miscarriage (Anonymous)

Ok, so I’m 18 years old, my boyfriend is only two days older than me and we are so in love. I’ve know for about 3 months already that I was pregnant but the tests kept coming up negative. It wasn’t until just a few weeks ago that the tests finally came back positive. At first my boyfriend was really mad and I was shocked and scared. We didn’t know how we were gonna tell our families. My mom already knew, she could tell cuz I was getting fat, had been eating/sleeping a lot more than usual, moody, etc…etc…and she was cool with it, cuz she was my age when she got pregnant with me. But another thing…the main thing we were scared about…we don’t have a place of our own, I get literally 0 hours at the job I have and we barely have enough money to take care of ourselves, let alone a baby. But after a lil’ while we were really excited about the baby. My mom had already started buying us stuff and our families took it way better than we expected. Well last week I was bleeding and cramping so my mom took me to the hospital and they told me I had a misscarriage. I was devistated, I was really looking forward to having this baby…and when I called my boyfriend he started crying cuz he was excited too. This has been the worst week for me. I’m always crying/stressed out, every lil’ thing pisses me off, I can barely eat anymore, I’m just sooo depressed, I don’t even wanna leave my house. I’m slowly starting to get better and today was the best day I’ve had so far. But everytime I hear about someone getting pregnant or one of my friends who was already pregnant talking about their baby or anything like that it makes me really sad and all I can think is ‘that was supposed to be ME’ I’m not exactly sure how far along I was. Different doctors told me different things. One doctor told me 2 weeks, one said 6 weeks and another one told me about 2 or 3 months. I’d have to go with 2 or 3 months though cuz I know my body and it just wasn’t right for the past few months. My body was changing soo much, I’m not sure exactly how to explain it…but my mom and boyfriend had even noticed the change during these past few months…plus, I was already getting biig (and no, it wasn’t just cuz of the baby…it was also cuz I was hungry 24/7 and had been eating like a pig lol) I’m not posting this for pitty. I just wanted to share my story and see if anyone else relates to this, to maybe help me through or something? I’m posting pics. of what I looked like while I was pregnant. Oh and I’ve never had a flat stomach, but it also never stuck out as far as it was in this first pic… the first pic. was taken about 2 months ago the second one was taken on New Years and the third one was taken about 2 or 3 weeks ago

13 thoughts on “miscarriage (Anonymous)

  • Thursday, February 21, 2008 at 1:54 pm

    Some people might not believe this, but when you lose a baby, even at a very early stage like you did, there is real grief. You have lost a little person who was going to be your son or daughter. Give yourself as much time as you need to, to feel sad and don’t let anyone tell you how you should feel at any time along the way. It’s your journey, and only you know how you are coping. Blessings to you and your partner.

  • Thursday, February 21, 2008 at 2:35 pm

    I’m so sorry for your very real loss.

  • Thursday, February 21, 2008 at 3:25 pm

    Have you thought about seeking some counseling and talking to a professional about this? It may really do you some good in working through your grief. A friend of mine had a miscarriage at 8 weeks and she found that the counseling really did her good.

  • Thursday, February 21, 2008 at 6:07 pm

    I am so sorry for what you are going through. Even though people tell you not to count on a pregnancy as a “go” until week 12, once you find out you are pregnant, that person inside you is totally a part of your life and your every moment. So hard to lose that. Please though consider putting off getting pregnant for a few more years. Having a child is a hugely wonderful and hugely difficult. Give yourself a chance to be you and to be with your guy and get settled into adulthood. Then the little person meant to be with you will find you.

  • Friday, February 22, 2008 at 12:09 pm

    This is one of the mama-secrets that not many people talk about. Losing a pregnancy is common as dirt. 25-50% of pregnancies end in the first trimester, sometimes before a woman even knows she’s pregnant. You are in the company of many, many women, myself included, who have gone through some variation of your experience – being excited about and in love with the little life growing inside you, only to lose all the hopes and imaginings about the future when you see a black hole with no beating heart on an ultrasound or start cramping and bleeding in the middle of the night. This is a loss that makes a woman sad in the core of her being; you may still cry about it months or even years later, and you will always remember the baby-that-could-have-been when your due date rolls around or on the day you lost the pregnancy. Let yourself be sad about it now, grieve the loss, and know that it will fade in time. It made me feel better to do some reading, find out how often this really happens, that there’s usually no reason for it except that making a new human being is a complicated process, and that you will most likely go on to have a baby in the future. Also, if you tell other people about it, you will suddenly hear stories: “Oh, grandma lost a baby between me and your uncle.” “My sister had three before she had her son last year.” “My best friend just had a miscarriage last week.”

    I have to second what Melissa said about putting off getting pregnant again until you are really ready to care for another being. My miscarriage happened at a time when I was under tremendous stress and not in a good spot to carry a fetus nor nurture a baby, and I had a sense that the baby-spirit took one look at me and said, “No way! Not right now. I’ll come back when you are more sane and ready for me.” And I know this sounds hippy-dippy, but a year later (I’m older already, over 30), when I was more ready, I got a communication that he had come back. I do feel it is the same spirit in my little boy now. So, your baby may be telling you in its own gentle way to finish school, get your finances and home set up, travel, enjoy a few more carfree years of your own youth, make 1000% sure that this is the right baby-daddy and partner for you, and then your babe will come to you when the time is the most right.
    Big hugs from another mama who has been there.

