Author: Bonnie (SOAM)

I think this site is amazing! I?ve had body issues for a VERY long time. I was stick thin throughout much of my childhood, I remember in middle school someone joking with me that the crap food I was eating would catch up with me, I laughed at them, now I LOATHE them. Because it did! By high school I developed, I don?t remember ever buying a bra in a cup size smaller then C? I was ashamed of my body and my chest. I hid them as best I could, sport bras worked great at this. I struggled with my weight, never feeling pretty enough or thin enough. Being tall and wishing I was the tiny, cute cheerleader? it sucked!

In 2001 I managed to lose 30 pounds and for once in my life actually liked my body. Slowly the weight crept back on though and by the time I got pregnant in 2006 I was right back where I started, at least it was gradual right? HA! I was really worried what pregnancy might do to my body, but dieting while trying to conceive was darn near impossible. Each month that my period showed I needed to drown my sadness and when my period wasn?t here I didn?t want to diet IN CASE I was pregnant?. You get the picture.

So I started my pregnancy at the overweight range for my height. And somehow I never loved myself more, I actually loved the belly I was growing and wore it proudly. I was fine with showing early, I wanted the world to know I had finally achieved the goal I had worked so hard for. So, I ate everything I could for the first 26 weeks or so, then came the diagnosis for Gestational Diabetes. I was devastated. Again my body issues resurfaced, because to me this was an indication that I was fat and/or unhealthy. The diet depressed me, who wants to diet when they?re pregnant? Well let me tell you, that that diet was the BEST thing that ever happened to me. It made me stop pigging out, and made me take notice. My weight gain slowed down and I was able to control the GD with diet! Best of all, my daughter was safe, as I had done my job.

Towards the end of my pregnancy the scales got dangerously close to 200, but thanks to the diet they never tipped over it! By the time I made it home with Antonia I was down 3 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight and within a couple months I was down approximately 15 pounds from my pre-pregnancy and 35 pounds total! I attribute this to breastfeeding and SHEER exhaustion, but whatever works! I am still not happy with my body and I miss how proud I was of it when I was pregnant. I know I will never have a flat stomach, my one trouble area, but I wish it wouldn?t bulge in weird ways. I hate how even now with the weight loss nothing seems to fit right, one size up and they fall off, the current size and my fat starts to roll over the waistband of pants. I wish I didn?t care, I wish I didn?t walk around sucking my stomach in to be something I?m not, but unfortunately I do. Here are some pics?

BARELY showing, but loving every inch of it

The stretch marks popped up sometime around week 30? too bad they didn?t stay away the whole time.

I delivered two days later at 8:25 in the morning!

Here I am today? the stretch marks are still there and while my stomach may look great to some of you, I am ashamed of how it hangs. OR I WAS, this site has helped me to understand why it?s that way and even more importantly embrace it? as long as I have my little bean to look at, all the marks, fat and body issues are worth it. Can someone please just tell me how I can keep her from having these issues?

That?s what I meant about the bulge over the pants? I HATE IT!

Thank you for the opportunity to share my story… it has truly helped in a cleansing sort of way! Here’s me and my daughter

This is my belly: the one that housed Queen B, and dozens of packages of Double Stuf Oreos, and too many Costco crates of grapefruit to count over those 9 months. Queen B has been out for three years, the Oreos linger on. Someday, I?ll get those 20 pounds back off. Meanwhile, I?ll try to enjoy the curves, and? if lucky enough to get pregnant again? try to stay further away from the cookie aisle.

If you look carefully, right above my navel, you can see the scar from the belly-button ring that I took out when I got pregnant. I didn?t think stretching it out on a 9-month pregnant belly would be a good thing. Maybe someday, if I get my abs back, I?ll get it re-pierced. Probably not. Some things are just cuter on a 20-something. Regardless, the little scar will always be there, like a ghost of my grunge youth.

