is still great. It carried my beautiful son for 9 months, what more could I ask for?

It’s not easy the third time around, when your 38 years old! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Complications in Pregnancy, Mom over 30, Piercing, Postpartum, Preemie, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 31 Comments

When I found out I was pregnant in May of 2008 I was thrilled! I was 37 years old, and by husband was 49. We both have children from previous marriages. I had a 15 year old son, and a 12 year old son, and my stepson was 9 years old.

We had just celebrated our 5 year anniversary in Las Vegas, and…Well, what happens in Vegas didnt stay there! We were not using any form of birth control, and hadnt for 5 1/2 years. We initially had wanted to try to have a baby, but after 3 years of it not happening, we assumed it wouldnt. I thought it was for the best anyway, because I have VERY difficult pregnancies, and felt it was a blessing I had been able to carry my two sons as long as I had. Both of my boys were born early, at 31, and 33 weeks. They were 4lbs 3 oz, and 4 lbs12 oz at birth.

I have what is called a dildelphys uterus, wich actually means I have two completely seperate uterus, and they are each half the size of a normal uterus, making me go into labor early. The first time I went into labor it was at 29 weeks, and I was in the hospital till my son was born 2 weeks later. With my second pregnancy I started having contractions once at 23 weeks, and then badly at 26 weeks, and had to be on bedrest and on a home monitor & trebutaline pump till 33 weeks, going in and out of the hospital several times for short stays, till they just couldnt stop the labor any longer.

Early on with this pregnancy I found out that this baby was in the “left” uterus, when both of my boys had been in the “right” uterus. This was bad, because the doctors beleive that with each pregnancy the uterus stretches a little more, and since this one was brand new, we didnt know if maybe it was smaller & I wouldnt be able to carry as long. Everything was unknown all over again.

I could tell early on, at about 16 weeks that things were going to be tough, because that is when I started noticing contractions. I was constantly drinking tons of water & laying down till it seemed things would settle down. My doctor was more optomistic then I, and I think he and my husband ( not having gone through this with me before) all thought I was over reacting or imagining things.

I found out in September 09 I was having a girl, and was THRILLED. it was the answer to my prayers! I had been told during my first pregnancy that my son was a girl ( Oops! YES…ultra sound techs make mistakes, and I had THREE ultra sounds in late pregnancy & no one caught the error!) so I had been so shocked when I had a boy, I had thought for years I would only have my two sons. I was also happy it was a girl because they always say girls do better when born prematurely, and I needed all the help we could get!

I only got to be overjoyed for a few weeks before the contractions kicked in pretty badly. At a routine exam at 21 weeks I told the doctor after an uneventful visit that before I left I wanted to hook up to their monitor & check for contractions because I kept feeling an odd tightening sensation in my abdomen . He allowed me to do so, and seemed like he was just doing it to give me peace of mind. After 15 minutes of monitoring & insane contractions showing, he looked pale & sent me immedialty to the hospital, where I was given shots of trebutaline and after about 8 hours was allowed to go home. The next day I got my trebutaline pump & home monitor again. I was on total bedrest from 21 weeks, and only allowed up for doctors visits, to shower & use the bathroom. It was tough going through that, but thankfully since my other kids were older they were somewhat able to help out, and we all managed ok. At 26 weeks I started bleeding quite badly & rushed to the hospital, to stay for 2 weeks while they tried to figure out what was going on. They guessed it was placenta abruption, though there were no signs of an abruption on the ultra sounds. I was so scared going back home that something terrible would happen & I woiuldnt get to the hospital on time, and after that I was not ever tempted to get up again or do anything but lay around. Needless to say, 2 1/2 months of inactivity turned my once nice muscle to mush, and I gained 40 pounds during my pregnancy, much of it at the end because I was just laying around eating non-stop. I wanted to make my baby big & strong & ate tons of everything healthy, and quite a bit of some not so healthy stuff!

