Brigitte, a German magazine is banning all models and using women who represent a wider variety of body sizes and shapes! Dear, United States, please take note.
News
Now on Twitter!
After carefully considering your opinions, I have decided to go ahead an open a twitter account. I won’t post daily entries (because I intend those to be daily) but the occasional activism ones, or links to articles may be shared there. Follow me here if that’s your thing. I also hope to open a facebook fan page soon – it’s really more appropriate for my intents than the group we currently have. Stay tuned for that.
The BMI Project
I came across this a long time ago and was recently reminded of it – today’s entry inspired me to finally get around to sharing it with you all.
We all know the scale lies – that’s why “They” created the BMI, to have a more accurate way of assessing weight and size. And it is more accurate. But that does not make it accurate at all.
Many years ago, I worked in the shoe department of a fancy store. I remember one day a woman came in and tried on a pair of size six shoes that happened to be too small for her. I offered to get her a six and a half to try, but she told me, “No, I wear size six.” Even knowing that different brands run differently, she was unwilling to choose the next size up in a pair of shoes she loved because she allowed herself to be tied to numbers.
We do that too often. We think about how much we weigh, what size we wear – as mothers we count diapers and ounces of milk consumed (do you think ancient people did this?). We care so much about numbers we forget that they do not equate normalcy. So many of us fall outside of “average” and we berate ourselves for this, even when we are perfect just the way we are.
So, please, check out the BMI project and try to let go of the control that numbers have over you.
My E-Mail (Clarification)
(This refers to my “contact me” e-mail – NOT the email for submissions, those are all taken care of.)
I had thought things were slow in terms of e-mail recently and today I happened to notice that ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING for at least a month has gone into spam. I suspect I’ve lost a lot more than that before this, so if I haven’t responded to you recently, please re-send. I’ll be working to catch up on August’s e-mails this week. Oy.
Beauty in a Magazine
Thank you, Glamour, for this!
She is beautiful. Even more so that someone in corporate got a clue that THIS is what we want (need) to see. Despite the fact that it was such a small photo, I am glad it was printed at all. Next step: bigger photo.
(It does make me want to vomit a little, though, that she is considered plus sized in terms of modeling – look at the definition in her body! She’s perfect.)
The Unnecesarean Has a New URL – UPDATED
Unfortunate circumstances have forced Jill, the owner of The Unnecesarean, to change her url. It’s such a fantastic and important resource for women that I wanted to make sure to pass along the word. If you have it bookmarked or linked, please take a moment to make the correction.
The new link is: https://www.theunnecesarean.com
UPDATE: Jill’s got the old one back now so either address will take you to her site! Yay!
Toddler Plastic Surgery?
I caught a glimpse of this video on some show last night (honestly I don’t even know which one – the husband was flipping channels and I made him stop so I could see this) and went straight to MomLogic.com to see the whole thing. It’s a commentary on plastic surgery and, perhaps, a plea that we as a culture take a step back and really LOOK at ourselves and our obsession with fixing what’s not broken.
The video is quite funny, but really brings home the message that we are being a bit ridiculous about changing our appearances – from nose jobs (I was SO SAD when Ashlee Simpson got a boring nose) to bellies, are we sending the wrong message to our daughters (and sons and to each other)?
Truly, I do not judge another woman’s choice, for I have not walked in her shoes. And I also want to make it clear that all mamas are welcome here, regardless of your opinion on this subject. But I feel that – in general – we are just applying band-aids to this problem of self-esteem our culture has created within us. I believe the only real way to heal ourselves is to learn to love (or at least not hate) bodies in all the shapes they come in. Once our stomachs are “fixed” what part will we hate next? We have to fight for our diversity!
I have a fantastically ugly belly by society’s standards, but I flat-out refuse to feel that way about it. I am determined to love my belly no matter how hard it is. And I will do that for myself and for my daughter and for anyone else who is inspired by the act. What are you determined to love? And who do you do it for?
Happy Birthday, SOAM!!