–Kate

I don’t have any before pix of my belly, or belly pix with my first. I became pregnant at 20 with my first, and had my 2nd at 24. They were both c-sections. I have always been heavy, but my belly looks a LOT different than before kids. I was about 180 before kids, and am about 220 now.

2nd baby, 6 weeks pregnant:

18 weeks:

29 weeks:

Almost 36 weeks, just a week before she was born:

Here I am at 19 months post-partum after 2 c-sections. My husband swears he loves my body, and his actions would agree with this, lol. I still have a hard time believing that he could find all this loose skin and flab to be beautiful, but I’m slowly accepting it myself. The trade off is worth it though because now I have 2 of the most beautiful children in the world, and I’d gladly do it over again!

Thank you for posting all these lovely pictures of loved mothers. My daughter is a treasure, and I love my body now more than I ever did, because I am so proud of it and all the hard work that belly did, and the work my breasts do now.

Here is me and my sister when I was 6 months pregnant:

Here is my belly and breasts 8 months post-partum:

and here is my body in the mirror, 8 months post partum:

love your site. My name is Bonnie and I have 3 wonderful Children. My daughter Stacey was born on 11/10/01 making her 4.5 yrs old. She was born at 40.4 weeks and weighted 9lbs 1oz. My Son Garrett was born on 8/19/03 making he just shy of 3 yrs old. He was born at 38.5 weeks and weighted 8lbs 6.5ozs. My last child a son name Patrick was born 2/22/06. He was born at 39.5 weeks and weighted 8lbs 13ozs. I gained 39 pounds with my first, 43 pounds with my first and 36 pounds with my last pregnancy. It took me a while to loss most of the weight after each pregnancy but some pounds still hung around. The weight gain don’t bother me as much as all the stretch marks did. I got enough my first pregnancy for 3 woman. You know its bad when you OB says wow you sure did get a lot of stretch marks. This did make me feel better because at least I knew it wasn’t just in my head. I got then with my first all over my belly, thighs, half way down my legs, breasts, back and butt. The ones that I hated the most were the ones on my thighs and legs. They were the most noticeable and were bright red till my daughter was about 1 yrs old. The finally faded just in time for me to get pregnant with by second. I didn’t get any new stretch marks with my second and with my third I got a couple of new ones on my belly. At that point I didn’t really care anymore. While these days I may not be getting into a mini skit its ok with me. I like to loss some weight but that will come in time. I loved bring pregnant for the most part and my kids were worth every stretch mark and pound gained.

I just found this site and spend an hour pouring over the images and stories. Wow.

I was once a lean, thin size 1. I wore tight jeans, bathing suits with no shame, and didn’t think twice about buying a half shirt. I think back to the bare bellied, pierced naval, wild one I once was and just shake my head.

With my first son I gained a lot of weight, a lot. After having him my stomach stayed full with the extra weight that I was still carrying. Two years later and I had my second son, and this time the weight just melted off afterwards. While I was excited to see the numbers on the scale moving back to where they once were (30lbs to go!) the effects on my stomach and thighs were devistating. Loose wrinkled skin, dark blotches and stretch marks, and a perminant dark line rolling down my abdomen meant that I was never going to have that body again. Never.

The moms on TV, the ones that are supposed to show me what to be don’t ahve stretch marks, or saggy skin, or lopsided breasts. I love my boys with every ounce of my being but the battle scars from having them have cut off a part of my past, and of who I was. It’s a tough battle, learning to love your body again after going through such enormous changes.

Pregnancy didn’t come easily for me. First there was the early miscarriage, the one that I didn’t know I was pregnant until it was lost. I was sad, but didn’t feel as though it really mattered. It was encouraging to know I could become pregnant. Then it just never seemed to stop bleeding. After a while, my popular and trendy, SoHo doctor seemed annoyed that I still called her. Finally she gave me a drug
that forced it to end. It did, but I never snapped back. You know when something isn’t right – discharge that was like water. Doctor’s dismissed it as signs of ovulation. No – I knew what that was like because I’d been watching for that special, stretchy goo monthly for four years. I knew I wasn’t ovulating.