The day I turned 33 weeks I was celebrating because the next day would be the longest I had ever carried a pregnancy. When I went to the bathroom there was the teeniest amount of spotting, and I couldnt believe it could happen to the day it had before! My husband took me to the hospital to be monitored, but I wasnt having many contractions, so after a few hours they were ready to send me home. Suddenly my daughters heart took a dive, and several nurses rushed in & gave me oxygen. They thought maybe she had just been on the cord, but said I should spend the night so they could continue to monitor the baby to make sure it didnt happen again.

It was the longest day and night ever! My babies heart continued to slow to 50 beats a minute several times, causing chaos with the nurses making me roll back & forth & get up on my hands and knees trying to move the baby off of the cord. They made me use a bedpan because every time I got up to use the restroom when I came back & hooked up her heart beat was dropping. I had to be on oxygen all night. At midnight they came in & explained that if it happened one more time they were going to do a crash c-section & told me how they would put a tube down my throat to put me out & that the baby would be out within 2 minutes. I was so scared! My husband had gone home to the other kids, and the nurses promised if they took me to surgery they would call him immedialty.

Strangely enough once they said “if it happens one more time” I had no other issues. That is, till 8:00 am. My husband had just gotten there & was with me when it started. They didnt rush me to surgery like I expected, but rather called my doctor & kept trying to figure out what to do. It happend about 4 more times before the “big one”. The last time the babies heart didnt come back up, and about 7 nurses ran into the room. They were ripping my clothes off & putting a new gown on me, and tossing me from one gurney to another, and before I knew what was happening I was whisked down the hall. Thankfully they didnt have to put me out, so I was awake & aware the moment my daughter was born via c-section at 12:00 on 12-16-2008. She was beautiful & cried like a regular newborn at birth. She was 4 pounds 7 ounces, and so healthy all she needed was a few puffs of oxygen at birth. She was never placed in an incubator, and was in my room with me the last 2 days of my 4 day stay in the hospital. EVERYONE said she had to be more then 33 weeks along, but me and my doctor knew better, because he had done ultasounds at 5, 6 & 8 weeks, and said there is no way she was further along. He also said he had never seen a baby so premature do this well immedialty. She came home 5 days after she was born, and did not need an apnea monitor. It was amazing.

So….That’s the long story…it makes me so happy just thinking about it. What doesnt make me happy is the battle I have had since trying to loose that 40 pounds I put on!
I am 5’10 so I didnt look huge pregnant, and did not get any stretch marks. That is the positive. The negative is that my skin, being 38 years old is stretched out pretty bady & not returning to normal! It has taken so much longer to loose the weight this time too. I work out like a mad women, and do bootcamp classes 2 times a week, plus tons of cardio, and worked out for 3 1/2 months with a trainer as well. Sometimes at 3-4 months post partum I would get up at 2:30 an, feed the baby, put her back to bed & go to Golds gym & work out from 3:30 am to 5:00, then come home & go back to bed!

I couldnt stand the way I looked, and the feel of my skin sagging on my belly was awful. It didnt feel like I was inside my own body, but somebody elses nasty
stretched out fat body. It was tuff! I am still not sure why or how I went to the gym like that in the middle of the night! It all seemed like I was dreaming while I did it. Once I got down to 8 pounds to my prepregancy weight it was easier to live with myself, and I stopped THAT insanity…though I still work out 4-5 days a week.

I am 11 months post partum now, and still have 4 pounds to loose. The loose skin is still pretty bad on my abdomen, but I guess I can live with it. I went to a surgeon who told me he would suggest a tummy tuck, not just lipo, because of all of the extra skin I have. I have to believe that I am still slowly returning to normal, and a hip to hip scar would be so much more horrible then my c-section scar! I don’t mind it, because It reminds me of the moment my daughter was born.

So….I am 38 years old,
Mom of 3..ages 16, 14 & 11 months.
5′ 10 and 134 lbs.

I know it was all worth it, and certainly don’t mind working hard to “get my body back”, but I see now that what I was doing so soon after the birth of my baby was obsesive.

I just want to be happy with my daughter & not be so focused on something as shallow as what my belly will look like in a bikini…or trying to keep up with the other 20 somethings I know who have all bounced back faster & more easily.

