was never something that I liked. At 18, I was a size 8 & 115 lbs, swore I was fat, ate hardly anything and was married. At 19, was pregnant with a my son. I knew that I was too young to be married not to mention have a child. But my husband said he wanted a children while he was still young enough to play with them. Six years later we divorced, for multiple reasons. I was 130 lbs during my 2nd trimester. And 160 lbs when I had my son. He was 5 weeks premature and 4lbs 10 oz. At size 14 jeans I had lost 10lbs, only 10. My size never changed… diet after diet… gym after gym… I tried everything. I met a wonderful man, we married, a year later we got pregnant. I was back down to 150 lbs when we got pregnant and a size 8 again. I promised myself that I would do my best not to break 200 lbs with my second pregnancy. I did very well, even through passing three kidney stones two weeks before she was born. The day of my last appointment I was 38 weeks pregnant, to the day, we were going in to have an ultrasound done because the doctor had found during the first one that our daughter had three kidneys. One perfectly normal one one the right. And the left one looks like a little duplex, one on top of the other. We were having the ultrasound done to make sure that there wasn’t an increase in reflux in her kidneys. After my doctor checked the films he came in and said “okay, let’s get you checked in. You’re already in labor.” 30 minutes later, my 2nd angel was born. Of course they have to weigh you everytime they ask you your name in there so, on the day I delivered I found out that I had broken 200 lbs.. by 2 silly lbs. My daughter weighed in just under 8 lbs. She’s going to be two in June.. I must’ve blinked or something cause it feels like she should be still nursing… still tiny… still I don’t know but something other than two. (crying, sorry….) I’m 175 lbs now. Once again I have tried everything… I’ve been going to the gym religiously… 4 to 5 days a week since January this year. I stopped eating all the “bad stuff” stopped drinking soda, loaded up on water, etc., etc., I’m proud to be a mother.. I love my children.. I had hated my body ever since I realized that it isn’t the same as it was..never will be. That is until I found this site. On mother’s day of this year I was looking for mommy blogs. Someone to read about that may or may not be living my life in another house somewhere. I stumbled onto yours and was amazed. Thank you for making me realize. I am a woman, I am a mother, I if nothing else was a cocoon for what will in my future seem like a brief and shining moment. And I have two beautiful, happy, healthy butterflies to show for it. (crying again, sorry) I know longer hate my body, or myself. I have made a promise to me to not try to be some pornstar or supermodel.. but to continue to at least do the best that I can to take care of me and to be the happy mother my children need.