Breasts

Bittersweet (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 19 Comments

Age: 31
3 Pregnancies and 3 Csections
Ages of Children: 7, 4, and almost 3 years.

I call my story “Bittersweet” because my journey has often felt that way. I’ve struggled with my weight
all my life. I was very active when I was younger and didn’t really gain a lot until college and marriage.
I stayed in size 10s and 12s. At my heaviest I was 250 and wore size 18s. I’ve been on every diet.

Now I’m 31 years old, I weigh 139 pounds, I am 5’7 1/2″, and I wear clothes in sizes 6, 7, and 8.

Here’s what happened:
I’ve had 3 pregnancies where I gained too much weight, and I’ve had 3 csections- the first of which being a perfect scar on the bikini line by an amazing doctor, the second and third cuts were made above the bikini line by not so great doctors causing me to have horrible scars and a lopsided belly.

After my third baby, I decided to get in shape the healthy way. I eat great, strength train, and do cardio.
Long story short, I lost 100 pounds and am now at a weight and size that is smaller than the day I got
married. I finally could wear a bikini, but do you think I would- Hell no.

I’m about at the finish line with my weight loss journey. There’s still 5-10 pounds I’d like to shed.
And what has happened- no I didn’t win a prize- instead, my boobs have completely deflated- they are
not perky and full like when I weighed 160 pounds and higher, my entire body is covered in stretchmarks.
It seems as though new ones appear daily on my boobs, my sides, my butt, and now down my thighs and
legs (which used to be my best feature).

I’m saddened by all of this. I don’t feel sexy at all. I cannot afford any kind of plastic surgery or special
lotions, skin treatments. I often want to gain the weight back- not all of it but enough to get my boobs back
and not be so saggy.

I appreciate everyone who reads this. It saddens me especially because it seems as though I cannot
watch a movie without seeing a beautiful naked woman on it. Men see gorgeous naked women all the time
without even having to try. How can a man appreciate a body like this. My husband says he likes my
body and likes it smaller now, but come on!!! I’m not buying it. I feel disgusting. It’s bittersweet to lose
weight and not love my new body. I hate it worse than when I was overweight.

090110-anon-1

I Still Can’t Believe It (Lucia)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breastfeeding, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 10 Comments

20 yrs old
1 pregnancy 1 birth
8 weeks pp

My story is short, I was 19 when I found out I was pregnant, my boyfriend noticed before I did. I had a rather easy pregnancy, no nausea but lots of heartburn, I started swelling after week 31 and for some reason I had a pretty small belly and started showing at 6 months. In one of our first appointments the doctor said I wouldn’t show a lot because my abdominal muscles were really strong… I honestly don’t know how that happened since I haven’t worked out since junior high and even then it was 70 minutes every week, and I went to great lengths to avoid it.

I ate as healthy as I could, I drank as much water as my shrinking bladder would allow me, I put lotion on once a day, too lazy for more and against all advice I scratched my belly like a madman the last month. I went into labor naturally at 39 weeks and gave birth to a beautiful baby boy who was 7 pounds 10 ounces. It was traumatizing, I got an epidural and it only worked on the right side of my body, I could feel everything in the other side, at some point while I was pushing, right in the middle of a contraction
I heard scissors, I was deadly afraid of having an episiotomy and damn right! It hasn’t quite healed yet…

I look in the mirror now and I can’t believe I had a baby, my hips are a little wider and my boobs a little bigger but the rest is the same. I didn’t get any stretch marks and my skin popped right back when I was a week pp, I can’t believe my feet are not swollen and that I can actually see the lower side of my belly, I can’t believe I have my body back, so familiar from my crooked navel to the stretch marks I always had on my butt and my third nipple (which also got darker and bigger, lol)

I hold my baby and I still can’t believe has real, I can’t believe we are over all of the issues we had with nursing, I see how big hes getting and I cant believe its still all me, no bottles, no formula, just me. I was so afraid my boobs would sag, I had thought about nursing him for only a year, then I found out the recommended minimum is two years and I was ok with that and its been such an amazing experience that I think ill just let him wean on his own, even if my breasts end up hanging so low then can sit on my
knees! It will be absolutely worth it.

