In a Mother’s Body (Ashley)

Hello, My name is Ashley, I am 21 years old and have just given birth to my beautiful daughter Shyanne. When i got pregnant i was 135lbs, which is good for me i have always had a problem maintaining a good weight. At 6 months i gained 23 lbs, All in total i had gained 45lbs, At 8 months i was 195lbs, At this time i did not have any stretch marks which i was happy about, a week before i had shyanne it was like over night i had these purple lines that were over my midline, I was upset, that was one thing i was wishing during the whole pregnancy that i would not recieve, But at this point there was nothing for me to do but live with them. I want to take a moment to explain why i am writing this letter but before i go and do so i will give you a little insight on how my delivery went. I was in labor for 38 hours…. I went into labor on 03/12/08 at 8:00am when my spouse was going to work, I didn’t let him know until about 9:00pm that evening when my sister was visiting and he took me up to the hospital where i was dialted at 1cm, they sent me home that evening, all night i was having contractions, the next morning of 03/13/08 i went back up to the hospital at 11:45am where i was dialted at 3cm, there was progress and i was admitted, I had the epidural in at around 1:00pm, from 11:45am – 3:30 pm i dialated to 5 cm, By 4:45pm my doctor broke my water, come 8:45pm there was no progress. I had a specialist look at me at 9:00pm when they informed me that i would need to have a c-section that shyanne was tilted, my spouse and my sister were my support and they were scared when they heard i needed a section, I informed them that this is a part of having a child and that i would be fine, even though i never expected that when i went into the hospital that i would be having a section, but i knew that the baby was fine and it was something that needed to be done, I was in good spirits and the laughing and smiling while i was having the c-section done, my doctor was laughing at me, and i just told her im going to take it as it comes and if this is something that i needed to get done then this is what i have to do. at 9:34pm my daughter was born via c-section. I didn’t get to see her until 11:30pm that night when i left the recovery room, she was beautiful, a true blessing, she was 8lbs 5oz, and was 19 inches long with a 34cm head. This has been the most happiest time of my life. It was the next day after my section when the nurses came in and told me that i would have to get up and walk. I was all ready to get up and when i tried i have never experienced that much pain in my life, and this is coming from a women who has had 38 hours of labor and previous accidents prior, but honestly it was like someone was taking a hot knife and cutting though my body. I cried for the first time and told them i couldn’t do it. The next 5 days while i spent in the hospital was learning how to walk and get up. My spouse was my support, he was there every step of the way and took care of our daughter, he took care of me, I would look at him and cry and tell him i didn’t think i could do this and yet he was there to support me each and everyday and made my recovery faster for me, its been 3 weeks and yesterday my last sutures stitches came off, the stitches on the inside are still there and havent disolved but i feel 100% better. I am writing because i felt so usless those first 5 days, the first two weeks really, i could not attend to my daughter the way i would have love to as well i had to depend on my spouse to take care of me, and i am an independent person and it bothered me that in the beginning i could not be the mother i would have wanted to, But this goes beyond that, i am writing this website because it has truly helped me with something i did not think i was going to deal with, what i am refering to are the stretch marks that are outlining the mid section of my stomach, along with the incision on my bikini line. I came across this website while i was looking for ways to feel attractive in my new body, I started to read other women stories and look at pictures and it made me realise that the stretch marks that are along my stomach are there for a reason they came during a time where my daughter was inside me and was growing and has grown into a beautiful healthy baby girl, and the incision that is out lining my bikini area is where my daughter was taken out of me and was brought into this world. I never thought i was going to be able to deal with the stretch marks, even though my spouse he thinks that i am more attractive since i have became a mom. We all know how we can somewhat feel disappointed in our own bodies, I did not think that i was ever going to be able to appreciate my ever changing body into a body of a mother, but i look at myself now and the stretch marks along my stomach and the incision as a memory of when shyanne was inside of me and was growing.If the stretch marks and the incision is the price i have to pay in exchange for the beautiful daughter i have now i would do it all over. I may not have the body of a beautiful model, but i have a body of a mother and i could not be more happier. I want to thank all the women on this site who was inspired me to feel beautiful about becoming a mom and having a mother’s body.