Age – 18
Number of pregnancies – 1
I’ve been on this site countless times, reading other women’s stories because I am trying to cope with how much my body is changing, and have been debating for months now on whether to post my story or not. Well, it’s a bit long, but here goes!
I was 17 and a senior in high school when I found out I was pregnant, and had only been sexually active for less than two months. THAT’S IT. I’ve always been the good girl in my class and people have disliked me for it, because for some reason to them it was disgraceful that I didn’t do drugs, drink, party, or have sex. I’d never even had a boyfriend before the man who got me pregnant. My boyfriend and I were very much in love, and knew we would be together for a long time because we had endured a long-distance relationship for the longest time, but nevertheless, I am having the most difficult time dealing with him during this pregnancy.
I am currently almost 38 weeks pregnant with a baby boy that we are giving up for adoption to a wonderful couple that has tried to have a child for over ten years. This wasn’t my original plan, however. A week after my mom found out I was pregnant she drove me two hours away to have an abortion. I knew that there was no possible way I could parent this child or deal with the emotional aftermath of giving them up for adoption, so for me abortion was the best decision. At the clinic, however, they told me I was 15 weeks along and to have an abortion would be a two-day procedure. Obviously, we’d have to set up another appointment and come back later, much to my mother’s disappointment. She was pretty enraged by the whole situation.
After coming back home and talking it over with my boyfriend, he told me that he wanted to go through with an adoption. “Great!” I thought. Because I would be staying pregnant, all of my plans for the next year would be put on hold. A selfish thought, I know. I also thought that my belly would grow, I’d give birth, and then the whole ordeal would be over with.
I was very wrong.
Even though I haven’t eaten nearly enough to gain so much weight, it’s in my genetics to gain incredible amounts of weight during pregnancy. Pre-pregnancy I was a tiny, cute girl weighing 125 and standing at 5’ 7”, now I weigh 217 and I haven’t even given birth yet. My in-between 34 B- C boobs have gone to a 40 DD, I have acne all over my face, my back, and my chest when I didn’t have acne at all before, I have a disgusting amount of new moles and freckles EVERYWHERE, and I have deep, purple stretch marks all over my boobs, stomach, sides, butt, the tops and backs of my thighs as well as on my inner thighs, and behind my knees and on my calves. I don’t even recognize myself in the mirror anymore. I’m constantly in pain. Some days I can’t even get out of bed because I will be sobbing from the pain my body is in. My feet and face swell constantly to where they don’t look human anymore.
And on top of the physical changes I have to deal with, I have to deal with this emotional roller coaster of giving my baby up for adoption. Just after typing that sentence I began to cry! I find myself crying constantly now, and I don’t have support from ANYONE. I haven’t left my house (except to dr appts) in over five months because I am so ashamed of myself; my body and my decision. I spend every day in my room with only the company of my kitten, Sophie. In a day I talk to her more than I will talk to another human being in two weeks. I still live at home, and my family constantly makes remarks about my weight or the stretch marks or the acne, it’s just always something. They make fun of me. They criticize me for my choice. They talk about me when they don’t think I can hear them. And to top it all off, my boyfriend is, to put blatantly, being a butt. He is so rude to me, and even went as far as to say that he wished this wasn’t happening. HELLO! You’re the one that decided this! He tells me that my stretch marks “better be gone within a few months” and that he doesn’t even want to be in the delivery room with me when I’m in labor. I feel like I am dealing with this pregnancy all by myself, and to tell the truth, I am. No one ever offers to help me do anything. I almost 10 months pregnant and I’m still cleaning an entire house in which six people and three cats live in by myself.
I feel the kicks and movements of my baby all by myself, because there is no one to share this joy with. I wanted an abortion because I didn’t want me and my baby to deal with this lifelong choice and the effects it will have on us. I already am extremely depressed, and I know that postpartum it will only be multiplied. I still haven’t decided if I want to meet my baby after he is born, because frankly I don’t know if I can handle it.
I just turned 18; my body has been destroyed and after the grueling hours of labor I won’t even be holding the beautiful baby boy I created and nurtured for nine months. So it almost feels like I’ve done all of this for nothing.
I would have posted a picture of my entire body, but I don’t have anyone willing to take one for me so these will have to do.