The pictures I attached are of me at 30 weeks, before pregnancy, 32 weeks, and now, 11 months pp.

22 years old on my second pregnancy I’m at 23 weeks (Lissete)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Piercing, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Teen Mom 8 Comments

Hi im Lissete. I am on my second pregnancy at 23 weeks now , my first child i gained 75 lbs , i have always dealt with poor body image since i grew to a d cup at age 10. i was 17 years old when i had my daughter my pre-pregnancy weight was 127 (im 5’4) and i ended at 202 . i only lost 10 lbs during my postpartum , i was with my daughters father for 3 years afterward and our relationship fell apart due to my weight gain and my body appearance. a year later i met someone for the first time who loved me not my body.

i found out i was pregnant on may 28 and at first was very upset about the thought of gaining more weight, but i have lucked out and in fact lost 15 lbs since i found out. all i care about now is being healthy , eating right and staying fit, weather or not i lose or gain weight doesn’t matter to me anymore, i love my stretch marks they are every where and i don’t care! they are my symbols of love that i have as a mother and woman.

for all you ladies out there who are being put down , plus sized or not YOU ARE beautiful , once you believe this you can truly be free.

Transmogrification (Valentine)

Bonnie (SOAM) Abortion/Life after Abortion, Belly, Cesarean, Piercing, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo, Third Pregnancy 12 Comments

Here I am 6 weeks post-partum. I’ve spent my entire life in one extreme or another…first I loved myself to the point of narcissism. Then I couldn’t stand to look at myself, to the point where the extent of my self-loathing would bring me to tears. Now? I still find myself unattractive, but I know that SHE was worth every moment of discomfort, every stretch mark (who gets stretch marks on their legs, anyhow???), the ruined tattoo, the drooping breasts and every ounce of flab. She has been there in my subconscious for my entire life and now she is my reality. I know now that I was meant to be a mother. Also, that weird dark scar underneath my belly button? It stands as a reminder that while piercing yourself with a safety pin SEEMS like a good idea in jr high, the reality is, well…..LOOK at it!

~Your Age: 21
~Number of pregnancies and births: 3 pregnancies–3 abortions, 1 birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 6 weeks post partum

6 Months Postpartum & Still Looking 6 Months Pregnant (Bry)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Legs, Piercing, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo 83 Comments

I first want to say that I love this site. I visit everyday to read new stories and get encouragement, thank you all!

I am 25 years old and gave birth to my daughter on Oct 30, 2008. I hated being pregnant… every bit of it. I was uncomfortable the whole time and I gained weight like it was my job. The day I found out I was pregnant I weighed 129. During my last OB appt I weighed 197! And I am only 4’11”, so I was HUGE! I was also given pitocin for 24+ hours during labor to speed things up, and retained a ton of water due to that. Most of the stretchmarks on my legs are from when I was in labor. Within a week of giving birth I had already lost more than 30 lbs. So I thought the weight was going to come off so easily, boy was I wrong! I am now 6 months postpartum and I am still weighing 165, only 5 lbs less then I was 1 week postpartum. I now were a size 16 (I was a size 6 pre-baby), which makes me feel so awful. Large shirts in the womens section do not fit me, so I am still wearing my maternity shirts, which is just sad. Summer is right around the corner and I do not own one article of summer clothing that fits me. I cannot believe I have let myself go on like this for so long. The whole time I was pregnant I kept saying, ‘I can’t wait to be able to diet again’ or ‘as soon as I can I will be exercising my butt off to lose this weight…’ and so on and so fourth. I don’t know why I haven’t. I need to get serious. I hate the way I look and I hate the way I feel about myself. In my title I say I still look 6 months pregnant, but now that I think about it, I probably looked better when I was 6 months pregnant than I do now. I hope to submit and update in a few months and will have made some weight loss progress by then. Wish me luck!

Young Mama, 3 Babies, Ex-Stripper (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Homebirth, Piercing, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 12 Comments

Ripe, Soft and fertile..

