why is it if you dont get a flabby pooch or stretch marks you get women saying nasty things about you (women who were unfortunate in the after baby dept)? I have had 2 kids, one is going to be 4 soon and one who is 9 months and I have no stretch marks or anything and didnt gain tons of weight, yet I get lots of dirty looks from fellow pregnant women, esp in the summer. I hate how some women get envious and call down those who dont get fat and say we must be having eating disorders or something cause we didnt gain 50 pounds…Im not trying to be a snob by any means but seriously, its annoying. And don’t get me wrong, i appreciate the good comments , and i LOVE my friends who have been unfortunate in this dept, but im sick of the ” OH I HATE YOU ” looks. they hurt too, because im starting to feel ashamed of my good belly. like i want to hide it because im afraid women will be offended that they cant / dont look like that. the picture on the beach is after my first baby, and the other one is now 9m pp 2nd child. i just want you all to know im not mean spirited im just wondering why if we look a certain way, GOOD OR “BAD” but in our own opinion its good, it makes us feel good and we feel good about ourselves, why do we still hide?
Your Age: 25
~Number of pregnancies and births:2 and 2
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are:4yrs and 9 mos
47 thoughts on “Annoyed and Hiding (Anonymous)”
I can see a big difference in your beach picture to your more recent picture. I’m glad you are proud of your new pooch and aren’t ashamed to post it here on this website! Everyone is different. I think that maybe you think people are looking at you in a negative way but it may just be in your head. I think you will be ok if you just enjoy life and not worry about what others think.
you look great and should be proud. esp if you beat the genetics-curve, haha!
mind sharing how much weight you gained and if you used any creams/oils?
BE HAPPY AND PROUD MAMA!!!
Yeah, I’ve got to agree with Kristin, I think it’s probably in your head. I’m over 5’9″ and wear a size 4 and I’ve never felt like other moms were looking at me negatively, and never had negative remarks about my size. If you really are getting negative feedback (not just imagining it) then maybe you’re hanging around the wrong people!
Oh wait… you said your friends DON’T do that…
I hear what you’re saying and you’re making a very good point! We should embrace and encourage each other. We are all mixed bags of good and bad traits inside and out, what really matters is friendship and acceptance of each other and ourselves. I’m sorry that women make you feel bad about looking so great. I know I feel jelous of mommies like you but that is just my own insecurity problem. You look fabulous, please don’t hide yourself because of what some of us ninnie’s think any more than us stretch marked ladies should hide for fear of what other’s will think. I’m glad you posted because we all really need to hear your perspective. We should strive to strengthen our common bond of motherhood rather than isolate those we feel outshine us.
If people are really giving you mean looks or comments then they are probably just jealous. You look great. :)
Be proud! :) :) :)
cause they are jelaous!!! I just had my second kid and i look damn good, im five ten and 130 pounds and my stomach went flat again in 2 weeks!
I look great and i know it…some women just can’t stand that they were unfortunate and didnt get as lucky as others…i ate well and i took care of my self…even now 3 weeks later (i had my baby 3 weeks ago) im back at working out for at least 30 mins a day…i care about how i look and dont want to be the fat mom.
be proud and wear what you want…if the “fat” ones looked like you they would wear what the want too.
Yea, I agree with the first post – you definitely became more rounder and feminine in the after pregnancy photos. I’ve had 3 babies and maintain a size 6 figure with no stretchies, but I’ve honestly never felt much negativity from any of my friends. I don’t see them as unfortunate however for the way their bodies did or didn’t change during pregnancy. We should be proud of our bodies in all shapes and forms.
Well I don’t get nasty looks or rude comments.
I think how you present yourself and what you put out is what you get back. This site is to show what pregnancy has done to our bodies. Some women show no signs of pregnancy and look exactly like they did before, Others don’t. It doesn’t mean women who gain 50 lbs hate women who gain 25 or 30. We are here to support eachother, If you come across like you did in your post, I see why women would give you nasty looks, It’s not about your body, Maybe it’s what you say? I see the big difference in your pictures and I am proud that you feel comfortable showing that. Be happy for you and try not to worry about what other women think about you.
