Previous entries here and here.
I read this site as often as I can now, I have a very active 9 month old and I try to be out with him as much as posible, and i´ve been meanin to share something with you all.
When I was little I remember asking my mom if a pregnant woman went back to her shape right after the baby came out, and she said yes, right away so I imagined it like when you deflate a ballon, it just goes back. Little did I know it was more complicated that that, then I got pregnant and curious as to what really happens to your body and I came across this site, so I talked to my mom and tried to remind her about that time she had told me that all mommies bodies go back after having their baby, and her response was “I don’t remember, but how did you believe me seeing that I ended up so deformed” deformed, that’s what she thought of herself, to me she was always beautiful and I didn’t know her before I was born so how was I
supposed to tell the difference?
I also remember that she would complain about how fat she was when I was, lets say 5, then we would look at pictures of that time when I was 9 and she´d say “Oh God! I was skinny back there and I couldn’t appreciate it, now I´ve turned into such a cow” And what I have seen in most of these post is something like that, women who were not completely happy with their pre preggo bodies and that would now kill for them, I just have a little advice, if I may.
Woman: enjoy your body AS IT IS, down go moping over what it USED to look like, don’t wait until it is gone to appreciate it, it would be really sad if you took a picture of yourself today and not realizing how beautiful you are until you see it years from now. And this applies to everything really, I apply this mostly to my baby, I try to love every one of his stages because they aint coming back, it gets harder in some ways and easier in others. Also, your fear of how looking bad is not helping, you put yourself under a magnifying glass every time you look at yourself in the mirror, and you assume everyone else sees the same flaws you do, and you give your supportive husband such a hard time cause you don’t believe he doesn’t care about (or sometimes doesn’t even see) your stretch marks or all of those imaginary flaws, that’s a good thing, and heres a secret, most men don’t notice and if they do, chances are they don’t care, I´ve always thought that when you put make up on to look pretty for a husband, boyfriend, men in general the ones who notice it the most are women, now women may notice your flaws, but if someone tells you something you really shouldn’t give a damn, especially if you’ve got one of those rare unsupportive spouses who do, try to put them in their place or see if you can make it without them, I know being a single mom is hard and not a first choice but you
shouldn’t allow them to psychologically abuse you or bully you, is that the kind of thing you want around your kids?
And lastly, as an update, I finally found some stretch marks! I was 5 moths pp and right out of the shower I bent over to wrap my hair up in a towel and there they were, little silver lines that I can only see when there’s direct sunlight and strect my skin, They are way down in my belly so any two pice bathing suit would almost cover them up, also at 8 months pp I found some more higher, near my navel, and it’s the weirdest think, I am totally sure it wasn’t there before, I mean I could see something weird but it seemed to be under my skin, ever happened to one of you? Oh and my breasts get smaller I can feel their share of stretch marks, then after a while if I focus a lot and have very good lighting I can see a couple of them.
Anyways, this post was intended to be much more articulate, but as I mentioned I have a very active baby and I shouldn’t sit here typing any longer because he is begging me to go out. Don’t wait until its too late to appreciate and love your body, try to look at yourself through the adoring eyes of your partner and kids.
Very true. We all should love ourselves, but this is especially hard when you don’t have the most supportive partner. Some men just don’t get it, which makes it just that much harder for women to love theirselves.
I totally agree, I looked at my body in the past and wished I’d appreciated as it was but now know I need to love it as it is. It does a great job, not just growing babies but just being alive. I think women need to be very aware of how they talk about their bodies, especially around children, as it is so easy for them to pick up on our insecurities and it’s tough enough as it is without adding to the pressure they will face in the future.
You can also get stretch marks from losing weight too quickly…Weird thought huh? I have them all over my hips, thighs and butt from puberty (I had a HUGE growth spurt and grew quite a few inches in a few months) and no one notices. I always wear string bikinis…Men tell me how good I look and women tell me how good I look…I am not bragging…What I am trying to say is…Stretch marks aren’t as disgusting as people think they are…MIne turned white and even when they turn a little pink during pregnancy I don’t care…They will fade…IF women are more confident in themselves no one will pay attention to things that bother them. But if you sit there looking uncomfortable, hiding yourself people notice that. I believe you should dress right for your body because I personally don’t want to see some womans breast and butt hanging out of her clothes…Heavy or thin…Keep it to yourself…But something is to be said for being confident in yourself….If anyone ever looked at me or said something to me about my body I would laugh, or ask them if they enjoyed what they were looking at and smirk and chalk it up as jealousy. Surprisingly people envy others that are confident and carefree…My breasts have tons of white stretch marks…Always had them because I went from a B cup to a D cup when I was 16 over the summer. MEN DO NOT CARE…Men have always loved my breasts, even though my stretch marks are completely visible because they run all the way around all over the top. When you are confident, and confront the problem when people say things those things will not bother you as much and you can live life carefree. By the way…I see all the young, hot, firm girls who still don’t have kids and I would say a lot of them have better bodies than me…especially when I am at a public pool or lake in my bikini. But I get more attention than they do. Men find something sexy about a woman that is mature and has children. They may not want to raise your kid but they find you sexy. You are mature, you are wise, you know more about things than those little girls. That should make you confident. Your bodies are still youthful and beautiful. You are still ripe…You know older women in their 40’s, 50’s, 60’s 70’s probably would laugh at us thinking our youthful bodies are all gone. They probably look back at pictures after they had their children in their 30’s and wish they had that youth and that body. They have this quote that says, “It’s a shame youth has to be wasted on the young.”…We don’t understand, we don’t have that wisdom…Be wise and know that no matter what you are beautiful…If you think it…Than you are beautiful…If you can’t wear a bikini then wear a tankini…If you cant’ wear that then wear a swimsuit with a skirt…IF you don’t care, wear whatever you want, just make sure you’re covered up because then people will really be looking at you…Only to see the goods lol! Oh one last thing…If you look closely in pictures, even department store pics of models on the wall you can see stretch marks on their hips and thighs. Almost everyone has them!!!! I worked at a few department stores before I had my daughter…in the bra secion they had a huge blown up picture and the model was super skinny and she had them on her hips. ;-)
This is to Elissa…I really liked what you had to say. You seem very smart and confident, which is inspiring…thank you
It’s the truth! I can’t stess enough how many men have told me that they love my confidence and find it sexy…My husband loves it and I am of course guilty of not feeling it sometimes because I am a woman we get up and down about ourselves…But men LOOOOVE it. He has to remind me that when I am confident and let’s say in the bedroom, when I KNOW I’m hot and sexy that is when I am really hot and sexy to him. Think it…Really it will start to show and you will see what I am saying…Walk like you rule the world, carry yourself that way and people will notice you and want whatever it is you’ve got. Stretch marks and all!! Oh yeah and my mom always laughs at me when I joke about being old and spent…I am 25 and she is 62…We have a big gap in our age…She thinks it’s funny when I say, “Oh back in my younger days when I didn’t know how hot I was.”…So I know older women laugh at us. haha
Thanks for sharing! Made me cry :) That is so true that men find confidence sexy (something I need more of!)