Pics are me the day i went into labor, me and my little man, me at 1 week pp, me at 8 weeks and my cute little bunny the day we first took him out for a stroll

Updated here.

A Few Years On, Another Long Post (Jo)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Mom over 30, Postpartum, PPD - Postpartum Depression, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 29 Comments

~Age: 40
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies and 2 births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: Age 4 and 2
(almost 2 years post-partum)

It has taken me a while to come up with the courage to post this, but it marks the beginning of the new me as I can no longer carry on being the old me.

I have posted before …

Unfortunately the photos no longer appear and I no longer have them after my computer was stolen. Needless to say, I looked better then than I do after 2 children. The scars you see on my body explained in
my previous post. I don’t want to explain them again.

Following the birth of my first child I suffered with severe post-natal depression. It didn’t happen straight away but when my daughter was around 8 months old. After a long time caring for my daughter, with my husband overseas, my family living half way round the world, trying to hold down a job when my daughter kept getting sick at childcare mentally I broke down.

My husband returned from overseas to a mental wreck. I was slowly recovering when I accidentally fell pregnant with no. 2. This was the first time we had unprotected sex in our twenty year relationship. My
husband, on the few occasions we chose not to use a condom, would normally withdraw. This time, without consultation he failed to withdraw. I was 38 years old and I wasn’t ready for a child but spiritually I couldn’t face terminating the pregnancy.

So pregnant and still suffering from PPD I carried on… my relationship with my husband has slowly disintegrated as I loathed the person I had become. I didn’t like my depressed personality, the flabby mothers body that failed to birth my first child as it should, failed to feed her. I suffer from horrendous PMT which only serves to make matters worse. I chose an elective c-section for my second. It wasn’t what I wanted but I knew I couldn’t take my body failing to do what it should again and it also meant I could schedule help on a planned birth day.

I’ve found coping with another child that I knew I wasn’t ready for very, very hard.

I look at my body and I don’t know who’s it is. I don’t recognise it.

I don’t know who I am either but for sure for someone who is married with 2 children I know I am intensely lonely.

So today – I say goodbye to this body and I decide to work to loose the excess flab and maybe I can find the old me … and get back my husband .. my life.

7 1/2 Months Later and Still Struggling (Jess)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 11 Comments

I met my sons father when i was 17 years old. We met at a small little party and were together pretty much nonstop afterwards. Within 2 months we already had an apartment together. One night he had had a few drinks and we were just sitting around having a somewhat deep converstaion about how we felt about each other and he let it slip that i was a few pounds more than the girls he usually is with but if being with someone he really loves means having to deal with a few extra pounds it was worth it. I don’t think he was trying to insult me but needless to say it very deeply affected me. I dropped about 25 pounds over the next few months and went from 147 to 124. That was the smallest I have ever been. My self confidence was just horrible. I was always accusing my boyfriend of being unhappy with my body and it caused a lot of problems. I was 18 when I got pregnant and 19 when my son was born. I was honestly a miserable pregnant person. I gained 70 pounds going from 124 to 194. My doctor sent me to talk to a nutritionist every single appointment. It was honestly embarassing. I managed to avoid stretch marks until i was about 38 weeks. I think they actually got worse after I gave birth. I had a really horrible case of the PUPPS rash and was due to be induced on a dec. 20th. I went into labor naturally on my own tho on the 19th. It was a long 30 hour labor followed by a c section because i was just not dilating. I never made it past 3cm. I love my son very much and he is comlpetely amazing but i still get very depressed over my body. I’ve dropped about 50 pounds over the past 7 and a half months and am now down to around 143. I breastfed for 2 months and it was a really good experience while it lasted… definitely helped me to bond with my son and it was great not having to wash bottles lol…. My boobs have definitely changed tho… they depress me very much… they’re just these empty little sacks of skin with huge nipples…. they used to be my favorite part of me… I’ve pretty much hit a plateau as far as my weight loss goes. I don’t think im going to be able to lose anymore until i learn to like myself and become a happier person… I am a very emotional eater…. I know things could be so much worse… but i could really use some motivation…..

