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I was 38 when I had my baby last September (I?m 39 now). I put on a lot of water weight, which came off easily, and about 20 pounds of non-water weight, which hasn?t budged. (I?m at 216 now. I was at almost 250 when I had my baby.)

I have been dieting and working out (weights 3x/week, cardio 2x/week) and I wish I could say it was making a difference. The weights have been upped twice now as I get stronger so you?d think you could see it in my body. Nope. The shots below are front and side shots taken today (10 months and 2 weeks PP) both with my gut sucked in and letting it hang loose. If you look really carefully (i.e., squint), you can see a hint of muscle starting in my upper abdomen? maybe.

photo photo photo

I hated my body before I had my baby and that hasn?t changed. I can?t really say I hate it more though, so I guess that?s something. And, you know what?, I don?t hate the stretch marks. They don?t bother me at all. Not one iota. It?s all that belly flibbidyblopping around that I hate, the fat that lops over my c-section scar and the pendulous arms, the thighs so large that thunder quakes with fear at the thought.

I am only getting the courage to share these as so many of the people that post here are still so beautifully slender and feel so badly about themselves. I wanted to put these up so that other women my size (XL/2XL at the moment) know they aren?t alone either.

Despite hating my body, I?d do it again in a heartbeat. It took us over 3 years to conceive my daughter; we?ve been trying again since the 6 week PP mark. Hopefully, it won?t take 3 years this time.

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14 comments… add one
  • Mama D Thursday, July 27, 2006, 11:55 am

    I think you are doing amazing. The weightlifting and cardio will pay off… it’s too bad it doesn’t happen over night. As for myself I know I always feel better just knowing that I am working out and fit even though I may not appear (in most people’s eyes) to be as fit as I am. Good luck with conceiving baby #2!

  • Azuretale Thursday, July 27, 2006, 12:01 pm

    You can DEFINATELY see some abs in your “sucking it in” picture! Keep up the great work! I was shaped the same way after I had my first (I’m “Dana”) when I was 210lbs.. It just takes *years* to get all the weight off. I’m still working on my belly flap and I haven’t been pregnant in 5 years! Stay strong. :)

  • Anonymous Thursday, July 27, 2006, 12:53 pm

    Thank you for your photos. I’m 6mos PP of my 2nd child, and although I started at 175, up to 240 when I was 9mos pregnant, and now I’m back down to 216 as well. My tummy is EXACTLY like yours. Hang in there, it took us 3 years and IVF for our 1st but the 2nd came along on his own.Thank you for sharing.PW

  • ceece Thursday, July 27, 2006, 1:01 pm

    I can see your muscle! You go girl. Keep up the good work!

  • Rebecca Thursday, July 27, 2006, 1:02 pm

    My tummy is exactly like yours too, and in seeing how beautiful you look, I am starting to believe that maybe I am beautiful too.Thank you so much.

  • PunitiveSibling Thursday, July 27, 2006, 1:03 pm

    I’m heavy (about 230 when I had my 1st); with my first baby, who is now 5, I gained very little and wore all my regular clothes through the pregnancy. It was always depressing to feel like nobody noticed/everyone assumed I wasn’t anything but fat.And while I love my Bean, I still find the C-section scar ugly.I’m gearing up for number 2 (8+ weeks). My body has changed some since then as I have been doing the Curves workout–I have muscles where I NEVER had them before, despite not being much thinner.Congrats to you! Keep it up! You give me courage.

  • Anonymous Thursday, July 27, 2006, 1:05 pm

    Thank you. I found this from bitchphd’s link, and I’m so glad I did. I weighed about 150 before my first pregnancy, got “back” to 170 after the second, but the stress of a toddler, a baby, a dissertation, and a lot of other things pushed me up to around 230. I’ve bounced back and forth in the few years since, but haven’t gotten under 200 yet. It’s sad to say that I’m almost as worried about losing weight and dealing with the leftover skin tummy flab as having the full flab in the first place (insane, I know). Will I ever see my pubic area without a mirror again? Good question. Thanks for letting me know I’m not the only one.

  • rachd Thursday, July 27, 2006, 1:22 pm

    Thank you for having the courage to post. I too am much heavier than I have ever been (about 210 or so) and also have the flabby, flappy belly. There are those of us out there, and I appreciate you sharing your story.Congratulations on your baby and may number two be right around the corner!

  • Cerella Thursday, July 27, 2006, 2:31 pm

    You are AWESOME for posting these pics! Congrats on your baby and I hope that you get preggo again very soon! :)

  • Anonymous Thursday, July 27, 2006, 2:52 pm

    You have no idea how much I love you for posting this. I am actually shocked at how much this website is changing my whole way of thinking. You are beautiful. Beautiful. Truly.

  • peppypilotgirl Thursday, July 27, 2006, 6:46 pm

    Thank you so much, everyone. I was really hesitant about sharing this with the world but I’m so glad I did. I will keep at it and I look forward to a day when we all believe that all women’s bodies are beautiful. Thanks again so much!

  • Special Red Thursday, July 27, 2006, 7:56 pm

    Beautiful pix! The workouts are definitely showing… keep up the great work! It’s not overnight, but a healthy, strong body is MUCH more important than a “socially acceptable” one, IMO. :)Fantastic posting! Congrats, and good luck on the second try!!

  • Anonymous Thursday, July 27, 2006, 8:03 pm

    Thank-you for sharing your story and photos. I too am an overweight first time mother. I gained about 18 pounds while pregnant, I lost all the weight almost right away but couldn’t believe how much my body had changed! My tummy looks exactly like yours and I am also trying to lose the flab. It is so refreshing to see a site like this! I could almost cry.

  • Anonymous Saturday, July 29, 2006, 12:30 pm

    I was a bit taken aback when I first saw your pictures. They look exactly like me. I could have written your post too. Thank you for having the courage to post this.

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