I gained 40 lbs for the first and 30 for the 2nd, and i used shea butter for the first and nothing for the 2nd ( no time)
my story was about the fact that I AM proud of my body i just hate the looks i get when i say i just had a baby. i was having a really bad day that day cause i work in the public eye and some lady said i shouldnt tell people i had a baby cause i look like this. :) thanks
I don’t really like the tone of this post, I guess because it feels like you look down on women who did gain extra weight or end up with a pooch after their babies. Maybe you didn’t mean to come across that way, or maybe I’m just being too sensitive, I don’t know. This website is about supporting mothers and allowing them to love their bodies, no matter what they look like after babies. I agree that no one should be made to feel bad about how they look post-baby, whether they’ve lost all their baby weight and more, or they weigh 100 pounds more than they did pre-pregnancy. I think it’s wonderful that you love your body, and that you’re proud of it, but I also think that no matter what we look like, we should all be proud of what our bodies have done.
I know how you feel. I have 2 kids and look similar to how you look in your second and third photo. My belly is softer but no pooch or stretch marks. I weigh the same as I did before I had kids. I’m a size 9 and 125 lbs.
And YES, I DO get the nasty comments, YES, people have asked me straight out if I am anorexic. I am not sickeningly skinny, I think I am a healthy size, but because I am not overweight after having kids, I must starve myself?!? I do exercise and eat healthy, but I am not so wrapped up in my appearance to obsess over it to the point of eating disorder. maybe that is what bothers me the most?
If it’s not appropriate to comment on a woman who is “fat” then it’s not appropriate to comment on one who is “skinny” either. Remarks about weight are rude no matter WHAT size the recipient is.
I have to agree with Natalie, I’m not sure that your attitude is quite with the ethos of this site. Great that you are happy with your body and you shouldn’t worry about what anyone else thinks of it, but it was the use of the word ‘unfortunate’ that didn’t sit well with me. I am not unfortunate just because my body is different after pregnancy.
You look lovely.
Let the negative stuff go if you can, and focus on the good.
“Care about people’s approval
and you will be their prisoner.”–Tao Te Ching 9
KA, and Laura- I couldn’t have said it better. For some reason, This post sounds different than previous mom’s stories. And it’s all about how it’s presented. I’ve never thought of myself as an ‘unfortunate one’ even though my 3 c section scars, uncountable stretchmarks, and bit of pooch obviously put me in the catagory that she thinks I belong. I don’t give a second thought to the ladies at the pool who do not have those telltale signs of motherhood that I was BLESSED with. It also helps to have a supportive husband, who thinks I couldn’t be any sexier.
Overall, I think I’m too grown to waste the time to worry about what other ladies are thinking about me. And on the off chance that something is bugging me, I focus on all the wonderful parts- my loving husband, my adorable children, my sublimely happy life..and what’s bugging me turns itself around. Try it sometime. Hopefully it works for you, Annoyed and Hiding.
I don’t feel that this web site is only for women who have bodies that suffered through pregnancy. It is a place where women share their stories and feel powerful about what their bodies have accomplished. In the society that we live in, women have always looked down on each other for many diff. reasons. And that is simply because on their own insecurities. I am sure we can all agree on the fact that each and everyone of us is insecure about something and has giving someone a certain look to make or said something to make us feel better. Maybe you should really focus on figuring out why you feel so annoyed and are hiding when you are very lucky you came out the other end looking the way you do, and spend less time worrying about something all women do at some point or another. Which starts really early on in a woman’s life.
I think you look really great, and find it strange anyone else would give you dirty looks really. Are you sure they just aren’t envious glances? I love checking out other pregnant women and/or mums postpartum just to see our similarities and differences. And if I am ‘caught in the act’ I just smile, or remark how wonderful they look.
The only negativity I ever feel towards mums that bounce back to pre preg with no or minimum effort is when they think (or even openly insinuate) the reason I haven’t is I am lazy or should have put more/different creams on my skin or something equally as ridiculous. But even then I keep my thoughts to myself, I know the truth and I am ok with it :)
I’ve seen that happen. The only explanation is that envy comes out in very nasty ways. Try to be confident and let those nasty stares go. You have every right to be happy about your body and your babes.
I think you look great. You can tell in the second you have had babies. your are rounder and pretty! <3 it. If you look like that after having babies don’t be ashamed. Tell those other women to shush…you are a proud mommy who happens to look good!!