Three doctors later I finally got an ultrasound. Then some dye and an X-ray with a doctor that couldn’t look me straight in the eye, “it appears your tubes are blocked and distended.” I’m expecting a remedy, like okay what’s next? How do I fix it? I felt empowered with information. But he cowered and muttered something about talking more with my doctor, maybe find a specialist. He scurried from the room as
I was left by myself to dress and leave. My husband wasn’t there. I wasn’t prepared for that kind of information. Alone in a cab, I could feel the dye leak from me as I returned home. I am fertile, but infertile. How could that be? I was only pregnant three months ago? I saw the sac, in the uterus.

I found my fertility specialist through the yellow pages because I was too scared to talk to my friends. I still couldn’t accept this was happening to me. At the time I was a practicing Mormon, and my new doctor was a lesbian who would eventually get me pregnant. I took great pleasure in that contrast. She was a wonderful person. It was
her detached statistics and medical terminology that saved me from over-indulging my emotions. I was an excellent candidate for In-Vitro because everything functioned but the tubes. I worked the process like my job – the needles, pills, schedules, bloodletting – the ultimate project for a project manager. On the first try, I had 24 eggs, of which 22 fertilized. I was a Goddess. Pregnancy would be delayed, the
tubes continued to leak and they had to go. My first scar.

As soon as I recovered, two embryos were implanted and one stayed. I gained 65 pounds during my pregnancy. Exactly one year (to the date) after she was conceived, my daughter was born 10 pounds, 10 ounces.

I wasn’t surprised that the weight didn’t come off easily because I had battled my weight all my life. Why should this be any easier? I didn’t mind because I was in heaven and I finally had boobs. I had a perfect little girl who breast fed with ease, slept through the night, and napped frequently. I returned to my pre-pregnancy weight about one-year later, a little soft in the belly, but just fine. In addition
to having a beautiful child, motherhood had brought me an ease with my body that I had fought hard to love all my life. I have no difficulties wearing a bathing suit, and while there are smaller clothes that I still yearn to wear, when I face myself alone in the mirror each morning, I am satisfied.

When my daughter turned two, I tried again, and again I got pregnant. Two-for-two. At three months I called my local doctor (now in Chicago) about some abdominal discomfort. I thought it was constipation from the extra iron supplements. She brushed me off. My husband left for work because I assured him I was fine. An hour later I passed out on the toilet with my frightened toddler beside me. I fought to regain consciousness as I heard her crying. I called my doctor, my husband,
and my specialist still in Brooklyn. It took an embryo to burst through the walls of my uterus before my local doctor would return my call – no she didn’t, someone else in her office did, after I had already checked into the emergency room. I knew the baby was lost, but I looked to my husband with my face of strength, “It’s all going to be fine. It’s just statistics. I’ll get pregnant again.” The next day the hospital sent me a grief psychologist to talk. About what? I was fine, really.

I didn’t get pregnant again. With each attempt, I grew more and more depressed. Each cycle I gained more weight that I couldn’t take off. With each negative result, I grew further away from my husband. Every challenge at parenting felt like a monumental failure. After four tries, I finally decided to stop. With that decision I gradually began to live again. I embrace motherhood with confidence. My one child
with my one husband has made me complete. This body, this shape of a mother, will never return to the firm, young figure that I so despised in my youth. It is soft, round, maternal. To me, to us, it is beautiful.

PS: One thing no one has ever told me, and still no one seems to talk about… my vagina has changed (I’ll spare you the photos). I didn’t notice it until after the 2nd miscarriage. I thought I had an infection as the insides appeared to be pushing out. “No,” my doctor told me, “that’s what it looks like after a vaginal birth.” Still? “Yes, probably forever.” Damn lucky my husband never said anything.

