Anonymous

This site is an incredible inspiration! I love checking here every day, and seeing other women’s stories, and I thought that I’d share mine.

My husband and I were married in September of 2002. We decided to start trying for a baby in January of 2003, and in June, I got my BFP. I was overjoyed, yet completely unaware of how this was going to affect my body. The months marched by, and I gained 13 lbs by the time I delivered. I also gained a gazillion stretch marks lol.

On February 8th, 2004, I started feeling crampy around midnight, and at 5 am that morning, my water broke while I was lying in bed. It was like someone opened a flood gate lol. Anyways, nothing happened. We went to the hospital, and by 7 that night, when still nothing was happening, they decided that I needed an epi and pitocin. Well, that ended up leading to a c-section the next morning. It was a horrible experience, and afterwards I didn’t get to see my new daughter for almost 5 hours. I’m not even going to get in to the hospital stay, as it was equally as bad. The only thing that kept me from losing it was my precious little girl, who we named Abigail :). I was so unprepared for the “jello-belly” that followed delivery, and that combined with my zebra stripes, and I felt very self concious and almost ashamed about what my baby had done to my body. However, I tried to think about my stretch marks as my badges of honor for doing something so right :). Abigail and I enjoyed a very happy nursing relationship for 15 months, at which time she weaned herself.

We decided around May of 2005 that we wanted to start trying for a second baby, and I figured that the damage was done, so why not ;). So we did, and on June 15th, I got a BFP. (May/June is a bad month for us ;).) Our second baby was due on February 22, 2006. My pregancy was so easy with this baby, and I was flying through without a care in the world.

On November 4th, 2005, my husband had to go to Vancouver for a consult with a hand surgeon, so we left our older daughter with my parents, and set out at 4am to drive down. We didn’t make it. We were coming around a corner, and the road was blocked by parts of a semi’s trailer, and his load. My husband tried to stop the car, but the road was icy (possibly from the hundreds of thousands of cans of “Boost” that had smashed all over it,) and our car started to slide. Despite his efforts, we ended up sideswiping the inner meridian, then being shot across the road to hit the outer meridian head on at ~80 Km/h. I don’t remember much, except being absolutely terrified for our baby, as at that point we were 6 months pregnant. (I’m including a picture of my stripes and bruising from my seatbelt…) We were taken by ambulance to the nearest hospital, then sent home to get an ultrasound. I can’t even begin to describe the relief when they found the heartbeat, and everything seemed to be okay. (This is getting long lol…) I sustained a SI joint injury, and the accident, combined with my pregnancy, caused an unstable pelvis.The last 16 weeks of my pregnancy were agony, and I felt so robbed. I couldn’t even tolerate her moving, as it would jar my pelvis. I kept hoping though, for a VBAC, as I did not want to go through that C-section experience again. Those hopes were dashed when the baby turned breech at 32 weeks, and a version failed. Looking back, I know that I could never have pushed effectively with my pelvis the way it was, and it was the best thing for my baby.
We had a baby girl, born via C-section on February 22, 2006. We named her Victoria. It’s been a very difficult journey with her, and I had a very difficult time bonding with her. (That’s so hard to admit…) I had so much pain from the surgery and from my pelvis, that I am still dealing with today, that I couldn’t hold her for any amount of time, and was really only doing to basics because that’s all I was able to do. She and I are good now, and I’ve been able to bond with her now. I am going to see a specialist next week, so hopefully she will be able to give me some answers about my pelvis.

As it stands now, I have been told that having another baby would be an extremely bad idea, and that things will be as bad or worse than they were with our daughter after our accident. I am having a difficult time accepting that, as we wanted at least one more child, but I am still hopeful that maybe things can resolve enough to allow us to expand our family.

As for my body image, I see my body as forever changed, but I am okay with it. If I didn’t have the stretch marks, and “soft” (as my older daughter puts it lol) body, I also wouldn’t have my daughters, who are the reason that I get out of bed in the mornings, and face the day as best I can. Thank you very much for listening to my tale, and I can’t tell you how much it helps to put my story on paper.

Updated here.