I agree with Eddie. The thing is IF the post was about people making her feel bad because she had stretch marks or excessive weight everyone would be consoling and encouraging her and empathizing with her anger. She is rightfully angry because people are making hurtful, insulting comments to her to the point of attacking her mental health (i.e. eating disorders) because she has a body that snapped back after pregnancy. Anytime people say things to someone that alienates them it’s hurtful. She has a right to vent her frustration and bring a valid point to light. We should celebrate each other’s good fortunes not try to diminish them because of our own insecurites.
Eddie and B.C. I don’t think people are upset that she is venting her frustration that she feels other moms “hate” her because of her body. I think that people just don’t care for her word choice! “Unfortunate” is all in the eye of the beholder and they don’t like someone calling them unfortunate because of stretchmarks or what not. I have stretch marks and gained over 50lbs (which I lost) but in my opinion my body is in much better shape then the posters, so who is “unfortunate”? Not me!
Maybe I don’t “see/imagine” hateful stares because I don’t care enough what others think to look for their reactions? I don’t know whether she meant to come across this way or not, but she seems arrogant, maybe people are just reacting negatively to her attitude? Maybe she looks at other women with a look of “you were sure unfortunate in the after baby department” and they are just reacting to that?
As her best friend! We are the exact opposite! I did not bounce back, and not even close. I have posted here twice myself.. Her post was not meant to have been taken as an insult, she is genuinely hurt by the mean comments and derogatory stares.. I have seen this happen to her! I agree with B.C; she wanted to bring light to the other side of things. No matter how confident a woman is, mean comments and stares hurt; whether you are tall, short, thin, heavy.. we should support eachother!
What concerns me about your post is how you labeled some kinds of bellies “good” and some “bad”. Maybe we should have different ways of referring to our bodies?
Hi, I think you have a great body and you should be PROUD of it! I think the people who make nasty remarks or stare are jealous…can you blame them? You have achieved what they wished for themselves, and I’m sure you can empathise how that must feel for those women. I had my daughter a year ago and gained almost 84 pounds, alot of which was retained water with a fair share of over eating. I have worked hard to loose it and only have 20 pounds to go. However, I have an identical twin sister who hasn’t had any children and is still the slim build I used to be. People still insist on comparing us and pointing this out, and to my dissapointment most of the negative comments come from women who have had children. We need to stick together and support each other!!!! I agree your tone is a little negative but who hasn’t felt like this after a particularly bad day, and I am sure that is not how you meant it to come across. Don’t let them get you down :)
I feel this post should either be taken down or rephrased(edited) by the poster. She obviously has her right to post here but she has used a poor choice of words. Women who got stretchmarks and haven’t lost their baby weight aren’t unfortunate nor do they have “bad” bodies. The purpose of this site is to uplift and comfort others not boast and make us feel the 2nd class citizens because …ooo we have stretchmarks.
This post is just in poor taste and if their were anymore post like this I wouldn’t return. :(
i had no problem reading this ladies post, i am not offended by it either. All women no matter what their opinion or thought should be allowed to say what they want in regards to the body.
Fair is fair.
I appreciated your post because it made me think about how we all struggle to love and embrace ourselves, no matter how much we weigh or what our bellies look like. I think if we are honest we’ll admit that women do often feel hostility toward those they feel are “perfect” by our society’s stupid standards. I thought what was interesting about the responses to this post was that people started to get defensive– “I gained ___ pounds, but I lost it all.” Who cares. We are all human– some of us do “bounce back” and some of us don’t. I wish we weren’t so hard on ourselves and each other. You look great.
I think it depends on where you live. I live in a medium sized town in the Midwest. It seems like everyone gets pregnant and then becomes overweight. If you gain the weight you are normal and if you bounce back you are considered self obsessed and do get dirty stares and comments. I think if you lived in a town in southern CA or a bigger city you would be considered normal if you bounced back because people have to try harder to look like the women in the magazines because of competition in jobs and such. I am not really sure if this is true but it is just a theory of mine! Then again maybe it is just the mind set of the people where I live!
I’ve been mulling over this post, the responses, and my own response for the past few days.