Oh, and a postscript to the story is that I have a whole stack of completed paperwork on my table, ready to send to the adoption agency.

–Dominique

I weighed 125 lbs when I got pregnant with my daughter. When she was born at 41 weeks 2 days, I weighed 176 lbs. I lost all but 5 of those pounds over the course of several months.

This picture was taken 2 days before she was born.

When my son was conceived 17 months after my daughter’s birth I weighed 130lbs. When he was born at 41 weeks 5 days I weighed 170 lbs.

This is my belly at 5 months pregnant.

This is my belly at 7 months pregnant.

And this is my belly at 9 months pregnant.

The weight came off very slowly after my second pregnancy. I eventually stopped losing weight at 4 months post-partum and when he was a year old I began seriously exercising and counting calories to lose the excess weight. He is now 19 months old and I am at my pre-pregnancy#2 weight of 130. I would still like to lose another 5 pounds but?

Here is my belly today, 3.5 years after pregnancy #1, 19.5 months after pregnancy #2. My daughter likes to squish it with her hands and exclaim, “It’s like playdough!!” It’s very soft with extra, saggy, wrinkly skin. The stretchmarks are fairly faded, though the ones on my hips (where I got the majority) are larger and more noticeable.

I am often very dissatisfied and self-conscious of my belly. At the same time I am proud and humbled by this body and the two red-headed (like their mother!) miracles it has produced. And though I may not like all the changes I see in the mirror, they are but reminders of who I am: woman, mother, strong, and blessed. What an honor it is to have this body.

–Momma of the Playdough-Pudge

When I found this site today, I felt like a small part of me could heal. My story is a lot different than most on this site.

My fiance and I are high school sweethearts who have been together for 8 years. We bought our first house a year ago and were working on fixing it up when we found out I was expecting. We were so happy and immediately started preparing for our baby. My pregnancy was perfect. I was 23 and very healthy, no morning sickness, no high blood pressure, gained 35 pounds! We had our first ultrasound on November 11th. I knew that it was a girl the whole time. My fiance wanted a boy so bad. The ultrasound tech asked if we wanted to know the sex. I said, ” I already know its a girl.” She said, ” Honey youre right, its a girl!” The next 8 months were spent getting ready for our daughter. We watched as my belly grew. We named our daughter Ava Carmella after my fiance’s beloved Nana. Ava was always active, kicking me in my ribs until it ached! Andrew spent every waking minute getting her room ready for her. He wanted it to be perfect and it was. We had such big plans for Ava. Our family had a surprise baby shower for us on Sunday March 19th. It was so beautiful and made it feel so real. We brought home so much stuff that I didnt know what to do with it all! I spent the next two days setting up her room, putting away her clothes and putting everything together. I was so excited I hardly slept! Everything changed when I went in on Wednesday March 22nd for my 37 week appointment. They went through the normal procedures and everything was fine until my midwife checked her heartbeat. She couldn’t find it and suggested an ultrasound. I knew then that something was wrong. I felt frozen, like I couldnt react. I was immediately given an ultrasound and they told me that there was no heartbeat. I had lost our little girl. At first I couldnt cry. Then it hit me and I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. I have never felt so much emotional pain in my life. I was brought to a room and induced that same afternoon. I ended up with severe preeclampsia and toxemia and was given medications that made me so drowsy that I remember very little about the next few days. The doctor told my fiance that I was very sick. My liver and kidneys were shutting down and my platelet counts were way too low. He was so afraid that he would lose both of his girls. All I know is that I didn’t want to deliver her. I wanted to keep her with me forever. I thought that if I just kept her in that everything would be ok. Knowing that I would go through all of this pain just to have my baby taken from me was the hardest thing Ive ever done. Ava was born on Thursday March 23rd at 7:44pm. She was 4 pounds 11 ounces and 17 ? inches long. She was perfect in every way. She had dark wavy hair, brown eyes, pouty little lips and her fathers very distinct chin. She even had my long skinny fingers! I kept waiting for her to cry, but she never did. My fiance gave her a bath and dressed her in a gown and hat. We had Ava baptized at 11:30 that night. When we finally let the nurse take her away I remember thinking that my life was over, that I would never be happy or feel love for anyone again. They sent us home with a box containing her gown, hat, hospital bracelet, blanket, pictures, and footprints. I look through her memory box and at her pictures everyday. Three weeks after Ava was born I was hospitilized with a large blood clot in my lung. Soon after I was diagnosed with Factor V Leiden, a genetic blood clotting disorder that was the cause of Ava’s death. It has been four months since Ava was born and I have hit every stage of grief. I talk about Ava on a daily basis and keep her picture near me all the time. This site has helped me realize that I am still a mother. I carried my daughter for nine months just like every other mother. I was in labor and gave birth to my daughter like every other mother. I also despise my stretched out belly and stretch marks like every other mother. I am still young and I know that I will have more children someday, but for now every time I look at my stomach I will remember how I kept her safe and helped her grow, and how much I enjoyed the time I had with her. Thank you for showing me that even the annoying after effects of motherhood can be good. I should feel proud and honored to have the mommy belly no matter where my baby is. Please visit my daughter Ava’s website and always let your children know how important they are to you!!

