More Than a Shape (Melissa)

Age – 20
# of Births – 1
P.P – 1 week

I had the greatest love of my life ask me to marry him last year. Of course I said yes and wedding plans were in the air when I found out I was pregnant. Side note – I told him at 3 in the morning jumping in to bed because I had just taken the test because it said to use your morning pee but really had to go and didn’t want to mess anything up. Poor man was shocked. We both were since we were pretty careful. But the pregnancy was not the least bit unwanted. We moved the wedding up to August so that my dress would still fit and we already were about to move in together so timing wise everything was pretty perfect.

My pregnancy was pretty routine other than I didn’t have a midwife until I was 21 weeks and there were no doctors willing to take me as a patient. He was a perfectly healthy little boy and we were both so excited. I didn’t hate being pregnant but I wasn’t overly interested in it either. I liked feeling him move the first few times and watching him grow inside me but I never felt super connected with him which worried me a little. At 34 weeks I just started liking him more and more. I had a false labor at 35 weeks which scared everyone because it didnt seem like a false labor at the time, but after a night in the hosptial everything calmed down. For a while…

Before getting pregnant I was a fairly active person, loved to work out and running was my favorite. I continued with exercise through my pregnancy, slowing down of course and accepted the changes to my body, not right away as I complained about the strecth marks on my breasts and hips. I did get what I feel was fairly big over the pregnancy, starting at 133 pounds and going up to 170 approx when I gave birth. I was pretty upset about the marks on my hips and in the last month of pregnancy they showed up all over my legs. Another side note – I have never had any stretch marks before being pregnant so they came as a pretty big shock.

Last month of being pregnant, can we say uncomfortable? The whole pregnancy my little baby had been on my right side bunched up and my ribs were all inflamed from his constant pressure on them. Hard to breathe, couldn’t sit up, impossible to sleep (I was lucky if I could get 2 hours total a night). I was really ready for this baby to come out.

Having a midwife was really amazing. We weren’t planning on it but they had room. I was interested in having a natural birth at the hospital, and we decided to attempt to use nothing during the delivery and if not then laughing gas because it didnt affect the baby at all. I was excited to have a natural birth. At the routine 39 week appointment with my midwife, she took my blood pressure…twice and then made me lie down and took it again and then told me we needed to go to the hospital right away. I was 160/120 and mine was usually about 130/70. We got to the hospital and got checked over and over and over again and it was staying high with it’s highest being at 179/126. Even after 3 doses of blood pressure medication there was almost no change. They induced me at 6pm on Wednesday. Contractions were strong and less than 3 minutes apart after a few hours. I was 3 cm dilated but it was going slow. By 6am I was using the laughing gas which was barely sustaining me and I was getting tired. At lunch time on Thursday they broke my water hoping to speed things up because I wasn’t dilating any more. That pushed me over the edge pain wise, maybe just in my head, and I was started on Demoral since my birthing plan was pretty much out the window. I slowly started dilating and by 8pm I was about 8 cm. I was in so much pain and couldn’t stop screaming and crying and even my midwife said I should get an epidural. I finally agreed and after it starting working I was really glad I gave in. After trying to push for 3 hours and being fully dilated and nothing happening, the doctor said I would be getting a C section and there was no other choice. I was pretty upset about it but after 37 hours of labor I was pretty quick to be okay with it. The C-section was the scariest thing ever but I made it through with my husband by my side.

After it was all over I had a beautiful baby boy weighing 9 pounds exactly and was 21 inches long. A pretty big boy. But he is healthy and happy and a great sleeper. But I also have a scar that I was never expecting to have. I can complain about the stretch marks and the giant cut but it really is all in the way you look at it and thats why I wanted to write my story. My scar is the product of a little boy who came out of me the only way possible, the stretch marks a result of making this little boy the healthiest newborn there is and I got some really great breasts out of it too. I mean I think they were great before but I always felt they looked fake because they were so perky. Now they are giant round real looking breasts and I like that a lot better.

I guess my point is that your shape is more than just the way your body looks. It’s about creating a life, or many lives, and the joys and pains that it has to go through to make that happen. The life of a child is worth any scar or stretch mark that I could ever see. I know it might not feel that way and believe me I have days were I feel like a round lump of whale (just ask my husband), but it’s a frame of mind and any body that has gone through pregnancy will be beautiful in its own way and thats the simple truth of it all.

1st picture – Prepregnancy Body
2nd picture – 37 weeks pregnant
3rd picture – My precious little man at 2 days old