Pic #1 is pre-pregnancy. (Excuse the dazed look, I was listening to someone jabbering)
Pic #2 is of my swollen feet
Pic #3 is of the stretch marks on my left inner-thigh
Pic #4 is of my side view
Updated here.
I am so sorry you are dealing with all of this with so little support. It sounds like you have made the best and most selfless decision you possibly could in this situation, and your baby is so lucky to have such a wonderful woman as a mother.
It’s hard to believe it now, but your body will recover. It might be a new normal, but it will be beautiful. And you will always have a reminder of what a wonderful gift you gave to your child and his/her new family.
Your boyfriend sounds like a joke. I think you look gorgeous, exactly as a pregnant woman should.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this! If I were closer I’d come and go through labour with you so someone who cared would be there.
I’m 5’6″ and normally 130 pounds. I also gain a huge amount of weight while pregnant and was around 200 lbs when I gave birth to my son. I got stretch marks and new skin moles and tags and I swelled like CRAZY. It did take two years but I got right down to my pre-birth size and shape, and my second pregnancy wasn’t as large and I’m close to my pre-birth weight again. Don’t think you’ll be ruined. The skin marks fade, the stretch marks fade, the acne will go away, and your body might well go back to something like it was before. Don’t lose hope.
Blessings for you!
Sorry to say this…but your family is disgusting to me. First off, you look adorable! You have a great pregnant belly. I am very upset with your mother. You were only 17 when you got pregnant (I was also young, 19), it was her job to be an adult, and support you. The fact that she was going to make you get an abortion is horrible. Do not do anything you do not want to do. You do not sound positive that you want to give your son up. Make sure it is really what you want to do. I am sure whatever you decide will be right, as long as it is what YOU want. It doesn’t matter how old you are, if you want to raise your son you will be a great mom. If you want to give your baby to a family that can’t conceive, that is also a great thing to do. Do what you feel is best for your baby, not what people pressure you to do. Your family should support you. We are all different during pregnancy. I got stretch marks everywhere, acne on my back and face. I even got bangs to cover them…the bangs made me look even younger! I looked like a pregnant 12 year old! The stretch marks fade, and the acne clears up. Do not stress! I am so sorry you are going through this with a very insupportive family. I wish I knew you, I would make you leave the house and have some fun!! As for your boyfriend, you are carrying his child, if your body changes then he should love you that much more for it! If he is still like this after you have your baby then LEAVE HIM. You are beautiful, you can have any guy you want! A man that will love you for you, stretch marks and all. Cheer up.
it’s not all for nothing! the family you’re giving him to is elated, let me assure you. my mother in law wasn’t able to have her own kids and adopted several. i married her son. i am forever grateful for the selfless mom who knew she wasn’t ready for him and let him have a chance at joining a great family. i’m so grateful for birth moms!! you’re amazing. thank you!
Your story makes me so sad. Coming from someone who despritly wants a child of my own to hold. Who is currently on my third pregnancy the other two left me with a m/c and a full term loss… I just want to say on behalf of the couple that you are helping… you are God sent. You are physically / emotionally and spiritually changing thier lives for the better forever. I know that it is hard to see your body and the changes its gone though only to be left with empty arms. And to be honest.. your body may never get back to what it was. .. but it will get better. And know that boyfriends come and go, families sometimes are crap, your body will change but the strength, courage and compassion that you have shown will be with you forever.
Please try and meet your son when he is born. Are you sure that giving him up for adoption is totally your choice. dont give up your child just because of your age. there are people who can help you. places you can go. dont let people tell you your to young or you cant do it with out help. because you can!!!!!!!!!! And your body is beautiful. use lotion on you stretch marks,if your worried i recommend PALMERS lotions. they are the best!! remember pregnancy is temporary and not forever.
https://hopeclinicforwomen.org/
This place is in Nashville, TN which I realize may be far away from you, but I’m sure they could direct you to a similar place nearby.
Your body will not be destroyed! How insulting to women who truely have suffered birth damages, such as the woman on Oprah who had a quadruple amputee after an infection from a c-section. Labour does not have to mean “grueling hours” either.
You are growing another human. You are going to make someone else a family. That’s pretty special. Your body will be a permanent reminder of the unselfish act you are going to do…very few women have the strenght and wisdom to do what you are going to do.