  • Friday, February 22, 2008 at 1:02 pm

    I went through a miscarraige right after my 20th birthday…when you are young and unmarried and it wasn’t planned, people can be really insensitive. But you will get through the loss. Feel free to tell anyone who says “maybe it’s for the best” to feck off. They haven’t felt the loss of something you never got to have.

  • Friday, February 22, 2008 at 6:51 pm

    I agree with Kat. I think that when you are single, young, inexperienced, people have a tendancy to be insensitive. Don’t let anyone try to minimize your hurt by telling you things like “it’s wasn’t meant to be” or “it just wasn’t your time”. Miscarriage in the first trimester is caused by a chromosonal flaw in the embryo, and has absolutly nothing to do with how ready you are for a baby, if you’re married, or if the pregnancy was planned or not. Don’t let anyone try to blame you for this by saying that you werent’ ready so it was meant to be. This happening was not your fault, and you had the same right as everyone else to want your baby, and to be upset that you lost the baby. I hope you find help in dealing with your loss, and best luck in the future.

  • Friday, February 22, 2008 at 7:03 pm

    Hi. the same thing happened to me. I was having twins and lost one early in the pregnancy. By the way, I was 19 when I got pregnant…Yes, you need time to grieve and keep that boyfriend youve got…cuz he really cared about that baby. When it happens it happens…dont let anyone change your feelings about anything…like the previous comment said, no one can tell you, “maybe it was better this way…” IT WASNT…I am telling you when there is a will there is a way. I am in college and went to work and school everyday until I went into labor…you can do it…just make sure you are doing the best to give your baby the best future…I wish you luck and next time it will be better…If you need anyone to talk to email me…at claralon@msmc.la.edu…TAKE CARE!!!

  • Friday, February 29, 2008 at 6:14 am

    Hey girl, the same thing happened to me a year and a half ago. My boyfirend and I were thrilled and couldnt wait to tell the world about our pregnancy! I went for my first ultrasound and the doctor told me that the baby didn’t survive but that my body hadn’t actually miscarried the baby yet, so they scheduled me for surgery the next day to remove it. I was so traumatized! It took a long time for my body and horomones to get back into shape, and after a year and a half of trying again, we just found out last week that we are pregnant again! I go for my first doctor’s visit next week. There’s a part of me that is scared to death that something will be wrong again, but I am staying positive and hopefully we will have a little one soon! God bless and good luck to you!

  • Thursday, March 13, 2008 at 6:22 pm

    Just wanted to send you my thoughts.

    I’m a young Mum (18) but have had two miscarriages and a chemical pregnancy all in the last 3 years.

    Everyone (myself included) thought I was insane when I fell pregnant at 15. I was scared, lost and anxious but I fell in love with my little one very quickly! After my first miscarriage I knew being a Mum was all I wanted and after a long and hard road, I finally have my little girl!

    The one thing I learnt through having a loss, is to enjoy things while they last! Even though those pregnancies ended in miscarriage… for a few weeks they were precious little babies, MY babies, and they always will be!

  • Monday, April 28, 2008 at 9:37 pm

    Just a piece of mind from a fellow teenage pregnancy. I am 17 years old, and completely in love. Well my boyfriend and I found out that I was pregnant back in January and all was well till this past weekend when I started having cramps and brown spotting. I called my doctor and he told me it was nothing to worry about and I would be fine until Tuesday. Today I woke up feeling fine, pregnant, and sleepy, and then started having the most painful cramps in the world. I felt a pop in my lower stomach and went to go pee and when I went to go pee, a huge gush of what felt like water came out and I looked down and all there was in the toilet was bright red blood. I sat on the toilet crying and scared until huge clots started coming out. I was rushed to the hospital, and went to the bathroom there and more clots came out. The doctor on call game me a sonogram and found a sac in my uterus but no heartbeat. They did a pap smear and found more huge clots. They concluded that I was 3 and 1 half months pregnant and the baby had stopped growing. There was so much blood loss, and I could not stop bleeding they decided to do a D&C (clean out my uterus). My suggestion to anyone is do not take cramping lightly, listen to your insticts, and get yourself to the hospital if you are worried. I wish I had sooner, but ultimately I could not have stopped the miscarriage. Just know that whatever happens is for a reason and is in God’s plan. I hope I didn’t scare you, but do not take anything lightly while pregnant.

  • Thursday, May 22, 2008 at 9:14 am

    I can also somewhat relate to your story…at 17 I found out I was pregnant… I had been with my boyfriend (now fiance) for about 7 months when February 13, 2007 I found out I was pregnant… all I wanted to do was cry.. at that point I didnt feel ready at all.. I had never really thought of myself having a baby but I knew I was going to keep her… on april 26th at 16 weeks I was at school and my water suddenly broke.. I went to the hospital and they did an u/s her heart was still beating but there was no fluid so they knew she was going to die… the next morning I went to use the bathroom and when I got up she had come out but was still attached by the umbilical cord.. she already looked just like a tiny baby.. she had a face and everything.. one of the nurses took her and dressed her and took photos that she gave to me and they left her in the room with me til I went home… those were the most traumatizing few days of my life… I cried everyday for over a month I wanted so badly to be a mom and all the hopes and dreams I had for her were snatched away from me… in september I learned I was pregant again and just a few weeks ago at age 18 (April 30) I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy.. just remember that good things do happen and in good time whhen you are ready you will be a mommy..
    good luck and god bless

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