I realize that I HAVE felt disdain (I hope I’ve not shown it before) when I’ve seen moms “letting it hang out”…truthfully, whether they look particularly “good” (I hate using that word here, but for lack of a better one, I will) or not. I have at times, seen moms at my kids’ school, wearing very sexy clothes that show off their body (whatever its condition may be), and I’ve found it a bit distasteful and inappropriate.
I will also say that I’ve NEVER expressed it!
However, this post made me think, I really shouldn’t care. If a mom wishes to show her body off, it’s her body and if she’s proud of it why should I care?
I am no prude. I wear shorts nearly all year because of the climate where I live…I just happen to live in an area where MANY of my peers are surgically enhanced, and there is often a LOT of pressure to be very sexy…and seeing moms at the school (or other venues not typically known for needing to be sexy!!), I have felt that disdain, thinking “here too??? really??? Can’t I just volunteer in my kid’s class without having to worry about looking sexy here??”
But ultimately, how someone else feels about her own body and how she chooses to show it off shouldn’t have anything to do with how I feel about mine or show it.
I hope this site is helping us all to realize that and live it.
I wanted to say that I support your position and I think this post should remain on this site, contrary to what others are saying.
Just because you don’t have stretch-marks like approx 95% of mothers, doesn’t mean that you don’t get to have feelings about your body and the hurtful things people say about it.
In our culture, sadly it’s okay to be rude and hurtful to thin ladies. I call it ‘skinny-backlash’. In my mind, women have a responsibility to support other women, regardless of size. No one has the right to comment on anyone else’s body or appearance.
Hmm, I get what the Anonymous poster is saying: She doesn’t like being looked down upon because she looks perfect after pregnancy when others are obviously very ‘unfortunate’ and look ‘bad’.
Oh, wait, am I being jealous? Hostile? No. I mean, I guess I am sort of jealous that I myself have been putting 2+ years of work in to lose the weight I gained when many other women are ‘fortunate’ enough to not have to do a thing. Maybe I am just lazy though. Afterall, 2+ years is a loooong time to be working on losing weight, right?
I am working on coming to terms with the large amount of stretch marks on my stomach, saggy bag of fat and skin, and the fact that I have hips where before I had none.
It is really hard for us unfortunate women to love our bodies when even sites like this meant to support mothers and their motherly shapes are telling us otherwise when posts from fortunate women are published and comments like “OMG! You look amazing! You’re so beautiful! I WISH I could look as good as you!” are plentiful, yet when an unfortunate mother posts her story, the only comments seem to be “I look just like you. I have so many stretch marks too. You’re not alone yadda yadda.” I guess what I am saying is, how am I or other women like myself supposed to feel good when the ones getting the biggest pats on the back are those that have slimmer figures, zero stretch marks, no flab?
Wow! You seem to be so confident with your new looks. I mean, I must say I look more toned than you do, and I am slimmer, my stomach is almost flat with a little pouch – OK, as long as I do not sit down, and I still feel so uncomfortable in my new skin that I feel I’ll never wear a bikini again. When I get those nasty stares I always think women are looking at my pouch… But perhaps they envy me? Would that make me feel better? Silly to say… Yes, it would!
The fact is, I live in Poland and women tend to be thinner here than in the U.S. Most of my friends have absolutely no baby marks on their bodies. Or they are hiding them perfectly, which I am trying to do, too.
You can see my 8 months pp pics here:
My title to this post was ” Annoyed and Hiding ” Any one notice??
I like to say one thing and one thing only.
regardless of my word choices my hope for this post was that i could vent my frustration and share my story without feeling scared that there would be a double standard. i guess, for some people there is.
i do want to say to B.C thanks, you’re absoultly right, IF this post was about someone telling me i was too overweight instead of too skinny these other posters would be cheering me on !
also . the point to my title was that i feel like hiding my body (the beach for eg. ) because i would hate to make someone else uncomfortable. I feel like if i did keep some baby weight on i would fit in to the normal after baby discussions.
