Love your website! I too have the beautiful shape of a mother and have had an adjustment period to finally accept and embrace my new body. That is not my problem or my husband’s problem though. We are dealing with my utter lack of muscle control in the vagina and urinary incontinence. I can no longer tighten up on my husband and experience an orgasm with him. He says I am so loose that pleasure is virtually non-existent for him as well. I have done Kegels until I am all Kegeled out. Seriously, I have done them about 20 times a day for almost two years. I wouldn’t trade the ability to be intimate with my husband for my two sons, but it sure seems like a higher price than I should have to pay. I have emotional turmoil and depression surrounding this issue. Are there other women like me? Is there anything I can do? My OB/GYN told me to be patient, that it would come back, but as I have said, its been almost two years and it’s not getting any better.
I guess what I am looking for is a place where there are woman like me sharing this problem. I don’t know if this website is the place, but it is the most positive beautiful site surrounding motherhood that I have ever seen. Thank you!
squats will help. also read the whole woman.
Have you looked into pelvic floor physiotherapy? It may sound odd but can really help.
Hello Mama,
Im sorry to hear that you are dealing with this issue. I would highly recommend doing some thorough research of the proper technique of doing kegels. There are different levels of the pelvic floor (I believe three) so its important to learn how to do different, yes different, types of keels for each area. the most common that people know and practice are the quick pulses, just the tightening and squeezing but there are also ones where you learn to engage at each level and hold them. and then learn to disengage each level. As you may already be feeling, after birth there is a disconnect with this area “down there”, practicing kegels helps us to relearn, strengthen and integrate using these pelvic floor muscles which are very much part of our overall health. Sexual dysfunction and urinary incontinence are some of the early issues but later in life prolapse can occur as well, so strengthening now is the way to go! Doing 20 a day is no where near enough but you are on the right track, doing 3-4 sets of 100 a day is more like it. this may sound like a bit much but just make it a habit, at stop lights, watching a movie, while breastfeeding, watching dishes, while on the computer, heck I’m doing some right now:)! Your body (muscles) hold the memory and just need to be encouraged (maybe constantly at first) back into health. You might also look into getting “ben wa” balls, the Chinese have been using these for centuries to prevent these issues. they are a set of balls that you insert into your vagina, your vaginal walls are strengthened by holding them in. the best ones are made from glass, are inexpensive, clean and totally worth it! you can also find an “egg” made out of jade or other stones for the same purpose.
Hi Chrysla. I think you have started at the right place for advice and support. My first thought would be to visit the Hab-it website: https://hab-it.com. I recently discovered I have pelvic organ prolapse after the birth of my second child, and the Hab-it pelvic floor exercises have helped immensely. They were developed by a physical therapist for prolapse, incontinence etc, and focus on all aspects of the pelvic basket as well as supporting muscles. Good luck!
Do a search at the The Whole Woman Village Forum and that should help.
Pilates helps strengthen your core as well as the pelvic floor muscles. I am so sorry you’re going through this. I would definately look into physio. This is one of those issues that a lot of women don’t bring up because it embarrasses them. After two years you should have healed and now your doctor should be referring you somewhere to help with the incontinence and lack of muscle tone.
I have been struggling with this same issue for 20 years after the birth of my son who was a whopping 10 lbs 12 oz and 24 inches long. I did kegels for years at the advice of my ob/gyn. They never helped. The reuslt was prola[sed uterus, prolapsed vaginal walls, rectoceole, cystoceole and perineal defect. There really wasn’t anything I could do. So every dr I saw told me the same thing that it would get better with time. So I spent 20 years like that and resent the fact that I am still wetting my pants. This has been since I was 25. When I got pregnant with my second child I begged for a c-section. Oh no thats major surgery they said, no that isn’t good for the baby they said. Well three surgeries later, 6 months of recovery ntotal and 20 years of resentment and unsatisfactory sex I wish I had done it MUCH sooner. Men should not be gynecologists.
Thanks to all who wrote comments. Some clarifications: I do 20 SETS of kegels (actually closer to 40 more now that I have counted my sets), not 20 kegels, a set consisting of 50 or more. I also have been diagnosed with a profound prolapse, involving my uterus, bladder, and rectum, and I suffer from diastasis recti. I am now talking to a doctor who has told me that kegels are useless to me because of the profound muscle damage, that while I have probably strengthened the muscles, because they are torn, rearranged, and in the wrong place, I won’t get the results I want. I am in talks about getting surgery to take care of my prolapse and abdominal muscle separation. I am also looking into vaginal tightening. I am trying out all of the suggestions before I resort to surgery. I will let you know how all of this turns out!
Cheryl – I am so sorry that you also suffer from this and for so long. I hope that you can find a proper treatment. I will let you know the results of my treatments. By the way, I now have a male ob/gyn, an incredibly compassionate and caring one. He was moved to tears by my story and vowed to get me the help I need. I love him for that.