Here is the last picture taken of me pregnant at 37 weeks:

This is me now, four months later and 5 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight. Grief can do a number on you and I’m not very proud of how fast I lost the weight:

I wish that every mother could see this website. I have found that the best way to heal and appriciate life is by listening to others and learning new things. I will be forever grateful that I had a chance to hold my daughter and tell her I love her. I will never forget what she looked like, how she smelled, how perfectly she fit in my arms, or what she did to my body. I wish I knew I would feel like this four months ago. Thank you for showing mothers of all types that the joy our children bring to us and the emotional feelings far outway the physical changes.

I am Jennifer. I am going to be 30 years old this year. I had my first child in 1997 when I was 20 years old. I just had my 2nd child 5 months ago. With almost 9 years between pregnancies, I had time for my body to somewhat recover from the glorious things called pregnancy and childbirth. But you could never tell by looking at me now! :)

I am a big girl and have a really hard time getting the weight off the older I get. With Brandan, I was 140 pounds at the beginning of my pregnancy. On the day he was born, I was up to 282 pounds! I gained a whole person. A few weeks after he was born, I went down to 208 and started my weight loss journey. It took me a year to get down to 165 pounds and I looked damn good.

Then I had a rough stretch in my life and the pounds just flew on. :)

I was at 225 pounds at the start of this last pregnancy with Remy. The day he was born I was 260. Now, 5 months postpartum, I am at 236 and on Weight Watchers for the 4th time. :(

My body has been through two c-sections so of course I have my “war wounds” that look so gross.

I also have a pooch that I am so quick to hide away tucked secretly in my jeans.

I have the saggy breastfeeding boobies. But those I am most proud of.

This is my first time breastfeeding and I am so proud of the nursing relation ship I have with my son. It was a struggle in the early weeks because of low supply issues, but we conquered it all!

I am frustrated that I am so big and out of shape, but you know what? I wouldn’t trade in a single stretch mark or saggy piece of skin for anything else in the heavens or this earth. When I see my two boys smile, it makes it all so worth it.

I nurtured these two babes for 9 months and they took over my body and made me feel awkward, tired, frustrated and stressed but they are both healthy and beautiful just the way it should be!

I am flabby. I am overweight. I am exhausted. I am Mommy! :)

This is me half way through pregnancy #2 with Remy.

Me and Remy Douglas and hour after his birth.

First time we nursed.

Me and Remy about 2 months postpartum.

5 months postpartum.

It’s all SO worth it!!