You so brave for deciding to give your baby up for adoption. I got pregnant when I was 18. I decided to keep my baby, but it was not an easy road. I struggled a lot during my pregnancy and gained ALOT of weight. The weight comes off with time and exercise though. I can honestly say my daughter is the best thing to happen to me. She made me grow up. I had a hard time I lost a lot of my friends because they still wanted to party and stuff. You need to surrond yourself with positive people and avoid the negative aspects. I think its horrible that you mom’s not supporting you. Dont let your parents force a decision on you make sure its what you trult want!..good luck!
Thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry you are going through something so emotionally devastating without support.
I’d like to suggest that you request pre-adoption counseling, perhaps through the adoption attorney…it really might help you come to a place of greater peace as you embark on this journey, and it might help you also to find a way to ask for what you need.
I wish you peace.
Michelle,
I wish I could encourage you to keep your baby. You are not alone. Your story is not unique. And this life inside your womb will forever be entwined with yours. Life will have major challenges with either choice you make: to go on with the adoption or to keep your baby. I imagine you have many people with opinions, and I don’t want to be just another opinion. Please know that adoption has forever affected my life too, and there is no easy answer. All I can say is that this baby is a part of you. My niece gave birth to a baby girl at 18, and she kept the baby, and continued on with school. You can do this. It will be hard. If you choose to go forward with adoption, you will likely hurt for the remainder of your life. If you choose to keep your baby, you might be surprised at how much your family falls in love with him. Please, don’t give up your baby. If you keep your baby, you will be able to breastfeed, if you should choose, and breastfeeding could help with the weight loss (if that is your goal), as well as give your baby a really healthy start in life.
One thing about adoption, no one ever understands the extent of your agony for giving up your baby. If your baby had died, you would receive more support, but when you give up your baby, people just expect you to move on with life. Melissa, don’t be swayed by the thoughts of those in your circle (including parents, boyfriend, the adoptive couple). This is your baby. Seek out all the financial supports you can find, and keep your baby.
By the way, you have a beautiful pregnant body. Embrace it …
Hi there, my name is Lindsay and I live in Ontario, Canada. Your story is much like my own (minus the adpotion part) I was also pregnant at 17, my son Noah is nine now, and I am 26. I have two other children and I am happilly married. I have a post graduate and have the certification for Autism Therapy. My life was not always successful and happy.
When I was 15 I met an older guy…he was 20…I was pregnant within the first year of us being together, at 16…I was 17 when I had my son. Noahs father was mentally ill, and as a result could not control his impulses (with respect to cheating on me, drug use etc), he left me at 8 months pg and moved in with another girl he had knocked up and I thought the whole situation would break me….I felt numb all over all the time, I even considered walking into traffic…Noah was born in November of 2001…I took care of him, went to school, went to college, and them met my husband. It took time to heal from the trauma of the situation, but it never affected parenting…I did not have alot of money, but I still was a great mom….my son is now nine, he is the smartest person I know and yes I had to grow up fast, but it was worth it. In Canada we dont have domestic adoption…it is extreamly rare if non existant that young girls give up there babies….it really disturbs me that it happens so often in the USA…..please look up things about adoption cohersion and anti adoption…it sounds like you are not wanting to give up your baby and are in a vunerable state….this is a life long depression that you will feel….it will affect you, as well as your future children…..it is NOT YOUR JOB TO HAVE A CHILD FOR AN INFERTILE COUPLE….you do not owe these people your baby…you sound like a smart girl…if you would like to talk to me, email me at downwithdisco@hotmail.com stay stong
Do your homework-you may have other options if you would like to keep your baby. Please don’t be so hard on yourself, and your boyfriend is a complete ass. I’m so sorry you have no support. Please give us an update. I’ll keep you in my prayers.
Lindsay I am grateful everyday for my birthmom putting me up for adoption. I’ve met her, and I’d much rather have my adoptive mom.
I am so sorry for you. I think you need to remember that you always have options. Are there any counselors in your school/town that you can talk to? Pregnancy is hard, even for married women who are financially secure and have supportive families…so I can imagine it is even more difficult for you. I think the help of a counselor may help deal with the family, boyfriend, and adoption issues. I must say too..your body is not ugly at all. After reading your story I was expecting you to be HUGE, and what I saw is a beautiful woman, who is doing a wonderful job of growing a baby…you are young, and it is easy to expect that our bodies are supposed to look like a magazine…but they don’t…they look exactly like yours…and yes, when you have the baby, you will lose your weight, eat healthy, and get back in shape…but for now…just remember that this is not permanent…feel free to e-mail me for support…ejs3e@aol.com.