Pictures-
1-3 Weeks pp
2-6 weeks pp
3-6weeks pp
4-4 months pp
5-4 months pp
6-5 1/2 months pp
7-6 months pp
8-7 1/2 months pp
9-7 1/2 months pp
10-7 1/2 months pp
11-8 months pregnant
12-prepregnancy
13- my son

Updated here.

Not sure if I’ll ever be satisfied with my body (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 21 Comments

Age: 22
1 pregnancy/1 birth
almost 4 months postpartum

I had always been thin and I took pride in being in shape and attractive. My weight was fluctuating in 2009- from 112 lbs in January to about 130 lbs in July (the heaviest I had ever been). I saw the “+” on a pregnancy test 2 days after my 21st birthday.

My self-esteem was never that great and the pregnancy didn’t help. I looked in the mirror and was embarrassed by what I saw: the new larger breasts, the belly button that popped out, the belly piercing that was stretching as days went on. Looking back, I’m saddened that I didn’t feel as beautiful as I was. I was glowing and I only gained 22 lbs total. I didn’t have one stretch mark.

I gave birth to my son in April of this year. My breasts grew outrageously when my milk came in and while I tried my best to breastfeed, I couldn’t do it for several reasons. Pre-pregnancy, I wore a size 34B bra which turned into a 36C while breastfeeding. After my milk dried up, my breasts were left deflated. I can now fit into my old 34B bras, though the band is a little snug, but my boobs slope down when they used to be “perky” and round. I can’t stand to look at them at all and I hide them from my boyfriend at all costs.

I currently weigh 135 lbs and wear a size 6 (I was a 2 or 4 pre-pregnancy), but my entire body is so different. I feel so detached from it sometimes, like this isn’t really my body. Somewhere inside of me I was expecting to lose the weight and look the same as I did pre-pregnancy, but now I’m seeing that that’s not possible.

Right after I had our son, I asked my boyfriend if he was still attracted to me even though my body was different. I told him I was scared that he was going to leave me for a girl who was in better shape than me. He responded with “I’m in love with a beautiful woman, why would I want to leave her for some girl?”. It was one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me. My boyfriend tells me I’m beautiful every day and I am so lucky to have found a man who appreciates my body and loves me the way I am. It’s hard for me to accept his compliments and kind words because I don’t see anything attractive about my body anymore. My desire for sex has dwindled even though his has remained the same.

I wish I could look at myself in the mirror and see beauty and strength. I wish I could be in awe. Instead, I am jealous of the other girls my age who have flat, tanned stomachs and are wearing string bikinis at the beach. I hope someday I can accept and appreciate this body for all of the miraculous things it did to give life to my son.

Finally, Confidence! (Autumn)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 8 Comments

~Age: 22
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: He’s 4, will be 5 years on September 22nd

I’ve posted here numerous times, my previous entries:

Autumn
Stretch Marked Legs
Happy With My Body
Breasts, Acceptance

This update is to show how my body has changed, yet again. I was married to my son’s father, not really a happy marriage and the depression that came with it caused me to gain weight unrelated to my son. This weight gain and weight loss (I am now divorcing his father and have lost 25 lbs.) caused my breasts to sag a little more, but my stretch marks have faded an amazing amount.

I have started seeing someone new. Yesterday, we were all together when my son called me by my first name. My boyfriend looks at me and says, “He calls you Autumn and you don’t mind?” I said to him, “It doesn’t bother me, I know I’m his mother. I have the scars to prove it!”

He replied, “And they’re good scars, too, baby.”

I have to say, I completely agree with him. I can finally say that I don’t think there’s a darn thing wrong with me. I have never felt more attractive and I’ve never been more confident in myself. I’ll take feeling like this over my perfect teenage body any day of the week!