Three years ago today, I created the first post for this website. I agonized over whether this idea would succeed or if it would fall flat on its face. I begged my friends to submit photos and to pass the word on. And then within a month, I was receiving thousands of hits daily, had done an interview on Canadian radio, other interviews for online magazines and was absolutely floored to have been featured in the London Guardian. The immediate success of the site speaks volumes about how desperately such a source was needed.
I am honored to have been a part of this and honored that you all have been on this journey with me. We have made a difference already in this world, but we have a lot more work to do. So today, as a present to this website, say something nice about your mama body. You don’t have to mean it yet – that will come later – you just have to get the words out of your mouth. After all your body worked hard for you and your babies. Give it some thanks and admiration. Leave me a comment here telling me what you said and then pass along the link to this page to all your mama friends.
Here’s to another year and many more!
(Thanks to Dave Flota Photography for use of the photo!)
A Stolen Photograph (I Refuse to be Ashamed)
I was alerted to a certain anti-stretch mark article tonight by reader Sara. The author of this article had the gall to break copyright laws and steal my photograph of myself and my baby son which has been featured on this website for nearly three years. I have politely asked her to remove it.
I will not be linking to this article because I do not want them to benefit from the traffic a link would provide – also because I would prefer this end here rather than become some drawn-out internet soap opera. But this has given me an opportunity to write about something which has been on my mind for awhile. Namely the power we let society have over our esteem.
I am a fat woman. For the longest time, I was ashamed of that and felt that I was unworthy of good things in life – of looking pretty, of feeling pretty, of being listened to, of being admired. Screw that! I am human, I am smart, I am pretty, and I am more than worthy of all these things and more. I am striving to be healthy in diet and exercise and I do hope certain health issues get resolved, which will lead to being a lower weight for this size is rather physically uncomfortable for me. But if not, I won’t let anyone tell me how to feel about myself any more. I used to hide my fat arms in sleeves, short or long. But I won’t anymore. I happen to like the kiss of the sun on my shoulders, and I refuse to be hidden just because my arms don’t fit one particular image of what society says they should look like. I’ve liberated my arms and my esteem.
Society has no right to decide for me that my stretch marks, my extra skin, my body shape make me unworthy. I refuse to feel badly about my body because I grew, nourished and birthed (and nourished some more) two amazing people. I refuse – I simply refuse – to fall into that negative thinking. I have children who I have to be strong for, children who look to me as a role model for what women are – and I want them to know that women are strong, rational, intelligent creatures who can be beautiful and KNOW IT at any size and at any shape.
I really don’t care if people look at my belly and feel disgust. I steel myself against them. I run my fingers along the lines and appreciate what they mean: love. The love of growing my babies. And I simply refuse to let myself even think negative things – I won’t be held down that way!
As an activist, I feel like each person must take a stand. Ten years ago, it was unheard of to re-use grocery bags, but it is becoming quite the norm these days – because each individual person took that stand and made it so. I also feel like positive body image really and truly IS within our reach, only we each have to make the decision not to allow them to imprison us in our own cells of self-hatred. We have to make the decision to just REFUSE to let them tell us how to think of ourselves. How dare they? How dare they try to keep us down?
I find it rather ironic that the photograph that was stolen in an attempt to create a feeling of shame about a mother’s body happens to be a pose which I feel is confidant and self-assured, not afraid to just be, regardless of how many stretch marks and extra skin there may be.
Don’t let them get into your head. Take control and refuse them access to your insecurities. Fake it if you have to – the real stuff will follow naturally – but take a stand with me and all the other moms on here and refuse to be ashamed!
Comments on Entries
It has come to my attention that, in some cases, women may prefer to submit entries without receiving any feedback on them. They may be looking simply for affirmation for themselves, or a step in their healing process, or just a chance to share something in the hopes that other people may be healed. And so, on the participation page, I have now added that you can choose to ask for comments to be closed if you like. Please note that if you do not specify anything, I will leave them open by default. Perhaps this will help even more women feel able to participate here.