I am with the ladies who are encouraging you to keep your baby. I am currently the mother of a baby that was the result of a man forcing himself on me. I considered adoption also, but as the pregnancy went on, I realized that this baby was meant to be mine. So far, he has been the biggest blessing in my life and he makes me smile and laugh every day! Don’t let ANYONE tell you to give up something that is so precious. I can guarantee that you would never regret keeping it, but chances are that if you gave it up without being 1000% sure, you will always be wondering “what if”. There is still time to change your mind! Don’t feel obligated or give it up out of guilt. I hope you make the right decision for YOU and YOUR BABY. Not for anyone else.
Honey, you are amazing. You are the kind of person I wish I could be when I grow up- and I am 43. You are beautiful, inside and outside, you are special and you are a generous soul. I wish I could say the same thing about the people around you.
Hi Michelle. I’m 34 and a mother of two; ages 3 and 1. Being a mother is very hard; being a single mother is harder. However, if you believe that the best option for your child is to be with you, there is help out there. It is a very selfless act of kindness to give your child up for adoption. It would be best if you could find a therapist to speak to – – to work through your tough decisions – – perhaps asking your doctor to refer you to someone. And you really do look so cute. I hope the next time around you have a supportive husband to remind you of that. Be well.
Thank you for sharing your story. I feel for you and your situation. Don’t worry about the weight I gained 84 pounds with my first and lost most of it in a year but got pregnant again at 13months PP. Gained another 53 pounds and am slowly loosing that now.
I really think you need to talk to a someone you can trust about your situation, preferable a professional who is not biased. I agree with Lindsay when she says “it is not your job to have a child for an infertile couple…” Looking at my lovely little girl and baby boy my heart goes out to infertile couples, but that doesn’t mean you have to give away your baby. If that is truly what you want to do then go for it. But if you are not sure or are doing it for someone else then you will regret it. You have every right to change your mind if you want to and don’t let anybody tell what is right for you. Go and find some help now before it is too late!!!! I cant give you any advice on where to go as I live in New Zealand but I see some of the other comments have given some. We have a high teen pregnancy rate and I know plenty of girls that had their children young and are great mothers. It may not be what you planned for your life and it won’t be easy but it will be worth it in the end. Please please please find someone you trust to talk to!
Your opinion and feelings matter!!!! What ever your decision is, let it be excatly that YOUR DECISION I wish you all the best and hope you have an easy labour. Keep us all posted on how you are doing, big hugs!!
I know lots of people in your life are trying to persuade your opinion, your bf, your family, and even some commentors on this website. My only advice to you is to follow your heart and to do what YOU feel is right. I was in a similiar situation as you, and was being pressured to give my son up. I had a friend who placed her son for adoption 6 months prior and she had complete peace with her decision. I thought maybe I should give mine up too, so I met with an adoptive couple a few times but something inside myself kept telling me this wasnt right. Not for me. I ended up keeping my son and have had no regrets. I was even able to finish school and go on to get my nursing degree with no support from my family or babys father. My friend who gave her son up also had no regrets and she has moved on, got married, and her son is very healthy and happy in his adoptive parents home (they have an open adoption) Neither my friend’s decision nor my decision, however diffrent, was the wrong one. The only wrong decision you can make is one that isnt yours, a decision that is being forced onto you by other people. This is the most difficult choice you will ever make and I encourage you to just dig deep into your heart, ignore everyone elses opinion and find out what you want, and what you want for your precious baby. Once you make your decision, stick to it even if people dont support you. I wish I could be there to give you a hug and hold your hand trough this because you deserve love and you deserve support. I didnt have any of that either and I know how hard it is but if you make the right decision for YOU, then you will come out of this with amazing strength. I dont know if you believe in God, but if you do, I encourage you to pray, pray, pray! Prayer helped me tremendously and gave me an inner peace with my decision (as it did with my friend). You are beautiful, and although you are young, I believe that you know deep down what the right thing for you is, and I believe that you will follow your own heart, and make the right choice for you and this baby. Sending you lots of peace, joy, and love……. XOXOXOXO
I’m so sorry that your family isn’t being more supportive, and that you’re alone in this.