Finding beauty in every imperfection (Jordan)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 8 Comments

Age: 20
Number of pregnancies and births: 2,1
6.5 months pp

I’m going to start off by saying, this site is amazing, i absolutely love it and visit at least twice a week. I’ve posted once before at four months pp and here i go again. I am now six and a half months pp and am 10 lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight. It’s not really a goal for me anymore, i spend my time concentrating on my son, not my calorie intake and i’m kinda on the eat what i want diet. I guess I’ve always had kind of a high metabolism, i don’t gain a lot of weight, i just don’t lose any either :P

This summer i have been brave enough to wear my bikini (Yes, in public). I have stretch marks on my tummy, and i am not ashamed. I was somewhat unhappy with my “mother body” at first. Having the body of a teenager and seeing it change into the figure of a woman takes some getting used to. I see that i am still sexy, just in a different way. I wish that all of you would feel this way about your bodies. Appreciate your bodies, they gave you the greatest gift of all, the gift of giving life. So what you aren’t perfect. You will never be perfect, neither will I. Not because it isn’t possible. In our heads, we will all reach some sort of perfection. But simply because it doesn’t exist.

I am a stay at home mom, I love spending the day with my sweet boy but i wouldn’t mind getting a job. I miss it a little, even. I’m just a tad bit nervous about daycare.

Colin is a happy, healthy momma’s boy (daddy doesn’t spoil him as much as i do). He will be 7 months old in 2 weeks, i can’t believe it.. time flies. He weighs 24 lbs even and is 28 inches long. He is smart, and i couldn’t be more proud of him.. he is now saying “ma-ma” “ba-ba” and “hi”. He is sitting up all by himself and he loves sitting in his play pen playing with all his toys, his jumperoo and moving around the house in his walker.. We have been working on crawling, but no luck yet.. if you have any advice it would be much appreciated.

I am including a few photos, so all can see my wittle piggy and my bodys journey. Thanks to everyone who read, your all beautiful mama’s!

photos: 1) one year pre-preg 2) seven months preg 3) four days pp 4 & 5) five months pp 6) pretty recent 7) up close on boobs 8) up close on stomach 9) My handsome boy

It is what it is! (Nina)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Child Loss, First Pregnancy, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions 7 Comments

I am 31, and I have two babies. The first one was born in August 2005, the second born in July 2007, so I’m 3 years pp since my last baby. I’ve been pregnant two more times, on top of that, but they both left my body before the 3 month mark.

Two years before having my first kid, I had a breast lift. I’d wanted one so badly for many years! As a teen, my breasts came overnight, and when they did, they weren’t the perky pair that I spied on my friends. They sagged, had stretchmarks, and worst of all, they weren’t team players. Meaning, they had each settled on their side of the body, never the twain shall meet. I called them my National Geographic Breasts, since they resembled something you’d see on a tribal woman from Papua New Guinea. It affected my self image, my self worth, and my sex life. Lights OFF please! Having them done gave me freedom, personal and sexual, and I wore clothes I’d previously never dreamed of wearing. Fun while it lasted!

After breastfeeding twice (totally possible, the surgery removed skin only, not touching mammary glands or nipples), my breasts are back to square one. Slightly better than before, the nipples at least point upwards now! My belly has taken a beating too. Soft, saggy, with a peekaboo bellybutton. My children love them though. We’re often naked at my house, when it’s just us. The kids love to come and press their faces into my soft belly, and carress my breasts, old friends that they are. I did have the belly jowls before, but for the past year I’ve insistantly dry brushed my skin every day, before showering, and that has really improved my belly. Jowls are gone, skin is softer, and the rippling surface looks smoother. I do suffer from some odd condition though. It’s like keratosis pilaris, but it’s right on my old stretchmarks. Not as severe as Pupps rash, but still not all that appetizing.

When the money comes along, I would like to have another breast lift. And a tummy tuck. I’m pretty sure I’m done having babies, but it’s a good idea to wait a few years to be totally sure before blowing that kind of money. I love my husband, and he loves me, but in the event that we ever split, and I find a new man one day, I don’t want to be weighed down by a body that is scarred from the pregnancies of a previous relationship. Like a lot of people on this website have commented, I feel like I’m living a double life. I’m beautiful and really sexy in the right dress. Downright irresistable if I do say so myself ;) But the dress and the expensive, ironlike bra comes off – and everything goes about a foot south! It feels like I’m false advertising!

