16 Months Postpartum (Tessa)

Previous entry here.

It is over 6 months later, and since my previous entry I’ve only been able to lose 10 lbs. My husband has had surgeries, I picked up a second job and am working 45 or so hours, 6 days a week. I cannot afford a gym membership, and wouldn’t have the time to spend at one. Since the beginning of the year, I’ve committed to getting more active and losing 10 lbs by April 18th. I’ve joined a Biggest Loser contest at my workplace to help motivate me. It is a struggle every day to find time to be active when there are so many more responsibilities – cleaning house, dishes, laundry (I cloth diaper as well), cooking and bedtime routines. After all this, I have sometimes 1 hour to myself before it is my own bed time. I’ve started 30 Day Shred and am doing it every other day. I also mix it up with some of P90X workouts. I find myself absolutely energized, in a better mood, and looking at my body in a more positive light after a workout.

I will never have a bikini body again. I have “twin skin” as I gave birth by cesearean to a 9 lb 13 oz baby – he was big enough to be two babies! My belly button is no longer, it is nothing but a hole hidden in the saggy skin and crease in my stomach. My stomach will never be smooth and nice to the touch ever again. Sometimes I find myself really missing how my husband used to run his fingers over my pre-baby belly. He loves me, he says I’m beautiful, he doesn’t ever dream of looking at another woman, he despises the pressure on women to have a perfect body, but the fact remains: he does not run his hand over my belly anymore. It is the section of my body that he avoids when we are intimate. I’ve never told him I’ve noticed, because I don’t blame him and I don’t want him to feel guilty.

99% of the time, although I am displeased with my body, I don’t feel immensely sad or depressed about my shape or weight. I guess the really only times I get really, really down about my body is when I’m shopping and pass by a really thin, great looking mom pushing a 5 month old around in a cart. I always ask myself “Why did *I* have to be so fat and ugly after a baby? Why couldn’t I have been one of the lucky ones to just bounce back?”

I really do not care so much about stretch marks or a little bit of loose skin.. my problem is the excess weight (which can be fixed) and the twin skin (which can’t be fixed short of surgery, which I’d never do). I’m young (20), this is my first child, I was so thin before… I used to think only people who have had twins or triplets, or 6 babies, looked the way I do.

Updated here.

12 thoughts on “16 Months Postpartum (Tessa)

  • Tuesday, February 8, 2011 at 7:47 am

    Maybe he doesn’t run his hand over your belly anymore because he knows you’re self-conscious about it? Just a thought – might be accurate, might not be, but try to give him the benefit of the doubt. =)

  • Tuesday, February 8, 2011 at 7:49 am

    Congrats on your baby, and your weight loss! I think you look nice and thin! I had 2 cesareans, so I know what you mean about the “twin skin” :) I am 24 and had my sons in September 2006 and April 2009. Also, just because you see a thin woman pushing a stroller does not mean it is her baby! She could be sitting…but I know what you mean, I get jealous of the tiny moms too :) We are all beautiful though, and who says you can’t wear a bikini? We are the only ones who control what we wear. Oh, my 22 month old has the same outfit!!

  • Tuesday, February 8, 2011 at 8:02 am

    Oh sweetheart i know the feeling when you walk past a thin woman pushing a cart with a 5 month old and your like why couldnt i have been like that. I have the same problem Im 9 months postpartdum. But your beautiful and you made life which is the most beautiful thing in the world. Keep working out, im doing P90 as well. Things will get better!

  • Tuesday, February 8, 2011 at 10:06 am

    i think you look beautiful and youre husband sounds like a great man good for you!!

  • Tuesday, February 8, 2011 at 2:50 pm

    I happen to be reading this in the middle of my own private meltdown, but I’m so amazed by all you DO: raising your child, caring for your husband post-surgery, the housework, 45hr/week job 6 days/week…life probably won’t always demand so much of you, but you’re DOING it…and I wish people like you and I could be a little gentler on ourselves with respect to that…celebrate all we are DOING rather than focusing on weight/looks, which occasionally slip in favor of other priorities.
    You rock!

  • Tuesday, February 8, 2011 at 9:04 pm

    First of all, I think you look great! I also gave birth to a large baby (10.3oz) and had the sagging skin. In the beginning my belly button was hiding too, now I could see it (30 months later) but it doesn’t look the same. As with the sagging skin you have you never know just how much of it will tighten up- it takes a long time. I had a sagging belly the first year and I noticed my pouch getting smaller into the second year. I started to scrub with sugar and used coffee grounds to get rid of some stretch marks- that took about a year. I still have a little healing to do. One of the best advices that I heard was that it takes time. You may not look like yourself again but you will look better if you exercise, drink plenty of water and exfoliate that skin. If you compare your pictures from before you can tell the difference. Aside from those things you have an adorable baby and a husband that loves you so much, you are definitely blessed. It will and does get better!

  • Tuesday, February 8, 2011 at 10:57 pm

    I see a definite change! You look great! And to tell you the truth, FEW people “bounce back”.

  • Friday, February 11, 2011 at 2:03 pm

    totally can relate to u, but u look great and ur son is adorable!! like ppl said it takes time, but just rememer wat u got out of this..i always look to my son when i see my saggy skin..and then his smile makes me not care. moms are beautiful for what they can go through. and just remeber u look great and good job with loosing weight!!

  • Thursday, February 24, 2011 at 3:50 pm

    I onyl had one baby and I have skin just liek that at the bottom of mine 4 years later.. i can feel the sculped abs underneath the hangign skin but can’t see em frusterating yer defiantkey not alone :p

  • Sunday, April 17, 2011 at 10:15 am

    I know how you feel, girl. I was 22 when I had my daughter (who was 10 lbs, 23″) in 2007 by emergency c-section, and was four days from 25 when I had my son (9.1 lbs, 21″- a week early!) in 2010. I have a little pooch sag, a lot of stretch marks (from carrying completely differently from one to the other), and my belly around my belly button is a little lopsided. But that’s okay because I have two awesome, beautiful kids!

    With my daughter, I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight within 5 weeks and my body started bouncing back about 10 months later… only to get pregnant with my son just as I hit my “new ideal.” Don’t stress about it. Really. Your son is beautiful, and so is your body, even though you may not feel like it. How many 20 year olds can say that they’ve grown another human being inside them? How many 20 year olds can say that they’ve experienced first-hand the incredible miracle of life?

    I suffered a huge, life-changing injury to my left ankle/foot last year and had to re-think my previously high-impact workouts. I can’t do them anymore, and highly doubt that I ever will be able to again. However, that being said, I have discovered the incredible benefits of yoga and pilates. I’m seeing more lean muscle and less sag in less time than I did hitting the gym for 2 hours a day (or night) before. Give that a whirl. I picked up some at-home DVDs from Target and honestly, my hubby is even saying how much of a difference he’s seeing already. That, coupled with a balanced diet (or even a fitness app on your phone- I used My Fitness Pal) will set you in the right direction to see some changes that you want to see.

    As for your husband, he might not know if you want to be touched or not. My hubby and I had to have a conversation because I felt exactly the same way you feel. He didn’t think I wanted to be touched on my belly, even though he wanted to. Parenthood brings out so many new and diverse emotions and dynamics that you really have to seek each other out to talk about things like this. I know it can be awkward, but trust me when I say that you will feel so much better if you both know how each other feels. My hubs and I are high school sweeties too and have been together a really long time. Use that to your advantage in that you know each other really well and can only deepen your relationship through exposing your insecurities to him. (((hugs)))

  • Saturday, June 11, 2011 at 11:17 am

    A little update, been doing P90X for 7 weeks.


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