Your boyfriend sounds like a dick.
I ALSO agree with Lindsay up “nya” ^^^^^ DON’T FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE TO GIVE YOUR SON UP. YOU nurtured him, YOU carried him, YOU get to decide. YOU YOU YOU. You’re just shy of adulthood, and you can speak to your health care provider in private about your doubts if you want to explore the options of keeping and raising your son.
We all make mistakes that we regret in life, but this one will be irreversible. This couple without a child are just going to have to keep looking. This doesn’t HAVE to be be their baby.
This is your life.
If I lived nearer to you, I would come and help you birth (if it weren’t weird for a stranger to come help you labor). I had my son naturally and in 3 hours. It was INTENSE, and it hasn’t gotten much different since then.
And your body, my dear, is beautiful. YOU ARE MAKING A LITTLE PERSON IN THERE, love!!! You’re going to stretch and grow, and change, and you will never be the same…. But for someone (and not surprisingly -a man) to say such terrible things to you, is totally inexcusable. Maybe you should remind him of what he did to HIS mom??
If you need support, or someone to talk to, or text, please, PLEASE email me. crafty_october at yahoo dot com.
We might not know each other, and we might have almost nothing in common. But you’re a human being, and about to embark on something triumphant in your life. Don’t make the decisions you DON’T want, and spend a lifetime regretting them.
And also; don’t let yourself slip into the sadness. Please, please, reach out to someone in that dark.
Feel free to moderate my curse word out of that last post. I wasn’t thinking when I hit “submit”.
I’m sorry your family and your boyfriend aren’t supporting you. But you are giving this world an amazing gift – a new person! Whoever is going to adopt your baby will give him an amazing life – it’s a long gruelling process to be able to adopt, so it’s something you really, really have to want to do. Do you watch Teen Mom? Catelynn and Tyler made an amazing sacrifice, and their little girl is thriving because of what they chose to do.
I’m in Canada, and I have a cousin who was adopted in to our family. We’re all very grateful her mother gave her up.
And don’t worry about the moles and the swelling and the acne – they’ll go away. With my first pregnancy I had moles everywhere, especially on my boobs. They all fell off probably 6 months after my son was born. It was pretty weird. And my legs were so swollen that my ankles disappeared. I’ve got some stretchy skin in my legs now since I’ve deflated, but that’s just a price I had to pay to invent a person.
I hope you start to feel better about yourself after the baby is born.
1. Please seek therapy. Your depression will only get worse after you give birth, and you need to get help for it.
2. Tell your boyfriend that he either needs to accept your body the way it is or find a new girlfriend. Only an ass would make a comment like what he said about your stretch marks.
3. Is there ANYBODY else you can move in with? The atmosphere in your family’s home is poisonous and it is bad for your mental health. If not, you need to have a long talk with your “loved” ones and tell them you don’t appreciate their comments and would like some support in this difficult time.
4. Please think long and hard about whether or not adoption really is for you. If you do go through with it, you haven’t done all of this “for nothing”. You have given a couple the most wonderful gift anybody could ever give. Giving your flesh and blood to another in full confidence of their ability to raise him is never “nothing”. If you do decide to keep the baby, you will find a way to make it work. Please do what is in your heart.
My birth mother gave me up for adoption. It was the best thing she could have done for me. She gave me a wonderful home full of opportunities she could never in her wildest dreams provide for me. It is not easy for anyone involved not the child or either set of parents. Its the most amazing gift, aside from life, you can give to your son. My parents couldn’t have children of their own and the gift my birth mother gave them, they did not take for granted. I’m going to be brutally honest for a second so bare with me, if your family is this unsupportive now, do you think they will support you when you HAVE the baby? You are in a hard place right now and i want you to know you are not alone. There are support groups for mothers who choose adoption. I am a teen mom myself. I can relate to the destroyed body, I went from 5’5 135 to 200lbs when i delivered. Im only 4 weeks postpartum and have lost 30 lbs but I seem to have stopped at 170 I’ve got stretchmarks and the lot.. but these things fade they tell me and we are young still. But the one thing that will never fade is the love you have for your baby, how you choose to show that love and devotion is up too you. You can try to give him a life with you where he will be loved by you always even if you struggle to provide for him or you can give him a life with a couple who will love him like you love him and provide for him in a way you may never be able too. The choice is yours. I’m not saying which is the right choice because that is up to you. There is support out there and your adoption service would be more then happy to provide that for you and point you in the direction of love and support.
