feeling crappy (Khareen)

Hi, my name is Khareen Andersson. I am from the Philippines and i am now living in Sweden with my family…I love my family so much. My hubby is Swedish and he works in a cruise ship that travels the east coast at times and the west coast in the U.S. at times. He works 3 months and stays home 3months. We have 4kids now for the last 6years of marriage. We have 2 boys and 2girls now. The girls are twins. I have recently given birth to my second beautiful baby boy. He’s the only baby delivered here in Sweden while the rest of my kids were delivered in the Philippines all of them thru CS. My husband sent me this link to your website so he could tell me that i am not alone feeling shit about the way i look PP. I just would like to share my photos after my last baby. Although my husband tells me he loves me no matter what, i could not help disbelieving him and thinking he’s just saying that to make me feel better. On the contrary, i feel even worse. After my 2 C-Sections, my scar didn’t look so bad. But after this last one, i could not help thinking that maybe it was Dr. Frankenstein who operated me! I couldn’t help feeling even uglier! I know i should not think about things like these because it’s just shallowness, but how can that help us think otherwise? I could not think that “my body is a temple and that it had given me 4 beautiful babies.., etc…” when that image of myself is glaring back at me everytime i look at myself in the mirror. I know, i should be thankful that my kids are healthy and i have a loving husband..don’t get me wrong, i am. It’s just that, having this “butt-looking” thing in front me doesn’t really help my self confidence right now, if i have any left at all.

10 thoughts on “feeling crappy (Khareen)

  • Monday, March 24, 2008 at 6:38 pm

    I think you are beautiful! Just curious though, why did you have a vertical incision instead of horizontal?

  • Monday, March 24, 2008 at 9:22 pm

    I also had a vertical c-section and my belly looks the same. ((hugs))

  • Monday, March 24, 2008 at 9:51 pm

    The moment I saw the staples I thought someone had submitted my pictures. I too have a vertical scar,but mine is from emergency surgery performed 8 days after my daughter was born. I too have had a hard time accepting my body, thinking no one else has the same scars as me, so I just want to thank you for submitting yours. We may have gotten our scars different ways, but it is nice to know someone else bares the same marks I do. I am still trying to find the courage to post my pictures on this site,and commend all the brave, beautiful women who put themselves out there to help others.

  • Tuesday, March 25, 2008 at 4:37 am

    I also had a vertical incision, and it looked just like yours. My caesarian was an emergency so perhaps that’s why they did it that way. I have to say, by the look of your staples, perhaps the doctor was in a bit of a rush! Ka-ching, ka-ching, and out the door to his golf game! Seriously, though, your stomach in the last picture looks like it’s healing well and the butt-like shape will go back to normal eventually.

  • Tuesday, March 25, 2008 at 9:32 am

    I had to comment on this. I don’t think you are shallow for feeling bad about a scar “man” gave to you. I mean its one thing to appreciate the alterations your child made on your body (e.g stretchmarks, saggy boobs,etc), but its another when someone else (you dont even love) alters your body, thats harder to get over.
    You didnt go through all that hard work of carrying a child, just so someone can carve you up afterwards. One woulda just hoped the baby found its own way out, or for some, the doctor being just a little more patient. Now, dont get me wrong in that some babies have to be born by any means neccessary, but it doesnt take the anger away of having had to be cut open for it. Hope I made sense by my opinion.

    Take care

  • Tuesday, March 25, 2008 at 1:11 pm

    First of all you look beautiful and always will. You are beyond lucky having a husband like yours! There are women who look “perfect” with flat abs and their husbands tell them they’re hideous and disgusting. Be glad that your husband is supportive and loving and wonderful!!! You are blessed!
    Second of all, I wish I had a picture of my mom. Her scar looks like yours and she has the “butt looking” thing in front as well. She had two C-Sections with vertical incisions like yours. But do you know what I learned from my mom? She always told us that we were beautiful, but MOST IMPORTANTLY she told us that SHE LOOKED BEAUTIFUL. That gave me the confidence through my youth to know that I, myself, looked beautiful. My mom is the most beautiful person on earth. If she ever told me that she was a failure or looked horrible, then I would’ve doubted her words when she told me that I looked beautiful.
    Always tell yourself you look beautiful. Always let your children know that you think you’re beautiful. That is especially important for your girls! They learn from their mother the true meaning of beauty.