I was 57kg with 10c bust for seven years before pregnancy number 1 at age 23. (first two photos)

Danced till I was 12 weeks pregnant- then left because I was self conscious of my rounded tummy.

Put on 30kg rocketed to a 14ee bust and naturally birthed (No Drugs) Son 9pd. An alert energetic soul born after a 10 hour first labour.

I religiously oiled myself with jojoba daily and didn’t get a single stretchmark on my tummy, yet my milk engorged breasts were fanned with them.

Got back down to 64kg back stripping at 7 months post partum. (pink bikini photo)

Pregnancy number two had me rocket up to 95kg. a grand gain of 38kg over my original weight.

Yet I danced Until I was 20 weeks. I kept the weight down until then and had a wonderful 1950’s style outfit- corset/stockings/suspenders and no-one noticed!! I just made my hair bigger and lipstick redder!!! My final night I was dancing to raise the money for the liquor for my wedding.

I married the next week, my belly finally popped and we announced the pregnancy at the ceremony.

I was sad that I couldn’t have the dress of my dreams, nor a hens night…due to my pregnancy.

I was terribly self conscious and sad- I felt like I had to apologise as to why I was so heavy.

I couldn’t find clothes to fit, I even went up a shoe size to a size 10 (Aus) I was a size 18-20.

However, during the pregnancy I had an overall sense of calmness and ended up with a 5hr Labour.

naturally birthing unassisted my second son- 10pd. Born into water in our loungeroom. The most loving gentle soul I have ever met.

I didn’t lose any weight after the birth and was constantly being asked by strangers and friends I hadn’t seen in a while- “When” your baby due??” (Sometimes even when I was holding my newborn”

My answer was always cheerful- “I’ve HAD my baby! It just takes a while for my tummy to go back!”

But It never did. Breastfeeding, Physio, Gym, remedial massage, diets.. Nothing worked.. I still looked pregnant 16 weeks later, when indeed I did conceive and fill it with another baby..

Terrified of another enormous gain on top of the current weight- Under supervision- I hit the gym.

Best thing I ever did. I ended the pregnancy lighter than I started.

Another Natural Birth- 1HR 15MINS active labour 9pd 6oz baby girl.

So now, Im back to 84kg and have a realistic goal of a 14kg weight loss.

Two weeks after the birth I awoke to a spread of stretchmarks across my lower abdomen.

I laughed..after all the pregnancies- I couldn’t believe that the tiny tummy of my daughters had caused the marks!

I am now at peace with my body- and yes, I wore a bikini three weeks post partum in Bali. (last photo)

3 kids in- I earn’t my curves and know that in my old age I will look back on these days as the best years of my life.

Blessed with Youth, Ripe, soft and fertile..

Love/Hate Relationship (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Piercing, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 11 Comments

I’m now 25 and have always had huge body issues…even when I was thin. I always just hated my shape….my squarish hips and the fact that all my weight sits in my tummy/face while my arms and legs sta skinny. I didn’t like trying to be super thin, but if I wasn’t I just looked pregnant. I was jealous of girls who weighed much more but had this great shape. I’ve always had stretch marks and dimples on my butt for some reason. I tried to follow the advice to find a part you love, and that was my boobs. Not too big or small, perfect color and shape.

So when I got pregnant, my biggest fear was losing them and then having nothing i liked. I envisioned myself with big floppy boobs, saggy belly and covered in stretchmarks. During pregnancy, this site was a way to comfort myself but also to be honest had me crying a few times.

I gained 40lbs…most of it the last 6 weeks….that’s when the stretchmarks showed up on my belly and my legs. After I had my baby girl I was oddly pleased with my body…it had more of that shape I’d always envied…but I was so worried what my hubby would think about the stretchmarks. My belly button had been stretched and seems huge now. I’m still nursing, with a few light marks on them, but they feel so big and floppy I hate doing it sometimes….I’m hoping they’ll return to the right size, but scared of what they’ll look like. I dropped to under my pre-preggo weight within 3 months, but its not the same.