I’m not really sure how to respond to this post. Do I think you are genuinely preturbed by “the looks” and comments you get?- yes I do. However, everyone else that you are labelling as “UNFORTUNATE” or having “BAD BODIES” hate what you are saying about them in this post and feel that you are belittling them as well. Seeing your body after children is a huge blow to some women’s ego- I look completely different now then I did before getting pregnant— I look more womanly, I have more curves. Some women’s body go through h#ll just to be able to carry a baby, some women ARE unfortunate and it takes years of money, multiple losses and surgeries to be able to have 1 child. Yes, you are lucky but it has nothing to do with your body post baby and everything to do with the fact that you have been blessed with 2 children and have been lucky enough to carry both of those children in your body. So, try to be a little less hurtful of what you say about those “unfortunate” mothers that send you “the looks” because maybe they are envious of your beautiful children not your mommy-body.
Of course it is jealousy that makes people respond negatibely to you. But it is a symptom of the same issue that made creating this site necesary. We are all taught that it is so important to our attractiveness and worth as people that me must be slim, firm, smooth skinned, and youthful. Anything else is undesirable. It is such a very narrow and hurtful view.
Personally, I got stretch marks during puberty, on my hips and developing breasts, so I have had to deal with them as long as I have been a woman, even when I was young, lean and fit. It is just part of who I am. I never even got to have the hot bikini days. Now, I am in my 40s and a mom, and I have lost the years of young, lean and fit, too.
So, I hear what you are saying and you are right. It is not fair for you to be subjected to the negative reactions of others. But, just understand that what you are experiencing is about the other woman and not about you. Remind yourself that you may have something that they do not (and maybe never did or never will) and let that be a reminder to enjoy what you have instead of getting hurt or angry.
The thing I love about this post is that it has dredged up alot of unspoken issues. I think that is a good thing. Issues can only be dealt with when they are brought to light. Yes, the original post didn’t use the best word choices, but let’s face it the words used have been used by many poster’s when describing their own bodies. I think it’s important to put knee jerk reactions aside and look at the what is behind what she’s saying. It’s one of those mommy skills we can actually use on other’s. What she is saying is that she feels criticized for her post-baby body. None of us has any real control over how our bodies will respond to pregnancy, other than taking the best care of ourselves and our un-born baby. In the end, our bodies just do what they do, some us get stretchmarks etc., some don’t.
To Nicole, the OMG comments have been used on people with stretch marks etc. Sometimes we just need to reformat our concept of beauty through other people’s eyes. Extra weight and stretch marks if looked at through a different lens are beautiful. Also, I think the best thing about this site is that it reminds us we are not alone. Just knowing other people are dealing with similar issues can be incredibly healing. After my first daughter was born I went through intense post partum depression and anxiety. I thought I was going insane, when I told my sister about it she competely empathised because she had gone through the exact same thing. That understanding alone literally lifted 75% of my anxiety. Feeling alone is the biggest stress. Sites like this reminds us that we are never alone.
I think the point of this website is that we all look good: flat, round, stretched, unstretched. It’s when people make distinctions between “good” and “bad” that we get feelings of anomosity and the “screw you” mentality comes in. So, we just need to stop making these distinctions and get on with more important things in life – things that have nothing to do with outside appearance.
I’m confused, you say “I feel like if i did keep some baby weight on i would fit in to the normal after baby discussions.”….But looking at your photos it’s impossible to believe that you haven’t put weight on!
Don’t get me wrong, you look good, but you look to me like many 25 year old mums I know, who were skinny to start with, and were young so things sucked in quicker! I certainly wouldn’t pick you out in a crowd and be envious of you??? (speaking as another 25 year old mother who put on 60pounds during pregnancy…)
anyway, the point is, just be happy about your body, and focus on having fun with your kids- thats what life is about :)
I must say I agree with Bec…the second and third pictures look like many women my age (ish – i’m 23) who I know have had children, not particularly a super-toned stomach that I would pick out in a crowd.
No offence meant…many women will have been affected physically much more by pregnancy. Others only minimally-moderately ‘affected’ (I actually look fairly similar to you). And others have NO marks of pregnancy left and look a lot more untouched by pregnancy than you do.
I guess my point is…how would you feel being classed as ‘unfortunate’ by a mum who DID look better than you? It’s not nice, and tbh the tone of your post is superior and a little derogatory to anyone not amazing enough to have kept her figure.
Maybe it’s just me , but from your post I don’t feel that you are truly upset by other women giving your body envious looks. I think you rather enjoy it and your self worth is still wrapped up in their glances.
