the loss of my little angel boy (Anonymous)

I am a mother of a still born son 29.4 weeks gestation. It’s been almost 2 years and I can’t get over him. He was 2 pounds 9 ounces, 14 and 3/4 long. He was so beautiful and I loved him. It’s been very hard on my 7 year old daughter. The umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck and I had a hematoma blood clot 80% of my placenta. I miss him every single day that goes by I don’t think I’ll ever get over him. I have so many pictures of him. The day that happened was the worst day of my life. I was so hurt and mad and in pain that I don’t think I coule be able to have another baby. I would be too scared that it would happen again. But I know God took him for a reason and he has a special place for him.

12 thoughts on “the loss of my little angel boy (Anonymous)

  • Friday, November 30, 2007 at 11:00 pm

    OH honey. I can’t imagine how much that hurts. I worried throughout my pregnancy that that would happen. He was a beautiful little boy and now he is with the Lord. God bless you!

  • Saturday, December 1, 2007 at 5:57 am

    I cannot imagine a hell greater than losing a child. I can’t even THINK about being without my twin sons without crying my eyes out.

    Your son was a beautiful little boy. And you have every right to mourn him and love him, and cherish those pictures that you hold so dear.

    But remember that you are alive. Your daughter is alive and you need to continue to live. Visit the past and allow yourself a good 5-10 minutes to sob about him, but let the rest of your day be about living and moving on.

    Our loved ones do not want us to be stagnent… do not want us to be sad.

    If you decide to have more children, you and your health practitioners will be much more careful about your gestational care. But do what is right for you. Do what is right for your daughter.

    I wish you the best. And thank you for sharing your story. I think that by women sharing stories of child loss, helps the rest of us be even MORE thankful for the life that they are carrying, and nurturing after birth.

  • Saturday, December 1, 2007 at 7:52 am

    I am so sorry about your son. No one can ever tell you or decide for you how long you should mourn for your loss. Only you know how you feel. Mourning comes in stages and only you will know when you feel ready to move on to another level of acceptance. Perhaps a grief support group could help you (and your daughter too.)

  • Saturday, December 1, 2007 at 8:45 am

    My mother’s older sister was stillborn, and my grandparents grieved for her until the very last days of their lives. You probably will too. When I picture them now I imagine them with the daughter they never got to know, in a place where they are all happy and there is no pain.

    I’ve had three losses (none as far along as you) and until then I never thought such a thing still happened. But I’ve come to know that so many people experience child loss, stillbirth and miscarriage, to this day. You are not alone; I grieve along with you. I am so very, very sorry.

  • Saturday, December 1, 2007 at 10:28 am

    Peaceful blessings to you and your family Peaceful blessings to you and your family <3

  • Saturday, December 1, 2007 at 10:54 am

    I am so sorry. They say there is no greater pain that the loss of a child.

    Just remember that your child is wrapped in the arms of Jesus Christ, waiting for you and your family to join him.

    As Jesus said “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” (Mark 10:14)

  • Sunday, December 2, 2007 at 6:53 am

    My heart goes out to you. That picture is just heartbreaking.

    Please give your daughter extra extra love, so she knows even though you are grieving that you are still here for her.

    My aunt’s first baby died (accidentally, around age 2) and she was devastated. She did end up having three more children though, although she never forgot her first baby.

    I hope your heart heals someday. You will never FORGET, no. But you may come to a peaceful understanding some day.

    Bless you

  • Monday, December 3, 2007 at 8:54 am

    I’m so sorry for all you’ve gone and are going through. I wonder if there are SHARE chapters in your area, and if you’ve attended any meetings. I found them very supportive and understanding after my loss via miscarriage.
    (They are intended for both pregnancy and infancy loss.)

  • Tuesday, December 4, 2007 at 4:30 pm

    I know it’s hard because I too had a stillborn baby at 28 1/2wks. My angel Brandon was beautiful.I delivered him May 7,2006 and I can honestly say that it still feels like it happened yesterday.I am now 35wks pregnant w/my 2nd baby boy and I have to say it has been a stressful pregnancy.I worry everytime I don’t feel him move.But I know my Angel in heaven is watching over us.

  • Monday, January 14, 2008 at 11:41 am

    Oh Honey! You dont NEED to get over him! He was your son. You have every right and deserve to be able to mourn over him and grieve.
    He was beautiful!

  • Tuesday, February 12, 2008 at 3:51 pm

    what an angel. i know, i lost my daughter to stillbirth at 26 1/2 weeks in 2004. We then suffered a miscarriage after months of fertility drugs. our two angels are all we have as i just cannot get pregnant and we are getting older. but thats ok, i still feel them, i still know they taught me so much and i hope they are proud of us. all of us who have lost a child know just how lucky the surviving children and parents are. someone on this post said they didnt think it happened anymore. i think its just so horrible nobody wants to hear about it. thankfully we have places like this to vent/tell our stories/ and share our love for our children that we cant hold, that we cant go to the grocery store with or send out birthday pictures. our reality will never be understood, but WE have to find ways to cope and move ‘forward’ because, honestly, life kind of makes you. our daughter would have been 4 this year, i will bake her cake as always and we will celebrate all that she taught us in the short time she was here. it works for us. find what works for you.

  • Saturday, April 5, 2008 at 7:07 am

    I too have an angel in heaven. I feel for you and my prayers are with you and your family. I had twin boys at 33 weeks gestation after finding out one had passed away. He had passed 6 days before they were born and no reason was found. That was in September 05 and it hurts me every day. I was only able to get a few pictures of him and wish i was told i could have one of both boys together.
    I miss him every day and everytime i look at his twin who is doing well i count my blessings for having him but i also see what i am missing. I dont like to leave the house because i see twins everywhere and i feel like my little twin misses out on the attention twins attract.
    I love your photo of Angel Jaidyne,

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