  • Wednesday, March 26, 2008 at 6:23 am

    you look beautiful be proud of what you body has been through and cherish the children you have created! you are an amazing woman, and look great even after what looks like a very painful c-section (those staples look very sore and uncomfortable)

  • Thursday, March 27, 2008 at 9:45 am

    This was a little hard to look at because I thought about how I’d feel if it was me…and I know I’d feel just like you. But, you know, a lot of us women get at least SOME of our confidence and self-esteem through the eyes of our husbands or partners, and the fact that your husband not only tells you how much he loves you, but also helped you find a support system tells the world what a wonderful man he is. When he compliments you, take it to heart! And know…KNOW…that you are a GORGEOUS woman, inside and out.

  • Thursday, March 27, 2008 at 12:41 pm

    First of all, i just would like to thank the creator of this site. Through here, i am able to know that there are other amazing women out there who feels (and looks) the same way i do. To Thea, I had the vertical incision the first time i had a baby maybe because i tried the “natural” way for several hours but to no avail and my baby was already in distress. And it has been that way for my next two pregnancies. To Courtney, You go girl! Not many women are as lucky as you! :) To Sandra, to tell you the truth, i had second thoughts the moment i saw my entry being published here and i wanted to retrieve it…but when i have read the comments and the words of encouragements, i knew i did the right thing. You should try it…it’s liberating and comforting. To Marjorie, I don’t know about the golf game, but my surgeons were women and they were amazing. I just didn’t know why they did the staples. I never had them in my previous operations. To Nikki, i never really thought of it that way, but you make sense..and we’re paying them too to do that to us! To Sarah, I wish I could meet your mom. And i will do my best to bear what you’ve said in mind. She’s right, you know. And thanks for letting me know too. :) And to Beki, yes they were really uncomfortable and sore like crazy! I had them for 2 weeks. Just to read your comments, girls, make me feel really happy…not crappy anymore. It made me see the positive side of that scar and what it gave me…4 beautiful healthy children. And I love them to death. I guess I could just say that i am truly blessed. Thank you very much once again and to all brave women out there…Kudos! We are all beautiful!

  • Friday, March 28, 2008 at 4:14 am

    I think the problem that a lot of us women have is that we equate the ability to be ‘loved’ directly with our physical appearance.

    This just isn’t the way it works. Your husband didn’t marry your stomach – he married you. You must believe him when he says he loves you – because who YOU are has nothing to do with your skin, your finger nails, your chapped lips in the winter etc. It has to do with the joy and happiness you bring to the people in your life through your attitude, personality and ability to show love to others.

    It is so easy to get caught up in looks especially for women. But ask any man, or husband, worth his salt whose wife has bore him children … and he’ll tell you that he loves her for who she is and not what she looks like.

    Would you love your husband any less if he lost a leg or was badly burned over most of his body? No .. you’d probably tend to show your love to him more, I suspect!

    This is real life! Women get pregnant … their bodies change – get stretched, puckered, bigger. So many of us, because of media images, allow this reality to make us feel like freaks. When really … it would be freakish for our bodies not to change. Don’t give power to these media images. Why give so much power to something so false and ephemeral? Something you know isn’t real.

    Any man who doesn’t have the depth of character to see past the surface isn’t worth wasting time on anyway. He’ll never be happy with anyone – including himself.

    Trust me … don’t cast the perspective you have of yourself onto your husband .. this can only lead to problems. Believe him … then take the focus off your imperfections. We ALL have them. Focus on what you can give to others and do for others and this will fill your life with so much joy that one day you’ll forget all about the hang ups you once had about your appearance.

    I really believe this.

    Take care of yourself!

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