My baby girl is about to be 5 months old, and sometimes I feel better than ever about myself…I recently got a naval piercing to celebrate that. but its a love/hate relationship…I also have days where I still see how so much flop is in my belly and breasts, comparing myself to some model/mom friends i have….and think that people must be thinking i look like an apple on a stick, and my face seems squishier than ever. My husband is deployed, so I often send him pics but will take like 100 and weed it down to 2 that make me look good. I turn at an angle so i don’t look so bulky. I know he would never treat me differently, but sometimes I worry what he’ll secretly be thinking when he gets home…..

The first pic is 32 weeks
The second is 38 weeks
3rd is 3-4 weeks postpartum
4th is two months postpartum
Last two of me are 5 months
very last is my baby girl

12 Weeks Postpartum, Third Pregnancy (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Eating Disorder, Piercing, Postpartum, PPD - Postpartum Depression, Submissions, Tattoo, Third Pregnancy 7 Comments

I had my third little girl twelve weeks ago. I am 27. My first daughter is seven (weighing 6lb 1oz at birth), my second daughter is three, (weighing 4lb 12 oz at birth) and my third daughter weighed 4lb 14oz.

When I was younger I had anorexia and issues with self harm, and body image has always been a really big issue for me. I wish it wasn’t, but it is and there does not seem to be much I can do about it. After my last two babies were born I have had depression. I have hated my body so much that it makes me feel physically sick when I look in the mirror. I know that sounds silly, but I guess it’s because of the illness in the past.

I know I can’t go back to being the way I was before I had my babies, but sometimes I wish I could. A few weeks ago I was thinking about surgery ( tummy tuck, breast surgery ) but have realised that I am different because of my kids and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Instead, I have started to eat healthy foods, and have taken up pilates. I’m planning on getting a new hair style too! Hopefully I can start to feel better about myself, and get to a point where I don’t think about it all of the time, where I am not worried about what I look like when I go out places, or take my clothes off at home. I just want to feel like me again!

Reached My Goal (Susy)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Child Loss, Piercing, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 12 Comments

I am a 21 yr old mother of an almost 3 month old baby we named William Christian. My husband and I always knew we wanted kids, so 6 months after our wedding we decided to start trying. We got pregnant quickly (3 cycles) and we were both thrilled. Unfortunately, at 5 weeks pregnant, we lost the baby. We were both devastated. After my loss, my cycles became very irregular. I almost completely stopped ovulating. My gyn put me on clomid. By the 5th cycle of it I was losing hope. I was becoming a very bitter person and all but hated every pregnant woman. But God had a plan for us because that cycle was our lucky one! I was scared because I was bleeding just like the first and even cramping, but the little bean held on! The bleeding didn’t stop til I was 8 weeks pregnant. The rest of my pregnancy was smooth sailing and I felt great.
At 39w1d I woke up having strange pains. Little did I know, I was in labour! A mere 3.5 hours later my beautiful boy was born in my kitchen, into my midwives hands and placed on my chest. He was 7lbs 6oz and 20.5 inches long. My homebirth was an empowering and beautiful experience that I will never forget.
Before I got pregnant I was in great shape. Working out every day and taking in very few calories. (Perhaps, too few?). I had gained 37 lbs with my pregnancy, eating whatever I
wanted. I only lost 8 lbs wit the birth, and another 8 in the few days following. After that it stopped dead. The remaining 21 lbs were up to me! Through breastfeeding, healthy eating, and slowly resuming my workout, I lost those pounds by 2.5 months PP. I’m currently 5’9 and 134.5 lbs.
My body isn’t quite what it used to be. I have some scarring where my belly ring used to be. My boobs are covered in stretch marks, but I thankfully didn’t get any on my belly.
I’m happy with my body. It’s ability to grow this child inside me, and somehow become half decent looking again.

Here are pictures of me:
2 of prepregnancy
18 weeks pregnant
35 weeks pregnant
39 weeks pregnant
1 day Postpartum
and 2.5months Postpartum