Maybe they are not giving you looks because they are envious , maybe they are giving you looks because of your underlying attiude. I can almost feel the tone of your post screaming for valadation with underlying insecurity…”tell me I look great and I don’t look any different than before”. Atleast thats what I got from it.
We all change and accepting that can be harder for some than for others , but posting in the way you did just made me feel like you were seeking valadation for your body without having the bravery to ask for it.
I’ve read some of the posts but not all of them and the only thing I want to say is that i hate how in some of the posts people are making it sound like if you don’t get your pre-pregnancy body back right away then your not taking care of yourself. I ate healthy and worked out the whole time I was pregnant and I gained 35lbs. My baby is now 4 weeks old and I have only lost 13 lbs and i am eating healthy and already working out again. I just hate it when people think that you aren’t trying or just don’t care about your body image if you look over weight. Believe me I care and I try everyday to look and feel healthier. I think it’s awesome that some woman are lucky enough to look so great right away. It may take me a while but I’ll get there :-)
If you don’t have an eating disorder etc, why does it bother you what people thing? If you think you have a “good” body, what’s the problem? Can’t you just be thankful that you didn’t have to deal with the issues that others have?
Having read through the posts I have to admit I do agree that your post was a tad derogitory and self absorbed, however I think you have a nice motherly figure but it certainly isn’t any better than anyone else’s on this site! And I am at a loss to understand why other people are giving you dirty looks because of it. I think this may be something in your own head which you need to overcome. I live in England where most people have a figure like yours, some are slimmer and some slightly larger so you would definatley not be singled out and given a second thought here! Maybe you live in an area where obesity is rife? Maybe thats why you feel out of place..
You look great, but still like a mommy. I think it’s all in your head sweets. I would say you look like an average woman.
Is it possible to be a thin woman who gets stretch marks during her pregnancy even with moderate, healthy weight gain? If a thin woman gets stretch marks and has extra skin leftover, does that mean she is now “fat”?
My mother started out at 120 and went back to about 120 after I was born, and she Still had stretch marks and leftover skin. She wasn’t “fat” before and she wasn’t “fat” afterward, but she still had stretch marks and other characteristics.
The fact is that we who are genetically predisposed to stretch marks (it’s about half and half) Do envy women who don’t get them. But does my having stretch marks mean that I “got fat”? I’ve only gained 12 or 15 pounds but my Skin is Stretching because there’s a baby in there! I am exceedingly insecure about my body and won’t let anyone see it, not even and especially not my husband. I see myself in the mirror and I want to cry, it’s so devastating. And I’ve still got 3 months of growing left.
I’m not the kind of person that would be all snotty about their envy, I’d be more likely to just say ‘hey good for you’ and keep saving for my tummy tuck. I’m sure there are those people out there, and I don’t doubt they have said hurtful things or behaved cruelly toward you. Many people have a hard time congratulating other people for their good fortune or success, instead preferring to deride, insult, and criticize them behind their backs.
The irony here is that many of these mean envious people probably don’t think their opinions have any effect on you at all and thus their ridicule must be harmless (because you are the one who has an understood advantage).
It never feels good when people treat you scornfully because of something of which you had practically no control. Your case is no exception. Can you imagine that from the other side though? Only with painful and visible “blemishes” and being judged by other women who assume that these ‘unfortunate’ ones must have “let themself go”? This is no more accurate than to say that women who did not get pregnancy marks must have eaten healthier, exercised, or starved themselves than those who did.
The point I’m trying to make is that the assumption that people somehow deserve the bodies their pregnancies give them is not at all logical. I’m not referring to you, I ‘m talking about society at large. People can be unnecessarily unkind and judgmental toward one another.
The solution is for us all to have a little more mutual respect, understanding, and empathy.
Are you sure they are looking at you with malice or envy? You look like an “average” mummy that I see every day with roundness and fleshy curves. I certainly wouldn’t pick your physique out as being particularly skinny or toned in a crowd.
Sometimes we can give off a defensive vibe without even realising it and maybe that is what people are responding to rather than your shape?
Next time someone glances your way just smile and connect with them as another human being, don’t be so caught up in thoughts of body competitiveness :)