If this girl was not posting that she was crying all the time at the thought of giving her baby up I am sure that other women on there would not be so concerned…but she is obviously in so much pain, she is vunerable, feels unsupported and I think it is important that she knows she has options and that she is not powerless!!! The struggles of being a young mom are temporary….Adoption is FOREVER…it is not a “selfless act” or “gift”..babies are NOT presents they are human beings. It is NOT SELFISH for a young mother to keep her infant….calling her a “birthmother” is coercive. Adoption agents, and prospective adoptive parents are the only ones who benefit, the adoption angecy finacially and the prospective parents with this girls baby….These young women lied to when they are told that they will not be damaged and that adoption is the best option….for a young woman, EARLY SAFE ABORTION within the first few weeks of pregnancy has is the LEASE EMOTONALLY devestating……women who give up babies for adotion struggle LIFELONG depression, post traumatic stress, addiction ETC ETC….. it is hard to raise children but they will also give you so much joy…..anyone who has watched Teen Mom needs to look at the pain, the tears on the faces of Caitlynn and Tyler….because they could have been great parents….and instead they gave their baby away to a freaky set of Stepford christans…why do you think they are saying they are “happy” with their decision? Because they have cameras on them, and they probably would like to keep the little contact they have with their daughter, do you think if they started to say they regret giving their baby up that those adoptive parents would let them have as close contact…they are probably also told that they need to give adoption good media…..why does their baby have a “better life”….because she is in a big house, with two parents….that is just Bull….there are all kinds of families who are amazing parents…and they dont have to fit the two parent suburbanite definention of the “perfect home”….you know who is a PERFECT parent for your baby….YOU ARE….rich, or poor, young or old, single or married….unless you really feel like you may be abusive or neglectful please…consider parenting!
First off what you are doing is incredibly courageous. The family that is adopting your child is probably ecstatic, you are helping them make a dream come true. For that I believe you should be given the world.
I am so sorry to hear what your family and boyfriend are putting you through, as if pregnancy is not difficult enough! I would recommend talking to your doctor about what is going on, he/she maybe able to get you some help by way of counselling.
Your body will comeback, maybe not just the same, but in the months that follow the birth some pretty amazing things happen.
Please take care of yourself. You sound like a strong, intelligent, person so give yourself and your body sometime to recover from this 10 month marathon. When you have a little distance from things I am sure with someone to talk to you will be able to start making decisions with you in the forefront.
Good luck.
Just a side note…the people telling you to pray…….you cannot “pray” away depression….its a chemical reaction in the brain …and even if there was such this as “god” belief in a supernatural dieity should have no part in a personal decision….there is only human beings, human thoughts, human emotion and the rest of the natural world that we can see, hear and feel….base your decisions on reality
Lindsay,
Not everyone who places their child for adoption lives with regret, PTSD, and lifelong depression. Please be careful about making one sided judgements and imposing them on a young impressionable girl. I personlly know a few women who have placed their child for adoption and the ones who were completely confident in their decision, have no regrets. Its the ones who are being coerced into it by other people, that tend to have problems. This is Micelle’s decision, one that she has to live with for the rest of her life. Its not for us to tell her what to do, or to scare her into what not to do. We should be here to support her no matter what her decision may be.
I am going to close the posts on this entry for several reasons. Firstly because I think every possible opinion and option has been discussed and defended. But mostly because this entry was originally sent to me a few weeks ago (as are all the entries that are posted) and I feel very uncomfortable with the thought that she may be regretting a decision she can no longer change while reading all these.
Michelle, I want to echo those who have said the choice should be yours – you DO have the power to direct your life, even at this young age. And if the decision has been made for you, and if you are not comfortable with it, I hope you can find peace. We are all in such a place from time to time, to varying degrees, and we have to find a way to work through that. Being the powerful, strong woman that you are, I know that you can make it through this, no matter the outcome. If your family and friends do not support you, don’t stop looking for support. You are beautiful.