Until then, I console myself by being otherwise happy and healthy. I have all my limbs, a beautiful face and a pretty good sense of style that camouflages most of my flaws. I try not to look at my body close up in the mirror, keeping a safe distance of about 10 ft. Arms up doesn’t hurt! I look pretty good at that distance! We should all have a sticker on the mirror that says: “Warning, object in mirror may appear worse than it really is!”

I had no idea pregnancy would do this to my body, but in retrospect, I remember being so excited about being pregnant, that I couldn’t wait for it to show. I think I over-ate on purpose, so the belly would hurry up and grow. At any rate, I gained about 20-25 kilos (50 lbs) with both pregnancies, and people always asked if I was carrying twins. Both my babies were pretty big, around 8-9 lbs, but they are healthy, beautiful, smart, funny and all that jazz, so not a drop of regret there! Part of this is learning to accept that I’m not a kid anymore, my body isn’t tight and elastic, but I’m still pretty hot, in my own way (aka clothed!).

080910-nina-1

Anonymous

Bonnie (SOAM) African American, Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 12 Comments

I am 33 years old, these pictures are taken 5 years post-partum. I’ve had 2 pregnancies (first one at 13), and given birth once. My body has changed. My butt has flattned, my waist windned. Due to a number of reasons, my weight has fluctuated greatly. From 170 at pre-pregnacny, to 163 one month post partum. 204 at my highest depression (and 6 months sober), to now, 184lbs. I’m 5’5″ and have never admitted that publiclly. Other than my daughter, I’ve not allowed anyone to see me naked, for I am so ashamed. My waist is huge, my breasts saggy, my bum flat, and stretch marks. I love my daughter, and slowly loving my body, as I have to accept that *this* is it (well, that and excercise, however there will be no more bubble butt).

Continued Hatred of a “Beautiful Thing” (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 12 Comments

Age: 19
Number of Pregnancies: 1
Number of Births: 1 amazing baby boy
(Almost) 6 months Postpartum

Let me start out by saying that I am so thankful to have found this website. I no longer feel completely alone in the way I look. Although I do still have my self-confidence issue, I know that others are feeling the same things as I am, and they are BEAUTIFUL women!

I found out I was pregnant just a few months before my eighteenth birthday. It was not a completely unplanned pregnancy, and although I was very shocked, I was overjoyed. Throughout my pregnancy I felt so beautiful despite my growing amounts of stretch marks. I had this beautiful belly and a beautiful baby boy growing inside of me. I truly felt the miracle of life.

On February 8th of 2010 I delivered my happy, healthy baby boy. He weighed 9lbs2oz and was 21.5inches long. It was love at first sight with my new baby. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same thing with my new body. When I looked down at my “bowl-full-of-jelly” stomach, I felt empty. Not just my stomach, but my self-esteem.

I now was full of stretch marks, and although I had a gorgeous baby to show for it, I hated my body, and I still do. I envy the women who have “come to terms” with their bodies, as they deserve to feel beautiful because they have done the most powerful thing a woman can do!! Giving life and then nourishing that life is amazing beyond words!

I know I should feel that way also, but when I look down at myself, all I see is disgusting stretch marks, a flabby tummy, saggy boobs (although I am still exclusively breastfeeding), and I can’t help but feel awful about it.

I hate this new body, and I hate the way I look. I used to love shopping, now going in to a store just depresses me as I know I will never find anything that will fit me, and now I have to try to hide this flabby tummy, arms, thighs, and hips. Also, being 19, I would love to wear shorts and even ANY swimsuit, but I barely have the confidence to do that.

I am covered in stretch marks from my breasts to my calves (and everywhere in between!), but I think (with help from all of you beautiful women), that I am VERY slowly starting to realize that this new body is not a burden, but the miracle that continues to give my child nourishment and life.

Thank you, ladies! You are all beautiful!!