Beauty Scars of a Mother (Anonymous)

I stumbled upon your “myspace” and I was hooked, I think it’s wonderful that mothers all over the world are opening up and showing the truth about what most real women look like.

I had my son at the age of 19 and I was so paranoid about getting stretch marks, of course my worst fear came to pass. I remember the first time I saw my son and I knew that he was worth it all, he was perfect and beautiful!

But I started to go down a destructive path of self hate I couldn’t look at myself naked, it would disgust me, and I would cry. It got so bad that I couldn’t have sex unless the lights were out and I had a shirt on, for over two years after my son was born I couldn’t have an orgasm because the sight of me or even the idea of what I looked like would turn me off. At the time I was also in an emotionally and physiologically abusive marriage, after we got separated and the whole dating world opened to me… well my self destructive pattern got worse. It was easy for me to attract a guy, but I thought that as soon as they saw my tummy they would be disgusted, just like I was.
I heard about some scrubs to remove stretch marks, and I would spend hours in the shower scrubbing till my skin was raw and some times would bleed, but I didn’t care, I hated myself too much to care.

I know this sounds horrible, because I love my son and I don’t resent having him, he is every thing to me, the reason I live, he is what pushes me to be succeed, it’s because of him I had the strength to put myself thru college as a single mom working full time and with out the support of any family. (I’m from Spain and my family lives over there) But what I experienced is the raw truth, and it’s not pretty and no mother should feel the need to self mutilate in order to feel whole again.

I have to say that my son is now 8 years old, and I eventually got over most of those issues. While it still bothers me I have come to realize that there are more important things in life then my tummy! I feel that openly talking about this and taking a picture is good for me, it’s thereputic! I look at my son and see this amazing smart caring child and he is a product of my body and soul and while I don’t flaunt my tummy to the whole world … inside I bear my scars with pride!